Liv must have seen the look on her face because she squeezed Sophie’s hand. “I know,” she whispered. “It’s hard.”
“It’s awful,” Sophie whispered back. “Poor Kat.”
“She doesn’t want us to pity her.” Liv sniffed and straightened her shoulders. “So we won’t. We’re going to make this the best time she ever had—however long we have to do it.”
“You’re right.” Sophie blotted her own eyes and tried to be brave. After all, how could they deny their friend’s request to have a little fun before she died? But please, God, don’t really let her die. Don’t take Kat away from us, she prayed fervently. Let Deep find the solution, let him bring back hope that everything is going to be okay.
Then Kat came out of her room, dressed and smiling and Sophie forced herself to smile back. Everything was going to be all right because it had to be. Losing Kat was unthinkable so she wasn’t going to think about it.
Not yet. Not until she had to.
Thirty-Eight
“I am sorry, Warrior, but I can do nothing for you.” Mother L’rin stood wreathed in the pink and gold and green plants of the Healing Garden, looking almost like one of them herself. She had agreed to see him on short notice which was good since Deep hadn’t intended to wait for anyone. He’d folded space and gotten back to his home planet in record time—less than an hour from when he’d left the Mother ship. And now it seemed his entire trip had all been in vain.
“Please.” He struggled to keep his voice even. “Please, Mother L’rin, I’ll do anything. Anything. Look…” He tore off his shirt, baring his back for her. “Use the whip. Lash me until my skin peels from my body—I don’t care. Only please heal her.”
She spread her wrinkled hands. “I have already told you—I cannot.”
Deep wanted to tear his hair in frustration. “Please don’t punish Kat for my arrogance. I know I have been disrespectful and rude and foolish…”
“You have been all those things.” Mother L’rin nodded gravely. “But worse than anything else, you have blasphemed against the Goddess. It was she who put you and your brother together with the lady Kat. It was her will you broke when you cut the bond she had forged between the three of you.”
“Then I’ll go to the sacred grove,” Deep began pacing wildly. “I’ll get on my knees and I’ll pray for forgiveness.”
“You may do that if you wish and I am certain that the Goddess will forgive you—she is merciful in all things,” the old healer said quietly. “However, that does not mean she will heal your lady. Some things cannot be undone, Deep.”
“But there has to be a way. There has to.” He fell to his knees before her. “Please, Mother L’rin—you healed her before. I know you can heal her again. I am begging you.”
“I did not heal her,” she corrected him gently. “You did. You and Lock. By forging the soul bond with her in the first place.”
“And then we cut it.” Deep slumped back on his heels. “Or I should say, I cut it. Or insisted on having it cut.”
“That you did.” Mother L’rin nodded. “There is nothing you can do for soul poisoning but dilute the poison. If you and Lock both were still bonded to the Lady Kat, you might have been able to save her by completing the bond and each taking a little of the taint into yourselves.”
Deep felt like an iron fist was gripping his heart. “So…we might have saved her if I had not cut the bond between us?”
“It is not certain but you would have had a chance. Now, I fear…there is none. No chance.”
“No chance,” Deep echoed. “Gods, what a fool I am! In trying to save her I have damned her instead. Oh, Kat…” Rage and frustration rose within him along with a grief too terrible to be born. He had condemned the woman he loved to die. Then he had a new fear. “But Lock still is bonded to her. Does…does that mean they both will die?”
Mercifully, Mother L’rin shook her head. “If what you have told me is true, the bond between them is not complete. And it never can be.”
Deep frowned. “Why not? Other than the fact of Kat being…being poisoned?”
“The poison cannot seep though an incomplete or partial bond,” the old healer said. “And a Twin Kindred cannot form a complete bond on his own without his brother. Be at peace, Deep—you will not lose your twin as well as your lady.”
“I’ve already lost him. As surely as I’ve lost Kat. Lock hates me now and I don’t blame him.” Deep looked down at his hands. “Gods, how could I have been so stupid? So…so…”
“Prideful,” Mother L’rin finished for him. “You chose to withdraw yourself from the will of the Goddess. You refused to trust her when she brought a new female into your life.”
“You didn’t see her lying there,” Deep said in a low voice. “Miranda. Just lying there, her eyes open, staring at nothing. Dead. And all because of me.”
“I know about your past.” Mother’s L’rin’s voice was unexpectedly gentle. “It was a tragedy. But far sadder is the fact that you have cut yourself off so thoroughly that you could not see the lady Kat for what she truly is—a courageous female who would never take her own life.”
“She may wish to if the soul poisoning progresses much farther,” Deep said grimly. “I’m told the pain can be intense.” He pressed the heel of his hand to his eyes. “And it’s all my doing. Don’t you see, Mother? This is why I wanted to cut her from me in the first place—to spare her pain. But my plan backfired and made things worse. So much worse.”
“I’m sorry there is nothing I can do for you or for that sweet child you and Lock both care for so much.” Mother L’rin touched his shoulder gently. “Go home and make your peace with her and with your brother before the end.”
“Neither Kat or Lock is going to want to make peace with me.” Lock took a deep breath and stood up. “I bring them nothing but tragedy and pain—as I have always done.”
“You are a dark twin,” Mother L’rin said. “Your path is not the easy one, Deep.”
“No, it is not.” Slowly he turned to go. “I have been the worst kind of fool. Truly, I should be the one who is dying—not my little Kat. If I could give my life for hers, I would.”
“It is not for you to say who lives and who dies,” Mother L’rin said. “That is a task for the Goddess.”
“Maybe so,” Deep murmured. “But even the Goddess must recognize justice when she sees it.” He knew now what he had to do. He might not be able to heal Kat or stop her demise, but at least he could make a proper atonement for the role he had played in her death. It was only right.
Thirty-Nine
“I’m sorry, Grandma. Really sorry.” Kat wiped away a tear that she couldn’t help shedding. As much as she was determined to stay positive, it was impossible to tell the woman who had raised her that she was about to die without tearing up.
“And you’re sure you can’t come back to Earth and see me?” Her grandmother asked in a quavering voice. She was crying too but also oddly calm.
She’s still in shock, Kat thought. She can’t really believe it. Well that makes two of us.
“I’m sorry Mrs. O’Connor, I know you want to see Kat but she needs to stay here on the Mother ship,” Liv answered for her. “She needs to have access to the special drugs that will help when she…when the poison…drugs that help,” she ended lamely.
Grandma nodded her silver-haired head. “I understand. And if you truly have such a short time, I won’t keep you. But I will say this—I love you, Kat. More than I can say.”
“I love you too, Grandma. Thanks for always being there for me after Mom and Dad split up.”
“They love you too, you know—your parents,” Grandma said. “They just never knew how to show it.”
That’s because they were too busy hating each other to show that they loved me. But Kat didn’t say it aloud—there was no point in bringing up bad memories at this point. “You tell them what’s happening and that I love them, okay?” she said.
Her grandmother nodded. �
��I don’t know how but…yes, I’ll try.”
“Thanks, Grandma.” Kat felt like she was about to burst into tears and she was afraid if she really started bawling, she wouldn’t be able to stop. She didn’t want to spend her last two days having a pity party. “I, uh, think our time is up,” she lied gently. “There are other people waiting to use the viewing room.”
“Of course.” Her Grandmother blew her a kiss. “Remember, Kat, I’ll always love you, no matter what.”
“Thanks Grandma. Goodbye.” Kat watched as her grandmother’s image faded to a single bright dot in the middle of the viewscreen and then went completely black. Olivia, sitting on her right hand looked grim and Sophie, on her left, was openly sobbing. “Okay, guys, come on,” she said with an effort. “Let’s get going. We can’t paint the town red of we’re crying our eyes out.”
“I’m sorry,” Sophie whispered brokenly, trying to control her tears. “I just…don’t want to lose you, Kat.”
“I don’t want to lose me either,” Kat said grimly. “But I’m not lost yet so if you don’t mind—”
Suddenly the viewscreen popped back to life. “Forgive me for interrupting your privacy,” said the Blood Kindred warrior, whose face had appeared on the screen. “But there is an incoming call for Miss Waterhouse from a woman who says she is your aunt. Do you care to accept it?”
“Oh my God! Aunt Abby! That detective must have told her what we said about Lauren.” Sophie turned to Liv. “Should we take it?”
Liv frowned. “It’s likely to take a little while and we might not have much time to, er, have fun. Maybe we should ask her to call back later.”
“No.” Kat swiped at her eyes and shook her head. “Take the call. I want to talk to her.”
“All right, if you’re sure…” Liv looked up at the Blood Kindred communications officer. “Fine, we’ll take it.”
“As you wish.” His image disappeared to be immediately replaced by the distraught face of Liv and Sophie’s Aunt Abby.
“Detective Rast told me that Lauren’s been taken by the Scourge,” she said without preamble. “He said you knew all along. How could you lie to me, Olivia, Sophia? How could you?”
“We didn’t want to,” Sophie said at once. “But we thought it might be easier for you to just think she was missing rather than to know…to know…”
“That the Scourge had her,” Liv finished for her. “Aunt Abby, we’re sorry, really we are. We thought not knowing would be better than, well, knowing.”
“And you’re sure they have her?” Aunt Abby looked almost wild. “Truly certain?”
“Beyond the shadow of a doubt,” Liv said quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“They don’t have her any more.” Kat spoke for the first time, stepping forward. “At least, the AllFather doesn’t.”
“What do you mean? What do you know?” Liv and Sophie’s aunt demanded wildly.
“I don’t know exactly where she is right now but I saw Lauren just a few hours ago and she was fine,” Kat assured her. “She hadn’t been molested or abused in any way—just held prisoner.”
“But where? Where are they holding her?”
“She was on the Scourge home world when I saw her.” Kat shifted uncomfortably. “But I think she escaped.” She wished again that they could have made a more thorough search for Lauren before leaving the deserted planet.
“You think? So then she’ll be coming home soon?” The hope in Aunt Abby’s eyes—the same clear amber as Lauren’s—nearly broke Kat’s heart.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I do know she had a protector—one of the Scourge was taking care of her, making sure she was safe and no one hurt her. We…had to leave the planet in a hurry but we saw another ship take off right before we went. I think he and Lauren must have been aboard.”
“But will he bring her home? Will I see her again?” Aunt Abby demanded.
Kat bit her lip. “I wish I could answer your questions but I really can’t. All I know is that Lauren seemed safe and well when I saw her and she did say that Xairn—the Scourge who was keeping her safe—had promised to take her home.”
Aunt Abby took a deep breath and nodded. “All right, thank you…”
“Kat,” Kat supplied.
“Thank you, Kat. At least I know she was well and healthy a few hours ago. If only I knew where she was and if she was heading home…” She blotted her eyes and looked at Sophie and Liv. “If you find out anything else will you please, please let me know, girls? Lauren is my daughter, I’d like to be kept in the loop.”
“Of course, Aunt Abby.” Olivia looked chagrinned. “And we’re really sorry for not telling you in the first place. “We just thought…well, obviously we thought wrong.”
“Obviously,” Aunt Abby agreed. “Oh, and you can expect a visit from Detective Rast. He’s going to be coming up soon to see what other information he can get.”
“Of course, he’s welcome to come.” Sophie nodded eagerly.
“I’ll talk to you later. If you get any more information about Lauren or her whereabouts, I’m always available.” Aunt Abby nodded once more and was gone.
“Whew.” Sophie put a hand to her head. “That wasn’t so good. I guess we should have told her in the first place.”
Liv frowned. “We agreed not to for her own good. Though I guess I can understand how you’d want to know any information you could about your child.” She cupped her still-flat belly protectively.
The maternal gesture caught Kat unawares and she nearly started crying again. I’ll never get to meet Liv’s little boy, she realized suddenly. Never get to hear him call me ‘Aunt Kat’ or have any babies of my own. Oh God…
A knock on the viewing room door interrupted her morbid thoughts. She looked up to see Deep standing there, his broad shoulders slumped wearily.
“Yes, what is it?” Olivia asked him at the same time Sophie chirped,
“Did you find it? Did you find the cure?”
“Forgive me,” he said heavily. “But could I please speak to Kat alone?”
Liv and Sophie exchanged glances that held a world of silent communication. They nodded at the same time. “Of course,” Liv said quietly. “We’ll be outside in the hallway if you need us.” They stepped out together, the door whooshing shut behind them.
“Did you find anything? What did Mother L’rin say?” Kat tried not to sound too eager but she couldn’t help herself. Surely the wise little healer would be able to help her. Surely…but Deep was shaking his head.
“I’m sorry, Kat but she says there’s nothing she can do.”
“Nothing? Nothing at all?” Kat could scarcely believe it. “No magic plants or herbs. No spells? Just…nothing?”
“Forgive me.” Deep bowed his head. “I have failed you in the worst possible way.”
“No.” Kat shook her head, trying to keep back the wave of despair that was threatening to drown her. “No, it’s not your fault.”
“It is my fault,” he said forcefully, looking up. “I was the one who insisted we cut the bond between us. I was the one who pretended I didn’t…didn’t love you so that you would agree to our separation.”
Kat’s breath caught in her chest. “What are you saying?”
“That I do love you. Oh, Kat…I’ve been such a fool. Such a Goddess damned fool when it comes to you.” His voice was hoarse with emotion.
“Deep—”
“I’ve always loved you,” he went on, taking her hand. “From the moment Lock and I first laid eyes on you. He was male enough to admit how he felt but I…I was afraid. So afraid that what had happened once before might happen again.”
“I know about that,” Kat said quietly. “About Miranda. I saw it when I was dream sharing with you. I know how deeply it affected you.”
“You didn’t seem to want us at first,” Deep said, examining her small hand in his big one. “I hardened my heart against you then. I told myself I wasn’t surprised that such a gorgeous elite female wasn’t intere
sted in joining with Lock and me. After all, we’d already had our chance once and failed miserably. Or I should say, I failed miserably.”
“It wasn’t your fault Miranda killed herself,” Kat protested.
“Yes it was. Just as it’s my fault you’re going to…to…” Deep shook his head, apparently unable to go on.
“You don’t have to say it.” Kat squeezed his fingers. “And it’s not all your fault. I was against being with you and Lock to start with. It was scary—the idea of being with two guys at once—really big guys too. And having your emotions in my head all the time, at first it was awful. Now…now I kind of miss it. Miss feeling you, Deep.”
He raised his head. “When did you change? I thought you seemed different while we were on Twin Moons but I didn’t let myself believe. I was too afraid. And then you collapsed after we made love and I told myself it was for the best if you didn’t want us. I was so afraid, you looked so much like her at that moment.”
“I understand,” Kat said quietly. “I thought it might be something like that. But as for when I changed my mind about you and Lock, It was so gradual it’s hard to say. I think it was on Twin Moons, before we were captured by the natives, when I first realized how nice it could be feeling you and Lock inside me.” She blushed. “Uh, you know what I mean.”
Deep smiled sadly. “Yes. Don’t worry, I won’t mock you.”
“That’s a change.” She gave him a tiny smile back. “Anyway, I noticed that when both of you were in harmony, when you were loving each other and…and caring for me, it was wonderful feeling your emotions. Like being filled with sunshine. I think that’s when I began to feel less opposed to the idea of being bonded to both of you permanently, even if it was an unconscious rather than a conscious decision.”
Deep sighed. “Lock and I haven’t had many of those brotherly moments lately. I’ve made him hate me—just as I tried my damndest to make you hate me, Kat.”
“Well, you never really succeeded.” She squeezed his hand. “Although I certainly thought you were an asshole.”
Brides of the Kindred Volume One: Books 1-4 Page 121