by Cameron Jace
“We’ll know the rest of the truth eventually,” the Queen said. “Now, you have to make sure Mrs. Tock and Mr. Tick bring her back.”
“It won’t be easy, as she still has to find her Wonder to return.”
The Queen went silent. Margaret’s plan wasn’t perfect, after all. They had dug a hole for themselves by tricking Alice into needing her Wonder to survive. “I don’t care,” she said. “I want my Real Alice back. I need her so we win the war. Fix it.”
“I’ll see what we can do. How about the keys?”
“She is the Real Alice. She will find them. All that matters is bringing her back now!”
The Queen hung up and then paced left and right, her dogs following her everywhere. “Think. Think. Think,” she told herself, knowing that thinking wasn’t her best talent. “Guards!”
A few of them arrived immediately.
“I want you to chop off the heads of a thousand lions,” she ordered. “Find them. Buy them. Chop them off. This is the most festive day of my life. Understood?”
“Where do we find the lions, My Queen?” a guard asked.
“You find the lions where everyone finds the lions.”
“Which is where exactly?” the guard asked.
“Stupid guards.” The Queen jumped atop a chair and yelled at him, “Did you ever see a lion?”
“Yes.”
“Where?”
“On TV.”
“That’s why you don’t know where lions are. This is what TV does to you younger generation. Now go chop off the heads of a thousand lions.”
The guard shrugged. “I’m sorry, My Queen. But where do I find the lions again?”
The Queen stamped her feet, risking the unbalancing of the chair. “Where lions always are. The cages of a zoo. Don’t you know that they like to live in cages and have people watching them all the time?”
“Of course, My Queen,” the puzzled guards said, and left the room.
The Queen began itching her chin. “What will I do with Alice when she comes back?” She jumped off the chair and talked to her dogs, whose ears stood erect. “I’m sure she will help us win the war. But if there is still that nagging part in her longing for redemption, what should I do with her? I need to protect myself.”
She paced more and more. Swallowed a few nuts. Choked on one. Spat it out, and a dog caught it. “Damn you, Pillar.” The Queen halted in the middle of her chamber. “That’s why you got into the asylum, you devious butterfly. You knew it was her. You wanted to convert her against us.” She walked to her balcony for a fresher breath of air. “I think I’ll have to find a way to keep the Real Alice away after I use her to win the war.”
And then the Queen had an idea. “What about a compound? The Wonderland Compound. Where all those who help me win the war will enjoy immunity against the madness in the world.” She clicked her fingers and jumped atop the balcony’s rail. “I’m a genius. Alice, like any other girl, will want to get married and have kids. I’ll get a boy to seduce her, impregnate her, and then she will be knee-deep in her personal troubles. I’ll offer her a lavish life in the compound. A life she will never refuse. What a plan!”
57
THE PRESENT: TOM QUAD
Fabiola arrived on time, shivering underneath a black umbrella. The rain was still pouring. The Pillar stood up. He felt for her. The tension in her eyes told him she knew. There was no going back now.
“Does it make a difference if I tell you I hate you again?” she said.
“Hating someone never makes a difference,” the Pillar said. “Loving someone does.”
“Shut up, or I’ll stab you with my Vorpal sword.”
“I know you’re capable of that and even worse,” the Pillar said. “I just don’t know why you haven’t stabbed me yet.”
“Why, Carter?” she pleaded. “Why did you wake her up? She had chosen to stay mad and save the world from her wrath.”
“Everyone deserves a second chance.”
“Don’t feed me your lies, not after all that you have done in the past.”
“Everyone deserves a second chance,” the Pillar said again. His tone the same. He wanted to pass a message. Sometimes you had to tell people twice to get them out of their heads.
“She is beyond redemption.”
“Says the White Queen who killed millions and resorted to becoming a nun?”
“I killed in the name of glory.” She gritted her teeth. “I killed to save children from Wonderland Monsters. I killed for the Inklings, not Black Chess. For a good cause.”
“So says the religious bomber who explodes a school bus full of kids every day. We can justify all we want. The truth will remain blurry, and we can only trust our hearts.”
“So that’s it? You believed in your heart when you woke the dark Alice up, you made a paper-thin hero out of her.”
“Yes, Fabiola. All you have to do is look at her. Just look without prejudice. She can do it.”
“Do what?” Fabiola asked. “Don’t you remember what she did after the Circus?”
“Funny how we remember what she did, but don’t remember her.”
“Stop messing with my mind. She went bonkers. The darkest Wonderland Monster of all.”
“You’re talking about the circus, which you helped her to find in the vision when she was in the Garden of Cosmic Speculation.”
“I did it to prove she wasn’t the Real Alice.”
“Liar,” the Pillar said. “You did it to prove she was the Real Alice, so you could kill her. Or you did it because you believed in this delusional girl who had magically saved so many lives in so few weeks.”
Fabiola shrugged, drops of rain splashing on her nose. “And you fooled us all. You fed us all these lies about her being a hero.”
“I fed you the truth, one lie after the other. Sometimes good comes out of evil. It is about to get dark in a few hours.” He nodded at the skyline. “It doesn’t mean the sun won’t shine tomorrow.”
“You’re twisting the words to your liking, like you always have, Carter. Do you have any idea how much damage you caused to her by waking her up?”
“Damage to her, or to you?”
“Stop twisting my words, I said. What was the point, Carter? What was the point of proving she was the Real Alice?”
“To show you she can do good,” the Pillar said. “To show she can save the world from the Cheshire, the Muffin Man, the Executioner, Carolus, and even me.”
“She did it thinking she was someone else. Someone you made her think she is.”
“So the things we do, knowing who we are, count, and the things we do pretending we’re a better someone else don’t?”
“Oh, spare me the philosophy.”
“Or spare you the truth?”
“The truth is she is a killer, Black Chess’s favorite.”
“The truth is she is a lifesaver who stood in Black Chess’s way many times,” the Pillar countered. “Even the timeline suggests what I’m saying is true. Once she was evil, now she is a hero. Let it go.”
“You’re trying to fix a broken soul because you can’t fix yourself.”
“I’m immune to insults, Fabiola. Try something else.”
“You want something else?” She stepped forward, locking eyes with him. It was the moment he feared the most. But it was inevitable. “From this day on, you and your precious little devil are the Inklings’ enemies. My enemies.”
The Pillar shrugged.
“I will declare war on Alice.”
“I knew you would.”
“That’s because you know me from way back. You know who I really am. The fierce warrior that fought for the Inklings no matter what. Winning the Wonderland War is the greater cause. Not the redemption of your mad little princess.”
“Just don’t say it to her face,” the Pillar said. “She really loves you. It will crush her.”
Fabiola’s face twitched. She had just confessed her love for Alice a few hours back. Now, in the blink of an e
ye, the tables had turned. But the Pillar knew Fabiola wouldn’t give in. She’d had a rough childhood herself. And every Wonderlander counted on her.
“Try to forgive and look ahead, Fabiola,” the Pillar said. “Even Lewis bought into my plan.”
“Which really puzzles me,” she said. “Every time I remember him hugging and advising her in the Tom Tower, or when his apparition appeared to her in the Inklings, telling her she was the hero, my mind reels.”
“It wasn’t easy for him,” the Pillar said. “When I tried to take the Lullaby pill from him in the future, he wouldn’t let me.”
“That’s because, in the future, he regretted letting you help her,” Fabiola said. “Come on, Pillar. Open your eyes. Can’t you see we lost the war in the future? Doesn’t that tell you that backing her up isn’t the right thing to do?”
The Pillar said nothing. He lifted one arm and tapped his left breast pocket. His yellow note hiding inside. “I have my reasons.”
“Stubborn as you always have been.” She sighed. “One of the reasons I could never love you.”
“Could is good. It means you wanted to but didn’t.”
“Listen to me,” she said. “Alice is now in the past, realizing who she really is. It’s either she finds her way back through that Wonder, or whatever that is, or she dies.”
“She won’t die.”
“Just listen.” Her knuckles whitened around the umbrella. “If she dies, then it’s all good. I can lead the Inklings to win the war against Black Chess. If she finds her Wonder and lives…”
“What happens then, Fabiola?”
“I will kill you both,” she said without flinching. He knew she meant it. And it complicated things.
The Pillar watched her walk away, almost disappearing behind the rain. “Fabiola!” he called after her.
“What now, Carter?” She stopped but didn’t turn around.
“There is only one way to kill her.”
“What’s that?”
“You will have to kill me first.”
58
THE PAST: ALICE’S CELL, RADCLIFFE ASYLUM
Waltraud wheels me back to my cell. I stare at my immobile legs in dismay. I’m sweating out of shock. But I am not crying anymore. I’ve dried all my tears already.
“Mr. Jay wants you to rethink the Lullaby pill,” Waltraud says, sending me into my cell.
Speechless, I stare into the mirror in front of me. I’ve witnessed this scene before, only I thought I was hallucinating. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was mad. Turns out I’m not. I’m reliving my past in full color.
How I wish I was mad right now.
“There is no rabbit in the mirror,” I manage to say.
“There’s never been a rabbit,” Waltraud says. She whispers in my ear, “It’s always been you. We’re proud of you.”
I let out a chuckle. A painful one. A mixture of laughter and crying. Pain and pleasure. Sanity and insanity.
It occurs to me that I’m just confused. If this is my past, why am I sad? I am the Real Alice. A dark and vicious one that everyone was looking for because they feared me the most.
Why am I sad, then? I can’t escape me. Why is there a nagging part of me wanting me to be a hero?
“I’m really sorry I broke your knees,” Waltraud says. The irony. “You were under the pill’s influence. I had to stop you from escaping. I’m really sorry.”
When I raise my eyes to meet hers in the mirror, I realize she is scared of me. Now that the pill’s influence has worn off, she is expecting me to return to my real self. She thinks I will hurt her.
“I hope you don’t hold grudges against me,” she says. “Please don’t hurt me.”
The irony, times two. Or better, times Walraud’s weight. Even better, times the number of times she will fry me in the Mush Room in the future.
“Do you want me to wash your feet?” she offers. “Mr. Jay says it’s going to take you six months for your knees to recover.”
“No, Waltraud. I don’t want you to wash my feet. I want to ask you about Dr. Tom Truckle.”
“The pill-popping fool who thinks he is building an ark and saving the Mushroomers to win the Wonderland Wars?” Her whole body shakes when she laughs.
“So, he doesn’t know about me?”
“We let him pursue his plan with Carroll’s legacy,” Waltraud says. “I pretend I fear him the most when he talks to me, just to keep up the act. But he’s a pawn in Black Chess’s plan.”
This explains a lot about him in the future. The poor man is chasing a loom of nothingness. But I don’t want Waltraud to sense my sympathy. I’m not sure why my inner self resists being the Bad Alice, but it’s how I feel.
Maybe it’s because of what the Pillar showed me in the future. Maybe it’s been the Pillar’s plan from the beginning: to show me the good person I can become in the future, preparing me for a hard choice when I learn who I really am in the past.
My head isn’t clear yet, and for whatever reason, I need to play along. “Good. It’s best to keep Dr. Truckle in the dark.”
Waltraud’s smile broadens. “Does that mean you’re not taking the pill? Does that mean you’ll stay one of us?”
“I haven’t decided yet. Not before I meet the Queen of Hearts. I need to ask her something.”
“Of course,” she says. “I will call her right away.”
And now the Queen is in the palm of my hand. I own her because I’m Black Chess’s favorite. Who would have thought?
59
“What can I do for you, dear Alice?” the Queen of Hearts says, standing before me.
She hasn’t possessed the Queen of England’s body yet at this point. She looks as ugly as I’ve seen her in Wonderland. Stocky, short, her facial features almost unrecognizable. Like a frog, with bulging eyes, a lost nose, and a big mouth.
“Still as ugly as you’ve always been,” I mock her, testing my credibility.
“Thanks for the compliment.” She lowers her head, fidgeting with her hands. “I’m working on a new face in this world. Haven’t found a spell to get it, though.”
“How about Margaret?”
“She was the first one to arrive from Wonderland. She had someone surgically fix her. But she’s taller than me, so it’s easier for her. She’s in Parliament right now.”
“Proud of her,” I say. “She isn’t wasting time playing by the book.”
“I’ll tell her that. She’ll be happy.” She stops to think about it. “But maybe I shouldn’t tell her about you now. You know no one knows about you but me and Mr. Jay.”
I didn’t know that. It explains why none of the Wonderlanders knows about the sequence of events in the future. I wonder how the Queen didn’t recognize me in the future, then. I’m sure I will know how along the way. “How about Waltraud? She knows who I am.”
“Don’t worry about that loser,” the Queen says. Waltraud isn’t in the room. “We’re feeding her a huge dose of Lullaby pills right now. She will not remember you. I believe that’s your wish, right?” She raises her eyes to meet mine. “I understand you don’t want to take the pill and spend the rest of life in the asylum.”
I nod, wanting her to spill the rest for me. Why did the Bad Alice want to forget about what she had done? It can’t be that I changed overnight. There must be a reason. I have to find out why.
“Mr. Jay told me about the deal. If you take the pill, we will have to take it, too,” the Queen says. “You don’t want us to remember you as well.”
So that’s why no one remembers me in the future. The Bad Alice had a change of heart and ordered her obituary, spending the rest of her life in an asylum.
“I’m impressed your stupid brain managed to fully understand my wishes,” I say, playing my part.
The Queen’s face twitches. She fears me, but she holds grudges. It makes sense. She once ruled Wonderland with her stupidity and anger. Then something happened after the circus. Who knows what? It’s hard to bring the subject to the
table right now. “Do you happen to also remember why I need the pill?” I say. “I need to make sure you understand.”
“Of course,” she says. “Because of Jack. I’m really sorry.”
“What about Jack?”
“But you know why, dear Alice.”
“Just spit it out.”
“You regret having accidentally killed Jack on the bus,” she says. “Even though everyone on this bus had to die, Jack wasn’t meant to be on it. He didn’t have to die. I understand how this changed you. Love changes everything.”
60
THE PAST: THE QUEEN’S LIMOUSINE, OUTSIDE THE ASYLUM
Now that I know what changed my dark heart, I tell the Queen she and Mr. Jay have to take the pill when I take it. I tell her that I’m still determined to forget and spend the rest of my life in the asylum.
The Queen complies and confirms Mr. Jay has taken the pill. I only ask her to watch the sunset outside for one last time before I resort to my madness inside the dark asylum. The Queen complies, and now we’re outside in her limousine, driving around.
“You can still forget about the pill,” the Queen, sitting next to me, advises. “You can rule the world when we win the war. I have information that someone has found a way to bring the Wonderland Monsters into this world. Week by week, they will arrive and wreak havoc on this world until we take our revenge on humans.”
I let her talk, not paying attention. I know the rest already. I even know the parts she doesn’t, like the Pillar helping me out of my dark world and turning me into a hero.
I am taking a deep breath. I will need it. I have a big plan ahead of me. I need to focus.
I have a handful of Lullaby pills hidden in my fist. When the limousine stops at an intersection, I pull them out and stuff them into the Queen’s mouth, choking her long enough until she swallows them all.
The driver tries his luck at fighting me. I twist his head with my hands, and he ends up staring backward at the comatose — and now amnesiac — Queen of Hearts. “I need you to drive me somewhere,” I tell him. “Or I’ll never fix your head.”