“The thought crossed my mind, but he was already paying me. Why would he tell me things about his life, share those things with me and mess around with me, but not close the deal? It just doesn’t make sense. And the more I think about it, the more pissed I get.”
Listening to Millie run through a list of things I’ve already thought about makes me angrier. I’m usually a super chill person. Boys never get under my skin. Bates was the last boy who, for a split second, I thought I felt something for and let it affect me, but since then I’ve kept my crushes at arm’s length until now, and look where it got me.
“Maybe this was all a game to him. You played hard to get. He had to practically stalk you for you to acknowledge him. Donovan Blake is an egotistical asshole, and probably didn’t take well to you not falling for his charms. Maybe he wanted to see how far he could push you without pushing you over the edge,” she says straightforwardly.
Millie’s word send a sharp pain right through my chest. Maybe that’s exactly what he was doing. I didn’t think of that as I was racking my brain all day. He was bored and I presented a challenge. I blew him off. I didn’t jump at his advances like other chicks. So he turned it on. He opened up so I’d fall for him.
I wonder if any of what he told me was even true. “Call me Van.” Fucking bullshit. Stop swearing! He turned it on, and then when had me, he turned it off and watched me squirm. That still doesn’t explain why he wouldn’t have sex with me, but it seems like a logical reason for his behavior. You’re fucking stupid, Maisy. Of course, Donovan Blake doesn’t have feelings for you. He doesn’t have feelings for anyone except Mia and his Grammy. And now I’m even doubting that he has a sister or a dead grandmother.
“I think you’re right, Millie. He pushed me to the edge and then—” I snap my fingers— “he turned it off. He was just seeing if he could get me to change my mind. And he did. He fucking won.”
“Oh, Maze,” she sighs and hugs me. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you swear.”
Fucking Blake. I feel tears well up in my eyes. I’m that girl right now. I suddenly have sympathy for every girl Donovan Blake has fucked and tossed out with the garbage. This is what feeling broken actually feels like. A big part of me wants to jump on a plane and fly home. Find Kali to cry on her shoulder and then jump into the waves and float away. I need to forget. I need to get Van – fuck I’m not calling him that – I need to get Blake out of my head. Out of my soul.
“I’m getting drunk tonight,” I tell Millie and her eyes grow to the size of saucers.
“What?” Millie is shocked by my words. I don’t drink. Ever. I mean, I’ve tried a sip of different things at Pete’s back in the day, but I’ve never been drunk, and I’ve never drank at a tailgate party or at the Pi Kappa house since school has started. Drinking and drugs are not my thing, and I’ve never used them to escape reality even when reality was really shitty. I’ve seen what they do to people and to families. No thank you.
But Blake has me so fucked in the head, I want to turn it all off. Forget him. Forget this stupid tutor arrangement that brought him into my life and my heart. Forget that he has probably fucked someone since we’ve been together, because while I was pining over him and sharing intimate details about my life, he was playing a game with me. So, since there’s no ocean close by to wash away my pain, I’m going to drown myself in alcohol like a normal college student who has just been handed a big dose of reality.
“You’ll make sure I get home safe with you, right? We stick together?”
“Of course!” she squeals. “I’m so excited to see what you’re like drunk.” She laughs at the thought. I have no idea what I’ll be like, but whatever I’m like, I hope it involves a big case of amnesia.
“Maybe you’ll regret this because I’ll become some crazy party monster.” I laugh and hold my hands up like claws. “Rawr!”
✽✽✽
Millie and I return to our dorm after the football game and we’re both giggling drunks at this point. I have come to realize that being hammered is really fucking fun. We had too many beer bongs with the baseball team and I don’t even remember most of the game. I did notice Blake glaring at me a few times when he wasn’t on the field. Fuck him. He doesn’t get to be mad or intimidating or tell me what to do.
He looked so hot in his gold jersey with black football pants though. The gold jersey I wore at that first game. His gold helmet shining in the sun. Hair wet from sweat slicked back and his piercing green eyes staring at me through his eye black. He radiates a bad boy vibe, and I hate myself that I’m still so drawn to him. But I repeat, fuck him.
After a nap, Millie and I are getting ready for the Pi Kappa. Our buzz has worn off and I’m looking forward to getting it back tonight. The feeling was quite freeing. Not as good as catching a good wave, but it definitely helped turn off my brain.
“Millie!” I shout from my closet.
“What’s up, babe?” she says as she strolls in.
“Are we dressing up for Halloween?” I ask as I run my hand over my hanging clothes.
“Shit, I didn’t even think about that. Do we have anything that matches?”
“You mean besides our game day pinstripes? Um, I don’t think so,” I pout. I really want to dress up. I want to show up and be someone that he can’t take his eyes off. That he can’t control his want for me and then when he tries to make a move, I’ll fucking turn it off just like he did. Blake has me binge drinking and swearing. He’s definitely changed the person I was before I moved here, and not for the better at this point.
It hits me. “Millie!” I shout again.
“Maze, I’m right fucking here,” she laughs as she plugs her ears.
“Do you have a corset and a tutu?” I ask, as if everyone has these staples in their wardrobe.
“I have a corset, but no tutu. Why?” she asks skeptically.
“Day of the dead. I can do the makeup. I did it for one Halloween with my girls back home. I made my own costume.”
“Of course you did,” she chuckles. “Amanda has a tutu. I bet I can borrow hers if she doesn’t need it.”
“Let’s do it!”
I put on my red, strapless corset and Millie cinches it up in the back and I pull on a black and red tulle tutu over the top. Black fishnets and red pumps with a nail for a heel complete my look. I found the pieces for this whole costume at a thrift store on Hollywood Boulevard and made some tweaks to it to make it look less hooker and more Dia de los Muertos.
Millie’s corset is black with thick straps. I lace her up as well. The tutu Amanda had was from a girls night out last year and is florescent pink, but I can work with that. Millie’s legs are bare, but she has black high heels on. We’re going to look badass and sexy as hell.
I do Millie’s make-up first. The makeup is meant to make us look like skulls, but beautified. Sometimes, people paint their entire faces white before applying this make up, but I don’t have white, so we make do with what I have.
I draw dark black circles around the eyes with scalloped edges, an upside-down black heart for a nose, and black lines over the lips, meant to look like stitching. The scalloped edges of Millie’s eyes and her lips are a bright shade of pink to match her tutu. Mine are red. I draw a spiderweb on her forehead, extending from the peak toward her eyebrows, and add a few black swirls with dots around her cheeks for decorations. I draw red roses on my forehead.
We curl our hair and pin the sides back, and I tuck a giant fake red rose into the side of my hair to match my theme. Millie, for some reason, had a pink boa, so I pluck a few feathers from it and adorn her hair with those.
“We look fucking hot, Millie!” I exclaim while we check ourselves out in the mirror. “Colton’s crooked dick is going to be rock solid tonight, girl!” We both laugh. I really think Millie likes Colton and I hope she gets over her insecurity about his distorted penis.
“Blake is gonna regret all this shit he’s done as soon as he sees you. Are you trying to make him jeal
ous? Because you look damn fine,” she asks.
“I didn’t think about it,” I lie.
Fuck yes I am. He used me. He used me and threw me away. Maybe he won’t be jealous at all, but it can’t hurt to try to make him feel the way he made me feel. Are you really that person? I don’t know who I am anymore. Donovan Blake exposed my inner soul to something wonderful, and then ripped away. That experience changed me. For better or worse, our experiences impact us every day.
“Fuck it, I’m going to his house. I’m gonna call him on his shit. I’ve never been afraid before, why now?” I stare at myself at in the mirror. Maybe my confidence is coming from the makeup hiding my face. The black circles and red accents make my blue eyes pop. They look so bright. I don’t wear much makeup usually, but I kind of like this. Behind my mask, I’m going to find out the truth. “And you’re coming with me for back up,” I tell Millie.
“Oh shit,” she gasps.
✽✽✽
Millie and I arrive at the Blake’s townhouse just before ten o’clock. It’s busy, and the music is blasting so loud we can hear it outside as the Uber drops us off.
“You sure this is a good idea?” Millie asks for what feels like the millionth time since we got into the car.
“Yes, Millie. I need to know. We had something. I know we did. I felt it. I just need confirmation that he didn’t. If he didn’t feel it, well, then I can move on. I just feel like I deserve an explanation.”
We walk right in. After all the weeks of studying and having sleepovers here I feel comfortable in the house. As we walk through the entry into the living room, I can see a pre-party party in full swing. There’s a tower of beer cans on the living room coffee table, and several bottles of Jack Daniels are scattered throughout the kitchen and living room. There are a lot of guys I don’t recognize, but I’m assuming they’re football players I’ve never met.
Blake never really took me out, come to think of it. He never introduced me to anyone except his roommates. Thinking more about it that seems odd too. That should have raised a red flag, but I’m too stupid to think things through when it comes to him.
I find Rhodes laying down on the portion of the sectional that juts out toward the TV, a very pretty girl with lavender hair bouncing on his lap. She’s dressed as a sexy mouse in a gray silk slip and mouse ears, her black bra and thong peeking out from the sheer material. Rhodes is shirtless and his caramel abs are flexed underneath her bouncy ass. At least he has pants on.
“Hey,” I say as I walk over. These guys are never embarrassed, and it’s somewhat disturbing, but their self-confidence is invigorating. “Blake here?”
Rhodes shoots a look at a huge guy sitting on the couch next to him. They both look uncomfortable.
“I just need to talk to him quick. I’m sorry I barged in,” I offer. Millie is standing beside me and she shifts uncomfortably.
“Uh, yeah, he’s here. He’s—” Rhodes pauses thinking of his next word carefully— “busy. You look hot, Maisy. Love the outfit and the makeup. Super sexy.” The bouncing mouse stares at me, and if looks could kill I’d be dead.
“Thanks. Busy how?” As the question leaves my mouth I feel foolish. I know what Rhodes means. I’m such an idiot. He’s with a girl. The last piece of my heart plops onto the ground and beats its last beat.
I turn on my heel away from Rhodes and the mouse and head down the hall to The Office. He’d be in there, because he never brings girls into his own bed. He made sure I knew that. I swing the door open and sure enough, Blake is laying on his back on the mattress on the floor. His arms are tucked behind his head and his biceps are bulging. His abs are flexed as a naked brunette shimmies up and down on his lap while her massive boobs flap around in all directions. I feel like I just I walked straight into a porno. Her head is tilted back, which causes her brown curls to cascade down her naked back, and she’s screaming Blake’s name which I couldn’t hear over the music. His name coming out of her mouth makes my stomach turn. She might as well have taken a sword and stabbed me right through the heart.
Blake shoots up as soon as he sees me and shoves the naked screaming girl off his lap and stands up from the mattress. He cups his condom covered junk as if he’s ashamed for anyone to see it.
“What the fuck, Blake?” the girl whines as her ass hits the hardwood floor and then notices the intrusion. “What the fuck is this?” she asks me this time.
“Nothing,” I say indifferently. My coldness isn’t an act. I’m dead inside. I don’t take my stare from Blake’s green eyes. I can see the embarrassment and guilt flash in them. I don’t know if he’s upset about being caught with his dick inside a dirty whorebag or embarrassed that I saw what he truly is when he isn’t lying to me. It doesn’t matter. This is what I needed to see. It’s over. “Sorry to interrupt.” I turn to the naked chick on the floor and force a smile.
I grab Millie by the arm and turn to leave. “Call the Uber.”
“Maisy!” Blake shouts and takes a step from the room. He’s still buck naked. I keep walking without turning back. Enough eyes are staring at me that I know Blake is still standing there, calling my name with his dick in his hands.
We get outside and I welcome the cool air on my face. It helps fight back the tears.
Millie stops to hug me and I pull away. “No, we need to keep walking. I can’t be here.” She nods and we walk to the corner to wait for the Uber.
“I’m sorry,” she finally says when we stop.
“I knew it deep down. I just needed confirmation. I guess I thought the confirmation would be verbal, not visual.” I force a laugh.
“Now what?” she asks as the Uber pulls up.
“Now we get shitfaced.” I wrap my arm around her waist and squeeze.
Chapter 25: Donovan
I’m left standing in the doorway of The Office with my dick in my hands as I watch Maisy run from my house. She is the last person I thought I would see here. I tried to break it off. I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to tell her to her face, because I know deep down I want to be with her. For being such a badass, I’m a fucking coward when it comes to Maisy.
Everyone is staring at me. “What the fuck are you looking at? Never seen a cock before, assholes?” I yell and shake my junk in my hand at the gawkers.
Damn, she looked fucking hot in that costume and makeup. Like come in your pants just by looking at her sexy-as-fuck. I walk back into the room, where I left Sydney on the floor when I chased after Maisy. Sydney was riding my cock like a jockey and Maisy saw it all. She saw me with my dick inside another girl. I guess that’s one way to ensure she’ll never want me again. I want to scream. I want to hit something, hard.
“Jesus, Blake,” Sydney whines when I get back in the room. “I was fucking close. Can’t you lock the fucking door?” she asks and flips her hair. Just looking at Sydney makes me want to vomit. I can’t imagine what Maisy felt witnessing that. If another guy was fucking her and screaming her name, I would lose my shit. That guy would no longer be breathing.
“No, get out,” I snap and flop down onto the mattress. I’m pissed and Sydney better not push me. I’d never hit a woman, but I will let her have it verbally.
“But, Blake,” she starts and I snap my head in her direction. She stops talking. Maybe she isn’t as stupid as I thought.
“Leave, Sydney. Whatever this was is over. For good this time.”
Sydney stands, puts on some sort of black leather body suit thing and a pair of cat ears. Without a word, she leaves the room and I’m left with a condom on my flaccid dick. I don’t why I even brought her here. I wasn’t close to coming with Sydney. King Richard only wants one pussy, one mouth, or one tiny hand anymore. One person, really. And now I know that she will never be mine. My dumb ass made sure of that on so many levels. I was a god in the bedroom, and now? Limp dick in my own hand. There’s some fucking karma for you.
Despite my efforts, I fell for Maisy, hard. She’s everything that I’m not. She’s sweet, funny, sinc
ere, totally chill, and honest – she’s fucking honest and I’m a giant asshole. That’s why I couldn’t fuck her. She’s too good, pure. Every time we got close, I stopped myself. I couldn’t sleep with her to win a bet because I wanted our first time to be special. I’m a fucking sap. All fucking feeling emotions and shit all of a sudden. But I know that will never happen now. Our relationship started because I was a fucking idiot and turned her innocence and disdain for my existence into a bet. A bet I could have won, mind you, but I didn’t want to. The most competitive, angry, arrogant asshole on the planet wanted to lose. It’s why I paid Finn off. Nice work, universe. You win.
✽✽✽
After everything that happened, the boys convinced me to go to the Pi Kappa party. Sure, what else could go wrong? Karma already fucked me in the ass today. Bring it on, bitch. I’m ready. Nothing could suck worse than this feeling I have right now. Watching Maisy flee from my house while I held my own dick in my hands should be the worst thing that happens today, right?
We arrive at the Pi Kappa party to chants and cheers as always, especially since we won today’s game. I used to love the rush of walking in here a god. I can’t believe that I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I turn on the smile and nod, making my way through the crowd to the kitchen.
There are costumes of every kind running around. There’s one guy dressed as a huge inflatable donut. That has to be hard to pee in. The girls are all sexy referees, sexy nurses, sexy (insert occupation here), or they’re wearing lingerie with some kind of animal ears. There are a few girls, but not many, in normal costumes, like witches or a zombie. None look as gorgeous as Maisy did in her Dia de los Muertos costume. I’m getting hard just thinking about her.
“Is Blaire coming here?” I ask Bateman as we settle into a spot in the kitchen.
He nods his head. “Yes, she’s here somewhere. You okay, bro?” If he isn’t running off to Blaire within the first two seconds of getting here, then he must be worried about me.
Redemption (Cambria University #2) Page 18