An edited version for a toddler. Even looking at the brass instrument was a punch to the gut. Once, music offered me an escape.
Now, I was a daughter who wanted a mother.
Axel licked my leg. He felt terrible on my behalf.
“Thank you.”
The others weren’t concealing their eavesdropping one bit.
The pup nudged the instrument toward me.
A denial halted on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed it back. “That’s a very hard thing you’re asking me to do, Axel. Do you understand how scared I am?”
My heart squeezed as he took a moment before nodding again.
With trembling fingers, I freed the instrument. “Sometimes, we must do frightening things even when we don’t wish to. I’ll play for you because I want you to know that some hard things are worth doing.”
Grabbing a reed, I shoved it in my mouth, my every movement observed by the nervous pup.
Fixing the reed in place, I settled my fingers on the keys.
I’d avoided playing for so long.
I didn’t want to do this. But on this occasion, I had a reason to play.
Taking a breath, I drew in my mouth around the mouthpiece, and the first notes of “Gravity” by John Mayer soared from the bell.
Years of practice made me loosen my throat to create a richer sound. I moved into the piece like it was the first time I’d ever played.
In some ways, it was.
Instead of going to my forest, I focused on the pup before me.
I moved into the guitar solo, which transcribed so well to saxophone, and added some extra embellishments. Nothing too much. This song was beautiful in its simplicity.
Building in a slow crescendo so reminiscent of John Mayer’s soft rock blues. Softening for the final bars, I stuck to a simple harmony of the melody, repeating it until I drew the song to a close.
Lowering the saxophone, I smiled. “Thank you for helping me, Axel.”
He wasn’t as exuberant as I’d expected.
The pup whined and sank to the ground. My eyes widened at a loud crack.
I covered my mouth.
Pop.
He was shifting.
Murmurs broke out.
“Quiet,” I said sharply. “Let him concentrate.”
To my surprise, they obeyed.
Crack. Pop.
Heart in my mouth, I took in the naked, dark-haired boy sitting beside me.
He pointed at the instrument. “Me?”
My chest filled. “Of course, brave boy.”
I helped him grip the instrument. “Kara, please bring Jemma and Credence here without delay.” I moved Axel’s chubby fingers. “Try it like this.”
Glancing up on autopilot, I met Sascha’s honey eyes across the room. My lips lifted in an automatic smile.
Sascha’s face hardened, and he left the bungalow as suddenly as he’d arrived.
Our afternoon rushed back to me. Right. For a second there, I’d forgotten. But surely Axel’s shift made Sascha as ecstatic as everyone else.
Evelyn was watching me. “Is everything okay?”
I adjusted the saxophone in the boy’s eager hands. “I’m not sure why he left like that.”
She lowered her gaze to the happy and wriggling toddler on my lap. “I’d say it has rather a lot to do with the image you’re presenting, dear. Sometimes, when people are hurting, they decide to hurt themselves a little more.”
8
I guided Ella F into the parking spot outside Sascha’s bungalow.
Just after 6:00 a.m.
The pack either won or lost in Timber last night. If they’d won, four grids were in their possession and the tribe was on the cusp of exile. If they’d lost, Sascha knew I’d given information to Rhona.
Neither was a result I wanted to face.
Sascha was inside. I had to go inside, too, but after our last conversation, that didn’t seem simple.
The bungalow door swung open.
Sascha stood there, fully dressed.
I got out of the car. “I couldn’t stick around last night.”
“So I assumed.”
His calm tone didn’t mesh with his bitter scent. Did the pack lose? My hope surged even as my stomach twisted.
Sascha gestured inside, and I took the hint.
Sitting on the bed, I steeled myself. “What happened?”
He walked past to the wicker furniture. “We turned over another grid.”
The pack won Timber. Sickening fear coursed through me.
“No congratulations?”
I struggled to speak through my reaction. “Did you expect it?”
The tribe only had Iron left.
Dammit, Rhona. She’d ignored my advice again.
“No. But you can tell me how you figured out our strategy to pass on to the Ni Tiaki. We should have steamrolled them, but barely scraped the win.”
He knew.
My stomach dropped. “The information was freely offered to me by a pack member. You were well aware of what I’d do with anything that came my way.”
A growl entered his voice. “Who gave you the information?”
“A man who smells old and likes to fish.”
“No name?” he asked sarcastically.
“I imagine he kept it to himself on purpose.”
Sascha drew a hand over his face. “My mate betrayed my pack.”
“Why is this a surprise to you? I made it clear where my allegiance was. You said that you understood. I wasn’t about to cast the information aside when the wolf forced it down my throat.”
He shoved the wicker chair back, rounding on me. “That’s when I thought all you needed was time to become part of this pack!”
My breath came fast.
“That’s not the case, is it, Andie?” he asked softly. “Time isn’t changing a thing.”
“I hoped it would,” I answered when my tongue unlocked. “But—"
“What about the kissing meet? Did that mean anything to you?”
My chest rose. “You know that meant something.”
“Then why?” Emotion choked him “If this means something, tell me why it can’t continue.”
A lump cloyed my throat. I raised my hands. “You’re misunderstanding. Just because I’m loyal to the tribe, doesn’t mean my feelings for you are less or that they’ll diminish.”
He closed the gap to grip my upper arms.
I peered into his face and encountered stone-cold fury.
Sascha breathed. “I want to be patient and strong, but I need a sign. What do you feel for me, beautiful wolf? Because I love you.”
The words jammed in my throat.
“What do you feel?” he snarled.
I closed my eyes. “Please don’t ask me that.” Not yet.
They weren’t words to say when we both felt like this.
“Tell me.”
“Son.” Evelyn walked into the room.
Sascha didn’t break from his intense focus.
She walked farther into the room. “As second-ranking female in this pack, I’m stepping in. Each of you will judge the other’s worth after the seventh meet. Not before. If you’ve already divulged your feelings, Sascha, then that was your choice. She doesn’t need to reciprocate, and you have no right to demand answers of her.”
The tension drained from my body in tandem with the tumultuous edge to his fierce eyes.
His hands fell away as I stepped back.
Evelyn beckoned to me. “Come away now, dear.”
I took her offered hand, glancing back at his silent form. “I’m sorry, Sascha.”
Evelyn guided me from the bungalow, saying nothing as I wiped my eyes.
What should I say to her? Thank you seemed tactless. Sascha was her son. She’d only intervened as the second-ranking female.
“Why did you do that?” I croaked.
“It’s our way. Females stick together. Males stick together. The two halves balance each other.”
Her son’s immortality was in my hands.
I lowered my voice. “Don’t worry, Evelyn. Sascha is afraid. I know that.”
He believed he was losing me, but nothing could be further from the truth. All of my problems were because my feelings for him were undeniable.
We approached another bungalow, and Evelyn opened the door. “You can stay here for now.”
At Sascha’s parents’ house?
“Would you prefer to sleep in your car again?” she asked after inhaling. “You’re still forbidden from tribal lands.”
I hadn’t slept overnight, but I wasn’t eager for a repeat. “Thanks.”
“What’s she doing here?” a familiar voice asked.
Fisherwolf sat in an armchair in the sitting room.
Mothershitter. Sascha’s dad—should’ve seen that coming from a mile away.
“She was invited to stay here,” I replied. “But she’s leaving.”
“I didn’t force you to give pack information to the Ni Tiaki.” The fisherwolf said the tribe’s name like a curse word.
“No. You did give me information behind your son’s back.”
“He couldn’t test you himself.”
“Because he’d already acknowledged I’d fail it. You could have lost the game for the pack tonight. I hope conducting your little test helps you sleep at night.”
The old wolf spat, “Once a Ni Tiaki, always a Ni Tiaki. Your kind are poison and a plague.”
His scent burst out. I breathed in the river water smell that Sascha also possessed. No wonder fisherwolf tucked it away. I would have connected the dots immediately.
My lips curved. “So you’re just another interfering pack member. Not a delta, are you?”
“I’m an alpha who led this pack for two and a half centuries.”
“Really well from what I heard.”
His brown eyes glittered.
I rubbed my forehead and looked at Evelyn. “I’m going to head out and—”
“You’ll do exactly what I tell you,” she replied.
Amusement curled in the air.
The female Luther rounded on her mate, snapping, “So will you, Alexei. Do not push me on this.”
That wiped his smile away. I didn’t dare smirk in triumph.
She patted my arm. “Come with me, dear. There’s a spare bedroom that you are absolutely welcome to.”
What would I do there? Sit and stare at the wall? “I’ll take you up on the offer, but I’m heading out for a run first.”
I couldn’t be within four walls.
Her expression softened. “You know where we are.”
Alexei scowled as I left the bungalow.
Most Luthers were already awake and gathering at the pack house. Ugh, there was no way they missed the shouting match earlier. Sascha was in there simmering in fury.
I inhaled the pack’s upset and anxiety.
Their discomfort didn’t sit right with me. I wanted them to be happy. And that wasn’t just to do with my bond with Sascha anymore.
I didn’t want another showdown with Sascha. We both needed to cool off before sitting down to properly talk.
“Psst.”
It was the teen girl I gave stealing advice to.
She ran from the cover of the pack house and held out a bacon sandwich. “Here.”
Uhm. That hit me directly in the feels. “Thank you…?”
“Essie.” She cast a furtive look at the building and winked, running off.
I bit into the sandwich and continued walking. A soft shout stopped me. Jemma hurried down the bungalow steps, doing her best not to slosh the contents of a mug.
“Andie. Kara said you like Earl Grey in the morning?”
She passed over the steaming mug, and I stared at the tea. “Thanks.”
Axel’s mother patted my shoulder and returned to the pack house.
What was happening?
Sitting under a tree, I polished off the bacon sandwich and sipped at the Earl Grey tea.
Booker, I have no idea what to do. I blew out a breath.
In the conversation with Sascha, I’d broached my single idea. That attempt resulted in this gigantic mess. I was afraid to push the concept of a compromise with the tribe in case things deteriorated further between us.
You could approach the tribe, she said.
Rhona declared me dead.
She’s just one person.
The leader.
One who has lost twice. The tribe hang on by one grid.
True. If there was ever a time to negotiate an end to my exile, it was now. I’d tossed the idea around when I first realised the outcome of Grids had to change, but… I can’t do that to Rhona.
She did it to you.
And I didn’t believe in throwing a punch just because someone punched me.
Bailey and Lisa approached with Rosalie—the woman who’d protested about my lack of pack contribution.
“Some of us are heading out for a swim before our Dens shift. Want to join?”
Something was afoot. “Okay, why is everyone being so nice today?”
Bailey smirked. “You want us to be mean?”
Well. No. “It doesn’t make sense.”
No one on pack lands missed the throwdown between Sascha and me or between me and Alexei. Which meant they knew I’d blurted pack strategy to the tribe and that I’d failed to reassure Sascha.
Rosalie shrugged a shoulder. “You’ve proven yourself.”
When?
“Axel,” Lisa whispered. “Amongst other things.”
Oh… Were all female Luthers on the same page? I wouldn’t hold my breath about Mandy, but everyone else?
A ferocious protectiveness surged in me unlike anything I’d experienced. The force was so strong it robbed me of speech.
Lisa inhaled. “Humans. A van of them.”
“What?” I stood, dusting my jeans off.
Bailey shot me a look. “You know these guys?”
I focused on the approaching vehicle. “It’s a tribe vehicle.”
Stanley was driving.
“What’s the head team doing here?” Lisa edged closer to me.
I rested a hand on her shoulder. “I have no idea, but they’re not here to hurt anyone.” They smelled nervous, if anything. “I assume they’re here to speak with me, so I’ll skip the swim today—but thanks for the invite. I appreciate it.”
The pack females had made me feel so much better with their small acts of kindness. They’d decided to treat me as one of their own. That blew my mind.
Bailey’s shoulders tensed. “You’re sure you don’t need us here?”
“I’m sure.”
I strode into the middle of the road and the van rolled to a stop. The head team looked at me.
Pascal opened the passenger door, rousing the others to do the same.
I scanned the occupants for Rhona. She was absent.
The others lined up before me.
“To what do I owe the honour?” I asked.
Pascal broke their terse silence. “Andie. We’ve tried to call you. Wade too.”
“My phone has been off since last night. Has something happened to Rhona? Is she alright?”
Roderick hesitated. “We believe so.’
“What do you mean?”
Stanley’s jaw clenched tight. “She and Foley disappeared after Victratum last night. Foley called Billy. They’re in Bluff City.”
She did what?
“What happened?” I pressed.
Rhona wouldn’t leave the tribe like that.
“She disappeared after the grid. Foley said she isn’t coming back,” Trixie said heavily.
“That’s impossible.” I shook my head. “She wouldn’t do that.”
Pascal stepped closer. “The Ni Tiaki can’t wait for her to come back. She could be gone days, weeks, or years. We came
today to ask that you return to the tribe and lead us once more.”
Holy shit, Booker muttered.
This was the second impossible thing to happen today.
This was more impossible than the pack females accepting me.
“You’re kidding me.” I met the gaze of each in turn. “You’ve lost your damn minds.”
At the back, Nathan silently agreed with me.
I recovered some brainpower. “The tribe will never accept me back.”
“The head team called a tribe vote this morning.” Pascal raised her ever-present tablet. “Before the vote, your recent actions were brought to everyone’s attention.”
I waved a hand. “You can speak openly. The pack is aware of what I’ve told you.”
Her eyes widened, but she passed over the tablet. “Here are the results of that vote.”
A huge 79 percent were in favour of my return.
No fucking way.
This can’t be true, I said to Booker.
The sister’s supporters weren’t numerous, she answered.
But… “They know what I am now and what happened with Herc. They know what’s happening with Sascha too.” I didn’t believe these results whatsoever.
“You should know,” Pascal grimaced, “that in order to elect a leader outside of the Thana family, we would need to renegotiate the contractual terms of Victratum with the pack.”
Ah. That made far more sense. “Is the pack obliged to renegotiate terms?”
“No.”
The results of the vote reflected the tribe’s desire to win. That was stronger than their hate for me apparently.
If Sascha refused to renegotiate the game contract, and I refused the mantle of head stewardship, the pack could win.
Grids could end in days.
I had to speak with Sascha. We had to figure this out.
Until then, I’d keep our options open. “The stewards won’t benefit from a leader they neither trust nor like.”
Stanley cut me off. “Your track record speaks for itself.”
“You’d like me to resume head stewardship like nothing happened?”
Roderick answered, “What we heard that day was a shock. To top off the mating call and the details of Herc’s death, you transformed into a wolf. Even those of us who’d spent ample time in your company were speechless for days. Don’t assume that stewards hate you for what happened or what you are. Personally, I feel like I let you down.”
Wolf Roulette: Supernatural Battle Page 8