“To tie us together when we have bonding sex,” he growled as she touched him. “It won’t fully inflate until the first time I enter you. But when I do—”
“Wait a minute.” Liv looked up from her exploration. “You mean it gets even bigger?”
“It will when I’m inside you, yes. It’s purpose is to fill you and keep us together for as long as it takes for me to bond you to me.”
Her first impulse was to laugh. Surely he had to be joking! “You’re kidding, right?” she said, searching his burning eyes for a clue. “I mean, I’m not a porn star or anything. If we ever had sex—which we are so not going to—but if we did, I’d have a seriously hard time even accommodating your, uh, regular equipment. There’s no way this…” She let her fingers flick over the solid ridge of flesh surrounding the base of his shaft. “Would ever fit in me. No way in hell.”
“Don’t worry about that, Lilenta. I know how tight you are. I was just touching you—remember?” The hunger was burning in his eyes again and Liv felt a flash of shame mixed with desire when she remembered how eager she had been to spread her legs and let him stroke into her. What’s wrong with me? I was really out of control!
“Don’t remind me,” she muttered, pulling her hand away and crossing her arms over her chest. “And how can I not worry when you seem to seriously think you can fit something that size in me? It’s impossible.”
“It’s not impossible,” Baird explained patiently. “As I make love to you the chemicals released by my body will trigger changes in yours and allow you to open yourself to me fully—you’ll feel no pain, only pleasure as we bond.”
“No, I won’t feel pain or pleasure because we are not going to bond,” Liv said, trying to sound firm.
“You’re just frightened, that’s all.” Baird’s voice was a soft growl. “You’ll feel differently when we’re close—when you’re under me, open for me. Then you’ll ache to be filled with my shaft. Every part of it.”
For some reason his words, and the mental image they raised, were frighteningly seductive. There was no way she should want to let him do that to her—no matter what he said it was sure to be a painful experience. But part of her wanted it anyway.
Liv felt a surge of panic. My God, he’s probably right—when he’s got me right where he wants me I’ll probably just give in! What about the way I was acting just a few minutes ago—rubbing against him, begging him to do it? If he hadn’t kept his promise not to I’d be pinned under him right now with him trying to force himself inside me. And God knows how long it could take—hours and hours with no end in sight. Not to mention that I’d be stuck here forever afterwards. I’ve got to stay away from him—far away.
“Lilenta…” Baird reached for her but she shied away.
“No, don’t touch me! In fact, I don’t think we should touch anymore at all.”
Baird frowned. “What are you talking about?”
Liv shook her head, her pulse pounding as all her old fears of being pinned down and helpless under the big alien male came back in a rush. “There’s something about you. I can’t…can’t seem to control myself when you get too close. When you touch me. And don’t tell me it’s my body reacting to yours because we ‘need’ each other again either,” she snapped, when he opened his mouth as if to reply. “I don’t care what causes it, I don’t like being out of control. Don’t like it that I can’t seem to stop myself from…from acting like some kind of animal in heat.”
“I told you this would happen.” Baird shifted on the bed toward her but Liv pulled away again. He sighed and sat back. “Your body is in heat, Lilenta—to a certain extent anyway. And as long as we’re together you’ll get hotter and hotter. Having me inside you is the only thing that will ease you.”
“Well then I guess I’ll just have to manage on my own because there is no way I’m letting you try to get your whole entire uh…self inside me.” Liv’s heart was still racing. “In fact, I don’t think I want you touching me at all anymore. It’s too dangerous.”
Baird’s face was like a thundercloud. “You signed a contract, Olivia. This is our bathing week—you can’t deny me the right to wash you.”
“Exactly—wash me. And that’s it.” Liv lifted her chin defiantly. “I’m pretty sure if I went over that contract with a fine tooth comb there wouldn’t be anything about you being able to rub me with fifty types of oil and lay on top of me and practically hump me through the mattress.”
“I was scent marking you,” he protested. “Gotta do that in order to let other males know you’re mine.”
“I’m not yours,” she flared at him angrily. “And I never will be! So you can wash me—fine, I can’t stop you. But nothing outside the bathing pool. That means no more naked massages with exotic oils. And absolutely no more marking, or whatever you call it.”
“Fine.” Baird was so angry now his eyes were practically glowing. “But if I can’t mark you, then we’re not leaving the suite. Not with you smellin’ so hot and not having any of my scent on you.”
Liv threw up her hands. “Great. Put me under house arrest—I don’t care. Just stay away from me.”
“If that’s how you feel,” he said, his jaw clenched. “I told you once I wasn’t interested in taking what you didn’t want to give.”
“That’s exactly how I feel,” Liv assured him. “And I’m not giving another inch.”
“Fine.” He was still glaring at her but the pain was back in his eyes now—back to stay and Liv knew she was the cause of it. Suddenly she felt horrible.
“Try to understand, Baird,” she pleaded softly. “I never asked for this—for our minds to align or for you to claim me. I never wanted any of it. I just…I just want to go home.”
Baird closed his eyes briefly. “I wish I could let you. But I can’t, Olivia. I need you too damn much. I’m sorry.” He got off the bed and left just as he had the first time he’d brought her into the suite.
Liv sat in the middle of the huge bed and wrapped her arms around her knees, trying not to cry. God, if only she could control herself better around him! It made her feel horrible, like the worst kind of tease to go so far with him and then refuse him anything else. But damn it, she was fighting for her future here! She didn’t want to never see her family again, especially Sophie. She didn’t want to give up the career she’d worked so hard for. Not even for love? whispered a little voice in her head but Liv pushed it away. She didn’t love Baird, despite all the dream-sharing they’d done and the way he made her laugh. Despite the way she felt so safe in his arms—at least until things started getting sexual. All of that, as nice as it was, didn’t add up to love. Did it?
Liv didn’t know but she didn’t intend to stick around and find out.
* * *
“What am I supposed to do now?” Baird stood in the ship’s main temple before the statue of the Goddess, looking up at her beautiful, blank face. Because of their three genetic trades, the Kindred had many gods to choose from but the Mother of Life was their original deity—the one they had worshiped back on the Kindred home world before the first trade had ever taken place. Baird’s father, who had been a rare full blooded Kindred with no trades in his heritage, had prayed to her in times of need and taught his sons to do the same. And the gods know I’m certainly in need now, Baird thought ruefully. If only Olivia wasn’t so damn stubborn! If only I could make her see that we need each other.
His thoughts ran in circles as he stood on the green and purple grass. The lush vegetation served as the floor of the temple which was located in the sacred grove. It tickled his bare feet, since he’d removed his boots before stepping on the holy ground.
All around him trees of different variations on the same colors grew. Lavender and mint green leaves mingled with royal purple and emerald bark, filling the grove of the Mother of Life with the warm, resinous scent of growing things. Baird breathed it in, letting the blessed scent fill his lungs and calm him. No matter what deity they worshiped, this temple was a sac
red place to all of his people. In fact, the artificial sun that hung overhead and bathed the core of the Kindred ship in golden-green radiance had been patterned off the sun of their home world and specially developed just so these trees would grow.
He sighed, reflecting that he had been hoping to show this part of the ship to Olivia soon. They had only been to restaurants and attractions around the perimeter and near their own suite during their holding week because he hadn’t scent marked her and had wanted to be close to home in case of trouble. He’d thought that after their bathing week she would have enough of his scent on her that it would be safe to take her out to the center of the ship where the three types of Kindred mixed more frequently. But now…he shook his head.
“Warrior, are you in need of counsel?” The soft, creaky voice behind him startled Baird and he turned to see an ancient priestess of the Mother of Life coming toward him. She was one of the extremely rare five percent of his species that were female and in addition to that, he could tell that she was a full blooded Kindred as his father had been. Set in a net of fine wrinkles, her large almond shaped eyes had deep emerald green irises and the whites around them were green also, albeit a paler shade of the color of life. Her hair was white streaked with jade and olive and she wore it loose around her shoulders. Baird knew without even smelling her that she was unmated. Because of their rarity and special abilities, true Kindred females were reverenced by his people and most of them chose to become priestesses of the Mother of Life rather than have a family.
Baird had come to the sacred grove hoping for peace and a way to sort out his feelings without bothering Sylvan again. He hadn’t thought about asking for spiritual guidance but now that he saw the priestess approaching, he felt the appropriate response rise to his lips.
“I have come seeking counsel of the Mother of Life, she who made and nurtures us all,” he said formally.
The priestess came closer, her bare feet whispering over the grass. “You have much sorrow within you. Do you care to speak of it, Warrior?”
Baird scarcely knew where to begin. “It’s my bride—our minds have been aligned these six Earth months and I can tell by her scent that she needs me as much as I need her. But I can’t make her see it. She…refuses me over and over again.”
The priestess frowned. “And this hurts your pride?”
“Hell, yes, it hurts my pride,” Baird burst out. Then he remembered who he was talking too. “Sorry, your holiness. It’s just…it hurts my heart too. I love her so much, need her so much and she wants nothing to do with me.”
“Are you kind to her? Do you honor and respect her? Worship her body with your own?” the priestess demanded.
“Uh…” Baird squirmed uncomfortably. “As much as she’ll let me. She’s, uh, decided that she doesn’t…doesn’t want me to touch her anymore. At least, no more than necessary.”
“She fears you.” It was a statement, not a question.
Baird nodded. “Yeah, I guess she does. Or fears what she’ll lose by giving in to me.”
“What does she fear to lose?” the priestess asked.
“Her family—especially her sister who she loves very much. And her career. She just finished schooling to become some kind of a medic and she wants to be able to use her training.”
The priestess nodded regally. “That is much to give up for the love of a male she’s never seen except in her dreams.”
“I know it is,” Baird said desperately. “But she’s the only one for me—my one true mate.”
“Then what are you prepared to give up for her?” The green-within-green eyes watched him sharply.
“Anything I have to. But it’s not like I can move down to Earth to be with her. The Council has forbidden cohabitation on the planet’s surface until the Scourge is taken care of.”
“Would you wait for her until the war is over?” She raised an olive green eyebrow inquiringly.
“If I had to. But that could take years! And she’s not bonded to me—how could I trust that another wouldn’t win her heart while I was stuck up here without her?” Baird demanded. “I need her—need to bond her to me but she’s determined not to.”
“You present a thorny dilemma.” The priestess stepped forward. “Kneel, Warrior, and let me look into you.”
Baird shifted uncomfortably. “Is that really necessary?”
“Did you come seeking counsel or not?”
“I suppose so.” He frowned. “But I warn you, priestess, you may not like what you see.”
“What I see is what the Mother of Life shows me.” She made a motion to him. “Kneel and let me look.”
Baird knelt before her, trying to keep his posture relaxed though inside he was dreading what was about to happen. Females of the Kindred race had uncharted psychic ability—yet another reason why most of them chose to serve the Mother of Life rather than take a mate. But allowing a priestess into one’s mind was a very uncomfortable experience. He’d endured it when he was first confirmed as a warrior and again when he and Sylvan had chosen to take part in the Earth trade and it wasn’t something he was eager to repeat. Still, he couldn’t ignore the priestess’s demand and maybe she could help him make some sense of his problems with Olivia. Unclenching his fists, he took a deep breath and tried to open himself.
“Very good.” She stepped closer and placed the fingertips of her right hand lightly against his temple. “Now look at me Warrior. Open yourself and let me see.”
Baird tried to do as she asked. As their eyes locked, he felt a soft fluttering inside his head like a thousand wings beating. Then the sensation changed and there were fingers sliding through the cracks in his mind, prying, invading his brain and sifting through his memories like someone might sift through sand at a beach.
He saw his childhood, growing up first on Rageron and then Twin Moons, the loss of his mother and his close bond with Sylvan. His confirmation as a warrior, witnessing his half brother’s pain and rejection on Tranq Prime and their subsequent decision to join the new trade on Earth. Then…the fateful mission when his scout ship had been captured by the Scourge.
Gods, no, don’t want to think about…
But it was too late. He was plunged into darkness, the sour stench of the Fathership filling his nostrils. “Such an interesting flavor this one has. His pain is so unique.” The voice of the AllFather filled his head, harsh and discordant and once again he felt the agony. Sensors all over me, wires coming out of my skin like some kinda damn machine. Leave me alone—let me go! And then the draining pull of the AllFather’s mind focused solely on his own. The overwhelming despair that threatened to drown him as all his memories were twisted, love turned to hatred, pleasure to pain. The huge lighted screen above his head showing him things that had happened in the past but wrong, distorted. He saw himself shouting at his father, killing his brother, and other things too horrible to think of. No, I never did those things. I love them, I wouldn’t…would never…
“Are you sure?” The insidious grating of the AllFather’s voice in his mind was implacable. Slowly but surely Baird could feel himself losing all sense of reality, losing his sanity. Everything was upside down. Every precious memory was warped into something hideous and strange and wrong. He told himself to resist, tried to keep his mental shields strong. But there was nothing the AllFather couldn’t distort. Nothing except…
Olivia… Her mind had found his in the dark pit where the Scourge had chained him. To Baird it had been like looking up into a pitch black sky and seeing the light of a single, brilliant star shining down. He began to dream-share with her, watched her go about her day. The normalcy of her life and her radiant beauty fed him and helped him control the intense pain he felt when the AllFather focused on him. Helped keep his shields strong so that he never let them all the way in, never broke completely. Watching Olivia, feeling her mind linked to his was all that kept him sane.
Baird knew she was seeing him too—he could feel her compassion through their mind link when she
saw what was being done to him. And he knew then that he had to escape, had to get away from the Fathership or he would never meet her. Never hold her in his arms and claim her as his bride.
He saw himself waiting for the perfect opportunity. Watched as he ripped the wires that were sucking the life out of him from his skin and used them to strangle the guard who had gotten too close. The desperate game of hide and seek he had played with his captors until he was able to steal a ship and fly away, get back to the Kindred ship where Sylvan waited anxiously, wondering if he would ever be able to function again. Few escaped the clutches of the Scourge and if they did, their minds were usually full of holes and broken memories afterwards. Almost none of them was able to resume their place as a fully functioning member of society.
But Baird had been lucky—he’d had Olivia to pull him through. Because of her he had never given up hope. Because of her he had retained his sanity, his strength. And now that he was free, he needed her. Needed her in his arms, in his bed.
He watched as their claiming ceremony played out, saw the entire last week of his life in fast-forward as he pursued his new bride and she resisted and retreated. He relived the feel of her in his arms, the delicious sensation of having her under him, the heat her soft fingers had raised in him as she caressed his shaft and mating fist. And then their fight, his pain when she refused to let him touch her. Olivia, I love you…Need you so much…my life, my mate, my bride…
And suddenly he was back in the sacred grove kneeling before the priestess of the Mother of Life, knowing she had seen it all.
She drew in a deep breath and removed her fingers from his temple. “You have suffered much, Warrior. Why did you not come to the temple for healing after your escape from the Scourge?”
Brides of the Kindred Volume One: Books 1-4 Page 23