by Tamryn Tamer
The other week they arrested a merchant from a small farming homestead for not having a license to sell his grain. Fair enough, the cunt didn’t have his license. Except the cunt put in for his license two years ago and it was still waiting for the Cunt King Leaucault’s signature. Most likely some other cunty fucking noble with his own grain was doing something to block the fucking signature.
If that wasn’t enough, his arrest terrified over two dozen other merchants from small farms leading to them closing down their shops. That led to immediate increases in food prices which also meant all of the bakers and restaurants had increases to their prices. Unfortunately, the average fucking peasant in Blackwater was poor as fuck leading to civil fucking unrest.
Even that fucking idiot Prince Erik understood that the process to get a fucking merchant license in Zira was too fucking long and you don’t mess with the fucking food supply. The only difference between a prison and a keep was one kept people out and the other kept people in. That keep could quickly become a prison if the people decided to revolt.
But all the Grand Councilwoman and her investigators cared about was following the fucking law.
“Slade?” Hestia moaned as she slowly opened her eyes. “Your heart is pounding rather hard. Would you like me to get you something to help you relax?”
“I’m fine,” Slade said, running his fingers through her soft reddish-brown hair, more red than brown, as he looked down at her smiling face. Every time he looked at the beautiful elf his mind became chaotic.
Hestia was the most beautiful thing he ever saw and easily the best thing that ever happened to him, even if she was a fucking demihuman. But she made him weak and vulnerable. He’d always been able to compartmentalize his emotions but when it came to her, no compartment could hold his feelings for the long-eared woman. His stupid fucking feelings bled into everything.
“You’ve been stressed lately,” Hestia said, kissing his chest while sliding her hand down his abdomen. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Hm,” Slade smirked while lifting the covers, admiring the naked elf’s naked chest. “I could definitely think of some ways for you to help. But I need to get up.”
“Really?” Hestia whined. The beautiful elf flashed him a sultry look while exaggerating her pouty lips. “You don’t have ten minutes?”
“It’s not that I don’t have ten minutes,” Slade said, smirking as he kissed her forehead. “But if I stay ten more minutes, I’ll probably end up staying for an hour.”
“Then stay ten minutes,” Hestia said, playfully rolling on top of him. “You work too much. Take a day off.”
“Don’t tempt me,” he said, grabbing her waist as she started sliding her hips back and forth against him. His excitement grew as the green-eyed elf’s soft bush brushed against his abs. “Fuck.”
“You read my mind,” Hestia moaned as she leaned down and kissed his neck. “All day long.”
“Fuuuuccckkk,” Slade growled as he gently pushed her to the side so he could get up. He quickly climbed out of bed before he could change his mind and picked his clothing up off the floor. Hestia rolled around on the bed, seductively arching her back and spreading her legs while running her hands up and down her body, provoking him. “Fuuuucck!”
“My love,” Hestia giggled as she slid her fingers between her legs, slipping a finger inside of herself as he watched. “Don’t go…”
“I have to…” Slade paused, quickly turning his attention to the narrow gap in the curtain where he’d just seen a familiar flash of blue and gold. He activated his invisibility spell and carefully approached the curtain, pulling it to the side as he glanced out at the busy street. The demihuman district where the embassy resided was louder than usual and when he looked outside, he noticed people running and hiding. It didn’t take him long to figure out why. “Fuck.”
“What?” Hestia asked, hopping out of bed and rushing toward the curtain.
“Stop,” Slade said, causing the naked elf to freeze. “Get dressed.”
“What’s going on?” Hestia asked worriedly. “Is something wrong? Why can’t I look?”
“You’re returning to Pluma immediately,” Slade said authoritatively as he walked toward her dresser. “The files that you and Commander Grey keep on the nobles, are they here?”
“I’m not supposed to tell you about those,” Hestia said, indignantly crossing her arms as Slade tossed clothing onto the bed. “Commander Grey was very clear that if you know about them then you can get in very bad trouble if you’re ever interrogated.”
“It’s too late for that,” Slade said, glaring at the stubborn elf. “There’s a group of royal guards outside who are likely to break in any moment. They’re not like the grand counselor’s guards either. These ones won’t care that we’re in a fucking embassy. I don’t know what they’re after but…”
“Oh no,” Hestia said, glancing at the large armoire in the corner. “That’s bad, isn’t it?”
“It’s certainly not fucking good. So, they’re in that armoire?” Slade asked as he walked toward the armoire and opened it up. He expected files but instead found shelves filled with various potions. “What are these?”
Slade scanned the vials and while he immediately recognized several dangerous poisons as well as various enhancement potions, there were several high rarity mixtures that he didn’t recognize.
“Work,” Hestia said, pouting as she glanced at the floor. “But some of them might get me in trouble if they’re found. I only have them in case of an emergency.”
“I thought we talked about this,” Slade said, growling as he began shoveling various potions into an enchanted pack.
“Oh,” Hestia lifted her hands to her mouth nervously. “Be careful with that one my love it’s volatile. Make sure that one’s lid is on tight. Whatever you do, don't drop that one! Maybe I should just…”
“I can handle the damn potions,” Slade said through clenched teeth as he loaded up the last of them.
“Um,” Hestia pointed at the empty armoire. “There’s a hidden…”
“I see it,” Slade said, triggering the hidden compartment full of vials of various shapes and sizes. Out of that grouping he recognized one as one of the deadliest fucking poisons around but had no idea about the others. “We’re going to talk about what you’re doing here later but for now, where the hell are the files?”
“Commander Grey will be really upset if you get your hands on those,” Hestia said timidly.
“The old fuck will be even more pissed off if Herald Law’s investigators get them,” Slade said, raising his voice. “Where the fuck are the fucking files?”
“Don’t yell at me!” Hestia said sullenly, tears filling her eyes. “I’m thinking!”
“Goddess…” Slade growled through clenched teeth. “Hestia, they will search the house and find the files. They will then use the files to implicate you in a crime against the nobility and treat you as a spy. You do not want to find out how we treat spies in Zira. Trust me. I promise not to look at the files. I only want to hide them.”
“Okay,” Hestia said defeatedly. “The files are in an enchanted pouch behind the bookshelf in the office…
“Thank you,” Slade said, dashing down the stairs as the royal guards pounded on the door. Once the pounding started he figured he had about thirty seconds as they read through the warrant and smashed the door in. He twisted around the bottom railing of the stairs and sprinted toward the office at the end of the hall. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
Slade scanned the four large bookshelves. It was customary for a secret book to be near the top or middle shelves simply due to the mechanics of a secret door’s lock. Knowing that Commander Grey likely had the shelf built, he began searching for the lever at the bottom, quickly finding a book that was slightly more worn than the others. He pulled it out, revealing a switch beneath it.
“Fuck,” Slade said, hitting the switch as the front door of the embassy smashed open. The bookshelf popped o
pen and he quickly snatched the file pouch, attaching it to his belt as if it were his own.
“There seems to be a secret door in here,” a royal guard shouted as he burst into the room. He approached the empty compartment, staring right at Slade without realizing it. “But whatever was behind it isn’t there anymore.”
“Let go of me!” Hestia shouted angrily from the upstairs. “I am the assistant to the ambass…”
Slade gritted his teeth so hard he thought one of them might crack as the sound of a gauntlet against a face echoed through the halls. His fingers slid across his knife on their own, as if the blade itself was a siren calling to him.
“You are a fucking elf,” a royal guard’s voice echoed. “Learn your fucking place you fucking animal.”
“I am…” Hestia whimpered as they dragged her down the stairs. A loud thud echoed as they slammed her against the wall.
“Stay there and shut your fucking mouth you demi whore,” the guard growled before stomping off.
Slade remained undetected as he walked past the guard searching the office and made his way to Hestia. The royal guards had thrown Hestia in the corner near the front door. She was wearing the dress that he’d thrown on the bed, small spots of blood lined the collar. She was bleeding from her lip and her face was bright red from the strike. Tears streamed down her face as she sat huddled in a corner with her arms wrapped around her knees.
He scanned the royal guards in the room, all of them were higher level than him which was expected of Herald Law’s personal guards. He knew they belonged to Herald Law because every one of the fucks wore extravagant metallic blue armor with gold accents. All of their cuirasses were marked with massive golden hammers and the few royal guards that didn’t wear plate had the hammers on their cloaks.
Two guards watched Hestia, beaming proudly as she buried her face in her arms. The beautiful elf was obviously terrified by the smiling men. Slade wanted nothing more than to drag them in the street, slowly gut them, and feed their entrails to strays as they watched.
“Clear in here too,” a cloaked royal guard said as he exited one of the bedrooms. “Just books and clothing.”
“What was hidden in the room back there?” the guard from the office asked, stomping loudly as he approached Hestia. The terrified elf curled even more, as if she hoped to make herself so small that she turned invisible. “You can tell me voluntarily or I can make you tell me. Either way, I’m going to find out.”
“I don’t…”
“Don’t give me that,” the smiling guard said while kicking Hestia’s thigh, causing her to yelp and cry. “You saw us coming and hid something. Now where the fuck is…”
“That’s enough,” Slade said with an uncaring coldness normally reserved for men he was cutting to pieces. The guards jumped and reached for their weapons as he emerged from the shadows and stepped between the elf and the guard. He unflinchingly stared the guard down as he gripped his knife. “What the fuck is going on here?”
“Who the fuck…”
“Baron Slade,” a large dark-haired guard said as he stomped down the stairs. “Where did you come from?”
“I’m fucking everywhere,” Slade said coldly. “Didn’t you know? This is my fucking city. Now, who the fuck are you?”
“I’m Count Royce of Aequita,” the man said as he gently pushed the other guard aside. The count was tall and muscular with rigid facial features. His nose and chin were both extremely sharp giving him an almost birdlike look. His large dark eyes and long black hair enhanced the vulture-like visual. “I am here investigating espionage against…”
“I assume you have a warrant signed by the fucking governess then?” Slade held out his hand.
“I have a warrant signed by Herald Law,” the count’s eyes narrowed. “But, why does it matter to you Baron Slade? Surely you’re not involved in the suspected criminal activities of…”
“Do you have a fucking warrant from the fucking governess?” Slade asked, gripping his blade threateningly. “Because this is a fucking embassy you stupid fucking cunt. Do you know what that means? It means you just entered another fucking country and assaulted a fucking dignitary.”
“Do you think you can talk to me like…”
“The last uppity fucking noble who crossed me got sent home to his daddy in a barrel,” Slade said coldly. The count was a few levels higher than him, but if he was like other nobles, his levels were earned in executions and one-sided slaughters, not real fights. “You’re a bit taller than him but I bet I could make you fit as well.”
“What’s your connection to this place Baron Slade?” Count Royce said, undeterred by Slade’s threat. “How did you arrive here so quickly? Were you already in the area? Or, were you already in the building? A secret compartment does seem to be empty…”
“Use your fucking brain,” Slade said, watching the guards as they carefully moved to surround him. “I like to know which fucking nobles are coming and going from this fucking place. So, I keep a fucking eye on it and I pay people to keep their fucking eyes on it. Which is how I knew that you lot were about to do something really fucking stupid.”
“That doesn’t explain why you’re so worried about some random elf,” Count Royce scowled, clearly irritated that Slade’s reason for being there made sense.
“Some random fucking elf?” Slade grabbed Hestia’s arm and lifted her up. “This random fucking elf was made assistant ambassador because she helped rescue Desdemona Asmund! This random fuckin elf is the fucking assistant of William the mother-fucking-southern-spider Grey! You don’t think there are going to be consequences to fucking attacking her?”
“She’s still just an elf,” Royce said, glaring at the elf. “No better than any other beast of burden. Nobody is going to start a war over…”
“You stupid fucking cunt,” Slade growled. “Clearly you’re fucking new to Blackwater so let me fill you in. The devil-fucking Herald of Shalia will start a fucking war over it!”
“You sound scared Baron Slade,” Royce grinned maliciously. “Are you scared of the Herald of Shalia?”
“The man sticks his cock in the mouths of demons and fucking Arachne for fucking pleasure you braindead fucking cunt!” Slade shouted while jamming his finger against the count’s plate cuirass. “He rode into a guarded city and took the head of a fucking prince for cuffing his fucking pets! Yeah. I’m fucking scared of the deranged fuck! If you had half a fucking brain, you would be too!”
“Hmph,” Royce glared at Slade as several of the guards anxiously murmured. “I never thought the famous Baron Slade would declare himself a coward.”
“Coward?” Slade sneered at the man. He tapped his dagger excitedly as he met the crow-like count’s dark gaze. “I’ll happily step outside with you. I would love to introduce a soft boy from the capital to real fear. Do you want to step outside soft boy?”
“And dirty myself on a bastard noble who was only granted his title in exchange for murder?” Royce shook his head. “No thank you Baron Slade. Unlike you, I wasn’t raised a beast.” Count Royce turned to the men searching the house. “Have you found anything yet?”
“No sir,” a guard answered.
“There’s an armoire on the second floor that looks as though it was cleared out,” another responded.
“Hm,” Royce smiled knowingly as he stared at the pouches on Slade’s belt. “Just like the office. I somehow doubt we’ll find anything of value here. So, there’s no point in staying. Oh well, hopefully the other squads found something.”
“Other squads?” Slade asked as his stomach started to churn. “What do you mean other squads?”
“Oh,” Royce’s malicious smile stretched wider than Slade thought possible. “All known associates of Herald Frost are being investigated. Fortunately for us, harlots and whores don’t have the same protections as this little elf here has. Unless you plan on running around defending them as well?”
“You fucking idiots,” Slade said.
“The id
iots are the people who associate with that man,” Count Royce said with a grin. “He killed an entire outpost of Ziran soldiers in cold blood and even mounted them on a tower like decorations. Even the king couldn’t turn a blind eye to that type of atrocity.”
“There was no evidence of that!” Hestia interjected.
“Right,” Count Royce said, glancing at the elf. He leaned down toward Slade and lowered his voice. “I look forward to finding out what’s really going on here Slade. I’m sure Herald Law will be interested as well.” The count grinned and turned toward the door. “Alright, let’s get out of here. Plenty of more whores to talk to.”
Slade watched as the royal guards filed out of the house. Once they were gone, he slammed the door and began sifting through one of his pouches for his healing potions.
“Are you alright?” Slade asked as he uncorked the bottle. Hestia didn’t let him pour it over the wound and instead wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. He gently patted her head, reassuring the elf. “It’s okay.”
“They were going to hurt me,” Hestia sniffled. “I want to go back to the forest…”
“I know,” Slade said, continuing to stroke her hair. “But you can’t leave yet. If you try to leave, one of those soldiers will grab you and drag you to the keep for interrogation. Just stay inside for a while and I’ll figure something out.”
“What if they come back?” Hestia asked, looking up at him with glassy eyes as tears streamed down her cheeks. “What should I do?”
“They won’t be coming back,” Slade said while pouring the healing vial over her cheek. He pecked her pink cheek as she slowly healed. “More importantly, which one of them hit you?”
“The one that was standing next to the Count,” Hestia said timidly. “Why? What are you going to…”
“Don’t worry about it,” Slade said, hugging her tightly as he burnt the man’s face into his memory along with that of the fucking count and those smiling fucks. He would deal with them all once Hestia was safe in the forest, starting with the fucker that struck her.