“Why read it again? What were you looking for?” I asked.
“I thought about what you said and wondered if there might be something about my dad in the history books. Or any mention of SWAAST. Maybe when my mom’s gone, rather than run on my own, it might be safer to search for any who are left.”
“Hanging out with those SWAAST guys would be even more dangerous. They’re probably the most hunted people ever.” My voice rose. “Being with them is not safer.”
He glowered at me. “I won’t live my life afraid to do the right thing. What kind of a life is that?”
“Yeah, you’re a good guy who wants to do good. I respect you for that. But being stupid isn’t smart.”
Zack gave a quick laugh. “That’s profound, Autumn.”
“You know what I mean. You’re young and no match for werewolves who are hundreds of years old. You said with age comes strength. You’d be better off joining the king and honing your fighting skills until you get stronger. So long as you’re with them, they won’t hunt you for being a traitor. You’re no good to anyone if you’re dead.”
He glanced at me and nodded. “Okay. I promise to consider that before I do anything.”
I didn’t want to think about him leaving or getting hurt—or worse. If we didn’t talk about something else soon, I’d explode. “You want to go to Ashley’s little party Friday night? She invited us to a jam session.”
“I heard her ask. I figured you’d tell her no,” Zack said.
“Why’s that? I like Ashley. And her parties are nice. If I’m able to go, I usually do.”
“I assumed…”
Realizing what Zack hadn’t finished saying, I flinched. “You assumed that I was too much of a snob to hang out with a junior. I thought we were past that.” When he didn’t deny it, my eyes burned and my throat swelled. After all our time together, I was still the stuck up girl he originally thought me to be.
“To hell with you, Zack,” I mumbled toward my window.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
While Zack worked at the auto shop, I stayed at his house, but hid in his room, so I wouldn’t have to face his family. If they asked me what was wrong, I’d surely spill it. Zack wouldn’t like that. Once I’d finished all my homework, I considered doing his too. I reached for his backpack, but kicked it across the room instead. If he didn’t do it himself, he’d miss out on everything that his studies had to offer. I snorted at the thought and retrieved his backpack. I wrapped up his homework just as he arrived and Cara announced dinner was ready.
As everyone ate, I smiled at all the right times and made polite conversation. I noticed Cara and Favianne’s occasional glance my way, but I didn’t say anything. My goal was to get through it as painlessly as possible. When I got home, I planned to abandon Zack in favor of my room. I needed to separate from him emotionally. He would run alone tonight.
“Something’s up with the car,” he said as soon as we got on the road toward my house. “It sounds different.”
“What do you think’s wrong with it?”
He turned his head, like he was listening for something. “Not sure. I have tomorrow off, so we can take it in the shop and have it checked out.” He guided the car into my driveway and killed the engine.
Once inside, I immediately hit the stairs. “Goodnight, Zack.”
He stood at the bottom of the steps. “You don’t want to go running?”
I turned and faced him, careful to mask the violent turmoil raging within me. “Not with you. No point in bonding, remember?”
Once in my room, I closed the door and locked it. Jumping on my bed, I covered my face with my hands.
“Autumn.” He rapped on the door and when I didn’t answer, the doorknob rattled. “Damn it, open the door.” Seconds passed and he kicked at it. “Open the door or I’ll break it down, I swear.”
I believed him. I couldn’t have my parents coming home, seeing the broken door and worrying that I’d been attacked or something. I wiped my eyes and got up. Before unlocking it, I took a moment to erase any emotion from my face.
Opening the door a few inches, I poked my head out. “What?”
“I can’t leave you alone.” He glared at me. “You know that.”
“Then don’t go running. Simple.”
“That won’t work. It’s easy for you to resist, but not me.” He sighed. “Can we talk about this?”
I flung the door open and turned away, knowing he would follow. On my bed again, I leaned back against the wall, my knees up.
“Sorry about the Ashley thing.” He cautiously sat at the foot of my bed. “I wasn’t thinking. I know you’re not like that anymore.”
“Anymore? I was never like that, Zack!”
“That came out wrong,” he said quickly. “I meant that I don’t think that way anymore. About you.” He ran a hand through his hair and growled. “I’m sorry.”
That was better. But he wasn’t there yet. I stared at him, my brows raised.
“Autumn…” He looked at me helplessly.
I had no intention of bailing him out. “Are you finished?”
“And I’m sorry for being so—”
“Cold?” I finished for him. “Impersonal? Unfriendly? Distant? Hurtful?”
He held up his hand. “I get the picture. Yes. All of those things.” He studied the fabric of my purple comforter. “It’s just that I’ve had a lot to process lately and some decisions to make.” His voice lowered. “You’re not stuck up. Actually, I think a lot of you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”
I couldn’t make more of his words than they were. We had a mutual respect. Nothing else.
“I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said softly.
I swallowed and glanced away, so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes.
“Will you go running with me?”
“Sure,” I forced out. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll be down.”
If he saw me cry, he’d probably feel sorry for me. We’d probably end up kissing and I couldn’t open myself up like that again, expose my emotions, so he could stomp all over them. Still, he hadn’t moved and I wondered what he was thinking. Hopefully, he’d take my reaction to mean that complete forgiveness wasn’t his yet. Which it wasn’t.
The mattress quaked as Zack got up. When he was gone, I leaned my head back and breathed.
I hated Zack.
I hated him for being the most gorgeous guy I’d ever seen. For being nice to even the nerds. For helping me and protecting me, for inviting me into his home and sharing his mother with me. I hated him for shielding me from the evil that was Daniel. I hated the way he joked and teased me and chuckled when he thought I did something cute. I hated him for thinking I was beautiful.
I hated him for being exactly who I wanted him to be.
Mostly, I hated myself for being desperately in love with him.
I couldn’t go downstairs yet.
Closing my eyes, I imagined being a giant bird, almost weightless as I soared soundlessly through the sky. When I felt the tremor of my body beginning to shift, I relaxed my muscles and tossed the image away. But my moment in the make-believe wind calmed me enough to go downstairs. I took them one step at a time, wondering how I would do this with Zack day after day if he could never be mine. And knowing one day, he’d be gone.
As I reached the last step, we both instinctively zeroed in on the front door just before the bell rang.
He peeked through the gap between the curtains. It’s Gina, he told me silently. Zack opened the door and she entered hesitantly.
Why did you let her inside? I asked.
I’m curious to know what would make her so desperate that she’d show her face at your house, he answered, one corner of his mouth curving up.
“What are you doing here?” I wanted to throw her right back out.
“I couldn’t find Daniel and thought he might be here.” She glanced at Zack. “But I see now that was never a possibility.”
“Is he missin
g again?” Zack asked, coming up beside me and casually slipping his arm around my waist.
Gina made a strange sound between a laugh and a sob. “He keeps going MIA these days, especially at night.” Her gaze fixed on the wood flooring. “He doesn’t answer his phone and his parents can’t reach him either.” She returned her attention to me. “I think he’s cheating on me.”
A normal response would’ve been to say, “I told you so” or make a sarcastic remark and urge her to dump him. But if she followed that advice, Daniel might get freaky and stalk her the way he’d been stalking me. At least I had superpowers and Zack to protect me. Gina was probably safer with Daniel.
“He hasn’t been here, Gina,” Zack said. “I’d know if he was. I’ve been here a lot the last few days.”
That wasn’t subtle at all. Zack must’ve wanted to make sure Daniel knew we were still together. My gut told me Daniel was already in the loop.
“You’re probably thinking if he was unfaithful to you, why would he be any different with me?” Her eyes welled up with tears. “And if he is with another girl, I deserve it.”
“I doubt he’s cheating on you,” I said. She would never know the absolute truth, but I could give her part of it. “We’ve seen him at night when we’ve gone out and he was alone. Maybe that’s all he wants. Solitude.”
“Hope you’re right. He’s been different lately. It’s hard to figure him out.” She smiled and shuffled her feet awkwardly. “Well, thanks. Goodnight.”
I opened the door and closed it after her, turning to Zack.
He clucked his tongue. “I want to hate her for what she did to you, but I feel bad for her. Daniel’s evil. And she just doesn’t see it.”
I felt sorry for her, too. Hopefully she’d learn from the mess she’d made.
During the drive to the woods, Zack was quiet. Too quiet. I wanted to keep him talking, so I didn’t have to think about how unavailable he was. Or how I was being stalked by a crazed newly-made werewolf or that if I wasn’t careful, I could become a slave.
“That you know of, have there been any other werewolves around here besides Daniel and the two scouts?” I asked.
“I’ve noticed others over the last couple years, since I matured. But you mean lately?”
I nodded.
“When we first moved in with Aunt Cara, I ran across a couple wolves in the woods. As soon as they saw me, they took off running. I have no idea who they were and haven’t seen them since. I thought I sensed wolf a few times on errands for my mom. Once at the bank and another time at the grocery store. There were always too many people around, so I couldn’t locate where the energy was coming from.”
“If you sense an energy, it could easily be coming from a shape-shifter too, right?”
“I guess so,” Zack answered. “But I’m thinking that since they’re weaker, sensing their energy isn’t as easy. Like with you. Are you thinking of your parents?”
“Maybe.” I averted my gaze.
“If you find out they’re human, you won’t be able to tell them what’s going on. If they’re shifters, they’re in danger too. You should be prepared either way.”
Zack parked and we bailed from my car, in a hurry to feel the wind. As soon as we were in the tree covering, we ran. When we stopped, I realized Zack had turned into a wolf.
Shift, he told me as he raced past trees. Try something new.
As I kept up with Zack, I pictured a lion. My body vibrated a moment, my step faltered, and then I was on all fours. I sprinted to catch up with him.
Zack slowed until I was running beside him. Nice. I guess you like cats. You’re the total opposite of me.
What a tool. Why did he take every opportunity to remind me how different we were and that it wasn’t going to happen between us? Just when I felt like I might forgive him, he’d do it again. I veered off to get away before I swiped at him. Zack followed.
As we sprinted through the forest, I quickly bored of being a lion. Cheetahs were supposed to be fast, weren’t they? I slowed to a stop, intending to morph. My body quivered and nausea rose up. My eyes blurred as I watched Zack become a boy again.
“Go to your human form first. Do it now!”
I fell to the ground, trees swirling around me as I shifted back to human. Thankfully, I’d worn all natural fibers.
He loomed over me, grasping my hand. “Are you okay?”
“I think so. The nausea is passing.” I used the back of my hand to wipe the perspiration from my forehead.
“Human is your other half. It stabilizes you. Always go back before shifting into anything else.”
“Got it.” Something pulled at me. Something different. Something I needed to see. My eyes drifted to his chest, down his abdomen. “You look nice.”
Zack’s hands shot below his hips to cover his junk, but it was too late. I’d seen it all.
I sat up and grinned. “Now we’re even.”
“Where are my clothes?” He morphed back into a wolf and disappeared into the trees.
I turned into a cheetah, quickly catching up to him.
I saw more of you than you saw of me, Zack bragged silently.
You keep telling yourself that. I laughed which ended up sounding like a cross between a meow and a hiss.
After a few minutes of racing through the forest, Zack suggested we head home. He didn’t want to risk running into Daniel, just in case he decided to switch forests, too. And there were at least two other werewolves around to be wary of.
“You’re improving.” The engine purred to life and Zack put it in drive. “And you morphed twice. Not as tired tonight?”
“I’m good,” I said, enjoying the open window and the breeze on my face.
He glanced over at me. “Um, Autumn…”
Usually confidence oozed from Zack, but now he seemed a little uncertain. Would he apologize? Perhaps say he’d changed his mind, because he can’t stop thinking about kissing me again? That he wants to be with me despite the danger. Forever.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Did you do my homework or do I still need to do it tonight?”
I’d worked myself up into impossible fantasies and the only thing on his mind was homework? I sighed and turned toward the window, the air drying the would-be tears from my eyes. “I did it earlier. How did you ever manage without me, Zack?”
He snorted. “The extra time I spend with you now, answering your questions and helping you morph? I would’ve done my homework.”
“Right,” I muttered, staring at the passing trees.
At home, Zack tossed the keys on the dining room table and located the blanket and pillow. “It’s late. We should get to bed, but first I’d like to test your strength.” He returned to the dining room table and propped an arm up on his elbow, his hand ready to grip mine.
“It’s kind of pointless, don’t you think? As a shape-shifter, I’m not going to be as strong as you.” I held my arm up opposite his on the table.
“It’ll still be challenging. Plus, if we practice, you’ll build strength and maybe next time, you won’t lose as quickly. We’ll have something to compare it with, so we can tell how fast you’re changing.”
“On three?” I asked and he nodded. “One, two, three.”
Slowly, my arm descended in the wrong direction. I fought it as hard as I could and Zack’s arm slowed. He put more power behind his push and I strained against him. Another thrust and the back of my hand lay flat against the table. I lost. Not exactly a big surprise.
He stared at me. “You’re unusually strong.”
“Not that strong. You beat me, remember?”
“But not as easily as I expected.” He studied me another moment. “You’re going to get stronger. I may not always be able to take you down.”
“What? Aren’t shape-shifters weaker than werewolves?
“Yeah. I don’t get why you’re different though.” He tapped a finger on the table, studying a knot in the wood grain of the table. “We’ll have to
wait and see how tough you get.”
“When will I max out?”
“Never. We just keep getting more powerful as we get older. But at first, there’s a surge. From the moment I first noticed my body changing, my strength rapidly increased for a couple months before I leveled out. But that’s me. I don’t know what it will be like for you, since we’re different species.”
With his constant reminders, how could I forget? “So how else are you and I different?” I asked masochistically.
Zack toyed with the keys on the table. “Werewolves tend to be grumpier and shape-shifters tend to be more easygoing.” He glanced at me. “Although, apparently, that isn’t always the case.”
I pouted. “I’m not grumpy.”
“Whatever.” He snorted, twirling the keys around on the table.
I put my hand over Zack’s to stop the weird key frenzy.
Rising from the kitchen chair, he paced between my dad’s recliner and the dining area. “So what else did you want to know?”
“Hm.” I glanced at the box of his dad’s stuff. “Any idea why the king is so opposed to shape-shifters?”
“That’s in the book I’m reading now—the legend of Hannah and Eli.” Zack returned to lean a hip on the dining room table. “Even before them, you guys were slaves. When Hannah and Eli betrayed the king, more laws were made and penalties became harsher.”
“Who are Hannah and Eli?” Maybe it wasn’t important, but I couldn’t know what might help me and what wouldn’t. “They must’ve royally pissed off the king.”
“Oh, yeah. Hannah was a born werewolf betrothed to the king in the fourteenth century. Eli was a shape-shifter slave and the king’s top blacksmith. They fell in love and escaped. It’s believed though that they’re dead. They became so weak as mates, they ended up dying of old age as mere humans.”
The more I learned, the more impossible a relationship with Zack became. We had zero chance. Utterly depressing. “But no one knows for sure? For all we know, Hannah and Eli survived.”
Shapes of Autumn (Boxed set, books 1 - 5) Page 21