by Raven Scott
Everything was where I’d left it, and a strange emotion flooded my chest, like this place was dark and dank and I didn’t want to be here alone.
“Will you stay with me for a few weeks, Mikayla?” The question slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it, and I twisted to watch her nod without hesitation. Warmth suffused my chest, and I pulled open the refrigerator to grab the full pitcher of lemon iced tea that had been empty when I left for work that fateful morning. “To be honest, it’s a lot. Like, okay, don’t tell my mom, but it’s ten thousand dollars times, like, five thousand. I couldn’t just tell my mom that, though, because you know how she gets. And you can’t tell anyone, either, Micky.”
“Okay, as long as you never deny me a loan.” A huff escaped me as she smirked cheekily, and I nodded as I set the heavy pitcher down and grabbed two large glasses. “No, seriously, Lucy. I’m just glad you’re back. I felt like I was the only one seriously worried about you. You know, Seth didn’t even want to go to the police to report you missing? He said you probably went for a hike or something, but you always bring Marshal.”
“I just told you I have fifty million dollars and you don’t even care.” The constant ache in my eyes spread to my whole face, and I gulped down the dense lump in my throat as Mikayla sucked her teeth sadly. “You’re a gr-great friend . . . ”
“Oh, Lucy.” The crack of my voice struck the kitchen like lightning, and Mikayla wrapped her arms around me to stroke my hair comfortingly. “You’re my best friend. I love you.”
10
Lucy
Panting furiously, Mateo held himself up with powerful arms braced against the concrete, and my heart threatened to explode. He tensed, his eyes narrowing on mine before his entire body jolted from the impact, and the sharp whistle and snap of metal breaking skin echoed in my ears over the blood drumming. He only grunted, his teeth clenched so hard his gums were white, and he ducked his head to blow out a fiery, heavy breath through his nose.
“Fuck. Shit.” Mateo took a few breaths while I couldn’t see his face, and that maniacal, gloating laughter bounced off the concrete to rattle my brain. The man with the whip pulled back his arm again, but a shout from outside the room stopped him from delivering another blow. The frigid sweat creating icicles on my skin started up again, and I reached trembling, cold fingers to cup his face.
He was so pale, and his eyes were unhealthily bright, and even as darkness closed in around us, Mateo’s silhouette shimmered from sweat and blood. The smell of him was almost nausea-inducing, but I didn’t recoil when he collapsed against my chest. All I had to do was hold my breath, but there was no point in that because I couldn’t escape the smell. I just had to get used to it.
“Mateo!” Jerking up as the croak echoed in the silence, I panted as furious shivers strafed my spine, and I blinked blearily while my brain struggled to recognize my own bedroom. Tensing as Marshal crawled into my lap to lick my chin and neck, I sniffled hard and closed my eyes to throw myself back onto my pillow. My dog sprawled atop me, and I rubbed his short fur as he slathered saliva all over me.
“What!” Bursting into my room, Mikayla frowned as I lifted my head, and I covered my face with my arm. Marshal licked my sternum with long, slow strokes of his tongue, and a huge breath squeezed past the tightness restricting my throat as I groaned.
“Ugh-h-h! I just want to sleep. Oh, my God!” How was I supposed to get used to this again when I couldn’t close my eyes without picturing Mateo? I couldn’t stop thinking about him even when I focused on something else. He was an ever-present image in my head that I couldn’t shake.
“It’s almost one p.m. Do you want to eat something?” Gingerly pushing Marshal off me, I sat up again to rub my face roughly, and Mikayla eyed me cautiously. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I think so.” But even I wasn’t convinced by my tone, and I threw my legs over the side of my bed to heave a massive sigh. “What time is it?”
“It’s almost one p.m.” Repeating herself, slower this time, my best friend watched me like a hawk, and goosebumps pocked my skin as I stood up. My pajama shorts and shirt clung to me from the sweat seeping from my pores, and I swept back my hair as I arched my back sharply. “Who’s Mateo?”
Pausing to glance over at her, I pursed my lips thinly as I debated what to say. No one ever told me I’d have nightmares, although, I suppose it was expected. My mouth dried as the blood drumming in my ears faded, and my heart stabilized against my ribs as sadness gripped it in a vise.
“He’s a better man than Seth, for sure.” Seth wanted equality in everything, from everyone, and I scrunched up my nose as what could’ve been flowed through my mind’s eye. “I’m gonna break up with him.”
“Okay. Why is this time any different than the last time you said that?” She didn’t pose it as an accusation, or even particularly sassy, and I shuffled out of my room as my dog slid off my bed to follow us. “Is it because of this Mateo guy? Did you find someone better?”
I almost snorted at that on the way through the living room, and we entered the kitchen at the back of my house. The tiled floor was cold against my feet, a stark contract to the carpet elsewhere, and I popped open the refrigerator to peer inside. Nothing immediately jumped out at me, but I had to throw away a bunch of stuff, anyway.
“Yeah, I did. I don’t know how to explain it.” The truth was that I did, I just couldn’t, and Mikayla hummed softly as she leaned against the counter by the sink. Pulling open the cheese drawer, I gathered all the contents and dumped it in the trash with a more force than necessary. “I get it, okay. I get why it had to end, but . . . I wish it didn’t.”
“Well, whatever happened, if you’re gonna break up with Seth, you should do it and not put it off. Otherwise, it’ll just be the same.” No, I wasn’t the same anymore. Shaking my head as I grabbed more stuff— wilted vegetables, the half-gallon of milk, and a small package of ground beef— I didn’t even bother looking at the expiration date. “Your phone is done charging, too. Your moms called a few times. She left a really nasty voicemail about Marshal peeing all over the entryway rug, I guess. I deleted it.”
“Thanks. I really don’t need it right now. She’ll come over and pretend she didn’t ream me out on the phone and get mysteriously quiet when I told her I’m ten thousand dollars richer.” Speaking of which, I should call the bank. Supposedly, the money would be there today, but I wasn’t sure if keeping that much in one place was a great idea. Emptying my fridge, I frowned at the sheer enormity of it. How could someone just give me fifty million dollars. Wasn’t that a lot for any corporation?
Then again, considering what those guys were involved in, maybe it wasn’t a lot.
“You know, I think it’s a good thing you lied to your mom. That’s a lot, and it seems bottomless when it’s not. It’s easy to spend someone else’s money, too, and it’s worse when it’s your mom. She can shame you like crazy. Are you gonna pay your student debt off?” I shot her a dumb look, and Mikayla blushed at how stupid her question was as I dumped my armful into the now overflowing trash can. “I guess that’s a given. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’m gonna call in a bit, and then I need to go to the grocery store. I’m gonna make bacon burgers.” I closed the refrigerator and opened the freezer, but everything in there was, well, frozen. “Maybe, I’ll get Marshal some meat.”
“He’ll like that.” Licking my lips heavily, I nodded to myself. I gave my dog raw lamb on a semi-regular basis, about once every two months. He loved it, and I liked how it made his fur soft and shiny. Glancing over as Marshal watched me, sitting by the trash can, I reached to pet his head, and he grumbled happily. “How about I make dinner, and you can take him to the dog park? He’s probably been cooped up at your mom’s house.”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Mikayla.” Anxiety pooled in my gut at the idea of leaving my house. No one knew I was back yet, and I inhaled deeply as I rocked on my heels. “I should go to the police station, too, and let them know I’m not
missing.”
“You’re welcome.” This was such a hassle; I had to put on clothes and wipe my face, but worse than that, I had to pretend I wasn’t a mess. In front of people! Ugh! “Do you want me to run home and grab my car?”
“No. I want to walk.” Mikayla was such a good friend, and I nodded to myself again before shuffling out of the kitchen. Marshal clung close to my heels, and my toes dug into the carpet as I made my way to my bedroom. “You know what, Marshal, I’m gonna quit my job. I’m gonna get another dog, and I’m gonna break up with Seth.”
He gave a little woof as if he understood, and I smiled small as determination seared through my chest.
This was what Mateo wanted, me to get back to my life, and I had to do it. I had to go the direction I wanted, and screw everyone else! I was going to be as happy as I could be, and if I ever saw Mateo again . . .
I wasn’t going to let him drive me away.
I shoved my butt into a pair of comfortable jeans and pulled on a plain, bleach-stained tank top, silently repeating those three things I was going to do. Of course, I wouldn’t do it today. Today, I had to go food shopping, I was going to the dog park with Marshal, and I needed to go to the police station. That was three things that had to be done right now.
And tomorrow, I’d do three more things.
The next day, I’d do three more things.
And maybe I won’t feel so sad and alone.
11
Mateo
Nevada was disgustingly hot and arid, and I pulled up in front of a nondescript house among a bunch of other nondescript houses to park and turn off my rental car. Staring at the wheel dazedly, I flexed my palms against my thighs as anxiety threaded my veins, but I was here. I couldn’t just not go in. Oran had told this guy to hold the dogs an extra few days specifically for me.
Unbuckling myself, I got out of the dark blue hatchback before I could think on it too much more, and I inhaled a huge breath and held it. Walking up the driveway, my heart pounded harder and harder, and I knocked gently before exhaling slowly in an effort to calm myself. The furious barking of a dozen dogs blared through the barrier, and my chest tightened as I raked my hand through my hair.
The door swung open, and I tensed as the hair on my face and the back of my neck stood up.
“Uh, Carson, right? I’m—”
“I know who you are.” He’s worse than Theo. Jesus Christ. If these two had a scowling competition, Theo would fucking lose, and I entered the house with discomfort stiffening my knees. “You want two of them, right? They’re in the kitchen.”
“Yeah. This is your last litter, right?”
“The dogs are almost nine years old.” As if that was supposed to make sense, Carson glanced back at me through narrowed eyes. “You’re shorter than your brothers.”
“At least I’m not a psychopath.” Carson paused at the entrance to the kitchen where all the puppies were clawing at a tall gate, and I climbed over it while he just stared at me. They were all gray and black, but one had a sandy patch on top of his head right between his ears. I knelt down to get bombarded with claws and licks. “They’re big for only eight weeks.”
“Their parents are big.” These dogs weren’t monstrous, twice the size or something of what they should’ve been, but it was obvious they got the big-and-tall genes in spades. Picking one up, it had to be about fifteen pounds, and he wiggled and craned his massive head to try to lick my face.
And he wasn’t even the biggest one trying to climb up my legs.
There were two that didn’t try to climb up on me, a solid all-black puppy and a gray and black patched one, and they seemed content just to sniff and wiggle and investigate. I held out my hand to the black one, and he sniffed my fingers before nibbling them with a little growl. The gray one was almost a dappled color when he rolled onto his belly, and I couldn’t help but smile as he wiggled against my leg.
“Do they have names?”
“No.” So personable. “I’ll go get their papers.” The gray dog squirmed into my lap, and the others just sort of wandered off into the backyard when they realized I wouldn’t pet them. I was going to get these pits trained, of course, but according to my online searches, it wasn’t that difficult. Pit bulls were a very trainable breed, and I hoisted them both up, one in each arm.
“What should I call you, huh?” They were both boys, but the gray pit seemed cuddlier as he tried to claw over my shoulder. He didn’t try to gnaw my fingers away, at least, and I sighed when he licked my face. “How about Ketchup and Sriracha? Because I lack creativity and can’t think of anything else.”
A silly kind of humor infected my tone, and I nodded absently to myself before Carson ambled into my line of sight. He handed me two plain letter envelops, one marked ‘Dog 4’ and the other ‘Dog 6’, and I took them before he jerked his chin to the door.
“Thanks. I appreciate it.” I clamored over the gate again, but Carson ignored me to show me out. The door slammed shut behind me, leaving me in the sweltering heat with these two puppies in my arms, and I shook my head viciously. “Whatever.”
Were these dogs’ yard trained? What did they eat? I didn’t have a chance to ask the most basic questions, but I guess I’d figure it out on the way to wherever I was going. I wanted to leave Nevada behind and never go back, and I set both dogs in the back seat before climbing into the front.
So far, so good. At least, I didn’t feel like this was a horrible mistake.
It didn’t take long for Sriracha to climb into the front passenger seat, and I gazed at him as he propped his paws on the window to look out quizzically.
“Sriracha.” I didn’t expect a response, and I didn’t get one, and I scratched my scruff absently. “This is gonna be an adventure.”
Which was exactly what I wanted, because I was alone again. Oran went back to Seattle, and I was just here, by myself, being consumed by my thoughts. I was drowning, and there were no hands to help pull me to the surface. Bitterness stained my tongue, and I turned on the car to slowly pull off the curb.
“I don’t even know what to do now.” Mumbling to myself, a depreciating laugh bubbled up in my chest, and I clenched and released my jaw hard. No, this wasn’t a mistake, but I sure as shit didn’t know what the fuck to do now. I didn’t even have anywhere to take these dogs! “Shit.”
Following my GPS back the way I’d come, I tapped the steering wheel absently while I watched Sriracha out of the corner of my eye. Ketchup sprawled on the back seat, wiggling and worming and whining when I glanced in the rearview mirror. They were so different in color and personality— the only thing they shared seemed to be their hazel eyes. Sriracha’s were lighter, startling given his pitch-black coat, but Ketchup’s were pretty, almost.
If I just focused on them, this pain in my chest would go away eventually.
“Hey, have you two ever seen the woods? We’re gonna do that.” Sriracha ignored me, but Ketchup jumped off the seat to wiggle up under my feet and between my legs. Scooping him up to sit him in my lap, he wagged his tail stump as he gazed out over the wheel, and I nodded firmly. “Let’s do that.”
I arched my back, the light throbbing easing briefly, and I made my way to the nearest route that’d bring me to California. Maybe, Oran was right, and I should’ve got a bus and renovated it or whatever. Rental cars were expensive, and I scrunched up my face in distaste as I reached to unlock my phone.
“Hey, Google, take me to the closest car shop inside California.” My phone spewed back my demand, and I gnawed on my inner cheek thoughtfully. “This distraction thing is workin’ already.”
Lucy would forget about me, and I would try my damnedest to forget about her. If I was lucky, we’d never cross paths again, and I’d just wither away, tormented. She’d get married, be happy, and everything I did in that concrete room would’ve been worth it.
Tightening my grip on the wheel, I set my jaw under furrowed brows as my stomach churned dangerously. Ketchup settled in my lap, and I gulped down
the bile that rose in my throat at the thoughts that beat against my forehead.
12
Lucy
My phone rang insistently, and I pulled the device out of my back pocket only to scowl. My mom’s name flashed in bold, and Mikayla and I shared a sour look as I sat down on a bench and dropped my bags. Readying myself for a screaming match, I held my forehead in my palm and swiped the green button while my friend started rifling through my stuff.
“What is it, Mom?”
“What do you mean? Where are you? We brought you a cake and everyone’s here!” Hissing into the phone, my mom’s anger warmed my ear, but I was so beyond caring at this point. First, it was ‘we thought you could use some time’ which was just covering up the fact that no one wanted to leave the restaurant they were planning on eating at for me. Then, it was ‘we want to get everyone together, so it can’t be just any day’, and that was a week ago.
“Mom, we agreed that everyone was going to come over at eleven a.m. It’s almost five p.m. I’m not going to stop what I’m doing because you’re all late as hell.” My mom gasped, as if she had any right to be offended at her own tardiness, and I closed my eyes as frustration began to simmer in my veins. “We planned it for eleven a.m., and no one showed up, so I went on with my life. You obviously don’t care about making me waste six hours, though. What were you doing, huh? What was so important that you couldn’t come to see me at the time you wanted?”
“I beg your pardon! Lucillia! If you weren’t planning on being here and just inconveniencing everyone, what was the point of any of this?” My brows nearly flew off my face as a condescending laugh burst from my throat, and Mikayla glanced over at me warily.