"That's not what I meant…"
"How do they expect me to even figure this out on my own? 'The return must not be fractured,'" He followed up with a scoff. "I hear it so. Damn. Much. And I don't know what the hell it even means."
"But you're not alone."
"Feels like I am sometimes… I mean, having to explain this shit over and over and over again, all for it to just blow up in my face? It doesn't even make trying again worth it anymore, Ren. I'm pretty much ready for it all to screech to a halt any day now."
Charlie's heart thumped so hard against her ribs she feared Griff would hear it. She placed her hand over it, willing it to calm.
"Griff. Please. Just…"
"Ren… No. I'm tired… So damn tired. And I-I wonder…"
"What's that?"
"If I…did it again…would it change things?"
"Griffith Bryn, don't you dare—"
"Come on, Ren! I…I can't…I just don't know how to make things right anymore. I'm losing my fucking mind here! How many times? I don't even know how old I am anymore…fifty? Hell, maybe I'm closer to sixty." He sighed deeply then continued, his voice low, dismal…broken. "I can't do it anymore. I just don't know what to do. Maybe I should kill myself," he said with a bitter little laugh. "Maybe…just maybe it would finally make things right if I just wasn't here to fuck it all up."
Charlie broke her silence with a choked sob, forcing the door open. Wide-eyed, Griff looked up from his video call as she stalked towards him. Tears running down her face, she reached both hands up and pulled him down into a hug.
"I don't know what I'd do without you, Griff," she sobbed. "You're my best friend. Please don't leave me. Not after everything you've…"
A trembling took Griff over, and he struggled not to cry again. Instead, he pulled back and touched their foreheads together. His phone clattered to the floor, forgotten, despite the call still on-going.
"Charlie, I don't… I'm not going anywhere," he finally managed to say, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm just so…lost."
Charlie's face screwed up at this and she broke into a loud, rocking sob as she buckled under the weight of everything. Griff sank with her to the floor, holding her and rocking as he whispered gently into her hair, saying whatever came to mind that he thought would help.
‡ † ‡
Twenty minutes later, Charlie had finally seemed to relax. She sat curled up between Griff's legs, leaning against him with her head lolled slightly to the side. He thought she was still awake until his questions went unanswered.
"Is she alright?"
"Sweet Erde, Ren," Griff hissed. He stretched to grab his forgotten phone. Unbeknownst to him, the video call had still continued. He held the phone up. "Scared the hell outta me. Uh, I think she's okay? She's sleeping."
On the screen was a young man sporting a strong jaw behind unkempt facial hair, high cheekbones and olive skin. His long brown hair spilled out from under his red knit cap, and his tired, deep-set eyes of mismatched green and gold seemed to pierce through whatever they gazed at.
"Does she know how your power works?"
Griff opened his mouth to reply 'Duh, time travel', but snapped it shut when he realized what exactly it was Ren implied. The time travel part was easy to understand, but no one but him and Ren and Ghost knew just how it worked. A lead weight crashed into his gut. His arm tightened slightly around Charlie's form, feeling her body expand and release ever-so-slightly with her long, peaceful breaths. She thought he was literally going to kill himself—like dead dead. She had no idea the ending of his life was what reset things.
"You'll have time to explain later, right?" Ren shifted on-screen, rubbing his face with his hand and sighing deeply.
"Yeah, sure." Griff gave the man a hard once-over. "So, you wanna talk about what's eating you?"
He'd like to think it was because he was a caring friend trying to help, but there was also a part of him that felt like shit for hiding everything for so long. And also, he just wanted to change the subject. Ren was being weirdly quiet, and it made him uncomfortable not knowing what he was thinking.
He frowned. "Nothing new. Just Murphy's Law in full effect."
"I picked up on that much. The device not working?"
Ren shrugged. "I don't know what I'm missing. I have the specifications set properly. The crystal core is assuredly pure and strong enough to handle to sealing effect, but it…just won't work. I get a tingling feeling and a slight headache when I use it on myself, but nothing more. And Father's not here to help with it."
"Where is he?" The sinking feeling increased. "He's not coming—"
"He's in Airdeis," Ren explained. "Annual convention he's required to attend before the fall festival. I was supposed to join him, but…" Ren shook his head and leaned his face onto his palm. Even though they communicated through a screen, Griff could almost feel those eyes like they were right in front of him. "Tell me what happened. All of it. Please. It might help me."
For once Griff was glad he'd gotten explaining things down to such a small amount of time. He blurted the past few weeks out in record time, wanting to do all he could to give his friend some help. Anything to get that tired look out of his usually lively face.
An unusual expression took over his face, and Ren was quiet for a long moment. A wild light then filled his eyes.
"Aethecite!"
"Er, what?"
"Aethecite," he repeated. "It's the purest form of unborn magic. Crystallized aether. It's the base material in magic flasks, and how doarme are able to harness and use magic. The device needs to absorb before it seals! It didn't have a sample for its focus! That makes perfect sense!"
Griff snorted. "Glad it's making sense to one of us."
Ren was quiet a long moment, thinking his next words over carefully. That light flashed into his eyes again, and he grabbed a notebook and pen from off screen, hastily scribbling something Griff couldn't see, mumbling to himself as he wrote.
"You know…it'd be nice to let me in on what you're scheming over there."
Ren turned to look at him, eyebrows furrowed in question. His expression melted into a potent mix of empathy and understanding. He gave a weak little smile.
"You helped me figure out what I was doing wrong. Thank you. I need to go. I promise I'll call later. Love you."
Before Griff could say anything, the video call ended, and he was left staring at his own confused reflection on the black screen.
"Tch, yeah. Love you, too," he grumbled.
He stuffed the device into his pants pocket, trying not to wake Charlie as he struggled with his awkward position. She was sleeping, and seemingly so peaceful—something she needed more than anything. Even going through countless repeats, this was one of the parts he hated the most.
Would she break down, give up?
Push forward, head held high?
Turn on everyone, run away?
He'd seen it all, heard it all, felt it all. But now, hugging her warmth against his chest, Griff felt like this time would be different…better. That's why he was still there, and why he had to make things work. He couldn't afford anymore fuck-ups. He was out of options. This time was his last chance to make everything right.
IV
The sky was only just beginning to cloud, hinting at the coming of rain. Soon there would come a thick fog from the rolling waves, turning everything grey. And Reiem welcomed it.
Centuries-old trees with sprawling limbs ringed the open span of green in which he stood, and beyond their thick and mottled bark lay darkness. And in that darkness something moved, roiled like watery smoke. Shadows. Thousands of them.
He parted his lips once more, releasing arcane words older then even himself. But above them all he could hear was that sick, bewailing sound in all its eerie glory. They'd been gathering more and more lately and seeing them at such numbers left him with a sickening tang of blood in the back of his throat.
He didn’t know if the barrier would hold u
ntil summer's end.
Closing his eyes, he once more raised his hand. A pale glow surrounded him, and the shadows around his eyes took on a more reddish glow. Every few seconds he parted his lips to speak, and the glow increased. Far in the distance of the glen a gentle chiming echoed, soon followed by a bright, brilliant light that dazzled every leaf, every blade of grass and rock with a shimmering akin only to the most ancient stars.
It was only at rise of a thousand angry shrieks did Reiem lower his hand and open his eyes. Looking past the subsiding glow, he stared the creatures down. Great though their numbers were, they were far too weak to shatter the barrier. That was a power more akin to the shaman and brutes. Whatever grace there may be, Reiem thanked it—those nightmares were now confined to the cold, dark mines.
He moved his gaze and took in the view of the skies above, as though asking the divine for guidance. Stars began to glitter into appearance, blinking in a silent song no one could hear. The late afternoon glow reflected off his eyes, turning their glittering dark depths an otherworldly shade of crimson.
"Please, just tell me what it is I must do."
The breeze could have carried his words away, for they were softer than the fall of a dandelion. The mixed connotation of his desperate plea pained him more when he received only silence. It echoed not only through the meadow, but also through his soul, breaking his already fractured heart with its strange emotional blow. It felt almost like sorrow, but Reiem was so very far from tears.
Knowing no reply would ever come, he turned away. A soft rumble of thunder sounded as a vaguely oval-shaped void tore the fabric of reality before him.
The portal carried him away from the meadow, away from the demons and their starving, bottomless eyes. Only when she heard the soft warbling of a forest sprite did he realize he'd not been taken to his home as he'd desired. Two gnarled oaks stood before him, separated by just enough room to make them stand out from the rest of the trees. A darkness deeper than usual sat between them, a clearly man-made stone slab faintly illuminated by bioluminescence. The stones formed a path, snaking through the trees until they disappeared around a bend.
Perhaps this was his answer.
The darkening sky was covered by the treetops which created a thick canopy overhead. The emerald and gold foliage presented a magnificent sight, seeming to sparkle with a light all its own. Soft rustlings of leaves from the breeze accompanied Reiem's steps as he followed the gentle curves of the path. A few times the path splintered off, going two and sometimes three different directions, but he knew to follow the mushrooms.
The water appeared as though by magic as he rounded the final curve. It was starlight-silver in color and glittered like so many gems in moonlight. No sound rang out from the space around it. Tranquil and pleasing to every sense imaginable. Flowers bloomed on the far shore, the entirety of the water ringed by trees so thick no light or scenery beyond could be seen. And in the center of those tranquil waters, rising from a mound of rock, was a crystalline structure.
It had become a perfect tree in the decades since last he'd set foot there. The geometric shards expanded in all directions, glowing with a brilliance only the mystical richness of the forest could bring. Planted in the ground around the tree were nine slim stones, their smooth faces covered in crisp carvings.
When Reiem stepped to the shore, it was like the world had gone quiet—like it was holding its breath. He continued forward, stepping from the ledge, yet instead of his foot sinking into those clear, cool depths, it set firmly upon the surface. Step after step, he crossed the water's surface to the tree.
"Courage, truth, honor, fidelity, discipline, hospitality, industriousness, self-reliance, perseverance," he read to himself from the standing stones. After a moment of silence, he snorted. "Foolish notions to show to a beast."
"Something amiss, O Fallen One?"
Reiem looked down into the water. Under the surface, visible only as shimmers of silvery light, was a feminine form draped in diamond dust. He eyed her, knowing from those purple eyes that it was the same deity from before. But why was she here? Better yet, why had she led him there?
"I am no virtuous man. Why answer my queries with so cruel a joke? Why, Astha? Why lead me to Shimmerfall?"
"Since time immemorial have I dwelt in solitude within these trees. And I can testify to the extraordinary nature of the man standing before me."
"What's so extraordinary about me?" Reiem snapped, his tone bitter and low. "How I pulled down the moon and slaughtered mankind into near extinction? How I betrayed everyone and sent my own daughter to her death?" He gave a short, bark-like laugh. "Or how I keep running from the Norns while they so desperately try to smother me?"
Astha slowly blinked her gemstone eyes. She pushed herself closer to the rock's edge, floating just below the surface. "A heart most wondrous lies in your depths. I have watched it. The crown may be worn by any who possess the blessings of the Seven—"
"Then burden someone else! Anyone! Just not me…" His tone trembled among the trees, and he realized he trembled along with it. "I haven’t the strength to do it…"
Turning from that soothing, motherly glow, he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t look at the tree, or the stones. Memories swirled—light ones, dark ones, pieces he thought he'd long since buried and forgotten. They danced through his head like flashes of lightning he just couldn’t look away from. And in the midst of all that light was something dark. Something that set his soul to trembling when he pierced through its outer shell and saw the sickly green burn of hatred and malice within.
"Fear not the darkness, Reiem, for you are born of it. Embrace the light, for it loves you so. The path you walk treads these two worlds so very carefully, and you fear where each foot may fall."
"I used to fly." Reiem's voice rose barely above of a shivering whisper. "The world seemed to have no end to its splendors, and I knew every single one." He blinked rapidly against the warmth gathering behind his eyes, turning his face up to the branches.
"And falling is just another way to fly."
"Indeed," he snorted. " In my dreams, I know I am falling. But there is no up or down, no walls or sides or ceilings, just the sensation of cold and darkness everywhere. I am so scared. I want to scream. But when I open my mouth, nothing happens. That's what it's like, Astha. And I wonder…if you fall forever and never touch down, is it really still falling? I think I could fall forever."
From behind he heard a gentle moving of water as Astha rose from its depths. The shimmering that made up her body coalesced into human form as the liquid fell away from her. Silvery diamond dust hair turned blonde, and purple eyes fell to brown with translucent skin now an ivory glow.
A wave of cold apprehension washed over the immortal in the silence that filled the air. Quivering, he turned to see a terrible memory made flesh. The young woman looked up at him, and his breath caught in his throat.
"You see yourself as wicked and black of soul. But did I not think, despite your past, you are a good man? Do you not face these days with bravery, as you did then? Do you not show compassion? You protect your einheri and impart your wisdom, do you not?" When Reiem tried to turn away, the woman raised her small hands to hold his gaze upon hers. His fingers twitched and, slowly, he raised his hands to cover hers.
"Sigliende…" Her name fell from his lips like the tears that betrayed him, racing down his cheeks. "Go back to the abyss. Haunt me no more."
Sigliende cocked her head to one side, and a breeze, sudden, violent, shook the trees. Her eyes went wide with comprehension, and… pity? He narrowed his own at her, and then shut them tight.
"I will stay as long as is needed, ó-dæll! You must listen! You have put yourself above others, always. You have sought truth and shown generosity, and for your einheri, you give her a path, a purpose."
His fingers gripped tighter around those slender hands. It took everything he had not to pull the young beauty to his chest, crush her under the weight of his eternal plea
ds for forgiveness and torrents of guilt at the blood he still saw staining his own hands. He knew those eyes weren't hers, but how cruel it was that Astha could mimic their depths so perfectly…
"Your plan to assume Adagium's identity was quite ingenious."
"Plan? Sigliende, I am…"
The gnawing in his mind grew. Groaning through clenched teeth he grabbed his head with both hands. Spreading down his throat to his chest, he felt almost like it would collapse like an empty drink can. His vision turned colors from the lack of air he managed, in a moment of clarity, to recall the words.
Such lies so deeply instilled must be shattered
for the light of truth to shine.
A deception greater than even the power of the Seven,
placating the scourge so as to allow healing.
Remember who you are, O Crowned One,
and know that you are loved.
"What…" he gasped. "What must I do?"
"Seek out your failures, ó-dæll. And your accomplishments. Find the one who speaks through glass."
"'Speaks through glass…'?" Another stab of pain, followed by a whisper. No, not a whisper—a command.
Sigliende said nothing. She didn’t have to. She let him go, eyes hollow and grave as she stepped back into the water. With a rush, the glittering hue replaced her and she disappeared. When the silence of the tranquil, otherworldly realm returned, Reiem gasped, swallowing down air in great gulps.
Amidst the memories breaking down his defenses, clawing their way over and under to reach the forefront of his mind, he recalled an old legend. If you answered to a name, you shackled yourself to it.
Perhaps there were worse fates, he thought.
"Remember who you are," Astha whispered from somewhere unseen. "Know that you are loved."
The Silence Between Page 23