by Quinn Loftis
“You don’t have a wolf true mate. You do not belong to another and you never will,” he said, his voice dropping to a low, deadly tone.
“How can you be so sure?” Cyn asked. Her arms hung loosely by her sides, and she kept her shoulders relaxed. If she got upset it would only add fuel to Thalion’s already raging fire.
He turned his narrowed, sea green, eyes on her, and Cyn felt the certainty of what he believed. “I know because I know. Before the day I met you, I never felt complete. I never felt whole. I only felt empty. That all changed the moment I saw you. There is no other for me. I’ve told you time and time again, female, you were made for me. My soul recognizes you, only you.”
Cyn wanted to growl in frustration, but she kept her face relaxed and ignored the desire to cross her arms in front of her chest. She wanted to claim the same things he was sharing with her and part of her believed her soul recognized him as well, but what if she was wrong?
Thalion had repeatedly requested that she bind herself to him—that they perform a mating ceremony. Every time the subject came up, she withdrew, causing tension between them. It was a defense mechanism, she knew. It certainly was not a healthy way to deal with conflict, but Cyn couldn’t face the thought of giving her heart to him and then losing him. She thought if she ignored the possibility of a future with him, she could keep her soul closed off. Then it wouldn’t hurt as badly if she eventually had to walk away.
She stood there silently, her eyes holding his gaze. Cyn wanted to comfort him, but she was confused and unsure—two things she hated to be.
“Do you have nothing to say?” he asked, his tone now a tad gentler.
After a few moments, Cyn let out a sigh and finally spoke. “It’s been a month since the she-wolves were rescued from Reyaz and Peri found out she had a mate. I need to check in with her to make sure she doesn’t need my help.” Her words sounded lame even to her own ears.
“Running away again?” he asked as he pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a frustrated sigh of his own. “Am I not worth it? Are you not willing to fight for us?”
His words felt like a knife being plunged into her abdomen, and the pain in his eyes made her feel as though that knife was being twisted, shredding her insides. Her resolve to remain calm crumbled as the mighty prince of the elves fell back against the wall. He looked as if he’d been carrying a great weight and now his strength was finally depleted. The weight was about to crush him.
She took a step toward him but he held up his hand, causing her feet to freeze in place. She felt as if he was twisting the knife anew. Cyn was sure that any movement on her part would cause her to shatter just like the vase that Thalion had thrown.
“Answer me,” he commanded.
Her heart beat painfully in her chest as she tried to unjumble the words in her mind so that they might come out as something that resembled a coherent thought. The coldness Cyn was feeling inside must have been plastered across her face, looking all too much like the icy mask she so often kept in place. She could see Thalion’s hurt beginning to turn to anger.
“I’ve told you before not to look at me like that. Don’t hide from me. Don’t treat me like I am just any OTHER MALE,” the elf roared at her, pushing away from the wall as his anger breathed new life into him. “Scream at me, curse at me! By the gods, even throw something at me, but don’t hide from me!” His voice boomed throughout the suite they occupied in the elfin castle.
“If you would seal your lips long enough for me to gather my thoughts, then maybe I would share my feelings with you.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “You are more than worth it. I want to fight for us.” She paused, attempting to steel herself for the vulnerability she was about to expose. “I’m scared, Thalion. You and I are immortal. We stand before the edge of eternity. There may be no end to this life for us. To love someone, knowing if you lose that person, you will spend eternity mourning them, is a kind of scary I can’t even begin to express. How can either of us promise to give ourselves fully to the other when the future is so uncertain? A fae and an elf, Thalion. It’s never been done.”
“You’ve fought the feelings between us from the beginning. You’ve denied me for nearly two centuries. The woman I fell in love with doesn’t back down because she’s afraid of pain.”
Cyn felt her temper rise. The wall she kept in place had completely crumbled and she had nothing to keep her in check. “You know I’m not afraid of the physical pain,” she snapped. “Physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain I would suffer if I lost you.”
“Was it mere coincidence that brought you to my doorstep, Cyn? You needed help. You needed elven weapons to fight the Draheim, but you could have gotten that help from any elf in my realm. Instead you came to me. Three decades had passed since I’d seen you. Had any part of you missed me? Or was I just a means to an end?”
“How can you ask me that?” Cyn nearly yelled. “Staying away from you was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of you. I wondered if you’d moved on and found a female of your own race to love. I was so scared I would find you in the arms of another, and I knew it would destroy me. I protected myself. Forever is a long time to live with a broken heart.”
Thalion pulled his shoulders back, rising to his full height. It was the prince that stood before her now, not the lover that adored her.
“Are you telling me that our relationship will never go any further than this?” He motioned between them. “You will forever keep a part of yourself from me?”
Well, when he puts it like that, it makes me sound like a heartless witch. “I’m saying that I need time to think. I need a little space to figure out what’s going on in my heart and head.”
“Do you know how long it will take?” he ground out through clenched teeth.
Shaking her head, Cyn squeezed her eyes closed and pushed aside the pain she was already beginning to feel at the thought of being separated from him. It didn’t matter that the isolation was self-inflicted. Apparently, she was a glutton for punishment.
Cyn felt his strong arms come around her though she hadn’t heard him move. She wasn’t surprised by this. Thalion’s race was every bit as agile as her own. She was, however, surprised that he’d chosen to hold her after what she’d said.
“I will give you the space you are asking for.” He began, as he placed his hand on the back of her head and guided her until her face was pressed against his chest. “I won’t like it. It will be painful, but I can’t force you to be with me.”
Cyn tensed. She knew what was coming.
“I need to be honest with you.” Thalion pulled back but didn’t release her. “I will not accept only a part of you. You must understand that by now. If I give you all of me, which I am more than ready to do, I expect the same from you.”
“All or nothing,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Cyn felt the bile rise in her throat as she considered a life without him.
“My race doesn’t possess the ability to love without full devotion. We are more similar to the wolves than we would like to admit. When we love, it is with our complete being. We do not know any other way. Once our loyalty is given, it cannot be revoked.”
His intense gaze was more than she could handle so she turned her head and stared out the window. The sky was too blue and the sun was too bright for the darkness she felt inside. Worry, fear, and pain were clouding her thoughts, pushing out any positive emotions. Cyn suddenly felt as though she were suffocating. She had to get away from his words. She couldn’t stand there any longer. She refused to hear him say that he would walk away. It was too much for her fragile heart.
“I have to go,” she said hastily. Cyn rose up on her toes and placed a quick kiss to his lips, ignoring the shocked look and the hurt in his eyes. She didn’t hesitate as she flashed from his realm and back to her own.
She reappeared in a small meadow of the fae realm. The peace of nature enve
loped her and the quiet began to settle her emotions, if only just a little. Cyn sunk to the ground, her knees pressing into the cool grass that surrounded her, almost as though the land itself was attempting to comfort her.
She didn’t know what to do. For so long Cyn had kept her emotions under tight control. She had had no choice. She was a fae warrior. She didn’t have the luxury of being an emotional mess. She had to be able to think clearly, and Thalion impaired that ability greatly.
“Do I even want to know why one of my warriors is face down in the grass like a hungry cow?” Peri’s voice came from behind her. She should have known that the high fae would come. Peri was mentally linked to all of her warriors. If she wanted to know where Cyn was, all she had to do is seek out that link in her mind. Strong emotions seemed to magnify the link, and Cyn’s pain probably burned like a beacon to Peri as soon as the younger fae entered the realm.
“You have always had a way with words, Perizada,” Cyn said as she sat back on her heels. The warrior wiped away the tears that streaked her face and waited for Peri to walk around her so that she could face her leader.
“I’m an awesome wordsmith, what can I say?” Peri quipped dryly. “Now, tell me who I need to kill for making you cry.”
“I think it would be more effective for you to just put me down,” Cyn told her as her chin fell forward, almost touching her chest.
“Wait, did you just say you want me to put you down? Like a freaking dog? I would put down one of the mangy wolves but not one of my own.”
Cyn chuckled. Peri was one of the few people who could make a tense situation a little more bearable. Jennifer, mate to Decebel, was able to do it as well, and Cyn was sure that neither of them understood just how much their friends valued that ability.
“I am no wolf,” she told Peri. “I am just me and I’m lost,” she admitted.
Peri sat down across from her, crossing her legs and leaning forward as her elbows rested on her knees. “Alright, now you’re scaring me. In all the centuries we’ve known each other, I can count on one hand how many times you’ve shared your emotions. What the hell is going on? Did that prince of yours hurt you?” Peri’s voice rose and her eyes glowed, as if they were about to unleash deadly laser beams upon the surrounding countryside. “I would be more than happy to turn him into a handbag. He wouldn’t be a very good rug because of the lack of fur and whatnot. But with his smooth, unblemished skin, he would make a lovely purse.”
Cyn’s eyes widened as she looked at her longtime friend. “Sometimes I wonder if your genius is really just a form of madness.”
Peri reached across the space between them and patted Cyn’s leg. “Don’t be jealous. One day you will have a mate, and he will drive you to madness too. Then we can be mad and devious together.”
Cyn’s face fell at the mention of a mate. She wanted a mate, of course, but not just any male. She wanted Thalion.
“All joking aside.” The high fae grew serious. “Tell me.”
Cyn once again prepared herself to be laid bare before another. She didn’t know what had gotten into her lately. But she suddenly had the need for someone to hear her, for someone to tell her that her fears were justified.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have a wolf for a mate,” she admitted. That was just the tip of the iceberg of fears that was closing in on her.
Peri nodded. “That is a valid fear to have. Nobody wants to share a bed with a furry, flea-infested, possessive, growly, overbearing male. It’s not something to look forward to in the evenings after a long day.”
“So you’re running from your mate as well?” Cyn asked, pursing her lips and frowning.
“Only so he’ll have to chase me,” Peri responded flippantly. “But why are you running from your mate? We both know that you’re running from Thalion. Does this mean that you do indeed believe him to be your mate?”
“Before the Great Luna began pairing up fae and wolves, I would have said yes, definitely. From the moment I met him, my heart and soul claimed him. Certainly it was not a mate bond, such as the werewolves experience, but something inside of me screamed that he was meant for me. Seeing him for the first time was like seeing a newborn babe take its first breath. It was overwhelming and beautiful and almost painful at the same time. But now, circumstances have changed.”
“If you have felt that he was yours for all that time, why have you denied him?” Peri asked.
“Because we are from different races. An elf and a fae have never joined, not to mention the fact that he’s the bloody prince of his race.” Cyn paused, rubbing her hand across her forehead. “Mother of us all, Peri, he’s been my world for so long. Yes, a world that I only claimed from a distance,” she said before Peri could say something. “But he’s always been there. I still remember the first moment I ever saw him. I can still feel the breath that had been knocked from my lungs as our eyes met.”
Peri leaned back, placing her hands on the ground behind her to support her body. She stretched her legs out in front of her and crossed one over the other. “Seeing as how I am avoiding my fur ball, by all means, tell me about how you met. This is one story that you’ve never shared with me.”
Cyn smiled as her eyes lost their focus, staring beyond Peri’s form as if she was watching her own words unfold like a movie. “It was a dark and stormy night,” she began.
Peri snorted. “Isn’t that always how it begins?”
“Maybe,” Cyn answered. “But for me, it truly was a dark and stormy night … until I saw him.”
Chapter 2
“Memories haunt me. Loneliness caresses me like a lover. Anguish assaults me, and I have no strength left to fight back. She took all of it with her. I am empty now, simply going through the motions of life.”
~ Thalion, Prince of the Elves
Thalion’s arrow embedded itself into the tree trunk, just below the thirty previous shafts that had already been loosed. With inhuman speed, he nocked another, pulled his arm back, and released. Again and again he let the arrows fly. His arms moved automatically, without conscious thought. The elf’s eyes never wavered from his target. With the release of each arrow, he attempted to distract himself from the pain and frustration that was eating away at him.
Cyn had left him. She’d flashed right in front of him, leaving him standing alone, wondering. Now Thalion questioned whether they even had a future together at all. Had he been wrong to tell her that he would only accept all or nothing? Had he pushed her away for good? It didn’t matter. Thalion would wait forever for her, if necessary.
The elf prince nocked another arrow but then lowered his bow. He realized that repeatedly shooting a tree wasn’t helping his situation. Thalion needed a better distraction, something that would keep him from obsessing over the absence of his lover and the unanswered questions she left in her wake.
“My prince.” A deep voice rumbled from behind him.
Thalion pulled his bow over his head and let out a deep breath. He pushed away the emotions that were driving him mad and turned to face the leader of his army.
“Trigdin,” Thalion said by way of greeting and then waited for the other elf to speak.
“He’s asking for you,” the warrior told him. His head bowed and his shoulders slumped forward. “He says it’s getting close.”
Thalion knew why Trig suddenly looked as though someone had broken his best blade. He too was in pain over the news. “Take me to him,” the prince said, his cool voice detached, hiding the turmoil swimming inside of him.
There were two horses tethered to a nearby tree. Trig must have brought one of the horses with him because Thalion had come to the practice grounds on foot. There were no saddles or bridles. None were needed. Years of training with the animals, as well as an innate understanding of the natural world, including its animals, rendered such things more of a hindrance than a help for the elves or the horses. The two elves untied their mounts and deftly hopped onto the beasts’ backs, then pointed them toward home.
After ten minutes of riding, the pair turned down a well-worn dirt lane about a half mile from the castle. Tall trees lined either side of the path, their branches reaching across the open space as if trying to embrace one another, creating a canopy of leaves that cast shadows upon the riders. The short road came to an end after only a quarter of a mile. A small but well-cared-for house sat at the end of the lane. Thalion had been here before, many times, but for more joyous reasons. As he dismounted his mare, he stared at the structure with its high-pitched roof, blue shutters, and red door. A porch swing hung just to the left of the front door and two flower pots stood on either side of the entryway, though only dried soil rested in them now. The flowers that had once bloomed there were long since gone, just like the she-elf who had loved and found joy in them. At one time, the house had sung with the voices of happy visitors and flourished under the care of two elves deeply in love. Now, it sat derelict, neglected by the remnants of that once happy couple—the man that was left behind.
“Should I stay?” Trig asked. The pinched look on his face made it clear that he was hoping Thalion would say no.
“Go,” the prince told him. “Get some rest. You’ve been with him for a week. I will take over from here.”
Trig frowned. “I can send someone to watch him for you tonight.”
Thalion shook his head. “No. He is one of my subjects and a very close friend. Sentara would have my hide if I did not care for him. If she were still here, of course,” he added, as he felt past sorrow fill his insides, making his body seem unnaturally heavy. The elf prince didn’t say anything more as he turned and walked toward the red door. With each step, he could feel his own heart beginning to splinter because of what he was about to face. He feared he might be facing his own future if Cyn ultimately rejected him.