Kat’s face got almost as red as her hair. “It’s what they call plus-sized girls, all right? They, uh, have a thing for them. For us, I guess.”
“Holy crap—Lock and Deep are curvy connoisseurs?” Liv raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”
“Seriously,” Kat said gloomily. “As in, they’d rather peruse the Lane Bryant catalogue than the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue.”
“But that’s great!” Sophie exclaimed, forgetting her own problems for a moment. “You’re always saying that guys in Tampa don’t appreciate curves.”
“Yeah, well, neither do they want to get inside your head and never ever leave,” Kat snapped. “Talk about the first date from hell that won’t end.”
“Okay, all right.” Olivia made a cutting motion with one hand. “Start from the beginning and tell us everything.”
“All right.” Kat sighed. “But I warn you, it’s going to sound pretty strange.”
Not as strange as what I have to tell, I bet, Sophie thought but didn’t say. “Just talk,” she urged aloud. “And don’t leave anything out.”
“Well first of all,” Kat said turning to her. “It’s all your fault. If you and Sylvan hadn’t gone missing…
“…and now I can’t stop feeling their emotions,” she ended, about an hour later. “I mean, they’ve dimmed a little, but I still have this headache I just can’t get rid of. It’s not as bad as it was at first but it’s still there, you know? I know I’ve been snappish and out of sorts but this really has me running scared. I mean, what if it never stops?”
“You should see Sylvan,” Sophie heard herself saying at the same time Liv said,
“Sylvan’s the one you need to talk to.”
Kat looked at them in surprise. “He’s that good?”
“I’ve been working in the med lab awhile now and I believe he’s the best doctor, er, medic on this ship,” Liv said firmly. “If anyone can help you, he can.”
“And he, uh, healed me. Several times,” Sophie added, though remembering how he’d done it made her cheeks get hot—a fact which was not missed by Kat and Olivia.
“Uh-huh.” Kat nodded. “Well, if things don’t go back to normal or they get worse, I’ll take your advice. In the mean time, I want to hear more about how he healed you.”
“Yeah, would this be sexual healing by any chance?” Liv grinned at her and Sophie felt her cheeks get even hotter.
“Stop it, you guys. It wasn’t like that,” she protested, scratching her right knee. There was a little bump there, just beside the kneecap which seemed to be some kind of permanent scar. Other than that, no one would ever have known she’d been attacked so viciously by the urlich. Sylvan must have done a very thorough job while she was unconscious. All her wounds looked like they were days old.
“Okay, so what was it like?” Kat said. “Come on, Sophie—I spilled my guts. Now it’s your turn. Tell us every little detail and don’t leave anything out.”
Sophie took a deep breath. “Well the first thing you need to know is that the Scourge are hunting me. I don’t know why but they really want me badly—enough that Sylvan had to crash our shuttle into a mountain to get away from them.”
The mood was immediately serious. Sophie didn’t know if she was glad about that or not but she did her best to tell them everything that had happened—well, almost everything. She didn’t say exactly how Sylvan had marked her—only that he had, twice. She could tell by the looks they exchanged that Liv and Kat knew there was more to the story but she refused to embarrass herself any further.
She told them about the way she and Sylvan had talked, too. And that she’d told him about the attack on prom night—something she hadn’t discussed with anyone else besides the two of them.
Kat’s eyes went wide when she heard. “Seriously? You told him that?”
Sophie bit her lip. “He sort of…pried it out of me. And then he wanted to go after Burke. I made him promise to stay away—well, not to kill him, but Sylvan went after him anyway.”
“Really?” Olivia stared at her. “You mean he tracked down Burke after all these years and beat him up? That doesn’t sound like Sylvan to me.”
“It’s not like him. At least, not as far as I can tell.” Sophie sighed unhappily. “I saw everything he did—he didn’t just beat Burke up—he broke his arm. A bad break. I could see the…the bones coming out of his skin all jagged and bloody…” The memory made her sick to her stomach and she shook her head, unable to continue.
“A compound fracture, huh?” Olivia nodded thoughtfully. “That is bad.”
“But that’s not all,” Sophie went on. “He also, uh, castrated him.”
“He what?” Liv and Kat said together.
“He did.” Sophie nodded. “With this little silver thingy. It was really small—it fit in the palm of his hand. But it burned Burke’s, uh, equipment right off. There was nothing left but a…but a scar.” She swallowed hard, willing her stomach to be steady. Considering the fact that she hadn’t eaten in well over twenty-four hours, she felt remarkably un-hungry.
“I think I know what you’re talking about,” Liv said. “It’s mostly used for dermatological cases—when somebody needs a wart burned off or something. I never thought of burning off anything, uh, bigger.”
“Well I guess Burke’s out of business.” There was no mistaking the satisfaction in Kat’s tone. “Permanently from the sound of it.”
Liv laughed. “Good for Sylvan! I wish I could have seen it.”
“I wish I hadn’t,” Sophie said in a low voice.
Liv and Kat both leaned toward her, concern on their faces. “Sophie, are you all right?” Liv asked. “Did seeing it upset you?”
“I would think you’d be glad,” Kat said. “After what Burke did—”
“But that’s the thing,” Sophie interrupted. “When I saw him again, it all came rushing back. That whole awful night. It was even worse than when I told Sylvan about it. I almost…almost felt like I was reliving it.”
“Oh, honey, no.” Liv put a comforting arm around her shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”
“So am I.” Sophie sniffed, trying to keep back tears. “But I freaked completely out. I fell out of bed and barely made it to the bathroom and started puking and crying and—”
“Wait a minute” Kat frowned. “You were in bed? Where did all this happen?”
“Sylvan went to Burke’s work—you know at the car dealership in South Tampa?” Sophie said. “I was watching in a dream. When I woke up—that’s when I freaked out.”
“You were dream sharing with him?” Liv’s eyes went wide. “Sophie, that’s big. That’s huge.”
“Yeah, you should have told us that first,” Kat pointed out.
Sophie put a hand over her eyes. “Don’t you see? It doesn’t matter—none of it matters. Because Sylvan doesn’t want to have feelings for me. He told me that once he got back on the Mother ship they would all fade away. And just to be sure they do, I heard him tell Baird he was going to have some kind of ceremony done—a cleansing is what he called it. To get rid of unwanted feelings.” She looked up at the other two girls. “Feelings for me.”
“He’s probably just upset,” Liv said. “Although God knows, I wouldn’t have thought anything could upset Sylvan. He’s pretty controlled.”
“He wasn’t with me,” Sophie said softly. “You should have seen the way he got when he fought off the urlich—the cyborg dogs the Scourge had tracking us,” she explained, seeing their looks of confusion. “His eyes got red and his fangs…” She broke off, shivering.
“It’s called rage,” Liv said.
“He was enraged all right, especially when the urlich were after us,” Sophie said. “But when he broke Burke’s arm he seemed so casual—so cold blooded.”
“But he was probably still in rage,” Kat said. “It’s a state Kindred warriors go into when their female is threatened. Baird explained it to us.”
Sophie listened, wide-eyed, while the other two to
ld her what they’d heard.
“So you see,” Olivia finished, “Sylvan does care about you. He was displaying perfectly normal behavior when he did all those things. I bet if you just talked to him—”
“What could I say?” Sophie objected. “Even if he hadn’t taken a vow to never call a bride, and even if I didn’t have my stupid past dragging me down, I’m still afraid of his fangs. It wouldn’t be fair to ask him to care for me when I can’t give him what he wants. What he needs.”
“Oh right, the biting.” Kat snapped her fingers. “Well of course that’s a problem—for you especially. You’ve hated being stuck with anything sharp since you were a kid—and for good reason.” She turned to Liv. “Hey, remember that time in college when Sophie’s biology professor was offering extra credit to anyone who donated blood? And she was so afraid the class was going to pull down her GPA she actually went and tried to do it?”
Olivia smiled. “The next thing I know my cell is ringing and they’re asking if I can come get my sister who’s fainted dead away.”
“It took both of us to drag her out of the bloodmobile, remember?” Kat smiled at Sophie fondly. “The rest of the people waiting to donate were scared silly. And the tech told us he’d barely stuck the needle in before your eyes rolled up and you went down like a sack of potatoes.”
“I tried though,” Sophie said defensively. “And you have to admit it’s better to faint when you’re trying to give blood than when you’re in the middle of…well, you know.”
Olivia laughed. “Yes, it would kind of put a damper on your sex life if you passed out in the middle of your big O because your hubby tapped a vein.”
“That would suck—literally and figuratively.” Kat grinned.
“So…you don’t think I’m a coward for not wanting to…you know, be claimed by Sylvan?” Sophie asked in a small voice.
“Honey, we would never call you that,” Kat said. She and Liv both reached for Sophie’s hands and squeezed.
“You have to do what feels right for you,” her sister said firmly. “And remember, I was pretty scared of Baird’s, uh, equipment at first, too. I had to get to the place inside myself where I was more scared of losing him than I was scared of letting him bond me to him.”
“I guess that makes sense.” Sophie felt like crying for some reason but she tried to blink back the tears. “But what if…what if I never get there? Not that it matters. I mean, he’s doing that cleansing thing to get rid of his feelings for me. Soon he won’t care anymore. Oh God…”
Olivia pulled her in for a hug and Kat patted her back. Sophie couldn’t help it, she started to cry. “It’s okay,” her sister whispered. “I know it hurts and it’s scary. But things are going to get better Sophie, I’m sure they will.”
“Absolutely,” Kat affirmed. “And if he wants to get rid of his feelings for you, then you just return the favor.”
“That’s just the thing.” Sophie pulled back from their comforting embrace, sniffing. “I…I don’t know if I can. Every time I close my eyes I see him. I mean, he’s even been popping up in all my art lately. I didn’t want to tell you guys because I thought you’d think I was crazy but I seriously can’t paint anything but Sylvan lately.”
“Wow.” Kat shook her head. “Sounds like you’ve been hit hard.”
“I have,” Sophie admitted. “I really have. And I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Don’t do anything for right now,” Olivia said practically. “Let’s just enjoy all being together again. It seems like ages since we could get together and just pour our hearts out like this.”
“It has been a long time. And I’ve really missed it,” Kat admitted. “Who else could I tell about having other people’s feelings in my head? Who else wouldn’t just think I was crazy?”
“Oh, we know you’re crazy. We’ve known that for ages.” Sophie grinned at her friend through her tears.
“You!” Kat lunged at her playfully and she leaned away, laughing.
“Okay you guys, break it up.” But Liv was grinning too. “Come on, it’s getting late and I have to get home to Baird at some point.”
“Not before we get the really juicy details, though,” Kat objected. “You know—the ones you skipped over before?” she asked, eyeing Sophie.
“But—” Sophie objected.
“No buts,” they said together. “Spill!”
Sophie looked at them hopelessly. “You know I hate it when you two gang up on me.”
“Yes, we’re horrible,” Kat said remorselessly. “Now tell me more about this marking thing. Liv obviously knows all the details but I’m a little lost…”
“Please, I beg you, help me.” The plea was wrenched from him as he knelt before the statue of the Mother, his hands uplifted in supplication. It was the same place he had been in when he first made his vow to never call a bride. Back then he had been proud and strong, head held high as he dedicated his chastity to the Mother’s service. Now he was a broken male, the need inside him raging like a fire out of control, his blood all but boiling in his veins.
And being back aboard the ship hadn’t made it one bit better.
Baird was right, I can’t just turn it off like a switch. Can’t be rid of my feelings for Sophia so easily. But if the Mother didn’t give me a need for her in order to protect her while the urlich were stalking her, then why did she do it? Why must I endure this agony with no end in sight?
“Yes, Warrior. You seek counsel?”
Sylvan groaned inwardly when he saw who it was that spoke. The same priestess who had performed Baird and Olivia’s joining ceremony. And she also happens to be the same one I ‘rescued’ Sophia from. Still, there was nothing to do but humble himself before her and pray she would have mercy on him.
“Yes,” he said, looking down at the green and purple grass. “I seek counsel of the Mother of Life, she who protects and nurtures us all.”
“It is good you have come, for I can tell you are much troubled. Tell me your pain.”
“Though I took a vow before the Mother to never call a bride, my blood burns within me for one I can never have,” Sylvan admitted, filled with shame.
“Why may you not have her?” the priestess asked. “Does she belong to another?”
“No.” Sylvan shook his head. “But…she does not want me. She is afraid of me and I fear I have done little to allay her distress and much to make it grow.”
“Then your agony is your own fault,” the priestess said sternly. Then her voice became slightly less chilly. “But come, let me see what I can do to lessen it.”
“I would ask…ask for a cleansing,” Sylvan said hoarsely, forcing the words out. He had undergone such a ceremony once, when he had been mad with grief over losing Feenah. It had been the most painful experience of his life and he had vowed to never undergo another one. Yet here he was, asking for it…asking for the equivalent of psychic surgery without anesthesia. But what other option did he have?
“I will look into you first,” the priestess said, stepping forward to look into his eyes. “To see if such a thing is necessary or even possible.”
“I—” Sylvan began but she was already in his mind, rifling casually through the contents of the past twenty-four Earth hours without so much as a by-your –leave.
Sylvan gritted his teeth and forced himself to relive it with her. The Luck Kiss, the crash in the mountains, the grueling march to the cabin and all that had transpired between himself and Sophia there. Then the fight with the urlich and the way he had punished her attacker which had caused Sophia so much pain and terror.
“I see,” the priestess said at last, releasing Sylvan to his great relief. “I see your agony but it was of your own doing, Warrior. All of your own doing.”
“I—” Sylvan began but she shushed him with a wave of her hand.
“You made your vow to never take a bride, not out of genuine desire to serve the Goddess, but out of pride,” the priestess said. “And out of pride you chose not to
see the warning signs that you were being drawn to this girl—this Sophia. And when you did choose to acknowledge them, you blamed them on the Mother of All Life, saying that she had only given you these feelings in order that you might protect the Earth girl.”
“But I thought she had,” Sylvan protested. “Why else would she have me break my vow?”
“A vow made in pride and fear—yes, fear. For fear is the loathsome sister of pride, who stands just inside the door to your soul, whispering foul untruths. Telling you that if you never give your heart again then it can never again be broken.” She frowned at Sylvan. “This was the shadow I saw on your heart, the fear and pride which taints your entire existence.”
“It was terrible when I was rejected the first time,” Sylvan admitted brokenly. “So terrible I never wanted to go through it again. But this…this is a thousand times worse.”
“Because you have found your one true mate—your bride.” The priestess shook her head. “And yet you let her slip through your fingers—telling her that your need for her will be gone as soon as you reached the ship. Letting her believe you can live without her when you know you cannot.”
“A fact which I now acknowledge freely,” he said. “But please, your holiness, she does not want me.”
“She does not know she wants you because you haven’t given her a reason to know it,” the priestess said sternly. “You allowed your need to overcome you, the protective rage to rule your actions instead of common sense. In so doing, you have frightened her away.”
“Permanently, I fear,” Sylvan said harshly. “In light of my loss, will you not now perform a cleansing?”
“I will not. For I think that you may yet regain your bride’s trust and bond her to you.”
“How?” Sylvan couldn’t help feeling exasperated. “She fears me. And as long as my blood burns with need for her, I can do nothing but make her fear me more.”
“I will do this much at least, then. Come, I will cool your blood.” The priestess beckoned him again and Sylvan bowed his head to receive her.
This time the feeling was a soothing one. A sensation of fresh, cool water being poured over the fevered fissures of his brain. The need which had come to the forefront of his mind, usurping his regular personality with its terrible imperatives, didn’t exactly vanish, but Sylvan found he was able to pack it away. To fold it like an unused garment and stow it in a chest in the corner of his mind. He still wanted Sophia, still needed and loved her, but he was able to pull his fangs in and the red veil which had fallen over his gaze so many hours ago was finally lifted, allowing him to see the world through fresh, rational eyes.
Brides of the Kindred Volume One: Books 1-4 Page 66