by Alexa Land
“Where’s the sun porch?”
“I’ll show you.” I followed him through the laundry room and pantry, through another door that led to a fairly spacious room with glass walls. It was about the same temperature as the outdoors, and the windows were opaque with ice. “Normally, there’s a nice view from here. Not so much when it’s all frozen over.”
About a third of the room was a makeshift gym, and the rest was heaped with boxes and miscellaneous crap. I asked him, “How do you own this much stuff?”
“The only thing I added was the weight set. When my grandparents owned this place, a lot of stuff found its way here and never left.”
I picked up a tangled ball of vintage Christmas lights. “Were you serious about decorating for the holidays?” When he nodded, I said, “I haven’t put up Christmas decorations in years, so that could be fun.”
He grinned at me. “More fun than some of the other suggestions on that list?”
Instead of reading into that, I asked, “Do you think there’s a Christmas tree in here somewhere?”
“No, but even if there was, we’re not doing plastic. We’re in the middle of the forest, so if we want a tree, we’re going out there.” He pointed at the frozen windows.
“Are we allowed to just cut one down?”
“My family owns the five acres around us, so we can do whatever we want.”
“You just told me there’s no way to get to the SUV, but somehow traipsing through the woods with an axe is doable?”
“We won’t have to go far. Also, the ground around the cabin is level, and I have two pairs of ice cleats. It’ll be a piece of cake, unlike trying to tackle those steep, icy hills. Grab your coat, and let’s do this thing.”
Once I was cocooned in my parka and knitted accessories, I joined Dakota on the porch. He’d put on a fleece-lined denim jacket, leather gloves, and a baseball cap, and I said, “That’s it? Aren’t you going to freeze?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“No you won’t. You need a knit cap and a scarf.”
“Well, this is what I have. I would have worn my leather jacket, but it’s still damp from last night.” He handed me a set of metal spikes with straps and said, “I have to ask. Why did you put on sneakers last night to walk in the rain, instead of boots?”
“I didn’t bring any with me.”
He sat on the porch railing and fastened his cleats over his hiking boots as he asked, “Why wouldn’t you bring boots to a ski lodge in the mountains?”
“Because I wasn’t planning to go outside.”
He shook his head and informed me, “You don’t do vacations right.”
“It’s not really a vacation. Honestly, I would have preferred to just go to Jessie and Kai’s house for a quiet little celebration on Christmas Day, but the Dombrusos had other plans.”
“Who are the Dombrusos?”
“The family my brother used to work for. A few years ago, he was hired as their grandmother’s chauffeur. She’s this feisty little old lady who everyone calls Nana, and she and Jessie totally bonded. He and his husband own a garage now and he doesn’t work for them anymore, but they always invite him to family events.”
“They must be well off if they hired a chauffeur.”
“Oh, they’re totally loaded,” I said, as I leaned against the railing and struggled with the straps. “In fact, they rented that entire lodge for a week, just because Nana mentioned she’d always wanted a white Christmas.”
“It’s a bummer that snow’s not in the forecast, but hey, sometimes the weather reports are wrong.” After a moment, he asked, “Do you need help with those?”
“Yes, please.”
He knelt down in front of me and made quick work of the cleats. Once those things were attached to my sneakers, he stood up and went to the other end of the porch, where a huge stack of firewood was piled against the front of the cabin. A bench beside the firewood held several tools, and once he located a handsaw, he jogged down the stairs and turned to wait for me.
I clomped across the wooden decking with my arms out for balance, and then I clutched the railing and slowly descended the icy steps. The ground looked as slick as a skating rink, and I stepped onto it cautiously, while gripping the post at the foot of the stairs with both hands. Dakota watched me curiously, and then he said, “You’re going to have to let go sometime.”
“I just know I’m going to fall.”
“Even if you do, that’s not the worst thing.”
After a moment, I let go and slowly straightened up. He started walking confidently toward the tree line to the right of the cabin, and I clomped after him with tiny, hesitant steps. He glanced at me over his shoulder and chuckled, and in the next instant, he slipped and fell on his ass. Then he grinned and said, “Instant karma.”
By the time I reached him, he was back on his feet. That cold fog still hung in the air, and the trees looked like they were made of crystal. As we walked into the forest, I said, “This somehow manages to look creepy and beautiful at the same time.”
“It’s also fucking freezing, so let’s hurry. How about this one?”
He indicated a nearby fir tree, and I said, “That one’s too tall.”
“No it isn’t.”
“Yes it is. It’ll never fit in the cabin.”
“Sure it will. The ceiling’s pretty high.”
I was skeptical, but I said, “If you’re so sure, then Paul Bunion it and let’s get back inside.”
Sawing down the tree seemed easy. In about a minute, he let loose with an exaggerated, “Timber!” The fir face-planted onto the ground, and Dakota came up to me and said, “Pretty good, huh?”
“Oh yeah. That was super butch.”
“Thought so. In fact, I—”
Before he could finish that sentence, he slipped and fell again, but this time he took me with him. I landed on top of him and burst out laughing. Then I said, “Well damn, that whole alpha lumberjack thing was really short-lived.”
He started laughing, too. “Right? It was impressive while it lasted, though. Admit it.”
“Yes. For those twenty seconds, I was thoroughly impressed.”
When I sat up a bit and met his gaze, something electric passed between us. The urge to kiss him was overwhelming, and it seemed like there might have been anticipation in his eyes. But then I started doubting myself and scrambled to my feet.
I helped him up, and he kept holding my hand a few seconds longer than he needed to. Once he finally let go, it took both of us several moments to remember what we were supposed to be doing.
Then we grabbed the tree by its lower branches, dragged it across the ice, and hauled it onto the covered porch. We both took off the cleats, and Dakota found some tools and used an axe to split two planks off a log. He nailed the planks to the bottom of the trunk in an X-shape, creating a makeshift tree stand, and I said, “Good idea. I was wondering how we were going to get it to stand up.”
“That’s how they do it at all the Christmas tree lots.”
“I wouldn’t know. My family had the same lopsided plastic tree throughout my entire childhood. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were still using it. I’m almost tempted to call my brother Jacob and ask, except that he took my parents’ side with the whole disowning thing.”
Dakota touched my sleeve and said, “I’m so fucking sorry your family did that to you.”
“I’ve accepted it, more or less. It’s harder at Christmas, though. There are reminders everywhere that it’s supposed to be about family, but for some of us, all that does is open old wounds. That’s why I’ve barely celebrated the holidays the last few years. I do enough to make sure the family I have left knows I love them, but overall it’s just easier to stay busy and plow through the month of December.”
“No wonder you seemed like such a workaholic.”
I grinned a little. “Actually, I work too much the rest of the year, too.” I stepped around the fir and said, “Let’s get the tree inside, befor
e I succumb to hypothermia.”
That made him smile. “Most people would have said ‘freeze to death’.”
“I’m not most people.”
“No, you’re really not.”
Stuffing the fir through the door proved to be a challenge. Dakota pulled from the inside while I pushed, and after a solid minute I said, “It’s not going to fit.”
“It will if you want it bad enough.”
Despite myself, I quipped, “Are we still talking about the tree?”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Eventually, through sheer brute force, the tree popped through the doorway. Dakota threw his hands in the air and shouted, “Yes!” Then he dragged it into the middle of the room and swung it into an upright position. The top two feet bent at an angle as it pushed against the ceiling.
He seemed discouraged, but I said, “You know what? It looks exactly like a tree I saw in a Dr. Seuss book, and who doesn’t love Dr. Seuss?” That actually perked him up again.
We hung up our coats and left our shoes and cold weather gear by the door. After he threw another log on the fire, we sat on the couch with the tangle of vintage Christmas lights. A few minutes into the job of untangling them, I asked, “Do we actually know if these work?”
“No, but let’s find out.”
He managed to free a section with a plug, and then he got on his hands and knees beside the fireplace. As he stuffed himself under a little table to reach the wall outlet, I stared at his upturned ass and whispered, “Lord have mercy.”
A moment later, the strand lit up. He sat back on his heels and looked at me over his shoulder as he asked, “What did you say?”
“I said, here’s another cord to check.” I smiled as I handed him a plug and watched him bend over again.
Once the lights were untangled and up on the tree, we took a break for some coffee. I sat on one of the barstools and asked, “Why hadn’t you put up any holiday decorations before today?”
“I decorated the bar instead of the cabin, because that’s where I spend most of my time. I’m glad we’re doing this, though. It definitely brightens up the place.”
I took a sip of coffee before asking, “Are you going anywhere for Christmas?”
“No. I usually spend the day with my mom and stepdad, but they decided to visit his family back east, so I’m off the hook this year.”
“Don’t you get along with them?”
“My mom and I get along okay, but my stepdad has always been distant. I mean, I get it. He never wanted a kid, but my mom was a package deal.”
“How old were you when they got together?”
“Eleven.”
I muttered, “He sounds like a jerk.”
“He treats my mom well, and that’s all that matters now.”
“Is it okay to ask what happened to your father?”
Dakota didn’t look at me as he said, “My dad took off when I was six, and I never saw him again. He left a note, and all it said was ‘I can’t do this anymore’. Mom said she was surprised he stuck around as long as he did.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. It was a long time ago, and life goes on.”
He got up and refilled his mug, and then he leaned against the sink and took a sip of coffee. After a pause, I said, “If you don’t have plans on Christmas Day, you should come to the lodge. You’d like Jessie and Kai. The Dombrusos are pretty crazy, but they’re a lot of fun too, and they’d welcome you with open arms.”
“How do you know?”
“Because they welcome everyone that way. In fact, once Nana finds out you’re gay, she’ll try to adopt you. She’s the most enthusiastic LGBT ally you’ll ever meet, maybe because several of her grandsons are gay.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I’ll be at the bar on Christmas Day.”
“Why?”
“Some of my customers live alone, and I want to make sure they have someplace to go for the holiday. I’m planning to serve a free hot lunch, and I’ll be giving out Christmas cookies and coffee all day. I did this last year too and got a surprisingly large turn-out.”
“You’re such a good guy, Dakota. In fact, you’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.”
He flashed me a crooked grin. “I’m not that nice. I’m still planning to charge for alcohol, but it’ll be half off.”
I brought my mug to the sink as I asked, “Are you taking a loss at that price point?”
“Probably.”
“You don’t know for sure?”
He said, “Shhh,” and pressed his index finger to my lips. “No business talk while we’re doing anything holiday-related. It’s a rule.”
When he took his hand away, I asked, “Is drinking coffee holiday-related?”
“Yes, because it’s fueling us for the next phase of decorating. I’m going to make some popcorn so we can string a garland. Then we’ll have to get creative and come up with some ornaments.”
An hour later, we sat on the couch with a huge bowl of popcorn between us. We’d eaten a lot of it, but we’d also managed to produce a few yards of garland. Between the popcorn, the tree, and the fire, the cabin smelled wonderful.
After a while, I looked up and asked, “What am I hearing right now?” It was so quiet up there in the mountains that any noise seemed out of place.
“It’s a plane. I wonder why it’s flying that low.”
It flew directly over the house. A couple of minutes later, it made another pass that sounded like it was even closer. We looked at each other, and then we went outside and stood on the porch. The Cessna came by for a third pass and dropped something before flying off over the tree line. A small parachute opened, and a neon yellow bundle drifted to earth and landed near the road.
Dakota put on his boots and ice cleats, and once he retrieved the package, I asked, “What is it?”
“I have no idea. Is your full name Jedidiah Jorgensen?”
“Sadly, yes.”
“In that case, it’s for you.”
“Are you serious?”
He handed me the bundle and sure enough, my name was spelled out in block letters on the nylon sack. I took it inside, and Dakota kicked off his boots again and joined me on the couch. Inside the bag was a cardboard box wrapped in bubble wrap, which was maybe twelve inches square. A note taped to the top of it said: Jessie and Nana hired me to deliver this to you. Merry Christmas. I couldn’t make out the signature, but the note was written on stationery from a small airport about fifty miles to the west.
Dakota handed me a pocket knife, and I used it to cut the packing tape. When I raised the flaps on the box, I said, “I’m going to kill my brother.”
It was totally stuffed with brightly colored, individually wrapped condoms. Dakota started laughing so hard that he doubled over and ended up rolling off the couch. It was a minute before he could speak again, and then he said, “Oh my God, I love Jessie.”
I was blushing so hard that it felt like my face was on fire. Something was in with the condoms, and I fished out a toothbrush, still in its packaging. That made me wonder what else was in there, so I got up and dumped the box’s contents onto the kitchen counter.
That started Dakota’s laughing fit all over again, and even I had to chuckle. In addition to maybe two hundred condoms and the toothbrush, the box contained two bottles of lube, half a dozen protein bars, and four energy drinks. He wiped tears of laughter from his eyes as he said, “This is the best care package ever.”
“It also tells you everything you need to know about Jessie and Nana. They’re thoughtful, misguided, and honestly believe every crazy idea that occurs to them absolutely needs to be implemented.”
“How’d they get all that stuff to the airport? They’re iced in just like we are.”
“I’m sure they paid the pilot a bundle to go to the store for them with a very detailed shopping list.”
Dakota ran his hand through the pile of condoms. Then he looked up at me and grin
ned as he asked, “What exactly did you tell your brother when you spoke to him on the phone this morning?”
“That you’re gay and single. He already had your address, so he obviously wasted no time in making this happen.”
“He must have spent a fortune to rent a plane.”
“Nana probably bankrolled it, because this is right up her alley. The pilot might even be a friend of hers, because she knows a huge number of people. I’m sure her only regret is that she couldn’t parachute down in person to deliver the rubbers.”
“You know some interesting people, Jed.” Dakota ran a hand over his short beard as he studied the pile of condoms, and then he said, “I just had an idea.”
“Gee, I wonder what it was.”
“Not that. Hang on a sec.” He found a box of paperclips in a kitchen drawer, fashioned a hook out of one of them, and hung a rubber on the Christmas tree. Then he turned to me and said, “I was careful just to pierce the wrapper. Otherwise, we’d only be able to have sex a hundred and ninety-nine times instead of two hundred over the next twenty-four hours.”
I started laughing and said, “This is so far beyond embarrassing.”
“I think it’s awesome. Your brother and some little old lady obviously really want to make sure you and I have loads and loads of wild monkey sex, and who doesn’t love that kind of positive attitude? I know I do.”
“Uh huh.”
“Do you like the ornament?”
“I do, actually.”
“Then let’s get busy.” He grinned and handed me the box of paperclips.
After we added a few dozen rubbers and the popcorn garlands to the tree, we both stepped back and admired our handiwork. The lights shone through the colored condoms in their clear wrappers and made them look festive, especially when you squinted a little and tried to forget what you were looking at.
“That’s a great start, but it needs more,” he said. “Let’s search the sun porch for other things we could use as ornaments.”
I put on my coat before following him to the makeshift storage room, but he just went with shivering. We checked several boxes before I opened one and exclaimed, “I just hit the motherlode!”