There might have been more but Kat couldn’t read it. The point of view was suddenly blurry. When she heard Deep speak again, she understood why.
“She wrote this?” he asked, his voice shaking. “Before she…”
“Killed herself. Yes,” the girl said flatly. “She was so afraid of what you were going to do to her. So afraid she would rather be dead than let you get her.” She ran both hands through her hair distractedly. “Miranda had her whole life ahead of her. She was in college—she was going to be a vet because she loved animals. Did you know that? Did you know anything about her except that you wanted her?”
“This was never our intention,” Deep protested. “We’d been dream sharing for weeks. I knew she was frightened of us…of me. But I never thought—”
“That she’d go this far? I didn’t either.” Her voice began to rise in pitch. “I knew something wasn’t right last night. I never should have left her. Never should have—”
“None of this is your fault.” Deep stood slowly, never looking away from the dead girl on the bed. “None of it. I bear this blame alone.”
“End memory,” a soft, mechanical voice said. There was a clicking sound and the liquid crystal screen went black. Then the room was silent except for a low, hoarse sound Kat didn’t recognize at first.
She looked away from the screen and saw that Deep had put his head down on the desk, his face buried in his arms. His broad shoulders were heaving. The hoarse, painful sound was coming from him.
He’s sobbing, she realized. My God, he’s tearing himself apart. Despite the way he’d treated her earlier, she had an overwhelming impulse to go to him, to put her arms around him and comfort him, to somehow ease the overwhelming agony she felt coming from him in waves.
But she couldn’t touch him—she could only watch helplessly as his misery went on and on. At last the sobbing quieted and Deep raised his head. His face was calm but his eyes were red. “I’m sorry, Miranda,” he said in a low voice. “So damn sorry.” He sighed. “I cannot take back what happened to you. But I can keep it from happening to another. I can stop it before it’s too late—before I ruin her life the way I ruined yours. I love her too much, I can’t let that happen—I won’t let it happen.”
He’s talking about me, Kat realized. He does care! He thinks he’ll hurt me if he stays with me, if he and Lock bond with me completely. That’s why he’s being such an asshole—he’s trying to drive me away. But now that I know—
“My lady? My lady Kat, I know it’s early but we agreed that an early start was best.” A gentle hand shook her shoulder.
Kat burrowed deeper into her pillow. No, can’t wake up yet. Have to remember. Have to know…it’s so important. It’s so—
“My lady?” The hand shook her again and the last vestiges of the dream wisped away.
Kat sat up, rubbing her eyes. “Is it time to get up already?”
“I’m afraid so.” Lock sounded apologetic. “We’re supposed to be in the docking bay by o-six hundred.”
“Okay, okay, I’m up.” She frowned and rubbed sleep from her eyes. Something was bothering her—something important was tugging at the corner of her mind. What was it? she thought uneasily. I told myself not to forget it but what—
“Would you like the first turn in the bathing pool?” Lock asked courteously.
Kat sighed and gave up the hopeless quest. Whatever it was, it would come back to her if it was important enough. Right now she had to get ready to go. “Yeah, I’ll go first,” she said, nodding. “But I warn you, I have nothing to wear. Not that I can even begin to guess the correct dress code for exploring an abandoned alien planet and getting a double divorce.”
Lock winced and she was sorry she’d been so snarky. “Wear whatever is comfortable and practical, my lady,” he said in a low voice. “We’re likely to be walking through some dark and dirty areas and the entire planet is polluted.”
“Got it.” Kat sighed. “Wading through polluted muck. So I guess my favorite pair of kitten heels is out.”
Lock gave her a wan smile. “I wouldn’t recommend them. Unless you want me to carry you the whole way. I wouldn’t mind.”
Kat straightened up and lifted her chin. “Thank you, Lock, but I think I’ve had enough of the damsel in distress routine for a little while.” I got myself into this mess, and I guess I can get myself out of it. But she didn’t speak the thought aloud—she couldn’t bear to see the sorrow and loss on Lock’s face again. Couldn’t stand the thought that by this time tomorrow, she would no longer be bonded to him or to Deep.
Deep…that was it. It was something about him. Something I was supposed to remember…But though it seemed terribly important, the memory eluded her as she showered and dressed.
Kat sighed. The only thing I need to remember about Deep is to steer clear of him until we get this damn soul-divorce. Then he can do whatever he wants and we can all go our separate ways—which is what I wanted in the beginning.
She only wished it was what she wanted now.
Twenty-Eight
“Land usss in the hidden passageway of the Command Complex,” the AllFather directed as their ship approached the dark gray-green world that was the Scourge home planet.
“As you wish,” Xairn said tightly. He was struggling to keep his emotions in check—at least until he could get away from his father. After Sanja’s death, he had felt hollow inside—empty…emotionless. And he had assumed he would never feel anything ever again. But after his last exchange with Lauren, something was stirring within him—something dark and sinister. Something too frightening to face.
Then don’t face it. Push it down. Ignore it!
Trying to follow his own advice, Xairn piloted the ship through the layers of atmosphere until they were just skimming over the surface of the black, oily sea. Once, so he’d been told, this immense ocean had been teeming with life—from tiny, delicate fire fish no bigger than a fingernail to the huge purple-green leviathans, larger than the Fathership. But they were all gone—extinct for hundreds of years. Nothing lived in the vast oily waste now but a few hearty strains of algae that had adapted to the chemicals and pollutants which had poisoned the rest of the marine life.
Finally the brown shore of the beach came into view and shortly after that, the old battlefield and the towering edifice of the Command Complex. Xairn knew the dirty gray towers soaring into the soot-smudged sky were mostly for show. The majority of the Complex was located underground, in a sprawling warren of tunnels.
Xairn had been to the home world—called Zlicth in the Scourge tongue—only once before in his life. But he remembered the visit vividly and had no problem finding the hidden passageway around the back of the Complex. It was so well camouflaged that a person walking on the ground would have fallen into it before they saw it. Xairn guided the ship in smoothly and flew through the tunnel until he came to the back entrance of the large building.
“Very good.” The AllFather nodded. “When we disssembark, lock the girl in a holding cell in the medical wing.”
“What of you, father? What of your peak?” Xairn hoped his voice didn’t come out sounding strained. He didn’t want the AllFather to have any idea of the newfound emotions churning inside him.
“It isss not yet upon me. I must ssspend time in my Sssouda. A few hoursss or perhapsss a little longer and I ssshall be ready to breed her.”
Xairn’s hands clenched into fists but he only nodded his head. “As you wish. I will see to the girl but what of your guard?”
“They ssshall come with me.” The AllFather nodded to the four massive soldiers who were crammed into the back of the ship. They had been crouching there, unmoving for hours in what looked like extremely uncomfortable positions, but none of them had complained. In fact, none of them said anything at all. They just sat there, staring straight ahead with dead black eyes.
Soulless, Xairn thought. That’s what Lauren thinks of them. Maybe they are. Maybe the vat grown are devoid of real consciousness. Or else they hide
their emotions even better than I do.
Of course, up until a few hours before, he hadn’t had any emotions to hide. Now he was full of them—some old, hatred for his father, despair for his joyless life—but some new as well. When he remembered how Lauren had looked, naked and defiant as she offered herself to him, feelings stirred inside him which didn’t bear thinking about.
If Father finds out I have feelings again, that he can feed on me… Have to get away from him. Get away and stay away as much as possible.
It was his only thought as he watched the AllFather descend from the ship, aided by his Alpha guard. He still seemed stiff and weak but the moment he stepped foot on the ground, he lifted his hooded face and took a deep breath of the dank, fetid air. “Home at lassst.” The words hissed from his lipless mouth and he turned glowing red-on-black eyes to Xairn. “Sssee to the girl. Do not bother me unlesss I sssend for you.”
“Yes, Father.” Xairn nodded briefly and was relieved when the AllFather turned to go.
“Xairn.”
He jerked as his father hissed his name. “Yes?”
“The control wand. Give it to me.” One skeletal hand emerged from the shadowy depths of the AllFather’s robe, palm up. “Just in case you get any ideasss.”
Struggling to maintain a blank expression, Xairn did as he was told. Pulling the tiny silver control wand from the instrument panel, he dropped it into his father’s hand. Without it the ship could not be started or steered—without it, he was stuck on this planet with no choice but to do his father’s will. Of course I’m going to do his will. What else would I do? Take Lauren and fly away with her? Xairn shook his head. Just the fact that he’d even had such a thought proved that he was becoming more and more unstable.
The Allfather’s burning crimson eyes narrowed. “Are you well, my ssson?”
“Perfectly, Father.” Xairn stared straight ahead. “Hadn’t you better get to your Souda?”
“I ssshall indeed. And I will keep thisss with me at all timesss.” The silver control wand disappeared into the folds of the AllFather’s shadowy robes. Then, surrounded by his four huge guards, he glided away.
Xairn gave them plenty of time to enter the Complex, watching as the massive plasti-steel doors rolled inward silently and then shut behind them. When he was sure they were gone, he sighed in relief. At least now that his father was out of the immediate vicinity, he could stop worrying about the AllFather sensing the new emotions churning in his gut.
Emotions he could neither defend nor deny—and all of them centered on Lauren.
Twenty-Nine
Deep was suspiciously quiet during their flight to the Scourge home world. He barely spoke except to warn Kat to be sure she was buckled in safely when they went through the deep red fold in space. And since Lock was too sunk in misery to say anything and Kat wasn’t feeling too chatty herself, their journey was mostly silent. She still had the nagging feeling that there was something she ought to know or remember and every time she glanced at Deep, it grew stronger. But whatever it was, it stayed in the back of her mind and refused to come forward.
At last Deep broke the silence as he piloted the ship into the smoggy atmosphere of the gray-green planet. “Here we are—Zlicth.”
“What?” Kat asked, as the oily black ocean whizzed by under their ship. “What’s a zlickt?”
“Zlicth, is the name of this planet in the ancient tongue of the Scourge,” Lock explained as the ship left the water behind and landed on a brown beach. “The same way you call your planet ‘Earth.’”
Oh,” Kat said as they all unsnapped their safety harnesses. “But if this is their home world, why did they abandon it?”
“Take a look outside and you’ll see.” Deep pressed a button and the door of the shuttle slid smoothly open.
Kat stepped out onto the metal steps descending from the small silver craft to survey the planet. Standing on the topmost step, she looked out across a beach of grimy brown and gray sand and put a hand to her nose. “Ugh, what’s that smell?” It was like a combination of car exhaust, sulfur, and a cat box that badly needed to be changed.
“The sweet smell of Zlicth, of course,” Deep said with a touch of his old sarcasm. He came to stand behind her. “The Scourge weren’t terribly particular about the welfare of their planet, as long as there was a profit to be turned.”
“They ruined their world for gain,” Lock explained. “This planet contains vast quantities of verinium—which gives tremendous amounts of energy when burned.”
“But also releases noxious fumes into the air and chemicals into the water,” Deep said, nodding at the oily waves lapping at the brown sand. There was a thin grayish scum on the water that looked toxic.
“It’s disgusting,” Kat said, still holding a hand over her nose. “I mean—oh!” Her foot slipped and she started to fall from the steps. Only Deep’s strong hand under her arm saved her. He pulled her back to her feet and gave her a quick shake.
“Try not to injure yourself while we’re here—all right, sweetheart?”
Kat stiffened and lifted her chin. “What do you care what happens to me? You just want to be free of me, right?”
Deep’s black eyes flashed. “Just because I don’t want to be bonded to you doesn’t mean I don’t care if you—”
“If I kill myself?” Kat finished for him, without thinking. To her surprise, instead of snapping out a sarcastic retort, Deep turned pale.
“Don’t say that.” His voice was low and hoarse and for a moment, his eyes looked almost haunted.
“Why not?” Kat stared at him, again having that niggling feeling that there was something important she ought to remember.
But Deep only shook his head, and the moment passed. “This may be a deserted world but there are still plenty of dangerous things lying around—the Scourge weren’t very careful where they left their toys.”
“Deep is right,” Lock said, unexpectedly agreeing with his brother. “This is a dangerous place. Which is why we should leave and go back to the Mother ship right now.”
“Nice try, Brother,” Deep drawled. “But I don’t think so—we’re going to do what we came here to do. Besides, don’t you have another little job while we’re here?”
Lock frowned. “Olivia did ask me to see if I could find any clues to her cousin’s whereabouts. Although what we can find on a planet that’s been abandoned for fifty cycles, I have no idea.”
“The prophesy,” Kat reminded him, walking carefully down the steps to the greasy sand below. “If we can find out the exact wording we might have a clue as to what they want her for and where they’ve taken her.”
“Possibly,” Deep agreed, his boots crunching on the sand. “Although I think we all know what they want her for.”
Kat frowned at him. “What do you mean by that?”
Deep shrugged. “What does any Scourge want with a female?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know but I take it they’re not interested in romantic candlelight dinners and long walks on the beach. Especially not this beach.” She made a face.
“They’re depraved in every way,” Lock said, stepping down to join them on the sand. “It’s one of the reasons many of our forefathers wanted to block the genetic trade with them.”
“Hold on.” Kat put up a hand. “You’re telling me the Kindred actually made a trade with them? With the Scourge?”
“Unfortunately, yes.” Deep nodded. “A small faction of Kindred, anyway.”
“It was only about a hundred and fifty cycles ago that we came across them,” Lock explained as they began to walk up the beach. “We observed them first, of course. They had the physical characteristics and DNA to make a genetic exchange possible. But the majority of the Council was against the trade from the start.”
“Why?” Kat asked, fascinated despite herself. Who could have guessed that the Kindred’s greatest enemy had at one time been an ally?
“The things they had done to their world for one thing.”
Lock gestured at the dirty beach and oily black water. “To so pollute and ruin a planet showed a blatant disregard for the blessings the Mother of All Life had bestowed on them in the first place. But more importantly, the forefathers didn’t like the way the Scourge treated their females.”
Kat’s breath seemed to catch in her throat. “How…how did they treat them?”
“They’re sexual sadists.” Deep’s black eyebrows were pulled low, his face like a thundercloud. “They enjoy inflicting pain and they demand complete submission at all times.”
Kat raised an eyebrow. “So the whole planet was into BDSM? Kinky.”
“Not just ‘kinky’—depraved,” Lock corrected her sternly.
“Lock’s right.” Deep nodded. “I’ve seen vids about your sexual practices on Earth—I know a few of your people are into games of sexual control. But it’s no game for the Scourge—it’s a dominant gene, hardwired into the genetic makeup of every Scourge male. Dominance and submission isn’t play to them—it’s life or death.”
“They can’t take a female unless they’re dominating her completely,” Lock said quietly.
“And they practice and enjoy forms of sexual torture that would turn your stomach,” Deep said darkly. “The Goddess help that girl if the Scourge really do have her. I don’t like to think of the torment they must be putting her through.”
“Poor Lauren!” Kat suddenly felt for Liv and Sophie’s cousin as she never had before. Before she’d been sympathetic to her plight and worried about her, but now she felt Lauren’s pain like a fist to the gut. Lock and Deep’s words brought home what the kidnapped girl must be enduring in a visceral way that nothing else had. “I don’t understand, though,” she said. “If the Scourge are so horrible, why did the Kindred trade with them?”
“A small faction disagreed with the ruling of the Council,” Lock explained. “The Scourge were the first new species suitable for a trade that we’d seen in hundreds of years. And they argued that the Kindred genes were dominant—a new generation of Scourge could be raised who had no wish to torment or inflict pain. Who loved and revered females, as we do.”
Brides of the Kindred Volume One: Books 1-4 Page 113