“I’m so happy for you,” I said drily.
“You deserve him.”
“And you’re missing the point. It was never your job to decide whether we deserved or loved each other. By involving yourself, you disrespected the person you profess to care about. You disrespected me too.”
“I know. That’s why I figured I’d interfere one last time—since I’d already made a mess of things.” Mandy jerked a thumb at the boxes. “There are twenty-seven other boxes like it in my trailer.”
I glanced at them. “And they are?”
“All the research ever done on you. Every fear, wish, and hope.”
“The boxes from his wardrobe? I thought that was just capture-meet stuff.”
“Male Luthers keep records from the moment they meet their mate until the end of the call.”
I frowned. “You just took them without his permission?”
“They belong to you.” She shrugged a shoulder. “Last night, Sascha told the pack that he severed communication with you after hearing you’d divulged pack secrets. I can guess how that may be affecting you.”
Ouch. He did?
I got that breaking my promise reflected poorly on him as leader. He was the one to tell me after all. Trust with the pack was everything.
But ouch.
“Read the contents of the boxes,” Mandy said. “They’re the male Luther version of a love letter, and it’s common practice for pack females to keep the capture meet notes always. Bringing it here is my way of saying sorry.”
“For hitting me or blocking my number on Sascha’s phone?”
The delta winked. “Both. I’d hate for him to fuck things up after all this time by being a damn moron. When did ignoring a woman ever work out for a man? Seriously.”
I’d say never. “He has a right to be angry. But I didn’t tell the tribe to hurt the pack.”
She waved a hand. “Most of the pack see what you’re trying to do, and most of us are old enough to understand simple rules can’t exist in a complicated game.”
I’d never thought of it that way. “You still shouldn’t have brought the boxes here.”
The delta smirked. “But you’re glad I did. How soon after I leave will you start reading?”
The stewards and Vissimo were currently practicing. I’d watched on for the first hour to see how the tribe reacted now they were aware of our guests’ supernatural natures.
I’d join them in three hours to go over my part.
Until then, I’d planned to agonise over the game tonight.
I cocked a brow. “Fair point.”
“Am I forgiven?”
“As long as you leave. I’ve got some reading to do.”
After helping her with the remaining boxes, I listened for the sounds of her leaving before removing the lid of the box labelled One.
Inside were stacks of thick folders. I extracted the top folder and retreated to the only free sofa chair.
The first page was dated less than two weeks after Ragna’s death.
I met her tonight.
My mate. At last.
She’s human.
I pushed her in a hole before I realised what was happening. Her anger stole my breath.
Stewards came upon us, so I trapped her in the hole, hoping to return after the game, but the tribe found her.
She was really scared.
… I might have fucked that up.
My dreams are filled with the smell of vanilla, oranges, liquorice, and pumpkin spice. The woman in them still doesn’t have a face or a name.
I can’t rest until I know who she is.
The scribbled note was followed by pictures of me leaving the manor and entering the riverside apartment.
My jaw dropped.
He followed me after that night, I said to Booker.
Stop being surprised by obvious things.
Remind me to stop waking my wolf from naps. She didn’t cope well.
I worked through the next documents.
One was the car registration for Ella F—he’d known my origin was Queens Way before we’d met the second time.
While he didn’t break into my car until the second day—I’d slept in it the first night—he did watch me bathe in the river.
I can’t wait to feel her skin against mine.
I shook my head. “You fucking creep.”
But now, it wasn’t creepy at all. Mandy was right. These notes were akin to a love letter.
These boxes were a collection of all Sascha’s thoughts about me.
My heart squeezed to painful levels.
She’s the niece of Hercules Thana and has no idea about supernaturals.
What am I going to do?
He’ll turn her against me. He’s already closing in.
I don’t want this life for her, but I can’t find it in myself to make her leave.
Fly away from this while you can, little bird.
I still remembered how strange his behaviour was back then. Whenever I’d mentioned leaving, he’d interrogate me, then let me go. He’d always seemed to barely hold himself back.
But Sascha had always given me a choice.
The first archive box contained everything up until I’d first realised Sascha wasn’t entirely human. I read a page ripped from a business diary next.
Andie made me come in my pants like a teen.
Afterward, she looked horrified. She lied about being with her ex-boyfriend to escape my company.
I didn’t mean for things to move so fast.
For some reason, she’s scared of what she feels around me.
Soon, I’ll need to explain what’s going on. It’s not fair to keep up this charade. But what if the truth is too much?
Every day I wake up expecting her to be gone.
There was a smaller note from a memo pad right at the bottom of the box.
If there’s one thing I’ll always be grateful to Hercules Thana for, it’s convincing Andie to remain in the valley.
My mate isn’t on my side. She’s afraid of what I am.
But she’s here.
I can still look at her.
Smell her.
Hear her heart.
She’s here.
I dashed away tears and picked up a voice recorder wedged down the side. There were several small tapes scattered in the box too. Grabbing one, I inserted it and pushed Play. My saxophone rendition of “Feeling Good” by Nina Simone rang out.
I set the recording on the coffee table to play.
The second box showed the start of Sascha and Greyson’s detailed capture meet research.
Everything. Photos. Food wrappers. Clothing and trinkets.
And one repeated question.
Why does my mate hate casinos?
Logan inadvertently answered that question when he visited from Queen’s Way and spilled the beans about Ragna’s gambling past and the debt I’d inherited.
I checked my watch.
Ugh. In three hours, I only worked through three of the thirty plus boxes. I just wanted to sit here and read through the rest.
Right now, I didn’t have that kind of time.
But Mandy had fulfilled her purpose in dropping the boxes off.
The strength and depth of Sascha’s love for me was unshakeable. Undying.
After reading through some of the boxes, surety of our bond filled me once again.
He was being torn between the pack and me right now, just as I’d been torn between the tribe and him. He couldn’t break trust with his people.
Unlike my stewards, the pack could smell a lie.
So I wouldn’t keep tugging on one of his arms—we’d made that mistake before. When the war was over, he’d come for me.
Because Sascha Greyson was mine.
The world couldn’t keep us apart.
It just wasn’t powerful enough.
33
“Pull over. I’m going to vomit,” I forced out between clamped lips.
Wade shot me
a glance from the driver’s seat. “You’ve said that four times already. You can’t vomit today. It’s bad luck.”
Oh… then I just wouldn’t?
Cam sighed from the back. “Can you guys believe this may be the last time we drive to a grid?”
The thought distracted me from the bile threatening to surface. The concept was strange, and I’d only experienced a matter of months of Grids. These guys had to feel all kinds of unsettled.
I mean, yes, a weekly battle against werewolves would end.
But also the cornerstone of steward routine.
“What will you guys do if we win?” I asked.
Wade lifted a shoulder. “See what happens. Always thought I’d leave, but with the demons and witches, I don’t know if that will sit right.”
Losing Wade on a daily basis would be horrible, but the world didn’t revolve around me. “If you want to leave for a while, there are stewards to fill in. Come back when you can. Not too long though or I’ll hunt you down.”
He smiled my way. “Thanks, baby girl.”
Cam said, “This thing with Emily is serious. I want to see where it leads. What about you, Andie?”
“Bulk sex with Sascha Greyson,” Wade sang.
I mean, ideally. “My future really depends on what the stewards and pack decide. If the stewards and pack come to a truce, Sascha and I will be together.”
Wade frowned. “What if the pack leaves?”
Yeah, I still had no idea. That’s why I felt so damn nauseous about the possibility of the game ending tonight. “There are demons and witches to consider. I’m meant to abandon the stewards to that?”
“You can’t be happy without Sascha though,” he pressed.
That was a certainty. But regrets were a real thing, and they liked to follow me through life. I had to make the choices I could live with to reach the man I wanted. And it was the same for him.
Too damn loyal for our own good.
I blew out a breath. “It’s not an issue unless we win.”
Oh my god.
We were fighting for the fifth and final grid.
“Pull over. I’m going to vomit,” I groaned.
“No can do, baby girl. Suck it up.”
I glared at him. “If we win and you stay, I’m not letting you organise next year’s ball.”
Wade jerked the car wheel left and right. Ignoring my shouts, he parked in my head steward spot. Pretty sure that was the only reason he always offered to drive.
Stewards milled around, some already in their thin wetsuits.
I squared my shoulders, then unclipped my belt.
Wade nudged me, winking. “There’s our head steward. Go get ’em.”
Yeah, at this point, I wanted the game to end as much as I didn’t. “Thanks.”
They left to change, and I grabbed my saxophone case and backpack from the boot before finding a spot inside the tree line that left me visible to stewards but invisible to peeping pack members on the opposite shore.
Pascal joined me. “How do you feel?”
I pulled a face at her. “Confident and ready to go.”
She laughed quietly. “As long as the tribe believes it, then feel however you want.”
Truth. “I was speaking with Wade and Cam about what they’d do if Grids ends. What will you do?”
She looked up from her tablet. “If I were younger, maybe the idea of the game ending would excite me. As it is, I fear losing something that has always pulled me through hard times. I’m unsure.”
Pascal didn’t mate Daniil, but they’d seen each other at least once a week to carry out marshal duties. Even apart, they’d shared companionship.
“Do you see yourself anywhere else?” I inhaled her immediate denial.
“I see myself throwing everything into protecting the tribe against demons and witches. For those of us who dread the game ending, the new focus will bring comfort.”
Fighting demons and witches brought her comfort. I wasn’t sure the tribe realised how resilient they were sometimes.
“Head Steward?”
I turned to Heather. “Hey.”
“How does this go on the oxygen display again? Ha!”
Pascal nearly dropped her tablet at the woman’s nervous, barking laugh.
I crouched by the steward’s oxygen tank and studied the full reading. “Got the sticker? It goes directly over top.”
Heather peeled off the back, and I held the tank as she placed the sticker. Now, it appeared as though her tank was nearly out of oxygen.
Sascha was the master at using such tactics against us. He put his wolves in the trees so we couldn’t shoot them without risking points. He sent them into water without tanks, so we had to divert huge numbers to ensure pack members didn’t drown.
It was beyond time we used a similar strategy against him.
Without killing my stewards.
Everyone would go in with a fake tank. They were under instructions to show any attacking Luthers the dial.
It wouldn’t stop the pack shooting us, but the trick would put them at the same disadvantage. Until they figured it out. Hopefully the guise would hold for half the game.
Heather lugged her tank away.
I opened my saxophone case.
“That was an ingenious addition to our strategy,” Pascal murmured.
How did she look at me and the tablet? That’s what I wanted to know.
“The saxophone? Thanks, but Rhona gave me the idea.”
I assembled the instrument and held it by the bell.
Ready to play? Booker said.
Guess so. Are you ready to do your part? We’d both be forced out of our comfort zones in the next two hours.
I’d play the saxophone to deliver orders to the swimming Ni Tiaki tonight—something that would solve our massive communication problems in this grid.
After the talk with Rhona, picking up my sax felt easier. Because she was right.
I was only so angry at Ragna because I’d loved her so much.
Yes, an explanation would have helped me understand the gambling and low moods and her inability to care for me. Yet by keeping secrets, she’d attempted to protect me from a brother she strongly suspected of killing the love of her life.
Could I be sure that my actions would be any different in that situation?
She’d done her best while carrying the horrible burden after Murphy’s death. And when cancer appeared to take her away, she’d fought it. For me.
I’d been the second love of her life.
Playing to potentially end the game that drove Ragna and Murphy from their home felt… right.
In another world, she’d be beside me now, clad in a wetsuit and placing a fake sticker on her tank. She would have supported me through everything in the last few months. Grey-streaked auburn hair flowing free. Emerald eyes filled with mischief and dreams.
I could respect what she’d gone through to live for me.
I could grieve what she’d lost that made our lives so hard sometimes.
… I could still call Ragna my mother.
Tonight, I’d play my saxophone for her, as I’d always done. My mother would be with her tribe again.
I closed the case and placed the instrument in a black cloth bag that would keep Sascha in the dark until my part was revealed.
“Andie?” Roderick called to me. “It’s time for a few words.”
Didn’t people say that at funerals?
The stewards had gathered between the two columns of parked cars. I couldn’t locate a rock, so I jumped to grab a low-hanging branch and swung myself up Luther-style.
Maybe I shouldn’t have chosen this spot. Were the leaves shaking as hard as my insides?
“Stewards,” I pitched my voice higher, “we stand on Lake Thana about to claim our fifth and final grid.” I surveyed their silent mass. “Please link hands and close your eyes.”
Immediately, some of their nervousness ebbed.
“The stewards around yo
u are your heartbeat. Listen to their breath. Feel their warmth and the soft wind on your face. Know that our ancestors surround us, cheering us on and willing this game to be over. Don’t think about tomorrow. Don’t think about yesterday. Take this moment to think about what you need to do the moment you step into the grid.”
I took the chance to do the same and felt Booker preparing herself too.
“Open your eyes,” I called. “Stay linked.”
They did so, and their new calm echoed mine.
“Not long ago, we were four grids down. I asked you to remember that sickening, fearful feeling that your life would be uprooted. That you’d soon leave everything you knew behind to face uncertainty. The pack feels that way tonight with the added knowledge that an attempt to leave this valley will probably kill them all. Coming here will feel like walking to their death. So when this game ends, I want you to put yourself in their shoes. I ask that you be respectful of their position.”
I let that sink in.
I raised my fist. “Stewards, Victratum ends tonight.”
“Victratum ends tonight.”
“Victratum ends tonight,” I shouted from my tree branch.
They roared their response. “Victratum ends tonight!”
Boom.
Ever a well-oiled team, the stewards surged forward, streaming under my tree perch towards the lake.
At the back of the group, Rhona paused beneath my spot. She’d enter the grid as part of Reindeer’s unit tonight.
I nodded at her. Rhona nodded back and ran after the north team.
“Ready?” Pascal asked from below. She held up my saxophone and backpack.
No. “A girl guide is always prepared.”
I jumped down and took the instrument from her before walking with her to our boat.
Pascal directed us around to the concealed end of the lake that was off limits to the public. Not far from here, the pack managed a hydro power plant that supplied energy to the town. I’d never actually seen it.
Kind of ironic that wolves controlled the Water grid when they hated getting wet.
When Pascal killed the engine, I secured our boat to the ladder, then climbed to the top of the observation tower, taking care not to bang my saxophone.
Wolf Roulette: Supernatural Battle Page 30