by Katy Kaylee
Mark nodded. “You always said you weren’t sure if you were the traditional, marrying and kids type. I know it didn’t work out too great the first time.”
“No, it didn’t. But it wasn’t the right person. And Fern… I just love her, Mark, I have since I first laid eyes on her.”
“I’m not going to deny my grandchild her father.” He paused, and took another sip of coffee. “And I suppose… Maggie’s an adult. She can make her own decisions. If you’re what makes her happy—I want my daughter to be happy.”
“I’ll do my best to make her that way. I promise. I know it’ll take some time for both of us to earn back your trust, but I want to.”
Mark sighed, shaking his head. “The damned irony of it is that if you’d brought any other woman around, I would’ve told her that she was lucky to have you. That you had a good heart.”
“That means a lot, Mark. I want to earn your friendship again.”
Mark hummed. “I believe that you will. I just… still need some time. It’ll take a bit. To adjust.”
“That’s fair.” I decided to take a risk. “Mark… you understand why we didn’t say anything back then. It was a mistake, but if we had told you—would you really have respected Maggie’s choices? I thought that we were never going to see each other again. I just didn’t want to hurt you by knowing about this one time. I know it was a mistake to keep it from you, but I hope that you’ll forgive Maggie. She loves you, and she wanted you to be proud of her, and she didn’t want you to lose your best friend. She was scared and trying her best.”
Mark drained the rest of his coffee. “I know. I do. It’s done now, and I want us to move forward.”
“How do we do that?”
Mark stood up. “We start with breakfast.”
That sounded more than all right to me.
26
Maggie
My heart leapt into my throat as I saw Dad come in with Cal. They weren’t touching and being all jovial together like usual, although I hadn’t expected that, not yet, anyway. But they seemed… more relaxed. Poor Dad looked so tired, like he’d been up all night. Maybe he had been. Mom wouldn’t tell me.
Dad set his coffee cup down on the dining room table and walked over to me. I glanced at Cal, who nodded slightly, giving me a reassuring smile.
God, he was so handsome.
Dad took my hands. “I did a lot of thinking.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m sorry for hurting you. I did what I thought was best, but I still lied, and I’m sorry.”
“That’s really all I wanted to hear,” Dad promised me. “I told Cal—it’ll take some time to adjust. But I want to adjust. I want Fern to have her father, and I want you to be with the man you love, and I want my best friend to be happy. So… really. I’ll get used to it. What matters is that you’re well taken care of. And—well Cal can’t do math for shit but he’s a good person. He’ll look after you the way you deserve.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My dad was actually coming around? Actually making an effort to accept this? It was more than I’d hoped for.
I pulled him into a hug, letting a few tears slip free. “Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you so much, Dad. I love you.”
Dad hugged me back, bone-crushingly tight. “I love you too, Mags.”
“Oh, thank goodness.” Mom set down a plate of bacon and rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “You two are so stubborn.”
She pulled me into a hug, kissing my cheek, and then Fern protested that she wanted a hug too, if everyone else was getting one.
I grabbed her and picked her up. “Oh, I suppose,” I said, sighing exaggeratedly. Fern giggled and hugged me tightly.
Breakfast went well, so much better than I’d expected. Cal and I didn’t touch during that time, keeping a bit of distance. I wanted to touch him constantly, but I still had to talk to Fern about the whole… ah… father thing, and how that related to me dating, and I didn’t want to shove my parents into the deep end. They knew about Cal and me, and I figured it was only fair to give them time to adjust to that further before they had to witness Cal and I holding hands or gazing at each other all besotted.
It wasn’t exactly the way it would be if Cal and I had been honest with them for a while, or if Cal and I hadn’t told them. My dad was a bit subdued. Cal and I were overly careful in our behavior. But it was good. It was really, really good.
The four-hour drive back to Nashville was buoyant. I was riding on cloud nine, and couldn’t stop grinning at Cal. Fern picked up on the good mood and was filled with joyful energy, singing along loudly on the radio and pointing out all the things she saw along the side of the highway, like the cows.
I felt like I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for anything. This whole thing had gone so much better than I had feared and expected. I’d thought that Dad would never come around, or that it would take him a lot longer. That there would be weeks where he wouldn’t speak to me. That he would stop wanting to see Cal. But instead… instead we were on our way to being a full family.
Cal insisted on driving so that I could get some more work done, and I did get some done, it was true, but mostly I just kept smiling at him and at Fern, playing games to help keep her entertained. It was like… all those ridiculous songs I’d always heard, like “Walking on Sunshine,” they all made sense now.
Cal dropped us off at our apartment, letting me know that he was going to work on his mural a bit and then be back later. We waited until Fern was occupied before we kissed—Cal pulled me in, his large hand spanning the small of my back, his tongue sliding between my lips like he was claiming me.
I didn’t mind in the slightest.
Soon, we wouldn’t have to hide anything from Fern. We could explain it all to her. But that would be a conversation for—tomorrow, perhaps. When we could sit her down and tell her the story in a way she could understand it.
Fern and I had dinner—some leftovers I had in the fridge—and then I put her to bed. Hmmm.
Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea, but… we could be quiet, right? We’d already had sex once at my apartment without Fern knowing. And if Cal stayed over—that might be a good idea, actually, to have him stay over for the night, and then in the morning…
With that in mind, I put on a pair of sexy lingerie that Jenn had gifted me for my birthday last year. I’d told her that I was never going to wear it, that I didn’t have time for dating, yada yada yada, but she’d insisted.
“You need it for yourself,” she’d said. “Who cares if a man never sees it? Sometimes you just need to look at yourself in the mirror and think that you look sexy. Sometimes you just need to go through the day knowing that underneath your ho-hum clothes you’re rocking it.”
Jenn had been right, but usually, I had just put on the lingerie and then stared at myself for a few minutes before taking it all off again. But now—now I had a reason for it.
The dark blue lace went well with my skin and my hazel eyes, if I did say so myself. The straps of the bra crisscrossed over my back, and then there was a sheer dark blue negligee to go over it all. I didn’t put on any makeup, but I brushed out my hair and gave it a onceover with the straightener. Nothing too crazy since it would be getting messed up the moment Cal got his hands in it—he loved to tug my hair and I loved for him to do it—but something to make it all look nice.
The doorbell rang and I grinned to myself. I was surprised Cal was ringing it instead of knocking. I double checked my phone. Huh, he hadn’t texted me to let me know he was on his way. No matter.
I hurried as quietly as I could to the door, pulling it open—and froze.
It wasn’t Cal. It was Leo.
He stared at me in shock for a second, and then a hungry gaze entered his eyes. I could feel myself flushing with embarrassment, and I instinctively went to close the door on him, but he stuck his foot out, blocking it from closing.
“Leo, I’m sorry, but this isn’t a good time,” I told him.
Leo shoved the door open with his shoulder and I stumbled back, caught off guard. Fear curled heavy in my stomach. I had never been scared of Leo before, although I’d been wary, knowing that he liked me and not wanting to lead him on. But this was a whole new feeling.
“What are you doing?” I demanded, mindful to keep my voice down. I didn’t want to wake up Fern for this and upset her—or give Leo an opportunity to use Fern against me.
Leo closed the door behind him and locked it. My heart jumped up into my throat. What was he doing!? “You sure are dressed up all pretty,” he commented. “Expecting someone in particular?”
“Maybe I was waiting for a pizza to be delivered,” I shot back. I didn’t want Leo to see how scared I was.
Leo just hummed, his gaze raking over me. I wanted to grab something to cover myself. What had felt sexy and alluring when I’d been thinking about Cal now made me feel exposed and horribly vulnerable. Objectified. “I thought you said you didn’t have time to date right now? That’s what you told me when you turned me down.”
Anger and fear warred in me, in my throat, nearly strangling me. I took a few deep breaths, trying to stay calm. “It should have been enough that I said I wasn’t interested,” I told him. “It doesn’t matter why. It’s a no, and you should’ve taken it as a no.”
“I don’t appreciate you lying to me, Maggie,” Leo said. His voice turned into a croon. “After all we’ve been through?”
I shuddered. Leo had been a bit too much at times. Always there every single time I turned around. But I had never thought… it was like I was staring at an entirely different person. A person who was unhinged, or at least a few corndogs short of a picnic.
“Not that it’s any of your business,” I told him, scrambling to think of a way to keep him talking until I could get help, “but I’ve started seeing my daughter’s father again.”
I wasn’t sure if mentioning Fern, even tangentially, was a good idea. Maybe she would serve to remind Leo to behave, and to back off. She was just a child, after all, and she might wake up and hear something, see something. Oh, God, the idea of her seeing—having to witness—no, I wouldn’t even think about it. I wouldn’t let that happen. Not to my baby girl.
And then there was the other side of it. The idea that remembering Fern would make Leo go after her and use her against me, threaten to hurt her. I couldn’t let him scare her, no matter how it happened.
Leo, however, didn’t even seem to think about Fern. “Is he that old guy that’s been nosing around?” he demanded.
I bristled in defense of Cal. There might be a good age difference between us, yes, but he was far from old. He was middle aged and still in the prime of his life (something I could attest to on several levels). The way Leo was talking about him, like he was seventy or something, made me unexpectedly furious.
This wasn’t the time for an argument about semantics, I reminded myself. I had to get Leo out of my house and away from myself and my child.
“You need to leave,” I told him. “You need to get out of my home.”
Leo shook his head, as if I was a disobedient employee or child as opposed to an equal. He walked towards me, crowding me, and my heart was pounding in my throat so loudly it felt like it was going to burst out of me. I stumbled back. “I’ve been trying to get you to notice me for two years, Maggie. Two years!” His voice was resentful, sharp, pointed. It felt like it was a weapon he was using against me.
“You’ve been ignoring me this entire time. I’ve been nothing but kind to you. I’ve been nothing but nice. I’ve supported you when you had no one.”
“That’s not true. I had Jenn, I’ve had my parents, I’m not alone, you’re not my—my savior or my white knight and I never asked you to be!” I realized I was yelling, raising my voice, and I struggled to lower it again. “You’re delusional. I didn’t ask for your support or your help. You volunteered it. And being a—a decent human being doesn’t mean that I—doesn’t mean that anyone, that the universe, owes you anything! That’s just being a decent person. Because it’s the right thing to do and it makes everyone’s lives better. Not because you think you’re going to get something in return. I’m not a—this isn’t a—life isn’t a vending machine, you can’t stick good deeds in until you get sex or a date from me!”
“And you would prefer some deadbeat dad who hasn’t seen his daughter in years to a nice dependable guy like me?” Leo reached out to touch me, his fingers aiming, I think, to brush against my cheek, but I stepped away and slapped his arm so that it fell to the side.
“He didn’t know that Fern even existed,” I snapped, my throat tight and my eyes hot and itchy. Damn it, I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want him to see me like this. I didn’t want him to know that I was scared. “He’s not a deadbeat. It was my choice not to tell him and he just found out. Which you would probably know if you were actually a genuinely nice person who wanted to know what was going on in my life instead of—instead of just doing nice things and hoping I’ll fuck you in return. That’s not nice, Leo, that’s manipulative! It’s objectifying!”
The sheer irony wasn’t lost on me. If I had given people the bare description of Cal and Leo, they probably would think Leo was the good guy here. Older man sleeps with a barely legal woman, the daughter of his best friend? Yeah, we all knew how that story usually went. The epidemic of older men dating barely legal women, women still in college, women young enough to be their daughter or granddaughter, was sickening. And Leo was the poster boy—on paper—for the romantic lead. He was the next-door neighbor who was cute, making me smile, and was always there to lend a hand.
But this wasn’t on paper. This was real life, my life, and in my life the person who had respected me the entire time was Cal, not Leo. Cal had hurt me when we’d slept together but out of respect for his best friend, and their relationship, and out of fear that he had taken advantage of me. Fear that we were making a mistake that would hurt us both. His intentions had been in the right place.
Leo, on the other hand, had always made me want to put a little distance between us. I hadn’t expected something like this. I had trusted that he was a good person. But I’d always known that there was an attempt to date me. I had always sensed that he was interested in me sexually, romantically, and it had tinged all of our interactions. Maybe I should’ve been more on my guard. Maybe I should have expected this—planned for the worst. But who wants to do that? Who wants to assume that the people around them, who are doing good things, have ulterior motives?
I had known there was something, though. Even if I’d underestimated how far Leo would go to get what he wanted.
“I’m going to get what I’m owed,” Leo growled, and the look in his eyes was the most terrifying thing I had ever seen. I’d thought that telling my parents about Cal and me was the height of fear and it was still a close second but this—I had never feared like this before. I had never felt so sick and trembling, had never been so goddamn horrified, praying silently for my life and my personal autonomy, for my child.
“You’re going to stay the fuck away from me,” I snapped back, a hysterical edge to my voice. I wanted to scream—but I wasn’t sure who would hear me, and I didn’t want to wake up Fern. That was the last thing that I wanted. What if I screamed, and woke her up, and the only thing that led to was her witnessing what was happening?
No, I couldn’t risk it.
Leo took another step forward. “You’re welcome to try and stop me,” he said, mildly. It was the soft, casual tone of his voice that scared me the most.
I had to find a way out of this. I wasn’t going to let this end the way Leo wanted it to.
I wouldn’t let him.
27
Cal
I would’ve thought I’d be a bit too tired after the driving to work on a lot of art that day, but I found myself full of creative energy when I got back to my house. I grabbed my paints and went immediately to Fern’s room, getting to work on the mural. I was so ex
cited for her to see it. I didn’t know when, exactly. Maggie and I had to work out the details of how to tell her. But I knew it would be soon.
Unlike with Mark and Violet, I wasn’t at all nervous for Fern to know the truth. I was just excited. Fern liked me and I adored her, and the sooner that we told her the truth about my being her father, the sooner she could get used to it and we could all be a proper family.
To help with that, I decided I’d invite Maggie and Fern over in the morning to take a look. Maybe I could even convince Maggie to move herself and Fern in with me this week. It was Sunday, so plenty of time to decide… and maybe, sure, it was soon, but I knew that I didn’t have any hesitations about this. Why wait it out when you were certain? We had already wasted so much time. I didn’t want to waste any more. Not even a day.
Perhaps I could sweeten the pot by letting her refurnish the house. I honestly didn’t care about whatever furniture was currently in it. Maggie could do it up however she wanted and I’d be fine with it. Despite being an artist, home décor was never my strong suit. Violet had actually helped me with picking out all the furniture in my house back in Cincinnati.
I stepped back to survey the mural. It was just about finished. Glancing at the time, I could see that Maggie would probably be putting Fern to bed by now. It made me a little sad to think that I wouldn’t get to read Fern a bedtime story, but it was all right. I’d be able to do so every night from now on, I’d make sure of it. Hopefully, I’d do it with Fern in her new bedroom.
She’d love this mural. Or at least I hoped she would. And I was excited to get started on doing art for the rest of the house, just for the three of us. At my home in Cincinnati there was artwork hanging on the walls, both mine and others’, but I had never painted the walls like this and really turned it all into a piece of artwork itself. Now, I wanted to. I wanted to make this a beautiful, personal place. A real home.