Memories of Heaven

by Melissa Storm

  “Last night. And Matt said he doesn’t want to wait. Neither do I. We’ve both spent so long running away from things, so we decided to finally run toward something. Together.”

  Kate grinned as she took another look at the ornate tattoo band. “Why am I not surprised?” Everyone on the ranch had witnessed the love blossom between Brenna and Matt. They’d gotten off to a rocky start, but by the time they finally admitted what they felt for each other, there was no doubt in anyone’s minds that the two would be getting married—and soon.

  Brenna confirmed this as she jumped headlong into detailing her plans for Kate. “So, we’re getting married in the spring, right here on the ranch. We’re going to use the old barn where the dances are held. And, Kate, I want you to be my maid of honor.”

  It took a few seconds for her to register what Brenna had just said, but when she did, her eyes slowly lifted and met her friend’s. Kate was the first person Brenna had let in after years of hiding her abusive home life from everyone outside her family. The fact she’d come so far toward recovery, well, it meant that anything was possible. Perhaps even a miracle for her mother—and for their new Hope as well.

  “Please?” Brenna begged. “It would mean the world to me. Then you can help me pull everything together on time.”

  Kate could only nod and pull Brenna for another hug. She was too emotional, too tired, from so much good and bad all at once it made her head spin.

  Brenna laughed. “I take it that’s a yes?”

  “Yes, Brenna. I’d love to stand beside you at your wedding.”

  In fact, it was the one thing she was looking forward to most right now. Because if there was one thing she could count on, it was that Brenna and Matt had been made for each other and that their wedding would be a beautiful occasion.

  Chapter 5

  A few mornings later, Kate found herself sitting across the table from her mother in what was becoming a welcome new tradition.

  “I’m so happy for Brenna,” her mom said, skewering a sausage link with her fork. “She seems like such a nice girl. I wasn’t quite sure what to think of Matt when I met him. I mean, all those tattoos. But he’s proven to be a very nice man, and I think he’ll give Brenna a great life.”

  Kate smiled as she recalled the conversation with her friend. That had been the first day she and her mother had eaten breakfast together at the big house, and in the days that had followed they hadn’t yet broken their streak. Each day, Kate rose early to check on Hope, then circled back to the cabin to collect her mother for group breakfast.

  So far, so good.

  The little filly was hanging on, but each new day brought new challenges to her survival. A newborn foal required frequent feedings, which meant all the ranch hands took turns and rotated shifts when it came to nurturing Hope.

  Luckily, her mother had become almost as excited for the wedding as Brenna and Matt themselves, which gave Kate a safe topic to discuss with her during their meals.

  “They’re going to get married in the spring, so that’s not going to leave much time to plan,” she confided. “Brenna says she doesn’t want anything fancy, so I won’t need to spend a fortune on a bridesmaid dress I’ll never wear again. I’m just going to find something simple and pretty that I will get more use out of.”

  Her mom glanced up from her scrambled eggs with a blank expression on her face. “Why are you buying a dress, dear?” she asked earnestly.

  A familiar stabbing pain erupted in Kate’s chest whenever her mom forgot things. She tried not to let her worry show as she answered, “It’s for Brenna’s wedding, Mom. She’s getting married in the spring, and I’m going to be her maid of honor.”

  “Oh, that’s wonderful. She’s such a nice girl.” The gigantic grin that spread across her mother’s face proved she was receiving this news for the first time in her memory. The scariest part was that she didn’t even know she’d forgotten something.

  Kate looked down at her own plate, hoping her mom wouldn’t be able to see the pain in her eyes. If she noticed her daughter was upset, it wouldn’t take long for her to recognize why. That often led to panic, anger, tantrums. Kate just couldn’t handle it. Not right now. Not today.

  “Yes, she’s been a good friend. I’m happy for her,” she said, forcing a smile of her own.

  “What’s wrong, Kate? You seem upset.” Her mom’s voice held the same loving concern it always had. All these years she’d strived to protect her daughter, to keep her happy, but she had no idea that now she was the one causing Kate pain.

  She lifted her gaze back up to her mom and smiled. They’d been enjoying the chance to sit and talk over breakfast like they’d done so often when Kate was growing up. For a brief moment she’d allowed herself to forget everything had changed. Why had she taken all those breakfasts before for granted? Why hadn’t she recorded more details for her own memory? Why hadn’t she known how special they were? How much she’d one day yearn for them?

  She wrapped both hands around her glass of orange juice and shrugged. “Nothing, Mom. I think I’m just tired from spending so much time working with Hope yesterday.”

  “Who is Hope? Is she another friend of yours?” Her mother smiled broadly, completely unaware of the fact Kate had discussed Hope with her several times since the baby horse had been born. The moment she had been dreading was upon them now.

  This was it.

  Things would never be normal for them again.

  This was her new normal.

  “No, she’s a little foal who was born early. She’s not very healthy and her mom has rejected her, so we’re having to nurse her back to health.” Maybe if she just gave a few details it would all come rushing back. This could just be a temporary lapse, a false alarm. It didn’t have to mean everything was changing. Please don’t let it mean that everything is changing.

  The older woman’s brow pinched with concern. “Oh, the poor little thing. I’d love to come out and see her. I’ve always loved horses.”

  Kate reached out and patted her mom’s hand. “How about after breakfast I take you out to meet her? I know you’d love her.” She knew because they’d already met several times before. How could Hope have fallen right out of her brain?

  Her mom’s face lit up with excitement. “I’m ready whenever you are.” She set her fork down and wiped her mouth with the cloth napkin by her plate. Kate looked down at the nearly full plate and shook her head.

  She couldn’t stop the sigh that escaped her. “You’ve hardly eaten anything. We only just sat down a few minutes ago.”

  Her mom scrunched her features in confusion as she regarded the plate before her. “Haven’t I?” Her voice sounded worried and small, one of those moments where she knew she’d done something that wasn’t right. It was always better for them both when her mom didn’t realize she’d forgotten.

  The times like this—where she knew she was failing and remembered why—they broke Kate in a way nothing else could.

  “It’s okay. There’s no hurry. Besides I’m so hungry, I could eat a… zebra.” She tried to make light of the mishap to spare her mother’s feelings. But she knew it was too late to shield her from the angst that followed a memory lapse like this one. Soon she’d be back in bed and refuse to leave for the rest of the day, no matter how hard Kate tried to convince her otherwise.

  Her mother pushed her plate to the side and frowned. “I guess I’m just not really that hungry.”

  Kate recognized the fear in her eyes. She had to swallow the lump that formed in her throat from knowing there was nothing she could do to make her mom feel better.

  “Mind if I sit with you?” Jack interrupted, coming up beside their table. “I was just going to grab a muffin and head back to my office, but I figured sitting down with company was better than staring at the wall over my desk.”

  He looked back and forth between them, his smile slowly fading. “Is everything all right here?”

  While Kate contemplated the best answer, her mother
rushed to explain, “I’m just forgetting so much today already.” Her eyes filled with tears and she quickly reached up to wipe at them, putting a brave smile on her face when she glanced back to Kate.

  “It’s okay, Nancy. We talked about this.” Jack sat down on the chair beside her mom and put his hand on hers while he put his other arm around her shoulders.

  Kate watched and realized with a sudden jolt just how frail her mom had become during these last few weeks. It almost seemed to have happened overnight.

  She felt Jack’s gaze fall upon her and glanced up just in time to catch his reassuring smile before he turned back to her mother and spoke in hushed whispers.

  “You’re going to have some bad days, but you can still look forward to and enjoy the good ones. I mean, you’re still able to sit here and visit with your daughter and enjoy a nice meal together. Not to mention the fact you have a handsome, charming man stopping by to say hello. That’s got to count for something, doesn’t it?” He grinned down at her mom who rolled her eyes in response.

  Slowly the storm was breaking, the clouds were parting, and the sun would be coming out to make everything better again.

  “Let me know when the handsome man is coming by, won’t you, Jack?” her mother said with a chuckle. “But you’re right. I’m grateful I still have the time to spend with Kate. I just hope I don’t ever do anything to embarrass her too badly.”

  Kate’s mouth dropped open and she shook her head adamantly. “Mom, there’s nothing you could do to ever embarrass me. Well, at least not any worse than that time you drove me to junior high in your pajamas and jumped out of the car to chase me down when I forgot my lunch in the car.”

  Her mom’s laugh became stronger, more robust, and it made Kate feel so much better to hear the joy in it. “You were furious with me. I remember you liked that boy, what was his name…?”

  Her mom looked sideways as she struggled to remember. “Peter! Peter Whalens. And Peter was standing next to the door holding it for you when I finally caught up to you.” Her mom leaned forward as she laughed at the memory.

  Kate’s body relaxed as her mother recounted the story for Jack. It seemed so strange that her mom could remember every little detail about an event many years in the past but struggled to recall things Kate had told her just a few minutes prior. But then again, everything about this illness seemed strange.

  How her mom could seem physically fine while so many things were breaking within. How a relatively young woman could come be transformed by a disease that normally only preyed on the elderly. How they’d both ended up here, and this was their life now.

  She watched as Jack laughed with her mom. There was something about him that just seemed to set her mother at ease. She was so glad he’d shown up when he did, because he’d managed to free her mother from the growing panic and bring back her smile.

  “You know, Nancy,” Jack said as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I think maybe we should start our session a little early today. Since you seem to be done with breakfast already, that is.”

  Kate’s mom blinked and glanced down at her empty plate with a surprised giggle. “Oh, would you look at that. I guess I am.”

  Jack stood and gathered all their plates for a quick trip to the sink. “Kate, will you be joining us today?”

  “No, I’ve got to get out to the stables to take care of our premature filly.” Kate watched the effortless way he interacted with her mother and felt a small stab of jealousy. Ridiculous. They were both so lucky to have him. She couldn’t let herself forget that.

  Jack returned and kept his eyes focused on her mother but spoke to Kate. “Oh, right, you named her Hope, right?”

  “Yeah and if she’s going to have any hope, I’d better get out there and see what the vet has to say.”

  “Well, this doc says good luck. Nancy, shall we?” He offered his arm to Kate’s mom in a move that reminded Kate of an old-fashioned knight. Her mother rolled her eyes again before standing up.

  Kate paused for a moment to watch her mother walk off with Jack, animatedly recounting another time she’d managed to embarrass Kate. Shaking her head part with relief and part with exhaustion, she slipped into her jacket and jogged across the field to the stables.

  Chapter 6

  Normally the stables were mostly empty when Kate worked with the horses, but today it was filled with residents and other staffers of the ranch all wanting to see what the veterinarian would say about Hope and her chances.

  Kate pushed herself to the front of the group. The vet’s grim expression as he stood next to Old Howard sent her heart galloping within her chest.

  “What’s up, Doc?” she asked, cringing to herself at the bad joke.

  The doctor cleared his throat before speaking. “Well, I was just telling the others that we can take Hope into the clinic and keep her there for the next few days to see what we can do. But to be honest, I don’t think she’d get anymore care there than she’s already getting here. You’ve been doing a great job nursing her along.”

  Kate kept her eyes on the sick filly lying in the straw.

  “Unfortunately, it’s not all great news,” the vet continued. “Hope didn’t get colostrum right away, so I’m pretty certain she’s suffering from neonatal sepsis. It’s common in foals that didn’t have a good start in life. I’ve given her a shot of antibiotics to get her started, but you can carry on with her treatment here. She will need a lot of fluids and some TLC over the next few days. I should have the bloodwork back in a day or so and then we’ll know for sure what we’re dealing with.”

  Old Howard pushed his hat back on his head. “There’s something else we need to keep in mind, too. The weatherman says we’re due to get some snow dumped on us out here and the roads very well might wind up closed. So whatever we do, we’ve gotta commit to the next few days being stuck with it. If we keep her here and something comes up, we may not have any way to get help.”

  “What do you think, Kate?” her boss and ranch owner, Elizabeth Jane, asked. “You’re the one who’s closest to Hope. Should we let the doc take her back into town now before the roads all close? Or are going to keep her here?”

  Elizabeth Jane, Howard, and the doctor looked at her nervously, waiting for her opinion. None of them wanted to make what could be a life-or-death decision for the young foal, and none of them wanted to take the right to decide away from Kate. They all knew how much she’d come to care about Hope over the past few days.

  Kate reached down to stroke the filly as she spoke. “I think she should stay here. I wouldn’t feel right knowing she was all alone overnight in a strange place. I can try staying with her all night somehow. It’s just…”

  Elizabeth came over and put her arm around Kate’s shoulders. “I know this is a difficult situation, and I know it’s hard dealing with this kind of setback when you’ve given so much to Hope. If it would help, I can call the respite service and ask for them to send someone out right away before the storm gets too bad. They can stay in the cabin with Nancy, so you don’t have to worry.”

  Kate let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she’d been holding. “That would be great. Thank you so much. I’ll just need to talk to my mom about what’s happening first.”

  The vet shuffled around in his portable trunk and pulled out a small package, extending it toward Kate. “Continue with the treatment as we discussed earlier and keep me updated. I’ll call you as soon as I have the results back. Now, I need to get going before I get caught in this storm, too.”

  “Thanks for coming, Doctor Cooper.” She shook his hand, then turned to go into the stall and check on Hope again.

  Elizabeth’s arm fell away but she followed Kate to the center of the stall. “I’ll go call the respite service now. Don’t worry about your mom. Even if they can’t get someone out here, I will gladly spend the night with her so that you can keep an eye on Hope. I think you made the right call, by the way.” Liz smiled at her sadly. They both knew what was at stake h
ere.

  “I do, too,” Brenna said, saddling Kate with a quick hug. “I wish I could stay here with you, but I have to get back to my kitchen.”

  “Go, go, both of you,” Kate urged. “You have plenty to do to get ready for the storm. Hope and I will be fine on our own.”

  As the last of the crowd dispersed, Kate eyed the swirling whiteness on the other side of the bard door. The late winter storm had already started to build. They didn’t have much time before the worst of it was upon them.

  What if Hope did end up getting worse and they couldn’t get her to the vet? Her life was literally in Kate’s hands now, and the responsibility of it weighed heavily on her shoulders.

  It was a different battle than what she was dealing with in her mom’s case because, no matter how hard she fought for her mom, the disease would ultimately win. But if she gave her all to the little horse, she could make a real difference.

  Kate had the power to save Hope’s life. She’d fallen hopelessly in love with the fragile animal, and she would do anything to help her. The renewed sense of purpose sent warmth flickering through her. It seemed this little horse was helping her as much as she was helping it.

  “I’ll leave you to care for our wee little filly here, Kate,” Howard said, pulling his gloves back on. Kate hadn’t even realized he’d stayed behind when the others left.

  “I’ve got to round up the rest of the horses outside and get them in from the storm. I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.” Howard gave her a kind smile before turning to leave. He was one of the oldest cowboys working on the ranch and she had quickly learned he was a big softie. Without a doubt he would be the one other person who’d worry about Hope as much as she was.

  Kate leaned back against a bale at the back of the stall and placed her arms on her bent knees. She watched the gentle rise and fall of Hope’s chest with every difficult breath she took.

  How many times in a day did she have to say to herself that something wasn’t fair? Lately it seemed as though everything in her life was a series of painful experiences which, if she believed all of the self-help books she’d read over the years, were supposed to make her grow.