by Lynsey James
I shake my head at the taxi driver, give him Zara’s address and shut the door. As it drives off, I can almost swear I hear her calling the taxi driver Dick Turpin.
‘Well, that was… eventful!’ I allow myself a giggle and to believe the tension between Scott and I has finally been defused.
‘And they say nothing ever happens in the country! Come on, I’ll walk you home,’ he replies.
And so we do, just the two of us.
Chapter Twenty-Two
We get to my cottage and stand outside for a moment. I can tell he’s not sure about whether to kiss me or not, given tonight’s shenanigans. It’s quite funny to watch him stand with his hands dug deep into his pockets, shifting from foot to foot as he works out what to do next.
‘You can come in if you like?’ I offer, gesturing to my front door. ‘Unless you’d rather stand out here? I do a really nice cup of coffee.’
‘That’s twisted my arm. Can’t beat a good cup of coffee.’
Once I’ve fished my keys out of my bag and unlocked the door, we head inside. The rush of warmth envelops me with open arms, helping me shrug off the chill from outside.
‘How do you take yours?’ I ask as I make my way through to the kitchen.
‘Milk and two sugars, please,’ Scott replies. He follows me and leans against the counter as I busy myself getting the cups ready. ‘This is a beautiful place you’ve got here.’
‘Thanks, I’ve lived here for a couple of years now. Took me a while to save up the money for a deposit, but it was worth it in the end. I call it my little slice of heaven.’
Once the cups are sorted and the kettle’s bubbling away, there’s nothing else for me to do. I have to look at Scott. He looks utterly beautiful; for the first time, I notice his impossibly long eyelashes and the contours of his face.
‘Come here,’ he says, opening his arms wide.
I go over to him and let him wrap me in his strong arms. He holds me tight and kisses the top of my head.
‘I’m so sorry about tonight,’ he whispers into my hair. ‘When I saw you standing there looking devastated, I… I felt absolutely awful. All I wanted to do was run over to you and make everything OK.’
‘You don’t have to apologise any more. You were just trying to help a friend who was going through a hard time; I was the one who overreacted without giving you a chance to explain. When I heard you talking to her and arranging to see her, I just thought “Has he had enough of me already? We’ve been out for lunch and kissed once. Surely I’m not that bad!”.’
Voicing my fears out loud feels strangely good. I hadn’t planned on doing it, but I feel better now I have. Maybe he won’t think I sound like an absolute doughball.
Scott shakes his head and presses his lips to my forehead. ‘Of course you’re not. How could you ever think you were? I’ve been trying to tell you I like you for weeks now; I’m not going to muck it up after I finally do it, am I?’
I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something flattering about having someone like me for ages without my realising. It makes me feel giddy with excitement. When the kettle boils, I break away from him and fill our coffee mugs.
‘Can I ask you something?’ I say when we’re on the sofa holding steaming hot mugs. ‘I was talking to your friend Gary in the pub and he said a couple of things about you.’
Scott puts his coffee down and covers his face with his hands. ‘Oh no, what’s he been saying now? I could’ve killed him when he let slip I’d been talking about you a lot!’
‘He, um, he told me a little bit about Natalie actually.’ I notice Scott’s face fall when I mention her name. ‘But I was hoping you could tell me a little bit more. Gary said it wasn’t his place to tell me the full story.’
Scott sighs and lets his head sink back against the couch. ‘Well, he’s right; what happened with Natalie is really personal to me, and I don’t really like to talk about it. Gary’s never known when to keep his nose out of things. Anyway, here’s the full story…’
He pauses and shifts round in his seat so he’s facing me. I can tell by looking at him that this isn’t going to be a good story.
‘Natalie and I were together for about a year and a half, and I thought everything was going well. We even talked about her moving up here from London. Then… things started to go wrong. She started acting moody and withdrawn, which wasn’t like her, and she kept cancelling our time together too. I got it into my head that she was cheating on me and decided to confront her about it the next time we saw each other. I planned what I was going to say and even booked a train back to Manchester for that night because I was convinced I’d need it. Anyway, when I got to Natalie’s place, I knew something wasn’t right. She wasn’t in the living room like she usually was and wouldn’t answer when I called her name. Anyway, I saw the bathroom door was locked and…’
He stops to gather himself, covering his face for a second before taking a deep breath and looking at me.
‘Sorry. As you can probably tell, this really isn’t my favourite story in the world. OK, I’m good… I-I could hear Natalie being sick. I banged on the door and begged her to let me know if she was all right, but she just told me to go away. After a long time trying to persuade her, she finally opened the door. Cleo, I’m not kidding, she looked terrible. She was so gaunt you could see the hollows of her cheeks and she’d been crying. I asked her what was wrong, if she was ill and… She said she’d been making herself sick for a while. Said her agent had told her she had to lose a stone if she wanted to make it onto the catwalks!’
He spits the word “agent” out and balls his hands into fists. I put a hand on his shoulder; I hate seeing him hurt so much.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I say, ‘it must’ve been horrible to see her go through that. I know what it’s like to feel pressure to lose weight, but not on that scale. What happened to her?’
He nods and blows air out through his cheeks before continuing. ‘Well, she admitted she was ill and didn’t know how to get better. She told me I was the first person she’d told about it who didn’t encourage her to keep doing it. Everyone else around her told her how great she looked, even when she was down to six bloody stone! Anyway, she told her parents and we arranged for her to get treatment. It seemed to work for a while and she seemed to be getting better. Started talking about the future again, like she used to; she wanted us to go travelling together, settle down and start a family. Then… then she relapsed.’
My shoulders sag and I put my arm round Scott. ‘Did… did she get better again?’
‘Eventually she did,’ he replies, his voice thick with tears, ‘but we split up shortly after she relapsed. I didn’t want to leave her, but I knew it was for the best and so did Natalie. She was the one who suggested it actually; it completely broke my heart. She needed to get better for herself, not for other people, and it was so hard watching her destroy herself all over again. We’re good friends now, and we still keep in contact from time to time.’
Questions immediately begin to dart around my mind, each demanding my attention with the ferocity of a hungry Rottweiler.
‘Do you still love her?’ The words bounce out of my mouth before I have a chance to think about them. Although he’s already told me there’s been nothing between them for years, I can’t help asking again.
Scott frowns. ‘For a long time, I did. I wished I’d stuck around to help her, even though she told me to go. I felt like I’d failed her because I’d left her while she was going through hell. Ultimately, though, I think it was the right decision. There was no way for our relationship to survive while she was going through that; she needed to get better for herself, and I was still there for her even though we weren’t together. I don’t love her in that way any more, though. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always care about her, but I’m not hung up on her now. I’ve told her a bit about you actually; she says you sound awesome.’
I smile, but can’t help thinking about my own issues with food over the years. In par
ticular, the urges to binge that can be so hard to control.
‘She sounds awesome herself,’ I reply. ‘Listen, Scott… you know I’ve had problems with dieting and food in the past, don’t you?’
He looks at me and nods, taking my hand in his. ‘Yeah, I know. Look, I’m not looking for you to be a replacement for Natalie, if that’s what you’re thinking. I might wish I’d done things differently, but that’s behind me now, Cleo. I’m not trying to get right with you what I got wrong with her.’
‘That’s great to know, but…’ The words dry up in my mouth just before I’m about to say them. I can’t believe I’m about to talk about my bingeing urges with someone who isn’t my mum or Emma. ‘Scott, I can’t promise I’ll never go back to my old habits ever again. When things get tough or I feel like I’m spinning out of control, all I want to do is binge and purge. I haven’t for ages, but I’ve wanted to. It takes everything I’ve got not to open my treat cupboard and just eat until I can’t any more. I don’t want to put you through that after everything you’ve been through with Natalie.’
Scott shuffles along the sofa and puts his arm round me, pulling me close to him. ‘What happened with Natalie… it changed me. I saw someone I loved struggle with a horrific illness and there was nothing I could do to help. If it’s taught me anything, it’s that when you find the right person you have to do everything you can to stay with them, through the good and bad times. You can never give up on them, even if they’re giving up on themselves. I don’t know what the future’s got in store for us, Cleo, but I do know I really, really like you. It can’t have been easy going through what you’ve been through, but if it happens again and you need me, I’ll be right here.’
I badly want to believe him, but my desire not to hurt him gnaws away at me insistently.
‘What if I relapse like Natalie did, and push you away? I don’t want to do that to you, but I can’t pretend it’s not a possibility. The urges I get are so strong sometimes that I don’t know how I stop myself. What if I’m not strong enough one time, and I end up going back to how I was? Maybe it’s better we just put a stop to this now, before it gets serious. You need someone who…’
Scott grabs my hands and looks deep into my eyes.
‘Cleo, I need you. It’s as simple as that. When I first met you, I knew there was something special about you. Must’ve been the way you got trapped in that rowing machine! I know you’ve got issues you’re dealing with and you don’t want to hurt me, but that’s my lookout. I don’t think bingeing is a sign of weakness; it’s a sign you’ve tried to be strong too long. If and when it happens again, I’ll be there. No questions asked.’
He leans over and kisses me. I let myself sink into him, breathing in that gorgeous scent of his.
‘You know,’ I say, snuggling as close to him as I can get, ‘there’s something quite comforting about someone saying they’ll be there for you. Kind of like the Friends theme tune in action.’
Scott chuckles and ruffles my hair. ‘I’ve never thought of it like that before! You’ve got a really funny way of looking at the world, I’ll give you that.’
I sit up and straighten myself as I remember something else from my conversation with Gary.
‘Gary said something else as well. He said I’m not the type you usually go for because I’m, and I quote, curvier than the girls you usually go out with!’ I smile to let him know I’m not having a go. Any doubts I had about not really being Scott’s type have evaporated, thanks to his actions tonight.
He shakes his head. ‘I’ll bloody kill him next time I see him! He’s caused so much trouble tonight!’
I loop my arm through his and put my head against his shoulder. ‘Don’t worry about it; it’s all sorted now, isn’t it? Anyway, it’s a bit late for you to get a bus back to Manchester now. Think the last one went about half an hour ago! You can stay here tonight if you want? There’s plenty of room.’
‘One condition: we get to have an awesome pillow fight,’ he says with a cheeky grin.
*
In the end, we decide to skip the pillow fight and head straight to bed. Long after Scott’s gone to sleep, I lie awake and watch him. To tell the truth, I can’t quite believe he’s here. It’s the first time I’ve had a man stay over for a while, but I’m not feeling self-conscious or awkward. When I wanted to get changed in the bathroom instead of in front of him, he didn’t judge or ask questions. Instead, he just pulled me into his arms for a cuddle when I climbed into bed beside him. I felt like the luckiest woman in the world.
As I watch his chest move up and down and listen to the little snores he does every so often, I have to resist the urge to poke him to see if he’s real. There’s a really magical quality to being the only one of us awake; I get to see him in a totally different light and watch him as he dreams.
He stirs a little before settling back down again. God, he looks peaceful.
‘Cleo, are you watching me sleep?’ he murmurs.
‘Maybe,’ I admit. ‘Sorry, I’ll stop now.’
He reaches out and strokes my face. I can’t remember a time when I’ve ever felt so content. The doubts and insecurities I’ve had in the past seem a million miles away. For now, at least, there’s just me and the gorgeous man snoring beside me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Waking up to find Scott in bed beside me is very pleasant indeed. Especially when he wakes me up with a kiss.
‘Morning, you.’ His sleepy voice is uncommonly sexy, as is the dishevelled look he’s currently rocking. ‘Thanks for letting me stay last night.’
‘I couldn’t exactly turf you out into the cold, could I?’ I grin. ‘Besides, it was quite nice having some company.’
Scott draws me into him and kisses me again. The heat from his body burns through the vest I’m wearing and I pull him as close to me as possible. He gently manoeuvres me onto my back and climbs on top of me.
‘You’re fucking beautiful, you know that?’ he whispers, running his fingers through my hair.
The word “beautiful” sends shivers up my spine and makes me smile. It feels so right having him here with me. I’m not nervous at all, or worried about what will happen. Right now, I’m ready to be swept away with the moment and go wherever it might take me.
‘Always thought that word was just for other people,’ I say with a chuckle.
He shakes his head and leans down towards me. ‘Definitely not.’
We kiss again and I feel his hand slide up my pyjama vest. My skin tingles at his touch and I giggle as I feel his hand slide up further, taking my vest with it. His kisses move down to my chest, then my stomach and…
My phone rings.
I let out a groan as I untangle myself from Scott and swing my legs over the edge of the bed. He puts his arms round my waist and kisses my neck.
‘Just ignore it, they’ll call back if it’s important,’ he purrs in my ear.
‘Control yourself, will you? I don’t even know who it is yet!’ I laugh and turn round so he can kiss me again.
‘Whoever it is, they can wait,’ Scott replies with a grin. ‘This can’t.’
I put my hands on his chest and gently push him back. ‘I’ll be five minutes.’
‘Make it four.’
I narrow my eyes at him and grin as I leave the room. As I pad across the living room to get my phone, I curse whoever’s on the other end for phoning at such a bad time.
It’s Zara.
‘Oh, thank God!’ she says when I pick up. ‘Cleo, I’m so sorry for the state I was in last night. I had way too much to drink and I’m paying for it this morning, that’s for sure. I hope I didn’t ruin the romantic mood for you and Scott. I’ll never forgive myself if I did!’
I chuckle and shake my head. ‘Don’t give it another thought, OK? Although you did fall asleep on me for a good few minutes! Things with me and Scott are fine; we had a bit of a misunderstanding, but you actually helped clear that up.’
Zara laughs. ‘Glad I was some
use at least! I hope I didn’t make too big a fool of myself.’
‘Not at all! Listen, I’ll let you go and get something to cure your hangover, but I’ll see you later, OK?’
‘Sure,’ Zara says, ‘how about we meet at the café this afternoon?’
‘I think I’m going to spend the day with Scott today, but I’ll see you at the Carb Counters meeting tomorrow?’ I reply.
There’s a little pause, but Zara agrees. We make arrangements to meet outside the community centre just before the next meeting starts and say our goodbyes before hanging up.
‘Who was that?’ Scott asks. I turn round to see him standing in my bedroom doorway, wearing just his boxers. He looks like he should be posing in a Calvin Klein campaign. ‘Anyone important?’
‘It was Zara,’ I reply. ‘She wanted to apologise for getting in such a state last night. I said I’d see her at the next Carb Counters meeting.’
He comes up to me and slings his arms loosely round my waist. ‘Does that mean you’ve got time for that pillow fight you promised me last night?’
‘Ooh, I think so.’
I make a run for it towards the bedroom, with Scott in hot pursuit. Something tells me a pillow fight is the last thing on his mind, and I don’t care at all.
*
I wake up in a tangle of blankets and limbs a little while later. A feeling of utter bliss washes over me as I register the fact that Scott’s still lying next to me. His body is at an odd angle and he’s definitely going to wake up with a crick in his neck, yet he looks perfect to me. I don’t even mind that his snores are louder than ever. I inch my body away from his as discreetly as possible, like I’m playing a very quiet game of Twister. I lift his arm off me and put it down gently on the bed, taking even more care when I’m untangling our legs. After a bit of scrambling around on the floor, I find my discarded pyjamas and pull them back on. I can’t quite believe I let him see me naked, but I did. Letting him slide my pyjamas off made me pretty anxious, but the look of appreciation on his face when he saw what was underneath made my fears subside a little. He helped me celebrate my body in a way I never have before.