by Donna Cooner
I laughed and thought that no matter how hard this vow turned out to be, the laughter with my friends would help.
“What do we call ourselves?” Caitlin asked.
I frowned. “Do we have to have a special name?”
Caitlin nodded her head vigorously. “Absolutely. Team name.”
“Okay,” I said, thinking. “How about Team SO? Team Stay Offline?”
“That works,” Caitlin said.
“Nice and simple,” Luna agreed. She grabbed her notebook off the couch and flipped to a new page. “And now we put it all in writing.”
I vow for one month to …
★ Stay off all social media.
★ Not go online after ten p.m.
★ Not go online during breakfast, lunch, or dinner
★ Limit texting to three times a day
Signed: Team SO
Luna Ortega
Caitlin Stone
Annie Webb
I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: Try to please everybody.
—Herbert Bayard Swope
As soon as I woke up the next morning, I reached for my phone. It was pure habit. Every morning, I had to check ChitChat for the latest posts. Then I’d text my friends. Then I’d check ChitChat again.
But this morning, my hand felt only empty space on my nightstand.
Then I remembered Jameson breaking up with me.
And the awful comments.
And the vow.
I also remembered how, before going to bed last night, I’d asked my sister if she could keep my phone in her room and not give it back to me until the morning. Thankfully, she hadn’t asked any questions. That had been the only way I’d been able to go to sleep without feeling tempted to check my phone and download all the apps again. It would only take a few swipes and clicks to break the vow.
I sat up in bed. I felt weird and empty, like I was missing everything. Well, I sort of was.
When I went downstairs, Savanna was at the kitchen table eating a waffle for breakfast. I didn’t always see her in the mornings, but I was up earlier than usual. She was flipping through a bridal magazine as she ate, and she had her phone and my phone on the table beside her.
“Here’s your phone.” Savanna held it out to me, and I took it carefully, like it might come to life with fangs that would latch on to my hand with teeth deep enough to scar.
“Is it broken?” Savanna asked me.
“W-what? No …” I stammered.
Her eyes narrowed. “Why did you give it to me last night?”
“I didn’t want it waking me up.” It was a lame excuse, but I wasn’t ready to talk to Savanna about Jameson or ChitChat or the vow.
Savanna laughed. “You do know where the off switch is, right?”
“Ha, ha,” I mumbled.
“What’s up with you anyway?” Savanna asked. “You look depressed. You know nothing is changing with this wedding, right? I’m still going to be around; you just get a new brother.”
I sighed. “It’s not about the wedding. Or Miguel. It’s just … things are different.”
Savanna looked at me, then smiled sadly. “Yeah, change is hard. Even when it’s a good change.”
I wanted desperately to tell her all about everything and let her tell me exactly what to do. Like when she taught me how to ride a bike or when she showed me how to curl my hair without burning my fingers on the iron. But I knew Savanna wasn’t able to talk me through this one unless I was ready to share. And I wasn’t.
I checked my phone to see if I had new texts from Caitlin and Luna. I knew we weren’t supposed to text during breakfast time, but technically I wasn’t eating yet.
LUNA: THIS IS SO MUCH HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
CAITLIN: I KNOW. I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THAT POLL.
LUNA: I ALMOST PUT CHITCHAT BACK ON MY PHONE THIS MORNING BUT STOPPED MYSELF.
CAITLIN: GOOD. WE NEED TO STAY STRONG.
I fired off a text of my own.
ME: I GAVE MY PHONE TO SAVANNA LAST NIGHT, BUT I CAN’T DO THAT EVERY NIGHT. I DON’T KNOW HOW I’M GONNA GET THROUGH THIS.
My mom came into the kitchen then, still in her nursing scrubs from the hospital, and opened the fridge. Since she worked the overnight shift in labor and delivery, it was dinnertime for her.
“Morning, girls,” she said to me and Savanna.
I forced a smile and tried to forget about my phone for the moment.
“Any new babies?” I asked Mom.
“Not last night,” she said, pulling out the leftover spaghetti and scooping it into a smaller bowl for the microwave. She punched a few buttons, then waited, yawning. I noticed how tired she looked. Working night shifts meant more money, and that was important with all the wedding expenses. Dad, meanwhile, had taken on extra shifts making deliveries with his truck. He was still out on the road this morning.
As I stood in the kitchen with my mom and my sister, I wanted to tell both of them what had happened—with Jameson, with ChitChat, with the vow. But before I could bring myself to speak, Mom turned to Savanna with a smile.
“I was thinking you’d look great in a ball gown,” Mom said, nodding toward the bridal magazine in Savanna’s hand. “Instead of a mermaid silhouette. What do you think?”
Savanna shrugged. “No promises until I actually try them on, but I just don’t think the whole princess look is for me.”
The microwave dinged, and my mom took out the bowl, frowning. “Just keep an open mind,” she told my sister. I could tell she was rooting for a ball gown and that this whole dress thing was going to quickly become all kinds of family drama. My mom took her dinner out to the living room sofa and clicked on the television to watch the morning news.
I blinked, refocusing on the screen in my hand.
CAITLIN: WE’LL GET THROUGH IT TOGETHER. LEAVING FOR SCHOOL NOW WITH MY DAD. SEE YOU BOTH THERE?
LUNA: I HAVE ANOTHER NEWSPAPER MEETING BUT YES I’LL SEE YOU BOTH SOON. XOXOX
I took a deep breath. Right. School. This was not going to be easy at all.
Since Savanna didn’t need the car that morning, I drove myself to school. I steeled myself as I walked inside the building. Unfortunately, the first person I saw was Jameson. He was walking down the hall with Santos Medina, the drummer for Discord, and they were both laughing like it was the best day in the world. My face burned. I tugged on my backpack straps and turned, heading the opposite way down the hall. Heads swiveled in my direction. I heard whispers and giggles.
My head felt like it might float off my shoulders, but not in a good way. Not in the way it felt when Jameson would kiss me. Quickly, I blinked away the memory flash.
It didn’t matter that I wasn’t on ChitChat. The comments still scrolled through my brain.
SO SAD. THE CUTE COUPLE IS HISTORY.
FILTERS AIN’T GOING TO FIX YOU, BABE!
HAHAHA. EVERYONE FEELS SORRY FOR HER.
It was almost enough to make me want to pull out my phone and reinstall ChitChat. Just so I could see the comments again for myself, and respond to each and every one of them, in the cruelest way possible.
But I remembered the fire ring, and our signatures in Luna’s notebook.
No ChitChat. Keep the vow.
As usual, the cafeteria at lunchtime was full of noise. I sat down at our regular table with my tray and glanced around the crowded room. Jameson must have been rehearsing with Discord, which was a relief—I didn’t want to see him again. Luna and Caitlin weren’t here yet, so my only option was to sit there looking completely lame. Every second, every minute, I felt the pull to seek ChitChat’s escape from the real world.
I looked around the room one more time, but no one was looking at me. They weren’t looking at anything except the screens in their hands. Hundreds of heads bowed over phones, holding a phone in one hand and a sandwich or a burrito in the other. Sometimes they glanced up to talk to a person across the table, but it was only a se
ntence or two before attention was back on the screens. Once or twice, as I watched, kids shoved screens across the table to show their friends something and I heard snippets of music or canned laughter. I realized suddenly that many of the people in this room were invisible, participating remotely through the tiny rectangles in every kid’s hand. For a minute, I imagined all the virtual people standing at the shoulders of the real people—celebrities, friends, influencers—leaning over and whispering in ears. All of them talking at the same time, with different agendas.
I still wanted to pull my phone out of my backpack. It was like an invisible string connected my hand to the screen. What was I supposed to do? Just sit here and stare into space? My fingers started to slide under the table toward the backpack.
Luna plopped down in front of me with her tray just in time, and I jerked my hand back on top of the table. I didn’t meet her eyes.
“How are you doing?” she asked. We hadn’t seen each other since we’d met up at our lockers after homeroom.
“Just great,” I said sarcastically. “You caught me almost reaching for my phone so I could put ChitChat back on.”
“But you didn’t!” she said, always looking for the positive. “The vow is working.”
“Barely,” I said. I happened to glance across the cafeteria then and caught sight of Mariah sitting with Jordyn and their popular friends. Mariah smirked at me and I looked away. “Why can’t we delete people out of our lives as easily as our apps?” I asked, thinking that deleting the apps was already tough enough. “Like Mariah,” I whispered. “She’s staring at me.”
“What’s up, Team SO?” Caitlin joined us at the table with a tray of cafeteria pizza and French fries. She slammed the tray down so hard that French fries scattered across the tabletop.
I wrinkled my nose. “How can you eat that stuff?”
Caitlin took a big bite of the pizza, exaggerating her chewing. “It’s delicious.”
“Seriously, ignore Mariah,” Luna said.
Caitlin nodded, taking another big bite. “That’s always good advice,” she mumbled with her mouth full.
I chewed on my bottom lip and met Luna’s eyes across the table. “I need to check out what she’s posting online.”
Luna put her hand across the table to hold my arm down. “No, you don’t.”
I was disappointed, but I picked up my spoon and took a tiny bite of cottage cheese.
Luna distractedly took a French fry from Caitlin’s tray and bit into it without realizing how hot it was. She instantly spit it out and blew on the remaining piece in her hand.
Caitlin frowned, putting down the pizza. She shot Luna a look. “I have to be honest. I’m having a harder time being on Team SO than I thought I would.”
“I know. But, you guys, this is only day one!” Luna said. “We have a whole month to go.”
“I really need to see everything people are saying about the poll, but now I can’t even look to see how the votes are going,” Caitlin said.
“I heard Davis talking about it before English class today,” I admitted.
“And?” Caitlin asked.
I seriously wished I had better news, but I said, “Some of the guys have doubts.”
Caitlin stiffened, then scrambled for her bag. “I can convince them!”
“Cait,” Luna said sternly, then waited until Caitlin’s eyes focused on her. “We took a vow. You know what that means.”
Caitlin’s hand dropped limply onto the plate next to her pizza.
“So, if we’re not on ChitChat, what are we supposed to do instead?” I asked. “My brain is bouncing off the walls. I don’t know what to do with my hands.” I pushed my fingers through my hair. “I’m addicted. I admit it. I need my social media fix.”
“Same,” Caitlin said.
“Same,” Luna admitted with a sigh.
Caitlin took another bite of pizza. We all looked at each other and listened to the background roar of cafeteria noise.
Finally, Luna shrugged. “People did stuff before they had social media, right?”
“Obviously,” I said.
Silence again. Nobody had any easy answers.
“Let’s meet after school today,” Luna declared. “We’ll figure out how we can get through this. “
I nodded decisively, and so did Caitlin.
“Let’s meet in my backyard,” Caitlin said. “No phones.”
Leaving my phone behind on my desk that afternoon felt strange, but I forced myself to walk out the back door empty-handed. Outside, the blackbirds shrieked at one another in the top of the ash tree and the tiny wrens battled with a flurry of wings over the bird seed in the feeder.
I’d never really noticed the sounds of the birds before. Happy chirps. Angry screeches. It was like a whole conversation was going on outside in the backyard that I hadn’t heard.
Even colors seemed more noticeable. I liked green. It was a good color. Usually not my favorite, but today it was hard to ignore. The sun turned the leaves of the Chinese plum tree lime green, while the other side of the tree stayed an almost black-green in the shadow. The firs on either side of the path were bushy and changed a shade darker, then lighter again, every time the wind blew slightly. Behind the pine, where the squirrels chased one another up and down, the aspen’s bright green tips turned yellow, but soon would be red, orange, and, yes, still green.
It had only been about twenty-four hours since I removed ChitChat from my phone. It might not be a Costa Rican jungle or a Parisian garden, but I realized there might be something to see in my own backyard.
I climbed over the waist-high wooden slats of the fence and into Cait’s backyard. It was a familiar way of entering and exiting. All our backyards lined a small open field with a dirt trail through the middle that led down to a lake.
Caitlin was sitting on one of the Adirondack chairs in her yard, a book open in her lap and a scowl on her face. It was too warm to have a fire going in the firepit.
“What are you doing?” I asked her as I approached.
Caitlin slammed the book closed. “Shakespeare. Test tomorrow.”
“How’s it going?”
“Not great.” Cait shook her head, and I slumped into the Adirondack chair beside her. A squirrel ran down the fence, hopped onto the grass, then scurried up a pine tree. We both watched it like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. Normally, we would be checking our phones.
I closed my eyes, trying to enjoy the feel of the hot sun on my face. It almost felt like summer. But remembering the summer brought up flashes of Jameson and the time we spent together at the lake.
Whispers.
Kisses.
Laughter.
I opened my eyes, willing myself back to the present. Summer was gone and so was Jameson. I had to get used to it somehow.
Luna appeared and plopped down in the remaining chair. She had her trusty notebook with her, plus a stack of dusty-looking books I’d never seen before.
“Okay,” she told us. “I did some research. And I went old-school. I got these books at the library.”
Caitlin groaned. Luna thought research was the best thing ever about being a reporter. She loved following a lead deeper and deeper, every answer leading to another question. She said it was like an open-ended adventure that led to new plot twists, shocking facts, and bizarre details. But most of all, it allowed Luna to become an expert on anything and everything. Which was sometimes helpful, but sometimes annoying, like when she spouted random facts in the middle of a conversation.
In this case, though, I had a feeling her talent for research was going to be very helpful.
“Stop,” I told Caitlin. “Let’s see what she found.”
“Thank you,” Luna told me pointedly. She opened one of the library books, and then looked at both me and Caitlin. “We need to calm our monkey minds.”
“What?” Caitlin said.
“Monkey mind is a Buddhist term meaning unsettled, restless, or confused,” Luna explained p
atiently.
I snapped my fingers. “Yes. I saw a video of howler monkeys. That’s exactly how my brain feels. Jumping around from thing to thing. And screaming. Always screaming.”
Luna nodded like she completely understood. “So, if you let your mind race around and present it with too much stimulus at once, then you will never feel focused or at peace.”
“I have to say, that makes sense,” Caitlin said.
I scooted my chair closer to Luna’s and peeked into her book. “Where do we start to calm down these monkeys? It’s a bit overwhelming.”
“We should find a how-to video on ChitChat,” Caitlin suggested, then covered her mouth with her hand. “Oops. Sorry.”
“We definitely need help,” I said.
“Well,” Luna said, flipping to a new page in the book. “Luckily, we have some answers in here.” She paused triumphantly. “We can meditate.”
Cait looked skeptical. “And exactly how do we do that?”
“ ‘Find a comfortable seat,’ ” Luna read aloud.
“These are comfy.” I leaned back against the chair, put my feet up on the firepit.
“True,” Caitlin agreed.
“Okay, good,” Luna said. “Now close your eyes.”
I watched Cait shut her eyes. I closed mine, too, then opened one eye to peek at Luna. Her eyes were still open, because she was looking into her book.
“How are you supposed to do this with us if you are reading to us?” I asked her.
Luna frowned. “You go through it first; then we’ll try it together.”
“Fine.” I placed my hands limply on my thighs, palms up. I touched my middle fingers to my thumbs to make a circle. With my eyes squeezed tight, I said, “I saw this wellness influencer meditating on ChitChat once. You’re supposed to sit like this.”
“Why?”
I opened my eyes and saw Cait now had one eye open.
“I don’t know, but it can’t hurt,” I said sharply. My patience was giving out. Wasn’t meditation supposed to make you calmer? Oops. I shut my eyes again. “What’s next?”
“Take some deep, cleansing breaths,” Luna instructed. “When you focus on your breathing, it helps keep your mind from wandering.”