I can’t help but think about our morning in bed while I make eggs, oatmeal, fruit, and turkey sausage. She was adamant that Meghan was stupid, that she fucked up by leaving me. I don’t know if that’s true on her end, but it’s not on mine.
If Meghan wouldn’t have broken up with me, I wouldn’t have had the drive that I did to do better and be better, I wouldn’t have met my family here and Tulip. I’m the lucky one. Fucking lucky as shit that Meghan left me.
Chapter Eleven
TULIP
One day turns into two, then three and then four. Finally, I have a night off from the club. It’s been one full week since Louis has come back into my life and to say that it’s been the best week of my life is a complete understatement.
Last night, he picked me up from the club, like he’s done every single night and instead of going to his place, we went back to mine. We made love, talked until we both fell asleep in one another’s arms. This morning we woke up, made love again and he made me breakfast as I got ready for the grocery store.
He’s nothing short of amazing. I could fall in love with him in a heartbeat. It would be easy, so simple that I can’t deny my heart is already taking baby steps in that direction and I’m not exactly thrilled about it.
When he’s gone, he’ll be the great love of my life, but will my heart survive or will it shrivel up and die?
“You ready, baby?” Louis asks.
He’s got his back to me in my small kitchen and my lips tip into a small smile when he turns around with a plate of food in his hand. I don’t think that I’ve eaten so well in my entire life. On the plate there is half an English muffin, a pile of delicious looking fruit and a scrambled egg.
“You’re going to spoil me,” I say as I reach for the plate of food.
Together we walk over to my small dining room table and sit down. I don’t bother looking at his plate, knowing that he has eggs over easy, turkey sausage, and sweet potatoes. He has become a creature of habit and has informed me that he’ll be this way until he fights.
Louis’ eyes lift to mine and his lips turn up into a sly grin. “Good. You’ll stay right next to me then if I do,” he says with a wink.
Shaking my head, I don’t doubt that he’s right. I stayed with Joey way past the expiration date of that relationship and I know that with Louis, he will have to be the one to leave me because I’m falling for him too hard, too fast, to even think about walking away.
“You ready for work?” he asks after he finishes his plate.
Stabbing the last piece of strawberry, I shove it in my mouth with a nod. “I am.”
The ride to work is quiet and by the time we reach the grocery store parking lot, I can’t help but think that something could be wrong.
“My trainer, publicist, and agent are coming here tomorrow to stay with me until the fight,” he explains.
“Why?” I immediately ask.
He shrugs a shoulder, but the haunted look that crosses his face makes me think that he knows exactly why. “There’s something else, too,” he says.
“What?” I ask, reaching out and taking his hand in mine. He squeezes me and lets out a deep breath.
“We can’t have sex after tonight.”
“Ever?”
My heart starts to pound in my chest at the thought of never feeling Louis’ touch, at never having him fill me so completely again.
He chuckles, shaking his head. “Just until the fight.”
“How long is that?” I ask.
“Twelve weeks. I need to focus. I need to sustain my endurance. I don’t need physical distractions.” he explains. My breath hitches at the thought of not being with him for three long months. “I usually go back to Nevada for camp, but I declined this time and asked my team to come to me. My chef and sparring partner will be here the day after tomorrow. But tomorrow is just my immediate team who are going to go over the complete schedule.”
“Why are you having them all come here?” I chance asking.
He arches a brow toward me before his lips twitch. “Partially because I don’t want to leave you, but also I have no desire to be in Nevada right now. I honestly have no desire to even train or do this fight, but it seems as though I don’t have much of a choice.”
“Well as long as it’s not all me.” I smirk.
Louis leans forward, his mouth touching my own in a brush of a kiss. “You’re the biggest reason,” he whispers against my lips.
“Louis,” I groan.
He chuckles, sitting up and breaking the touch of our mouths. “Go on in and have a good day at work. I’ll be here when you’re done and we’ll have a nice quiet night alone.” He grins.
Nodding my head, I open his truck door and slowly slide out of the front seat until my feet touch the ground. Lifting my gaze up to meet his, I can’t help but smile up at him.
“That sounds perfect,” I breathe.
“See you later, baby.”
With a small wave, I turn around and head into the grocery store to work for the day. All I want to do is turn around and jump back into his truck and spend the rest of the day with him, but money doesn’t grow on trees and I’m trying to get ahead in life, not fall behind.
Once I’m clocked in and standing at my cash register, I look up to greet my first customer and blink at the sight of Channing standing in my line. Her belly has grown just since the last time I saw her about a week ago. She looks up at me with a yawn. Reese is in the basket at the front of her cart, babbling and I can’t help but smile over at him.
Moving from around my station, I begin to help her unload her groceries from the cart. “Oh, thank you so much, Tulip. I seriously can’t believe how out of breath I am this pregnancy,” she sighs.
“What are you doing out and about so early?” I ask as I continue to place everything in her buggy on the conveyor belt.
“Rylan informed me this morning that he may want to have a small get-together tomorrow night. So, of course I’m here getting things. He wanted to talk to Wyatt about helping us get the baby’s room together,” she sighs as she places her hand on her belly.
Once I’m finished, I hurry over to the cash register and begin to ring her up. “I’m so happy for y’all,” I say.
It’s true too, I am happy for her, even if I am a tad jealous. She’s married to Rylan who seems like a really nice guy, they have one child and another on the way. It’s everything that I’ve ever wanted for myself.
“All y’all are invited of course. Rylan told me that he was going to call Louis when he got a break today, so consider this your official invite.” She smiles.
Pressing my lips together, I realize that not only do I have to work tomorrow night at Headlights, that Louis’ team will be in town as well. Shaking my head, I politely decline, letting her know about Louis’ team and hoping that it will be enough of an excuse for her.
Channing frowns as she tugs open her purse and takes out her debit card. Her gaze lifts to mine and she tilts her head to the side. “You know you can come if he can’t make it, right? You’re our friend, Tulip. No matter what, we all love you,” she offers.
My heart leaps at her words, it completely stops beating for a moment before it eventually begins again.
“Thank you,” I whisper as I continue to ring her items. “I have a second job and I have to work tomorrow night though.”
Channing blinks at the mention of my job, but then she shrugs a shoulder. I hold my breath, waiting for her to ask me where I work, but thankfully she doesn’t. “If something happens and your shift gets canceled or something, please come by, promise?”
Nodding, my lips turn up into a smile. “I promise.”
She grins as she pushes her cart away from the counter and gives me a small wave goodbye. I lift my hand to wave at her too. Once she’s out of the store, I let out a breath that I’d been holding and turn toward my next customer with a smile plastered on my face.
LOUIS
Before pulling out of the grocery store
parking lot, my phone rings and I smirk at the name lighting up the screen.
“Rylan,” I drawl.
“My place tomorrow night,” he says, sounding busy.
Clearing my throat, I shake my head as if he can see me. “Sorry, brother. I got people coming in for a meeting.”
“You good?” he asks.
Thinking about his simple words, I realize that it’s the most complex question in the world. Am I good? I don’t know. I have Tulip and that’s good, really fucking good. But, I also have to fight soon and the thought of stepping into that ring again makes me sweat.
“I don’t know,” I admit.
There’s a moment of silence and Rylan clears his throat. “You gotta work through all those steps, Louis. Trust me, I spent five years working through them and even then, I wasn’t ready for every single thing that’s landed at my feet and tested my sanity, my sobriety, and my ability to forgive myself.”
“I know. I fucking know. I need more time. It hasn’t even been six months. But contracts can’t be broken, not over this and I just need to put my head down and make this shit happen.”
“You do what you need to do and remember, we’re all here for you.”
Without another word, he ends the call and I toss my phone on the seat next to me as I start the engine of my truck and shift it into reverse. I need to get home and work out for a while before I come back to get Tulip.
Heading toward home, I make a detour and drive to Beaumont’s. I know that he’s still in town and I just need to talk with him. Figure out if I’m doing the right thing, not only with my upcoming fight but with Tulip too. I feel like I’m on the edge, teetering on what has become our new norm and what’s to come.
Pulling up to his house, I notice his truck in the drive and then Hutton’s ride as well. Cringing, I realize that maybe my one-track mind has brought me here a bit too early in the fucking morning.
Before I can shift my truck into reverse, the front door opens and I see Beaumont standing there, wearing only a pair of jeans and squinting. He lifts his hand and waves me toward him before he turns and walks back into the house.
Killing the engine, I jump out of the truck and begin to make my way to the house. With my first step inside, I close the door behind me, and Beaumont stands in front of me, two coffee cups in hand.
“Sorry I showed up so early, I should go,” I mutter.
Beau chuckles, thrusting one of the cups toward me. “Outside on the back patio,” he mumbles.
I follow behind him, sinking down in one of his chairs when he does the same. He doesn’t look at me, instead he’s looking straight out at his expanse of Texas rolling hills.
“You got something on your mind and if anyone understands that shit, it’s me,” he informs. “Been awake, in fact, haven’t gone to bed yet, so you didn’t wake me up or bother me. I’ve been writing. Hutton’s getting ready for work and she’ll be heading out soon.”
Nodding, I take a sip of the black coffee. What I should be doing is heading toward my gym at home instead of sitting here next to him, but I needed to be here, I don’t know why, but I did. He’s right, I do have something on my mind, but fuck if I know if he can help me with it or not.
“Just say it, we’ll hash it out.”
Clearing my throat, I set the mug down on the small table between us. “I’m falling in love with Tulip,” I blurt out.
Beaumont snorts, and I feel his eyes on me, so I turn my head to look over at him. He’s wearing a shit-eating grin and I want nothing more than to knock it off of his face.
“Shut up,” I grunt.
He shakes his head a couple of times, then brings his own mug up to his lips. “She wouldn’t be hard to fall for I suppose. She’s tiny, young, and sweet as goddamn sugar. Plus, she needs protecting and I have a feeling that’s your favorite thing about her.”
He’s not wrong. I’ve always been a protector. Born that way, created that way by my father. Granted, my mother wouldn’t ever allow it, she always went for men that I tried and failed at protecting her from. I thought Tulip was a replica of her, but she’s surprised the shit out of me since I’ve been back.
“I’m contracted to fight again in about twelve weeks. Tulip doesn’t know why I don’t want to. She thinks I just want a break. I don’t know how to tell her.”
He doesn’t say anything right away, his gaze is focused ahead of him still, his eyes searching the oak trees that are sprawled across his property, an exact replica of my place as well. Then he clears his throat.
“You gotta think about why you haven’t told her. You’re holding back that part of you for a reason and it ain’t because you think that she’ll leave you. You of all people know that she won’t. Tulip is solid, she’s good.”
Nodding, I lift my hand and rub my palm over my head. “She is, but I’d convinced myself that the reason she wasn’t with me was because I’m black, even if I didn’t truly believe it, I’d convinced myself of it anyway. So, I’m not so confident that she’ll stay at my side once she finds out that I’m a murderer.”
“That’s a lot you got goin’ on there, brother. You’re trying to swallow the whole elephant in one bite, man. Baby steps.”
I stay with Beau for another hour or so, our subject changing to his career, his new band, and the fact that one of his bandmates knocked up Hutton’s best friend and they are dancing around one another and it’s driving Hutton crazy, which in turn is driving Beaumont crazy.
“Just remember, Louis. At the end of the day, when you’re old as fuck and none of this shit means a damn thing anymore. Who do you want at your side? She needs to know everything about you, so that she can fall in love with the man that you are on the inside, deep beneath all that other shit that makes up who you are. She needs to fall in love with the marrow in your bones, brother.”
His parting words hit me deep, maybe even as deep as my marrow, I’m not sure. Leaving his ranch, I head down the dirt road toward my own home. All I can do is think about his words.
She needs to fall in love with the marrow in your bones, brother.
I agree with him. Tulip needs to see all of me, and tonight, when it’s supposed to be nothing but romance and flowers, I need to come clean with the truth of it all.
Chapter Twelve
TULIP
Mark watches me the entire shift. I can’t help but feel his gaze on me every moment of every day. Even when he’s nowhere around, I can feel him watching me. I hate it. Lifting my hand to my head, I tug on my ponytail and let out an exhale as I smile at my new customer and begin to ring them up.
“I’ll help you bag,” Mark announces brightly.
The customer falls all over herself thanking him, but I can’t help but feel just plain sick. I want him to go away and if I could change my schedule to ensure that he wouldn’t be here with me, I would, but he’s a manager which means he could just change his any time he wanted to. Fuck. I want to scream.
“Seen you with that big guy. So that’s why you won’t go out with me? You havin’ a bit of fun before you settle down?” he asks, licking his lips as his eyes travel down to my breasts.
Refusing to answer him, I announce that I’m going on my break, loud enough that I know Brenda at the register across from mine hears me. Mark’s face turns red as I walk past him, but I don’t care. I just need to breathe.
Slipping into the back room, I sink down in one of the chairs and close my eyes with a heavy sigh. I hear one of the chairs scoot across the floor and my eyes fly open to see none other than the man I’m trying to escape from sitting in front of me.
“Mark, this is not appropriate. You need to leave me alone, please,” I say, attempting to be firm.
He tilts his head to the side, his eyes searching my face and then his lips twitch into a smile and the expression on his face changes as he looks at me like he thinks I’m being cute or something instead of dead serious.
“I know you have to say that because you’re involved with that guy, for no
w. But I also know that soon you’ll be free again.”
Shaking my head, I lift my hand and wrap my fingers around the front of my throat in an attempt to breathe. “Mark. Louis is my boyfriend. Please, don’t make work weird.”
He grins, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip. “I’ll see you tomorrow night at work.”
Without another word, he stands and I watch him walk out of the door. Letting out a whimper, I lower my forehead to the table and attempt to catch my breath.
Tears fill my eyes and as hard as I try, I can’t hold them back. They fall down my cheeks and land on the tile floor of the breakroom.
After a few moments, I compose myself, wipe my tears, then head back out for the rest of my shift. Mark doesn’t stop being creepy. It’s like he can’t help himself. He positions his body at the end of my conveyor belt and bags every single customer’s items for me.
He is making me nervous, on edge, and the time can’t pass quick enough. “Hey Tulip, you okay?” a male voice asks.
Lifting my head from staring at my barcode scanner, I blink at the sight in front of me. It’s Wyatt and Rylan. They look dirty from a hard day’s work. They both look equally handsome, in completely different ways, too. Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with men like them? Why did I have to fall for someone famous who is ultimately going to leave me?
“I’m okay, how are you guys? All done for the day?” I ramble.
Rylan nods with a grin on his face, but I don’t miss the way Wyatt’s gaze shifts from me to Mark, then back to me. “What time you gettin’ off, darlin’?” he asks, keeping his voice in a low murmur.
“Twenty minutes,” I sigh.
He nods once. Then takes his card out to pay for the few things that they bought. “Good to see you, Tulip,” Wyatt says loudly with a grin.
KILLER: An Unfit Hero Novel Page 9