by Kaylee, Katy
I had no clue. Especially not after a decade of separation. Who knew how she could have changed, could have become a better or worse person in the intervening years?
Unable to think of anything to say, I glanced down at her chart in my hands. Looked like she wanted to have a kid. Obviously, why else would she be at a fertility clinic? But she wasn’t married.
Interesting.
Of course, some women wanted to have a baby and they weren’t married but had a partner of some kind. Or they were serving as a surrogate for someone else. But I also had entirely single moms who wanted a kid and didn’t want to wait around for Mr. Right to have one. Good for them, I always said.
Why wait on a perfect person who might or might not show up in order to have a baby? Why wait on that joy?
Looked like Veronica was one of those women. I couldn’t help but admire that a bit. Her family was old-fashioned and that meant husband first, then a baby. Raising the kid on her own had to be shocking her snobbish parents half to death. I almost chuckled out loud at the vision.
“Looks like you’re here for the initial examination and options assessment,” I said aloud. “I take it my head nurse went over the basic consultation with you?”
I’d had to have Bridget take on some basic consultations just to make sure I didn’t overwork myself. And she had a good manner with the patients, she really got them to relax.
Veronica nodded, and I realized that if she was here for that… I would have to examine her.
Fuck.
The idea of examining my ex-girlfriend probably should have made me feel awkward, maybe even uncomfortable, but instead… instead it made me excited. Made my cock twitch in interest.
I’d had other women since Veronica, of course. I hadn’t been celibate for ten years. But I hadn’t had any serious relationships. I hadn’t wanted any - my career, my work, came first. And no woman that I’d been with had gotten me as hard or turned me on more than Veronica had. I’d thought, hey, maybe it was just nostalgia, but now, seeing her in person…
She was mouthwatering.
I had so many memories of the way she looked naked, how she smelled when I had her whimpering for me, how she tasted when I got my tongue on her clit, how she felt wrapped around me, clinging to me - it was like an assault from my senses.
Shit, shit, shit.
This was a big red flag. Not just for my heart, but for my profession. My patients trusted me to be objective and to treat them with respect in all areas.
Men who worked in OB/GYN could be - well, they could be assholes, frankly. I’d heard so many goddamn horror stories in my time. Once I’d even punched a fellow doctor for the way he was talking about his patient. Doctors ogled their patients, looked at their breasts, gossiped about their bodies with other doctors, it was disgusting. There were some guys where they never actually said it out loud but you could just fucking tell that they’d gotten into this profession to leer at their patients like the misogynistic creeps they were.
I wasn’t in it for that. I wanted my patients to feel safe and respected, to feel like they could trust me, especially with something so intimate and emotional.
And I liked to think that I had succeeded it removing any personal thoughts or subjective feelings from the equation. I could be objective with my patients. I wasn’t turned on by them and I didn’t want to be.
But with Veronica…
If this was how I felt just from the first moment, then I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stay objective with her.
I took a few deep breaths to steady myself. “I have to say I’m… I’m surprised to see you. It’s been, what, over ten years? It’s good to see you though.”
Veronica looked surprised that I was being so friendly. “I…I’m sorry, I had no idea that Dr. Winters meant Ted Winters. I wouldn’t have…imposed on you, I mean, if I’d known.” She paused. “I… I never would’ve pegged you for a doctor,” she admitted, almost shyly.
I shrugged. “People change.”
That wasn’t the full truth, of course, but there was no way I could tell her that I’d become a doctor because she’d dumped me.
Veronica had told me that I wasn’t serious about anything, that I wasn’t going to make anything of myself, and she needed to be with someone who would. Honestly, it had all sounded exactly the way that her parents would talk - and Veronica had always derided how her parents spoke, at least in private to me. I guess she’d been more like them than I’d thought.
It had been a betrayal, a stab to the heart that I hadn’t expected and never wanted to repeat. But there had been one good thing, or sort of good thing, that had come out of it and that had been a real desire to prove myself.
To prove to the world that I wasn’t a fuck up, a good-for-nothing.
All of my high school career I had told myself that all I needed was Veronica. Once she had been gone, what had been left? I wasn’t going to despair and I wasn’t going to just give up. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to become a deadbeat drunk like my father. So I had decided to become one of the most respected professions out there: a doctor.
To my surprise, I had found I really enjoyed anatomy and biology and all the rest. And a doctor helped people. The insurance system was a total bitch but I did what I could to work around that and make sure all of my patients got what they needed.
Maybe, ironically, I should thank Veronica now for the way that she’d dumped me. It had lit a fire under my ass like nothing else and had set me on the very successful and lucrative - and fulfilling - career that I currently had.
I doubted I’d be here today if it wasn’t for her hurtful words.
But that felt a little too much like stirring the pot, so instead I said, “I know this might be awkward for you, so if you’d like to find another doctor I completely understand. I could recommend someone.”
Veronica went silent, biting her lip in that way she used to always do when she was deep in thought. I wanted to bite her lip instead, get her to gasp, and then slide my tongue inside…
Dammit, Ted, for the love of God, focus.
“I appreciate the offer, but I’m okay.” Veronica looked at me and put a small smile on her face. “Your clinic was recommended to me by several friends, and I’d prefer not to have to find another clinic and go through the waiting process all over again. I want to have a baby sooner rather than later, you know?”
I did know. All of my patients felt the same way. Humans were impatient creatures by nature, I sure as hell understood that. And when a person wanted a kid, why wait?
“And, I mean…” Veronica gave a short laugh. “You’ve already seen everything, you know, so hopefully this will be less awkward.”
I laughed, startled. I wouldn’t have expected such a practical reaction from her. Veronica had been… well she’d been very concerned about her appearance and how people perceived her. I would have thought that she would be frantic over gossip or rumors, or what people would say if they found out.
But instead she was being rather laidback about the whole thing - and the one thing Veronica had never been before was laidback.
I supposed that ten years really could change a person.
It made me curious - curious in a way that I hadn’t planned on being when I first clapped eyes on her. If Veronica was the same person that she’d been when we were in high school, I wouldn’t have cared anymore about her, as sexy as she still was to me. That thick, rich dark hair and those hazel eyes were just as entrancing now as they’d been when she was seventeen—more so, actually, because now she had finished growing, her body fully developed, her face filled out. Before, she’d been a girl, but now she was a woman.
Just sexual chemistry wasn’t enough, though. And you would be surprised how many people didn’t change from high school and instead stayed the same. But Veronica seemed different. And now I was wondering all over again which version of her was the real one.
And I was determined to find out.
2
&n
bsp; Veronica
Oh God. I didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or just outright leave - honestly, leaving would’ve been the better choice. I had broken Ted’s heart back in the day and I’d known it. I’d known it back then, and I knew it now. Twelve years was a long time, sure, but was it really enough to forgive someone who’d hurt you and never apologized?
But despite what common sense was telling me… something was making me stay. Maybe it was how Ted was putting me at ease, smiling at me and acting like there were no hard feelings whatsoever. He hadn’t even mentioned how I’d dumped him so carelessly.
Of course, Ted had always been good at making me feel comfortable. Everyone else had just taken one look at his prickly demeanor and his dramatic clothes and decided that he wasn’t worth it but I’d seen past that. Ted had been a scared and hurt person so he’d been careful about letting people get in close. But he’d also been warmhearted and thoughtful.
You wouldn’t have expected that, given the kind of bastard he had for an example growing up, but Ted had found a way to learn gentleness.
He had been gentler than me, in the end.
Instead of feeling more awkward, I found myself relaxing as Ted began to make conversation with me, easing me in with small talk. Maybe it was his soothing, rich voice, a voice that had deepened and rounded out since I’d last known him, changing from the voice of a boy to a man. Or maybe it was his relaxed shoulders and easy smile. Or maybe it was a combination of all the little things about him.
“What have you been up to this past decade?” he asked.
I couldn’t answer that. I couldn’t even begin. Instead I responded with, “You’ve clearly been up to a lot. Like medical school. And getting a normal haircut. It’s not green anymore.”
Ted laughed. “Yeah, well, my professors at med school just didn’t seem to take me seriously with the mohawk and the piercings. Or the green hair. It sucks that people will still judge by appearances but in the end, it’s less work every morning. You remember how much hair gel I had to use.”
“Yeah, twice as much as I did! I suppose the whole… look helps with your clients too.”
“It does. People tend to get intimidated easily in this situation and I don’t blame them.” Ted put my chart down. “Speaking of, we should get started on the exam.” He washed his hands and put on gloves. “Just lie back, and let me know if you feel uncomfortable at any point, okay?”
I nodded and did as I was told.
As the examination began I felt tense, unable to keep myself relaxed. I would’ve been a bit tense no matter who the doctor was. I hadn’t had anyone besides myself touching me since I had divorced Chad. And the memories I did have weren’t pleasant. Chad had never assaulted me but I hadn’t been attracted to him in years. I’d had sex with him because it was expected, because I didn’t want to bother fighting over it.
I’d almost been grateful when he’d started cheating on me, so much that he no longer had time to fuck me.
As if he could sense my awkwardness, Ted kept up a steady stream of talk. I asked about the clinic and about med school and he seemed happy to trot out some amusing anecdotes, ones that I was sure he’d told to other clients to help them feel more at ease as well. But they were genuinely funny, and I found myself chuckling. Little by little I relaxed, and we were able to get through the exam just fine.
Except for the little bit of me that kind of liked having his hands on me again.
Okay, more than kind of.
He wasn’t doing anything that was arousing, far from it, and he was wearing those plastic gloves - but still.
I tried not to think about it, just holding my breath, so to speak, until the examination ended.
“That should cover everything,” he said, taking off his gloves and throwing them in the trash. “I’ll step out and you can get dressed, and one of my nurses will show you to my office when you’re ready.” He gave me another warm smile and I felt myself melting a little.
“Sure thing,” I said, nodding, waiting until he left the room to collapse onto the examination table.
Holy shit. Holy shit.
How was any of that even real? It felt like a dream - the craziest dream I’d ever had!
Only if this was a dream, I had a feeling that I would be getting fucked on the examination table right now instead of just examined professionally.
I got dressed quickly, not wanting to waste any time. I found myself, of all things, examining my outfit and wondering if it looked good - if I looked good - as if that mattered after he’d seen me in the paper hospital gown, or as if I had the power to change my outfit if I found it subpar.
My outfit choice this morning had been about just being practical: a pair of ballet flats, a professional pencil skirt and a blouse. I had recently started to wear things like jeans after being told my whole life I had to look feminine and constantly wear dresses and skirts, and I did like my more laidback look that I was slowly adopting, but I still felt the most comfortable in more feminine outfits. It felt like armor. Like I was ready to face the world.
At least now I could wear the darker colors that I preferred, like this black skirt, instead of wearing nothing but pastels all the time.
I checked my hair in the mirror, running my fingers through it, and smoothed out my skirt. The whole time I chastised myself for caring so much, but at the same time… I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
When I was ready, the nurse - a different one from before - showed me into the office where the actual consulting happened and we would talk about my options. I looked around as the door closed behind me, surprised at the furnishings. They were tasteful, but also had pops of color that were a departure from every leather-and-dark-wood furnished doctor’s office I’d ever been to. Funny little ‘inspirational quotes’ were on the shelves and there was a photo of a kitten hanging on the wall.
“I’ve found that Muffins helps patients to feel at ease,” Ted told me with a sly grin.
I laughed. “Muffins?”
“See, he’s put you at ease already.” Ted winked and my stomach flipped, the same way it always had whenever he’d wink at me during bio class.
The Ted that I’d known would never have been so playful. I liked it.
I sat down in the chair across from this desk, and Ted tapped my file. “So, you’re in the prime of your health, and you seem to be all good to go, so nothing’s wrong on your end as far as I can tell. That’s a good thing - but I have to admit, it makes me wonder why you’re here.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well… most women who come to me have a problem, either with their own bodies or with their partners, and they’ve been trying for a while to get pregnant without success. A lot of the time I try to encourage people to adopt, since there are a lot of kids out there who already exist that need love, but people really want a child of their own, and I understand that. But they’re here because they need help getting pregnant. But you…” Ted gestured at my file again. “You check out. I don’t really see why you’re here with me when you could just as easily get pregnant the old-fashioned way.”
I could feel my face heating up and I tried not to let my embarrassment show too much. “I’m afraid that’s out of the question.”
“Ah.” Ted didn’t ask any further questions, but I could see curiosity sparking in his eyes.
I didn’t want to go into all the messy details. It was just… too much for me. Even after it was all said and done, talking about that hurt - poking at it - it was still too raw.
Instead I just said, “I’m no longer in a relationship and I don’t want to get involved in another one any time soon. But I don’t want to wait for a child, so I’m going to have this baby on my own.”
Ted nodded. “I’ve had women come in who feel the same way. I think it’s admirable. You shouldn’t have to wait on someone else to achieve a dream of yours. If that’s what you’ve determined, then we have a few options.”
He opened a drawer in his d
esk and pulled out some papers. “This is some literature to help you get started and a list of websites and books with more information if you want it, including some online forums where you can talk to other women about their experiences.” He handed all the papers to me.
“There’s intrauterine insemination with a sperm donor,” he went on, “and that’s usually the safest and easiest option, since you’re still young and you don’t seem to have any health issues. We have in vitro fertilization, which is the one you’ll most commonly have heard of, and that would also be with donor sperm - all of this would be with donor sperm, of course, and we have a database for that unless there’s someone you know personally who would be willing to donate.”
“No, there isn’t anyone.” I had assumed I would choose from a bank. I didn’t care if the donor was a rocket scientist or if he was handsome, I just wanted to find someone who had qualities that made them seem like a kind and thoughtful person. I had been surrounded all of my life with selfish and thoughtless, controlling, manipulative people. I just wanted my child to have the best chance to be someone kind.
“Okay.” Ted nodded. “So there’s two options. I would also recommend freezing your eggs and embryos for later use to preserve your fertility. Another option you have, if you don’t want to carry the pregnancy yourself, is to do IVF surrogacy.”
I shook my head. “I’d like to go through this myself, if I’m able to.”
“Read up on it anyway, just in case the other treatments don’t work out for some reason and we have to get you a surrogate.”
That made sense. Best to be prepared and all that. I didn’t want to choose a surrogate because how could I possibly raise a child if I wasn’t willing to carry them for nine months? If I didn’t want to be pregnant than I should adopt a child who already existed and already needed love.
But if I wanted a child of my own, I felt that I should be able to go through the pregnancy for them, if at all possible.
I nodded at Ted. “Thank you, I’ll read up on all of it.”