by Lauren Rowe
Chapter 43
Josh
“When Josh asked me to be his best man,” Jonas says, speaking into the microphone in his hand, “the first thing I thought was, ‘Oh, shit.’”
Everyone seated in the reception room laughs.
“Because I immediately realized I’d have to give this fucking speech—excuse my language—and anyone who knows me will tell you I absolutely hate giving speeches, almost as much as I hate hip-hop and One Direction and talking about my fucking feelings—excuse my language again.” He grins at Sarah and she beams an adorable smile at him. “So I’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet.” Jonas raises his champagne flute and everyone follows suit. “Aristotle says love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Well, Josh and Kat, when I look at you two together, and the way you fit together like two halves of a divinely designed puzzle, I know in my bones Aristotle’s words remain true to this very day. My wish for you both is that you find eternal light outside the cave together. Welcome to the Faraday family, Kat—and thank you for taking my constantly emoting brother off my hands.” Jonas raises his glass. “To Josh and Kat. Hear, hear.”
“Hear, hear,” everyone says, taking a sip of champagne.
“Damn, we Faradays rock,” Kat whispers into my ear.
Jonas lurches over to Kat and me and hugs us fervently, and then hands the microphone to his adorable wife.
“Kitty Kat,” Sarah begins, smiling. “My best friend and now my sister—oh, I just gave myself goose bumps saying that.” She giggles and everyone joins her. “Anyone can see how beautiful you are on the outside—it’s actually quite unfair how truly gorgeous you are, Kat—but the amazing thing about you, the unexpected thing, is that you’re as beautiful on the inside, too.” Sarah’s voice wobbles. “Most people can only dream of having a best friend like you, Kitty Kat—and I’m the lucky bitch who actually does.”
Everyone in the reception room laughs.
“I love you so much, Kat,” Sarah says.
“I love you, too,” Kat mouths, her hand on her heart.
Sarah looks at me, seated next to Kat at the end of our table. “Joshy Woshy. You’re quite a beast of a man, you know that?”
Everyone in the reception chuckles and cheers in agreement with that statement.
“Josh, I marvel at your sheer amazingness every day,” Sarah continues. “I’m so lucky to be your sister. Thank you for embracing me as part of your family. I love you with all my heart.”
“I love you, too,” I mouth.
“And to Josh and Kat together—the Playboy and The Party Girl with a Hyphen—the unstoppable duo. The poet Kahlil Gibran said, ‘Marriage is the golden ring in a chain whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is Eternity.’ It’s been thrilling to watch your first glance at Jonas’ house turn into the beautiful eternity of today.”
Kat rests her cheek on my shoulder and I squeeze her hand.
“But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit you two scare the bajeezus out of me,” Sarah continues, and everyone in the room chuckles. “Seriously, every time I’m in an enclosed space with you two, I find myself immediately scanning for emergency exits and fire extinguishers.”
Everyone laughs again.
Sarah raises her glass. “To Josh and Kat. May you always inspire everyone around you to scan for emergency exits and fire extinguishers. Hear, hear.”
“Aw,” Kat says next to me, raising her sparkling apple cider.
“Hear, hear,” everyone in the room says.
I get up and kiss Sarah’s cheek and take the microphone from her.
“Thank you, Sarah. Thank you, Jonas. We love you guys so much. We Faradays are pretty effing cool, I gotta say.” I turn toward the smiling faces in the room. “I want to thank you all for joining us, not just for today’s celebration, but for this whole past week in paradise. I know you all have busy lives so we thank you for taking so much time to celebrate and party with us this whole week. It’s been incredible, hasn’t it?”
Everyone claps and cheers.
I glance at Kat and the sight of her makes me completely forget what I was about to say. “Hello, Mrs. Faraday,” I say softly, not into the microphone.
Kat blushes. “Hello, Mr. Faraday.”
We stare at each other for a beat.
“Better give your speech, honey,” she prompts. “People are waiting.”
I chuckle and put the microphone to my lips again. “Thank you, dear.”
Everyone laughs.
“First off, I’d like to say my first ever toast to Mrs. Katherine Faraday. You rock my world, baby. My greatest joy in this life is the honor and privilege of calling you my wife.”
Kat blushes and bats her eyelashes.
“To you, babe. The Party Girl with the Heart of Gold.”
Everyone in the room toasts and drinks.
“Oh!” Kat suddenly blurts, her hand on her belly. “Wowza. That was a biggie!”
I lurch toward Kat and she grabs my hand and places it on the side of her belly, and, instantly, I feel someone throwing an upper cut against my hand.
“Whoa!” I shout. This isn’t the first time I’m feeling my baby kick, of course—I finally managed to give Little G her first-ever high-five a few weeks ago—but this is by far the strongest movement I’ve felt. “So cool,” I say when Gracie punches me forcefully again. I give Gracie a high-five with my fingertip and she kicks the crap out of my finger, right on cue. I put the microphone to my mouth again. “Sorry about that, folks. Gracie wanted to join the toast to her mommy, I guess. I think she’s inside her mommy’s belly shouting, ‘Hear, hear!’”
Kat pulls the microphone in my hand to her mouth. “We’re starting her young,” she says, and everyone laughs. Kat hands the microphone back to me. “Come on, babe. These people wanna dance. Wrap it up.” She makes a swirling motion with her index finger.
“Okay, just a few more words,” I say. “The missus says I gotta wrap it up. I’d like to say a special thanks to my great friend Reed for that incredible surprise earlier. Wasn’t that amazing?”
Everyone claps and cheers wildly.
“When Reed asked me what song Kat and I wanted for our first dance, I thought he was gonna arrange for the cover band to play it for us. I truly had no idea he was gonna fly James Bay to Maui.” I laugh heartily, thinking about how shocked Kat and I were when James Bay himself waltzed into our reception hall two hours ago and started serenading us on acoustic guitar. I raise my champagne flute to Reed. “Thank you, bro. We’ll never forget that moment as long as we live.”
Reed points his glass at me and winks.
I guide Kat out of her chair, snake my arm around her ever-growing waist, and pull her to me as I address the room again. “And one last thing. With my beautiful wife by my side, I wanna say a few words of thanks to my new family, The Morgans. There’s been a lot of talk about Kat becoming a Faraday today, but, trust me, I got the better end of the bargain. You know that expression ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’? Well, that’s especially true when it comes to Kat.” I raise my glass to Kat’s immediate family at their nearby table, and they all return the gesture. “To Tom Tom Club, Momma Lou, Cheese, Captain, Peen, and Baby Brother—and all the Morgans I’ve met this past week, too—” I raise my glass to the various Morgans seated at tables in the large room. “Thank you for your part in making Kat the incredible woman she is today and for letting me be part of your hilarious and fucking awesome family. Hear, hear. ”
“Hear, hear,” everyone in the room says in unison.
Kat throws her arms around my neck and squeezes me tightly.
“You wanna say a few words?” I whisper to her.
Kat shakes her head. “Hell no. I just wanna dance.”
“So, okay,” I say into the microphone as Kat squeezes the life out of me. “Mrs. Faraday says enough talking about our fucking feelings—it’s time to dance.”
Chapter 44
Josh
“Fuckin
g motherfucker!” Kat shrieks, squeezing my hand. “Jesus Christ Superstar!”
I lean into Kat’s sweaty face. “Do your breathing, babe. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.”
“Fuck that shit. You breathe in through your nose and out your mouth, motherfucker—I want a fucking epidural!”
“Babe, you heard the doctor—everything happened way too fast for an epidural. We missed the window. Just breathe. Like this.” I lean into Kat’s face and model the breathing we learned at our getting-ready-for-childbirth class at the hospital.
Kat’s eyes turn unequivocally homicidal. “If you breathe like that again, I swear I’ll cut off your balls and make s’mores out of ’em,” she growls.
I bite my lip and cease all breathing.
The monitor attached to Kat tells me she’s in the throes of another huge contraction.
“Push now, Kat,” the doctor says. “Right now.”
“I can’t.”
“Sure you can,” I say. “You’re a beast—you can do anything.”
“Just gimme a second—fuck!” She lets out a blood-curdling scream. “Motherfucker!”
I look at the doctor, my heart racing. “Is something wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” the doctor says. “Kat’s just expressing herself. Isn’t that right, Kat?”
Kat whimpers. “December second’s not for eleven more days—I needed more time to mentally prepare to do this.”
“Sorry, Kat. She’s decided to come today,” the doctor says. “In about three minutes, I’d estimate.”
“But she wasn’t supposed to be a Scorpio,” Kat whines. “She’s supposed to be a Sagittarius.” She lets out a truly pathetic sound. “Please, God, I’ll be good and nice from here on out. I’ll never lose my temper. I’ll be patient. Saintly. Just, please, don’t give me a goddamned fucking female Scorpio.” She grips my hand fiercely. “Babe, listen to me. Tell them to stuff her back in for another twenty-four hours. Please. Tomorrow, she’ll be a sweet little Sagittarius. Please. Pay them, Josh. Make them listen.”
The monitor hooked up to Kat indicates another huge contraction is hitting her—which is something I’d have surmised without the monitor, based on the string of expletives suddenly spewing from her mouth.
“Push now,” the doctor says. “Push with the contraction, Kat. You can do it.”
Kat bears down and pushes, as instructed, growling and whimpering as she does.
When the contraction is over, I lean into Kat’s sweaty face. “Good job, baby. You’re doing great.”
“Okay, Kat,” Dr. Gupta says. “Two more big pushes and the baby will be out.”
“I can’t,” Kat says, her tone pathetic.
I touch Kat’s beautiful, sweaty face. “You can do this, babe.” I squeeze her hand. “We’re so close.”
“What do you mean ‘we’? Are you gonna do this? Are you gonna pass a fucking bowling ball?”
“Push now, Kat,” the doctor instructs. “Right now.”
Kat takes a huge breath and bears down, her face turning bright red.
“Good. That’s good,” Dr. Gupta says. “You’re doing great, Kat. Okay. Rest for a moment and then we’ll do it one more time.”
Kat grips my hand. She’s shaking violently. “I’m done,” she says meekly. “I can’t do any more. Knock me out, Doc. Stuff her back up inside me and cut her out. I don’t care. Do whatever you have to do. I quit.”
I stroke Kat’s beautiful cheek. “You don’t know the meaning of the word ‘quit.’”
“Yes, I do,” Kat whimpers. “I’m not a beast—I want my mommy.” She bursts into tears.
“Your mommy’s coming as fast as she can. Everyone’s on their way, baby. It just happened too fast for them to get here in time.”
“I’ve change my mind. I don’t want a baby, after all. Stuff her back in!” she cries. “Make her go away!”
I laugh, even though I shouldn’t.
“Here we go,” Dr. Gupta says calmly, looking at the monitor next to Kat. “You’re gonna push with this next contraction, Kat—one more big push and this baby will be out and you’ll be a mommy. Come on.”
Kat whimpers pathetically again.
I squeeze Kat’s hand. “Come on, baby. Dig deep.”
“You dig deep, motherfucker,” she says, making me chuckle, but, immediately, she bears down, as instructed, grunting loudly with her effort, and not more than twenty seconds later, a tiny, pink angel pops out from between my wife’s legs, shrieking like I just woke her up from an afternoon nap in front of the TV by shouting “Boo!”
And, just like that, my heart is no longer inside my body.
My cheeks are absolutely soaking wet.
And I’m exactly the man—the husband and father—I was always meant to be.
Chapter 45
Josh
“Babe! Get in here!” Kat shrieks. “They just introduced him!”
I throw on a pair of briefs, race out of the bathroom still wet from my shower, and leap onto the bed next to Kat, careful not to crush Gracie’s blonde head as she sleeps at Kat’s breast.
“There he is!” Kat shrieks, pointing with excitement at the TV.
I look at the television screen and, I’ll be damned, yep, there he is: Will “2Real” Riley, holding a microphone and launching into a beastly performance of his monster hip-hop hit, “Crash” on Saturday Night Live. “Oh my God!” Kat shrieks. “Look at him! He’s killing it!”
“I feel electrified just watching him,” I say. “I can’t imagine how he must feel.”
“Did you know Will was this amazing?”
“I had no idea,” I say. “He was so funny and chill when we hung out with him. Who knew?”
“I guess we were hanging out with Will, not ‘2Real,’ huh?” Kat says.
“Indubitably,” I say.
We sit and watch Will’s entire performance, completely mesmerized, and when it’s over, we cheer and clap like we’re sitting in the live audience.
I grab my phone off the nightstand and quickly shoot a text to Reed. “Just watched your boy on SNL,” I write. “HE KILLED IT. Tell him congrats from Mr. and Mrs. Faraday and Little G.” I put my phone back on the nightstand. “Jesus, between 2Real and Red Card Riot this past year, Reed’s absolutely slaying it.”
“God, I sure hope his streak continues into next year when Daxy’s album comes out,” Kat says.
“Reed sure thinks it will. He told me just the other day he smells a smash hit.”
“Which song?”
“Reed predicts ‘People Like You and Me’ will be the break-out first single.”
“That’s my favorite, too,” Kat says.
Out of nowhere, Gracie busts out with an ear-piercing wail.
“Oh my goodness, little lady,” Kat says, opening a flap on her nursing nightgown and pulling out her engorged boob. “No need to scream, for crying out loud. I’m right here.” She sticks Gracie on her nipple and Gracie immediately latches on and starts gulping down milk in hungry swallows. “Wowza, can this kid eat,” Kat says, looking down at Gracie’s little face.
I lay my palm on the top of Gracie’s soft head as she suckles and stroke her white-blonde peach fuzz. “She’s passionate about eating, that’s for sure,” I say softly. “Aren’t you, my little angel?”
Kat rolls her eyes. “Don’t kid yourself by calling her an angel. We both know she’s a demon spawn disguised as an angel.”
“No. She’s just passionate, like I say—she simply knows what she wants. Nothing wrong with that.” I continue gently stroking Gracie’s soft head. “Isn’t that right, Mademoiselle Terrorist? You’re just assertive, that’s all.”
Kat looks down at Gracie’s face as she nurses. “Mark my words, she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing, I’m telling you, babe. She’s gonna be bossing you around in no time.”
“Good. I’ve always liked ’em sassy,” I say. “Don’t worry, I know just how to handle her.”
We share a smile.
“So what do you wanna do for your birthday in a couple weeks, honey?” Kat asks. “After three months of being marooned in Babyville, are you in the mood to break out of our baby-bondage and paint the town red?”
I lean down and nuzzle my nose into Gracie’s soft hair for a long moment, breathing in her scent. “Not really,” I say softly. “I’m happy to stay home this year. Why don’t we do the romantic-dinner-thing I’d originally planned for the night you poker-chipped me with Bridgette?”
“You sure? Thirty-one’s a biggie.”
I chuckle. “Thirty-one is meaningless.”
“Bite your tongue. You didn’t think you’d make it to thirty, remember? And now you’re gonna be thirty-one. That’s a big deal.”
I make a face like maybe she’s got a point.
“You sure you don’t wanna get freaky-deaky and do something really wild and crazy to celebrate your unexpected old age?”
I touch Gracie’s hand as she continues to eat and she curls her little fingers around my index finger. “No. I had a huge party for my thirtieth. Jay-Z played, actually.”
“Oh, well that wasn’t excessive or anything.”
“So this year I’m ready to have a quiet celebration, just my wife, my baby, and me—a romantic dinner for two-and-a-half—followed by you and me getting freaky-deaky on the carpet in the nursery again after Little G falls asleep.” I wink. “I really like the way that carpet feels on my balls.”
Without warning, Gracie pulls sharply away from Kat’s breast, milk dripping down her chin, and glares at me like she understood every word of what I just said.
We both burst out laughing at the hilariously pissed expression on Gracie’s face—and the sound of our laughter makes Gracie break into gurgling peals of adorable laughter, too.
“Take a video of her giggling, babe,” Kat says. “Oh my God. She’s hilarious!”
I grab my phone and take the video, followed by a whole bunch of photos of Kat and Gracie together. But after a moment, Gracie begins fussing so Kat tries to get her to feed off her other boob.