by E. M. Moore
He’s livid. His whole body is vibrating from head-to-toe. He knows what’s about to happen as well as me. The other Ballers surround us now. They sense shit’s about to go down as well. Guilt swarms me. If only I’d been able to put a stop to Jacquin’s advances before Alec walked in.
“I don’t care, alright?” Alec says. His voice rises after his eyes bore into mine. “I don’t want to play basketball.” He shrugs. “I want to play baseball.”
Everything happening in that room at that same exact point in time, stops. It feels like the world outside the room stops, too. It isn’t news to me, but the rest of the Ballers’ reaction makes my stomach twist. They look hurt, shocked. A couple of them outright deny it.
“Sellers, Christopoulos, my cabin now,” Dad says.
“Dad,” I say, moving forward.
He looks back at me over his shoulder. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll talk to you after.”
Alec walks by me, trailing his fingers over my arm. I watch all three of them walk out the door. The only one with his head down is Jacquin. Alec’s chin is lifted. He’s looking straight ahead like he’s going to accept his fate no matter what.
“What the fuck?” Lake grits out. He gets in my face. “You did this.”
Hayes is right by my side as I turn away from Lake. I go to the side of the room and sit on one of the wooden benches with the plain orange cushions, dropping my head into my hands. I can’t believe Alec just dropped that bomb in front of anyone, and I really can’t fucking believe he punched Jacquin Sellers for trying to kiss me. He’s fucking insane.
“What happened?” I hear Ryan ask.
I look up to find all the Ballers lined up in front of me. Hayes’s shoulder is in front of Lake’s like he’s trying to box him out. The rest of the guys who’d walked in to see what was going on all walk back into the mess hall whispering to one another.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say, glancing at Ryan’s gray eyes, trying to beg him to let it drop.
“Bullshit,” Lake says. “You were the only one out here with them. What happened?”
I glare at the boy who’s given me so much trouble. I see fear in his eyes and at least I can see that it’s worry over his friend. He’s entitled to know what Alec tells him, but he doesn’t get to know my shit. “Fuck off, O’Brien. Sellers is still here, so unless you want to forfeit the arrangement we have, I suggest you shut your mouth now.”
His already balled up hands to his sides shake with anger. The skin around his knuckles is white as he glowers at me. “I look forward to kicking your ass, Dale.”
“Bring it on,” I tell him half-heartedly. I don’t have the energy to fight with Lake right now. My mind’s on what’s going on at my father’s cabin right now.
Sloan comes forward and sits next to me. He puts his hand around my shoulders, rubbing circles over my shirt. Lake’s gaze darts around to the other Ballers. With each set of eyes he stops on, the more light seeps out. I think he realizes they’re all on my side, at least to a degree. He’s not running the show anymore.
“Did he hurt you?” Sloan whispers in my ear.
I shake my head. My fingers absentmindedly trace my wrist though. With Jacquin, all I saw was a scared, grieving boy with misplaced affections. No, he shouldn’t have done that, but my heart aches for his loss. To be so young and to have felt that much pain already, what a terrible burden.
Shortly after that, Lake and River leave. Surprisingly, Ryan doesn’t follow. He stays there, and when my father calls me in to give him my side of the story, Ryan goes with me. It’s under the pretense that he walked in on things, too, but he stays so close to me that I also know he’s there for my support.
At the end of the day, both Alec and Jacquin are leaving camp. I fight hard for both of them. I try telling my father it’s all a misunderstanding. However, my father is steadfast. The look he gives Sellers tells me he wants to take him down himself. I didn’t even have to reiterate that part. Jacquin told him the whole thing. He copped to it right away. From what Alec told me afterward, Jacquin feels terrible.
The only one who has no remorse about anything is Alec. He’s glad he stood up for me. He’s glad everything is out in the open about baseball now. Seeing the Ballers take this in is almost as if they’ve lost one of their appendages though. It’s hitting them hard.
When Alec’s mother and sister show up to pick him up, I help him take his things to their car. I know she’s spoken with my father already, but I don’t want her to be mad at Alec for this. “I’m so sorry,” I tell her as soon as we get there, ignoring Roberta’s frantic waves from the backseat.
She tilts her head and a soft smile plays on her lips. “I’ve spoken to my son and to your father, no one blames you, and they shouldn’t. I don’t condone violence, and I’m not mad at your dad for sticking to his policy on this.” She reaches up and puts her hand on the back of Alec’s neck, smiling fondly at him. “But he’s a good boy. I’m proud of him.”
Emotion crawls up my throat. It’s then I realize I didn’t even thank him. Everything settles over my shoulders in that moment. Alec’s leaving. I won’t see him for at least another two weeks, and when I get back, he’ll only have a few short days until he’s busy with baseball. His mom seems to sense we need to say goodbye because she takes the bag I carried up here and turns to put it in the trunk. I turn to Alec. “I’m so sorry.”
He pulls his fingers through my hair. “Stop saying that. I’m only sorry to not be living so close to you for the next two weeks.”
“You should rest,” I tell him, my voice rising. “Before baseball. Let your body relax. You don’t need the strain.”
He nods. “Look out for the guys, okay? Call me if anything happens?”
I can tell he’s worried about their relationship, too. He’s happy to have it out, but he didn’t tell everyone right away for this very same reason. What would it mean for their friendship if they all weren’t defined as basketball players anymore?
His fingers trace over the line of my jaw. “Bye, Tessa.”
He leans down, his lips a whisper over mine that makes my heart melt. It’s parent appropriate, but also deliciously teasing that I know I’ll be thinking about it from now until the time I get to see him again.
A loud cry comes from the backseat. “Are you my brother’s girlfriend?”
“Roberta,” Mrs. Christopoulos chastises.
“They just kissed!”
Alec and I laugh. He rests his forehead on mine. “Bye, Babe.”
As if I could swoon anymore. “Bye, Alec. See you soon.”
He steps away, opening the passenger side door. “Work hard. Do your best. Let me know what happens.”
I step back and nod. I finally wave to Roberta who’s going crazy in the backseat. Alec’s mom waves at me after she shuts the trunk. “Goodbye, Tessa.” She looks so pleased it makes my cheeks warm.
As she backs out of the space and drives away, I still hear Roberta demanding to know what’s going on. Their car disappears, and I turn around, heading straight back to my cabin for the night.
33
Dawn finally gets the opportunity to come visit me, so that next Saturday, we spend the day in the nearest town doing everything the small town offers, which isn’t much. We get ice cream, swim at a local beach, and just walk around the town until she has to leave. I’m glad I’ve gotten to spend time with her and talk everything out that’s been happening in person instead of on the phone. The guys wanted to come with us, but I told them no. I don’t think Dawn is ready to just accept the fact that the guys, who were so mean to me, are now wanting to be with me. Of course, if they keep doing things like Alec did, she’s more likely to come around. Even she looked impressed when I told her that he got kicked out of camp for intervening on my behalf.
Another coach takes over our morning runs from now on since Sellers is gone. My dad doesn’t talk about it much only to make sure that I’m doing okay. I think it’s guilt for liking the idea of
Jacquin and I together. My dad takes over the shooting guard training. It’s probably the only thing that keeps me safe from the O’Brien bastards for the rest of camp. It feels natural to have my dad coaching me from the sidelines. He can’t vote in the Shooting Guard MVP race, so this feels like it’s the best idea out of everything to have him coach, and no one can say that he’s not doing the same for Lake and River. He gets on them as much as he gets on me. By the time we leave our position specific trainings, we’re all dead.
Other coaches come by to observe. They switch off between coaching and observing, so they can give us our ranks. Lake and I are still neck and neck. In fact, the last week before we’re about to leave, they rank us the same. We both occupy the same spot at the top of the Shooting Guard leaderboard. One of the other coaches explains that this is going to be the toughest decision for them as we’re both high-caliber players.
I don’t like it.
I don’t want to be on the same line as Lake O’Brien. I want to be kicking his ass. So, for that next week leading to the reveal, I throw myself into training even more. I’m up at night shooting. I talk Hayes into playing defense on me as I try to make shots. He takes it as seriously as I want him to. If I would’ve asked Sloan, he would’ve tried to turn it into a makeout session, but Hayes doesn’t. He plays hard with me, making sure I know he doesn’t give the shot up to me. I have to earn it. With our size difference, he’s one of the most difficult guys I’ve had to play against, but that’s exactly the way I want it.
Ryan is distant for the last week. I think he’s blaming himself for not realizing that Alec wasn’t happy with basketball. He’s still their ringleader after all. He believes he should’ve noticed. He’s also watching Lake like he might just suddenly throw pills back at all times. Lake’s more agitated than he’s been lately, but he seems to be putting it to good use on the court instead of outside the court. For the last week, they break us into three separate teams, and we all play one another in a competition type format. One of the coaches takes Alec’s spot, and for someone who’s aged, no one would even know it. He’s really good. The teams are all really good. I just happen to end up on Sloan’s team, which allows him to be a little more friendly than I would like when we’re doing basketball related things. My dad is eyeing us, and I know he must have questions about how he’s seen me with Hayes, how Alec punched someone for me, and now Sloan who keeps touching my lower back in between plays, letting his hand linger there. Even though we’re in the middle of something important, my focus is on his hand and the sparks he ignites in me. He knows how much it gets to me, so when I turn toward him with a look, he just smiles and winks.
Like he said, nothing else has come out about his father’s affair. Hayes hasn’t blown up and stalked off since that night with the lacrosse players. Alec, I talk to on the phone every couple nights when I’m not too busy with basketball. It sounds like he’s loving the time off he’s getting. He hasn’t had a summer off in years. Ryan, apart from eyeing Lake and catching my eye, is quiet. He’s so damn good, though. I’m trying my best, and I have no idea if I’m going to be able to take him for Overall MVP. It would be a dream come true. This being our last year able to go to camp here, it’s getting crunch time, and by the end of the week, we’re all feeling it. The guys in the power forward position even have a shot at their MVP now with Alec gone. Everyone is on edge. It’s always like this at the end of every camp. There are so many hopes and dreams up in the air. So many attainable goals, but no one knows what will happen. The scholarship funds are dangled in front of our faces, and everyone has their competitive edge to want to win it. Even River, who has to know he doesn’t have a shot, has stepped up his game in the last week. It’s encouraging, and it’s exactly what I like about coming to camp every year. Everyone who’s invited here is good, but you elevate yourself to play among those better than you. I don’t think the Ballers—or myself—would be half as good as we are now if it weren’t for my dad.
On the night before the last day, I take a card around to everyone and have them sign it. The messages the players have left in there are beautiful. It fills me with pride to know that my dad has affected so many people in such a positive way. No, he’s not perfect. Far from it. But in this one sliver of his life, he truly is great. He’s pushed boundaries, he’s helped those less fortunate than him, and he’s always giving back. My father truly cares about all the players at this camp, so when I present him with the card and make a speech, he’s truly humbled. My dad’s not the crying type, but his eyes get glassy as he stands up to give a speech of his own. “No matter what happens tomorrow, you’re all winners. The amount of growth I’ve seen over the past weeks is astounding. For some of you, this is your last year.” His voice breaks then, and heat swims in the back of my eyes. “I wish I could have you all stay. Some of you have been with me for years. But I also know that there are a lot of players just like you out there that also need my help. The end of camp is always bittersweet. It’s saying goodbye to the players moving on to the next part of their lives, and it’s thinking ahead to the young ones I’ll be inviting next year. That new, fresh potential. There’s one thing that I see in everyone’s eyes no matter if it’s their last year or their first though. It’s hunger. I promise you if you keep that hunger, that drive, you will go far. Never lose it. All the coaches in this room can attest to that.”
As he’s talking, I’m dreaming about making him so proud tomorrow. I want this more than anything. Lake and I happen to look at one another at the same time as my dad sits. His cold eyes seem to reach out and clasp ahold of me. He doesn’t let me go for the longest time, and when he does, it’s almost as if he’s dismissing me. I’ve had a long time to think about Lake O’Brien this year at camp. I’m sorry for the troubles he’s had to face, but that doesn’t mean he gets to have free reign over me and anyone else. It’s just such a shame that someone with so much talent is a prick.
Hayes leans over. “I have faith in you tomorrow.”
I shrug. “I’ve pretty much done all that I can do. It’s up to how everyone sees it now.” I gave it my all and I know Lake has given it his all. I honestly can’t say how I think it’s going to go down. Like the coaches said last week when they put us on the same top spot, it’s anyone’s for the taking. The only thing I hope they don’t decide is that we should share the top spot. I would rather come in second than share anything with him.
The last dinner breaks up. Sloan stands from his seat on the other side of Hayes and waltzes over to put his hands on my shoulders. He kneads my skin, and I bite down on my lip as he presses into my sore muscles. I hope Mom will take me on our annual trip to the spa after I get home. “It’s time for our annual bonfire,” he says.
I look behind me. “Annual bonfire?” I’ve never been invited to any annual bonfire.
He shrugs. “It’s a tradition.”
I turn right back around. It sucks that I’ve been excluded from these things in the past. Part of me doesn’t want to take part in it this year either, but the look Lake is leveling at me right now pushes me over the edge. “Sounds great,” I say, smiling at him. At least if I don’t win tomorrow, I can make his life miserable tonight.
By the time I meet them an hour later on the beach, I’m so hyped up for tomorrow I don’t know if I’ll even be able to sleep tonight. I tried so many different hairstyles in my hair just to pass the time, but eventually, I just wear it straight down. I have my hoodie around my waist as I walk out in a pair of capris and an RHS shirt. The situation is pretty much identical to the bonfire the lacrosse players had except for I know these guys more. I know why Ryan is sitting next to Lake. I know why Sloan is checking his phone, and I know why Hayes is the first to get to his feet and meet me where the grass turns to sand.
When he pulls me to the sand, sandwiched between him and Sloan, we easily break into a conversation about camp over the years. The guys dig each other about things that happened in the past that I wasn’t privy to. That is, until La
ke brings up Ryan pretending to like me. His words don’t sting anymore though. I know the truth. Ryan did like me. Ryan does like me. And I know that Lake saying that is just trying to hold onto the past when I’m the Ballers’ future. I let it roll off my back and not caring who’s there to hear it, I say, “At least he was my first kiss though.”
Lake almost gags. If he wasn’t trying to be an asshole to me all the time, I honestly think we could get along. It’s not possible. He’s made it clear he hates my guts for reasons unknown to me, but when he’s just talking with his friends, I think he can be a decent guy with a funny sense of humor.
“I was your first kiss?” Ryan asks.
When I look over at him, the small smile on my face fades. He swallows, waiting for my answer. I shrug in response. “I was just coming out of eighth grade.” Should I have been kissing by then? I don’t know. All the guys at the private school that fed into Broadwell were obnoxious. Ryan was nothing like them.
Lake elbows him in the ribs, and I know what he’s thinking. He’s thinking Ryan gave me a fake first kiss. He didn’t. It was real, just like the feelings pulsing between us all these years later. No matter how hard Lake tries, he can’t take it away.
Thankfully, Sloan diverts the conversation after that, but the way Ryan stares at me for the rest of the night, I think he’s still stuck on that fact. Eventually, the time for curfew comes, and none of us wants to test the boundaries and have our top rankings stripped just because we wanted to stay out a little while longer.
Ryan looks at everyone around the fire, locking gazes with us each individually. That’s when I miss Alec the most. He’s supposed to be there. “May the best man win tomorrow,” he says.
“Or woman,” I say with a smile.
He nods. “May the best person win.”
Right there in that moment, even Lake doesn’t balk. That feeling of being a part of something drenches me in a warmth I hold close. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but as of right now, it feels like I’m accepted, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.