by Ward, Alice
“I’ll walk you out,” he insisted.
“Until next time, Detective,” I said with a nod. The officer looked back at me with a sad smile.
“Hopefully, I’ll have better news next time we meet, Miss Matthews.”
I slung my bag over my shoulder and followed Asher to the driveway. He leaned against the driver’s door of my car, blocking my path.
“Are you coming home tonight?” he asked softly, unable to meet my eye.
“Yes, I’m coming home tonight. Unless you’d rather I didn’t.”
I stood a few feet away from him, unsure of what to do with myself. Asher reached out and took me by the hips, pulling my body to his. He held me close and rested his head on my shoulder, inhaling my hair as his hot breath tickled my neck.
“I’d rather you never leave at all,” he exhaled. “I’m so sorry, Lauren. I’ve been such an ass. I can’t believe everything that’s happened this week. I can’t believe I’ve been so wrong. Please tell me I haven’t pushed you too far.”
I held his head in my hands and kissed him lightly on the lips. “You have been a total ass,” I agreed. “But with everything you’ve been dealing with, I’m willing to overlook it, just this once. And I have to take responsibility for my part. I should have told you that I asked Kennedy to investigate Rachel’s history. I knew you’d be pissed, but I did it anyway.”
“I know you were trying to look out for me. I guess you were able to see things about her that I just couldn’t. But I still don’t believe—”
“Asher?”
We looked up and saw Parker’s head peeping out of the front door.
“I just got off the phone with David Goins. The family is very anxious to talk to you. I told them we’d leave for LA as soon as possible,” she announced.
“I put a charter on standby a few days ago. I’ll call the airport. I can be ready to leave in ten minutes.”
“I need fifteen,” she replied. “I’ll start gathering my things.”
Parker disappeared again and Asher pulled me into another hug.
“I wish I could come with you,” I told him with a sigh.
“So come with me,” he insisted.
I shook my head. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m intrigued by Rachel’s long lost family. And I know you must be nervous about meeting them, knowing what you know now. But you were right the other day. I’ll be most helpful at the office. I feel useful there.”
He squeezed me against him. “You’ve been a godsend through this, Lauren. And when it’s all over, I’m going to make everything up to you,” Asher promised.
“When all of this is over, I’m going to let you,” I teased.
A brief smile flashed across Asher’s face for the first time since we left London. He kissed me on the forehead and moved away from my car.
“What do you say we have a nice, long dinner tonight, just you and me?” he suggested. “Depending on how this meeting goes, we’ll either toast my success or drink to my demise.”
“Just be honest with them, Asher. And try to really listen to what they have to say. Everyone involved has the same goal — finding Rachel safely. Focus on that and I’m sure you’ll be able to find some common ground.”
“I hope you’re right. I really don’t want to think about what tomorrow will be like if they hold that press conference tonight.”
“If the worst happens, we’ll deal with it,” I promised. “Let’s just try to focus on one thing at a time.”
***
The rest of Friday passed in a blur. As soon as I got back to my office, I realized I had no business being there. My efforts to push thoughts of Asher’s meeting with the Goins family from my mind were completely futile. I was very aware that if the family decided to go ahead with their press conference, Asher’s identity would likely be exposed before he landed in San Francisco. I promised him we’d deal with the worst, should it happen. But I had no idea what that might mean.
I managed to get through the production meeting without incident. But when I met with Merritt and Shawna, they could tell I was distracted. The fourth time I checked my phone for an update, Merritt suggested that we call it a day.
“We can go over this some other time,” she offered. “I know you have a lot going on right now.”
“I’m sorry, ladies. Your designs are right in line with what I’m envisioning for the new game. My head just isn’t here right now. I know that’s not exactly fair.”
“You’re doing a great job,” Shawna insisted. “At least you’re here trying to keep things on track. That’s more than we can say for our fearless leader.”
Merritt’s face flushed red, but her eyes sparkled at the mention of Asher. “I know it’s bad manners to ask, but can you tell us anything at all, Lauren? I mean, it hasn’t gone unnoticed that Asher hasn’t come in to work since Rachel left. And we’ve all seen the cops milling around, asking questions. It’s pretty clear that this is more serious than a simple leave of absence.”
Okay… neither of them have any idea what’s really going on. I don’t know who started the leave of absence rumor, but I guess I should just go with it. If all of this falls apart and the truth gets out, I’m going to have some explaining to do. But I guess I’ll worry about that if and when it happens.
“To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what the cops were doing here,” I insisted. “Asher mentioned something about hiring some outside contractors to test the security systems. I’m sure that’s all it is. As far as Rachel goes, I think she just got a little burnt out. I didn’t realize how heavy her workload is until she went on leave. I’m sure she’ll be back and as good as new as soon as she gets some rest. And I promise I’ll get my head together soon. Let’s plan on meeting again early next week.”
“Sounds good to me,” Merritt agreed. The women were clearly disappointed that I hadn’t fed their gossip mill, but neither of them pressed me for more information. Instead, they gathered their things and wished me a good weekend. I waited until their voices faded away and made my way back to my car.
It’s five o’clock. It’s probably a good sign that I haven’t heard from Asher yet. It means they’re still talking. No news is good news. But what the hell am I supposed to do with myself while I wait?
My first instinct was to drive to Deacon’s penthouse and take my nerves out on a canvas. But I knew Claire was home and I didn’t feel like burdening her with my problems again.
Asher isn’t going to feel like cooking when he gets home. This has probably been one of the most difficult days of his life. But he’s coming a long way in accepting the truth about Rachel. I’ll stop by the farmer’s market and pick up a few of his favorite things. It’s a small gesture, but it might make him feel better.
I drove through the valley, stopping at the small outdoor market at the base of the mountain. I stocked up on smoked meats, fresh farm cheeses, and fresh vegetables. When I got to Asher’s, it took me ten minutes to slice everything and arrange it on trays. Then, I was alone again with nothing to do.
I checked my phone, but there was still no word from Asher. I hit Kennedy’s speed dial and hoped she’d have news.
“Hey, Lauren. I know why you’re calling. But no, I haven’t heard from Parker yet,” she greeted me after the first ring.
“I’ve been telling myself that no news is good news. It stopped working about ten minutes ago, so now I need you to tell me.”
“No news is good news,” she repeated. “And for what it’s worth, I really believe that. If the family decides to hold the press conference, I’ll be one of the first to know. I haven’t heard anything since Parker and Asher landed in LA. Parker said he’s finally starting to open his eyes to the truth. Have things gotten any better between the two of you?”
“We talked today for the first time since you were here,” I replied. “He’s realized Rachel lied to him about her family. But he doesn’t think she stole the money and ran away on her own. To be honest, I’m not sure he isn’t right. I don�
��t know what to think of any of this anymore. Parker mentioned a personality disorder, but she didn’t have a chance to explain it.”
“According to the family, Rachel never received a definite diagnosis. A few doctors suggested she has Borderline Personality Disorder. A few thought she may be schizophrenic. One said he’s willing to bet his practice that she’s a sociopath. A solid diagnosis would have required some cooperation on Rachel’s part, which she was never willing to provide. From what I’ve learned, I’d say Rachel’s pretty much a powder keg. And it’s nothing short of a miracle that she hasn’t destroyed Asher’s life before now.”
I hugged myself as I processed her words. It was sad and scary at the same time. “Do you think they’ll be able to convince her family to stay quiet?”
“I’d say the chances of that are incredibly good. Think about it, Lauren. In a moment of desperation, these people signed over their rights to their child. And they’ve regretted it ever since. They’ve spent the last decade wondering what happened to her. Asher is the only one who can fill in the blanks for them. Once he’s told them everything, they won’t have any need to talk to anyone else. And the last thing they’ll want to do is expose their daughter to more danger before they even lay eyes on her.”
“So you think this meeting is basically a formality?”
“I think the very mention of the press conference was the family’s way of making sure the right people talked to them. And it worked.”
Kennedy sounded confident, but Detective Austin’s warning still danced in my head.
“The cops seem to think that it’s only a matter of time before Asher’s past is exposed. Austin said too many people know the truth for it to possibly remain a secret.”
“I wish I could tell you he’s wrong. But we have absolutely no idea where Rachel is or who she’s talking to. If the time comes, it will help if Asher breaks the story himself. I hate to say it, but you may need to start warming him up to the idea,” she warned.
“I’m not sure he’d ever agree to that,” I admitted, my voice full of defeat.
“He’ll do it when it’s the only option he has,” she assured me. “And everyone else will do their best to protect him. Have you thought about how you want to handle this, Lauren? If Asher’s past is exposed, you almost certainly will be in danger. I know you love the guy, but I love you. And I don’t want to see you hurt in the crossfire.”
I stretched out on the sofa, propping myself up with a set of throw pillows.
“Do you mean have I thought about leaving? Of course I have. I think that thought would cross any sane person’s mind in this situation. I understand the risks I’m taking. But I know in my heart that Asher is worth the risk. If the truth comes out, I’m going to stand by his side and face it with him.”
“And what if he runs?” she countered. “Are you willing to give up everything and everyone you love to run with him?”
It was the question I’d been asking myself since I’d learned the truth about Asher’s past. For the first time, I was certain of my answer.
“Yes, Kennedy. If Asher runs, I’m going with him.”
***
I stirred awake to the sounds of Asher’s dress shoes shuffling across the tile floor. The living room was dark and soft moonlight flooded through the terrace windows. I rolled over as Asher wiggled in beside me.
“Hey, baby,” he whispered, nuzzling into my neck. “I was worried when you didn’t answer my calls. But I’m glad to see you got some rest. How long have you been sleeping?”
“I don’t know,” I replied through a yawn. “What time is it?”
“Ten-fifteen. The meeting went much longer than I expected.”
I pushed myself upright, moving Asher with me. “I must have dozed off after I ate. I tried to wait for you, but I was starving… and thirsty,” I added, gesturing to the half empty bottle of wine on the coffee table. “So… how did it go?”
“In some ways, better than I could have ever expected. Cynthia’s parents are very nice people. And they’re willing to keep quiet on the condition that we merge our investigation with theirs. At this point, I feel like it’s the least I can do.”
“You’re calling her Cynthia now?” I asked, rising to my feet. I crossed the room and flipped on the kitchen light.
“Yes. Over the years, the Goins have collected an entire team of doctors to help them with their daughter, should they ever find her. They brought three of them to the meeting. I got a crash course on all things mental health and at the moment, I feel about this big.”
Asher lifted his right hand and held his thumb and forefinger half an inch apart. I decided to forgo the wine and reached for the scotch instead. I filled two highball glasses and carried them back to the couch.
“Tell me what happened,” I encouraged him, passing him a glass. He downed half of the liquor and sat the drink on the coffee table.
“I always assumed that leaving California was the same for Rachel as it was for me. Changing my name, erasing my past, it was difficult. It was downright painful. But it never made me question who I am. The doctors doubt that was the case for Rachel. They said her sense of self was already severely distorted when we met. They used a lot of clinical terms, but bottom line, I took an already fragile girl and broke her even worse by taking away her name and whisking her away from everything she’d ever known.”
“You were just a kid back then too, Ash,” I reminded him. “You saved her life. And at the time, you were the only person who gave enough of a damn to bother. Don’t let her family make you feel guilty for what you had to do. None of them were around back then to save her.”
I felt an indignant rage build in my chest as I thought about Asher being lectured by the family’s doctors.
“David and Maude said the same thing,” he told me. “They even apologized and acknowledged that their decisions put Rachel and I both in our situation. After hearing their side of the story, I’m not sure I can blame them for what they did. David found a specialist in New York who agreed to take Rachel on as a study patient. She’d already become violent with family members and Maude suspected the family dog hadn’t just disappeared. They knew Rachel wouldn’t agree to the treatment, so they kept it a secret as long as possible. She found a preadmission checklist on David’s computer and went on a rampage. She broke her elderly grandmother’s shin with one swift kick. That’s when she ran away. When the cops found her and her parents went to the station to pick her up, she looked them dead in the eye and threatened to kill them in their sleep. They panicked and took her seriously.”
I shook my head in complete disbelief. “How the hell did this happen?” I demanded. “Surely the family told social services about her mental condition. Why the hell didn’t anyone get her help?”
“I’ve been asking myself that all night. David told me they had all of Rachel’s records faxed over to her caseworker. I don’t know if they got misplaced or ended up in the wrong hands. But somewhere along the way, everyone started to believe Rachel’s story instead of theirs. The part I’m having trouble with is that I didn’t see it. For the last decade, it’s been Rachel and I against the world. I knew that she struggled. I noticed the unhealthy behaviors. But it never once crossed my mind to get her any help. I just assumed it was her personality and ignored all of the warning signs. I let her flail out of control. Maybe I deserve to pay for that.”
“I won’t hear another word of this,” I insisted. “You did the best you could with the knowledge you had to go on. When the Chavez family turned on Rachel, you saved her and went to the police. When they failed you, you saved her again. You kept her alive. You kept her safe. And even now, when all evidence says she’s stolen your money and run away, you are choosing to believe the best of her. You’ve paid with your past, and your present, and you made it abundantly clear that you’re willing to pay with our future. You’re finished paying, Asher.”
“Okay, okay… calm down,” he teased, holding up his hands in mock defe
at.
I met his eyes and realized I was standing. At some point during my rant, I’d started pacing the living room.
“I’m sorry. It kills me to hear you blame yourself. You’re definitely guilty of overlooking Rachel’s behavior. But think about it. How much has she really changed since you first met?”
“Not much at all,” he confessed. “I mean, she sort of cycles through good spells and bad spells. But I can’t think of any drastic deviation from her usual patterns.”
“And when you first met, did you have any reason to think she had a serious mental problem?” I pressed.
Asher thought for a moment and shook his head. “No. I just thought she was a hurt, abandoned girl who deserved to have someone on her side for a change. But you saw it, Lauren. You knew something was wrong with Rachel. You tried to get me to see the truth and I pushed you away.”
“I’m looking at the situation from a much different perspective,” I reminded him. “And you pushed me away because you weren’t ready to see it. I understand that. I don’t like it, but I understand.”
Asher pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“You know, you were wrong about something,” he breathed into my ear.
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“There is no way in hell I will ever sacrifice our future. Not for Rachel, not for anyone. I know I made you feel that way, and I’m sorry. I don’t want you to ever feel like you come second or that I take you for granted. You are the strength and light that calms my chaos. And from now on, I’m going to make a point of showing you exactly how much I love you, starting with this.”
Asher pressed his tender lips to mine and I melted into his touch. He lifted me into his arms and carried me into the bedroom.
“I love you so much, Lauren,” he whispered, dropping his lips to my neck. He lowered me to the mattress and fell beside me. I ran my fingers through his curls and watched the gold flecks in his eyes sparkle in the moonlight.
“I love you too, baby,” I cooed.
He held my gaze and kissed me again, teasing my tongue with his. My eyelids fluttered and he brought a single hand to my cheek, tracing the outline of my face with a soft finger.