by Kim Fielding
Out in the parking lot, Colby bounced up and down. “I’m so psyched to introduce you to the world of cruising! C’mon. Let’s eat so we can hit the road.”
William didn’t get a chance to ask where they were going to eat, because Colby was dragging him across the lot to JV’s only restaurant. Dos Hermanos was located in a squat stucco building. The door was flanked by a wooden bench and two large Mexican flower pots full of colorful blooms. The inside wasn’t especially impressive—white walls covered with black-and-white photos of people who might have been celebrities but didn’t look familiar. A couple of overgrown potted plants. A dozen or so chrome-and-Formica tables, each surrounded by four chairs. A large opening in a wood-paneled wall revealed the kitchen, occupied by a tiny bustling woman and a large man in a hairnet. The restaurant smelled wonderful, however, warm and spicy.
Another large man greeted them as soon as they entered. “Colby! ¿Cómo estás, mi amigo? Rafa’s got fresh tamales today.”
“Hey, Luis. I’m glad to hear that ’cause I’m in a tamale mood. This is Will.”
Luis shook William’s hand enthusiastically. “The guy from the hospital. We were wondering when you’d stop in. Glad to meet you, man. You gotta try my brother’s tamales. He’s gordo y feo but he sure as hell can cook.”
The man in the kitchen shouted something in Spanish that made Luis laugh.
Luis led them to a table and waited for them to sit. “Drinks?”
“Diet Coke for me,” said Colby. “Will?”
“Just water, please.”
Luis nodded. “You want menus or you just gonna get the tamales?”
“Did Rafa make the ones with the chicken mole filling?”
“Claro que sí.”
Colby looked at William for approval and then nodded to Luis. “Tamales it is.”
“Coming right up.”
As Luis bustled away to fetch their drinks, William looked around a little more. Only two other tables were occupied, both by couples in their sixties. Colby waved at them and they waved back. William figured they were locals, which made sense. Not many tourists passed through town on a Tuesday evening.
“I thought your mother lived up in Redding,” William said.
Colby made a face. “She does. But she had a fight with her husband and showed up on our doorstep yesterday.”
“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“No biggie. Happens a couple times a year. They’ll make up soon. He’s not a bad guy, but Mom’s kinda hard to live with, I think.” As always, Colby seemed unable to feel down for long. He gave William a bright smile. “And the timing turned out really great. I didn’t have to shut down the store early, and she can make sure Grandma and Grandpa are taken care of tonight.”
“You have a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders.” William was five years older than Colby and had no responsibilities other than himself. For all his bounciness and lightheartedness, Colby suddenly struck William as one of the steadiest people he knew.
Luis arrived with their drinks and some chips and salsa, gossiped with Colby for a minute about a local resident who’d recently been arrested for drunk driving, and then left. William tried some of the chips—they were probably homemade, still warm. The salsa was good too, with its tomato base punched with cilantro and hot peppers.
“This place was one of the things I missed about JV when I lived in the city,” Colby said with his mouth full. “Yeah, there’s plenty of good Mexican there too, but it’s not the same.”
“What else did you miss?”
“Lots of things. Family. Everybody knowing everybody else’s business. Warm sunshine. The cows. I even missed the stupid store.”
“But it must be hard for you here, too. I mean….”
“The total lack of homo hoodies? Yeah. But… I don’t know. Grandpa’s been talking about selling the store. I can’t afford to buy it from him. I mean, he’d give me a deal. But I can’t run it by myself and I wouldn’t be able to afford to pay an employee. Grandpa’s paying me way less than minimum wage.”
William didn’t like to see a frown on Colby’s face. It went against the natural order of things. Still, he had to ask, “What will you do with yourself then?”
“Dunno. Maybe I’ll go back to school. I’d like to travel. I know a guy who got a job working on a cruise ship. That might be cool. Maybe Prince Charming will sweep me off my feet and we’ll get married and have two-point-three children and spend all our vacations at Disneyland.” He said the last sentence with a roll of the eyes, as if the concept was too ridiculous to consider, but William had the impression that the Prince Charming fantasy wasn’t far from Colby’s real hopes.
Their food arrived and they were both silent for a while as they ate. William had to admit, everyone had been right about Rafa’s tamales. They were ambrosial. He regretted having bypassed them in his first few weeks.
Colby took a bite of his refried beans and then chuckled. “I guess I’m limiting my romantic prospects for tonight.” When William looked at him, puzzled, Colby elaborated. “Never eat beans before anal. It’s a recipe for disaster.”
William was aghast, which must have shown on his face, making Colby laugh even harder. “Hey, Will. If I’m gonna be your Yoda, I’m gonna give you the whole truth. Better you hear it from me than learn it the hard way. And I’m guessing you and Lisa never went where no man has gone before.”
Were they really having this discussion in the middle of a restaurant? William felt his cheeks burning and wanted to melt under the table. Except… it really was a topic that had been niggling at him. Not meeting Colby’s eyes, and keeping his voice to a whisper, William said, “How do you know if you… you know. If you want that.”
Colby shrugged and swallowed a mouthful of mole. “You give it a try, I guess. But slowly, and with someone you trust. Preferably someone experienced. My first—well, inside of thirty minutes he had me warbling opera and ready to sign the Bottom Forever contract.” His eyelids fluttered briefly at the memory. “But it’s not always great. It can hurt, especially if you’re not relaxed, and it can be gross… hence the no-fly zone for frijoles.” He pointed his fork at William. “But when it’s good, Will, it’s very, very good.”
William scrunched up his face. “I don’t know.”
“So here’s the deal. Some guys say they’re exclusive tops or bottoms, and I guess most guys sorta prefer one or the other. Like me. In my experience, the men who swear up and down they’re exclusive tops and that they’d never let a cock anywhere near their precious assholes… well, most of them have some serious issues and they make lousy lays. I think you gotta try the other side at least once or twice if you wanna be really good.”
“Okay.” William felt a little as though he should be taking notes.
“You know what else? You’ve been surfing those websites, right?”
“Yes.”
“Good. You get an A for Completes Homework on Time. If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve probably noticed there’s a lotta things two dudes can do with each other to get off. Butt sex is not the Holy Grail. Some guys never like it and they still go on to live fulfilling homosexual lives.”
William was relieved to hear this. Considering the limited extent of his experiences so far, he didn’t know how long it’d be before he felt comfortable becoming more intimate with a man. It was probably a little premature to be worrying about the exact positions in which he and a hypothetical partner might engage. Still, one less thing to stress over. He sighed. “Straight sex is easier, I think. It seems simpler. Maybe just because we’re all exposed to it more often.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“You mean you’ve never had sex with a woman?” William said that a little louder than he’d meant to. Luckily, nobody seemed to hear except Colby.
“Nope. I told you, I’ve known which team I’m on since I went to kindergarten and developed an enormous crush on Tony Vieira. I used to tell everyone we were gonna get married someday,
and me and Tony’d play house for hours.” He snorted a laugh. “I wonder whether Tony remembers that? He’s got a wife and two kids. Maybe I’ll remind him next time he comes into the store.”
If William had any sexual or romantic thoughts about anyone, male or female, before his fifteenth birthday, he’d repressed them pretty thoroughly. “But are you—”
“If you ask me how I can be sure I don’t want pussy if I haven’t tried any, I’m gonna come around this table and slap you.”
William opened his mouth to respond, but the look of mock fury on Colby’s face overcame him and he laughed instead.
THE gravel crunched under their feet as they made their way across the post office parking lot.
“You’re not planning to wear that, are you?”
William paused before getting into his car. He looked down at himself: khakis, button-down, blue tie, sports jacket. He looked over at Colby. “My Total Dance Whore tee’s in the wash.”
Colby stuck out his tongue. “Fine. I suspected this was gonna happen. We’re stopping by your place.”
“I’ve got nothing better to wear, Colby.”
“Trust me, oh Padawan.” And they proceeded to the asylum.
Colby carried his plastic bag inside. Tonight he seemed giddier than usual, dancing down the hallway and singing snatches of songs. William slogged behind with a small smile on his face.
When they got into the apartment, Colby looked him up and down. “Okay. Strip.”
“Um….”
“Nothing I haven’t seen before, baby boy. Let’s go.”
Colby waited impatiently as William took off everything except his boxers, which made Colby snort dismissively. “Those are totally not giving your ass its due, Wills. You got a nice little butt. You oughtta show it off. And you probably come by it naturally. I gotta work my glutes like mad to achieve this perfection.” He slapped himself on the ass, and William tried not to stare. It was a very nice ass.
Colby scrunched his mouth to one side. “A thong is probably a step too far for you. You need boxer briefs. Okay, well, next time. Clock’s ticking.”
William was relieved. He couldn’t imagine himself in a thong.
Colby was already rummaging through the dresser, tossing rejected clothing aside. “Aha!” he said, holding up a pair of jeans. “We have denim!”
“Those… those are old. I think I’ve had them since my undergrad days. I don’t know why I’ve even—”
“Put ’em on.”
William did. They still fit and were worn soft and almost white in places. He’d forgotten how comfortable they were.
Colby circled him. “Not bad. Not tight enough, but they’ll do.”
He went to the table and rummaged in his plastic bag, retrieving a square of dark-green fabric. He held it out to William. “Put this on.”
It turned out to be a T-shirt, and it was at least two sizes smaller than William was used to. It fit him like a second skin.
“Nice!” Colby said. “I thought that would work. It brings out the little flecks of green in your eyes.”
William had always thought that his eyes were the color of a muddy pond. They certainly weren’t a gorgeous sky blue like Colby’s. And he was a little overwhelmed that Colby had shopped for him, buying something because he thought it would match William’s eyes. Lisa had never bought him clothing, except for birthday pajamas or a few pairs of socks when she happened to visit Target.
But Colby wasn’t done. Now he had his head stuck in the armoire as he talked to himself. He selected a shirt with vertical white-and-blue stripes. “This one’s not bad.”
William didn’t feel too awkward with the outfit Colby picked out for him; it wasn’t so different from his ordinary wear. But then Colby eyed his hair thoughtfully.
“No gel!” William demanded.
“Fine. Sit so I can reach you, Jolly Green.”
William sat. For a man in a hurry, Colby seemed to take an inordinate amount of time messing with his hair, combing it this way and that. William was a little shocked at how good Colby’s fingers felt against his scalp.
“It’s really soft. What kind of product do you use?”
“Um… shampoo?” said William. “Sometimes I condition.”
“Lucky. Good color too.”
“It’s just… plain. My mother called it dirty blond.”
“Well, don’t bleach it. It’s cute as it is.”
William tried not to smile. “I wasn’t planning to bleach.”
Finally satisfied, Colby gave his head a light pat. “Okay. Stay. I’ll be right back.” Before William had a chance to ask where he was going, Colby grabbed his bag and ran to the bathroom.
William waited on the chair, jiggling his knees anxiously. He realized that Colby hadn’t given him any instructions as to footwear, so he ended up sliding on a pair of loafers—it wasn’t as though he had many options.
It didn’t take Colby long to reappear, and when he did, William’s breath caught. Colby wore a bright-purple dress shirt with darker purple pinstripes. It wasn’t as tight as his usual tees, but it had a tailored cut that showed off his sleek muscles and trim waist. He also wore charcoal-colored trousers and black dress shoes with tapered toes. He’d outlined his eyes with a bit of liner.
“Wow,” William managed to say.
Colby’s face lit up with a slightly shy smile. “Really? I’ve had these clothes for a while and haven’t had a chance to wear them.”
“Why did you even care what I was wearing? Anyone would look dull and… and boring next to you.”
“You don’t. You look delicious. They’re gonna eat us up, Will.” Colby swept over, gave him a loud smooch on the cheek, and gestured toward the door. “Let’s go get ’em.”
Fourteen
COLBY chatted pretty much nonstop all the way to Fresno. William didn’t mind—the talk helped settle his nerves. The bigger problem was the way his eyes kept wandering from the road to the dazzling creature beside him. He’d known Colby was good-looking all along, of course, but something about seeing him in more… adult clothing had switched some synapse in William’s brain.
William knew the way to Fresno, but Colby had to direct him once they got to the city. Their destination was in the northeast part of town, not far from the university. The club was called the Stockyard, and it didn’t look like much from the outside. It was at the end of a small strip mall, next door to a nail salon and two doors down from a store that sold discount cigarettes. The bar seemed to be the only business open this time of night, and the parking lot was fairly full.
They sat in the car for a few moments after William cut the engine. His hands still gripped the steering wheel tightly. “I’ve never been—”
“I know,” Colby interrupted. “Don’t worry. I used to come here once in a while to hook up with guys I’d met online. It’s laid back.”
William nodded woodenly but didn’t make any attempt to get out of the car.
“Will, I promise you. Nobody here’s gonna bite you. Unless you ask ’em really nicely.” Colby poked him in the side and opened the passenger door.
Driving an hour to Fresno and then sitting in the car was ridiculous. William gave himself a silent pep talk. You can do this. You want to do this. Think how grateful Bill would have been for this opportunity. It was the last thought that finally got him going.
His expectations about a gay bar were foiled as soon as he entered. There were no nearly naked men dancing on the counter or suspended in cages. No S&M orgies in the corner. No drag queens. And not a disco ball in sight. The small stage was empty, but a jukebox was playing something from the eighties. Huey Lewis, maybe. The bar looked pretty much like every other bar he’d been in, which made him feel relieved—and slightly disappointed.
As the parking lot had suggested, the Stockyard was fairly crowded. Most of the customers were men, mostly in their thirties and forties, although some were younger and a few, older. There were also a handful of women. People were laughi
ng and drinking and having a good time. Jeans and tees were the most common outfits, but some guys were dressed up a little, like Colby, and some had opted for Western wear like cowboy boots and oversized belt buckles.
Colby led them to a vacant table for four, and the waiter showed up almost immediately. He was a tall man with an easy smile. “What’ll it be?” he asked, throwing Colby a wink.
Colby looked at William. “I’ll drive home. You need the alcohol more than I do.”
William asked for a Sierra Nevada and Colby wanted a Diet Coke. When the waiter returned with their drinks, Colby insisted on paying. “So, whattaya think, Will? Not scary, right?”
“Not especially. Actually, I’m surprised you come to a place that’s so… low-key.”
“Things are a little more lively here on weekends, but yeah. I did my time in plenty of wild clubs but… I don’t know. I got bored. This place is good if you wanna sit back with a friend and not worry someone’s gonna bash you if you hold hands or dance together.” He nodded at the bar, where a cute young guy with a fauxhawk was watching them. “Or meet new friends.”
There was a funny little twist in William’s stomach. “Hey, if you want to…. Don’t let me hold you back. I mean, if you see someone and you want to….” He let the sentence die of embarrassment.
Colby gave him an odd look, one William couldn’t read. “Sure. I won’t cockblock either. Just promise me if you hook up with some guy you won’t drive off and strand me here.” He said that with a smile, as if he was joking, but his eyes were shadowed.
Oh God, William thought. People had done that to Colby before—ditched him for someone else. “I wouldn’t do that,” he said softly.
Another odd expression flitted across Colby’s face before he smiled and took William’s hand for a quick squeeze. “I know.”
They sipped and looked around, and the guy at the bar kept staring. Just as William was going to find some excuse to leave the table, a trio of men with instruments appeared from somewhere and began setting up on the stage. “Live music?” William asked inanely.