“God.” Lauren put a hand to her heart to still the racing. “I…I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to speak.” He finished filling the trash bag and knotted it closed savagely. “Your face says everything.” He put down the bag. “I’m going to get a broom.”
“Xairn, wait,” she said but he had already stalked out of the room, his broad shoulders stiff with tension.
Lauren was feeling pretty tense herself. Why did his description of the sexual punishment practiced by his people turn her on so much? It was along the same lines of what her boyfriend in college had been interested in but then it had just seemed silly. With Xairn it seemed…primal somehow. Wild. Intense. Lauren could almost see herself spread out over his knee, her panties down around her ankles while he alternately caressed and spanked her with those big hands…Stop it, she told herself sternly. Things are hard enough for him as it is. It’s obvious he’s ashamed of what his people do. I shouldn’t have made him tell me about it.
Then again, maybe what they really needed to do was talk about it—all of it. Maybe if they could just talk things out—
Xairn interrupted her train of thought by coming back into the room with a broom and dustpan. “You should probably wipe off the surfaces first to save time,” he said, nodding at the smears of flour on the stainless steel countertops.
“Um, yeah. Sure.” Lauren got moving. Obviously now wasn’t the time to talk. But she still couldn’t get the image of herself over his knee out of her head.
Xairn cursed himself as they finished cleaning the food prep area. Why had he told Lauren about the torture of a thousand sighs? It was clear from the look on her face how much his descriptions had bothered her. Her breathing had been uneven and her eyes had been wide and uncertain as he talked. It frightens and disgusts her, he thought, mentally kicking himself again. Of course it does. It should. Forcing a female to submit in that way, punishing her—it’s wrong. Cruel. And though it wasn’t nearly as brutal as some of the things the Scourge did to their females, the punishment of a thousand sighs could lead to other things. Worse things. Things he couldn’t control…
“Hey, lunch break.”
Lauren’s voice broke into his litany of self recrimination and Xairn looked up to see her watching him. “All right.” He put down the broom and straightened up. “Is there anything to eat here?”
She made a face. “I doubt it, unless Lorenzo and his stoner friends left some old pizza in the fridge. Let’s go out for lunch—there are tons of little cafes around the Circle. What do you feel like?”
Xairn shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
Lauren rolled her eyes in obvious exasperation. “I try and I try but you never seem to care what you eat.”
“Why should I?” He frowned as they left her shop walked out into the sunshine. “Food is fuel—nothing more. Why should I care what it tastes or looks like as long as it nourishes me?”
“Because.” Lauren locked the door and absently brushed some flour off her blouse. “Just because, okay? Look there’s an Italian place with nice outdoor seating a few doors down. Let’s go there.”
“If you like.” He could tell that it bothered her that he didn’t have a preference for what he ate but he had never had that luxury before. All his life, growing up on the Fathership, he was lucky if he got enough to eat, never mind what it was. He had eaten whatever was put in front of him, no matter how repulsive or bland. Now, though most of the foods she had introduced him to were tasty, it was hard to allow himself to like them—his past held him back. Xairn told himself it was impossible to change the habits of a lifetime in a few weeks, Or maybe ever, whispered a dark part of his brain and he knew he wasn’t simply thinking about his taste in food.
They were seated at a table along the sidewalk outside the café and a human female with long brown hair came up to serve them. Lauren appeared to know her because they chatted for several minutes before Lauren gave the female their orders. Just as the waitress was leaving, a skinny canine with scruffy black fur came bounding up to their table.
“Oh, sorry!” The waitress tried to shoo the dog away. “She’s been hanging around here for the past two weeks begging for scraps. We try to keep her away but she’s really persistent and none of us really have the heart to take her to the pound.”
“Of course you shouldn’t take her to the pound,” Lauren exclaimed. “Here girl.” She took a piece of bread from the basket the waitress had brought and offered it to the dog who took it eagerly. “Poor thing, she looks like she’s starving.”
“We give her as much as we can but she’s always hungry.” The waitress sighed. “We think she has a litter of puppies around here somewhere but none of us can find them. Here girl. Here Lola. That’s what we named her,” she explained a little sheepishly.
“She needs a good home,” Lauren said. “But unless you can find the puppies it would be cruel to take her somewhere.”
“You’re right.” The waitress smiled at the dog fondly. “We’ll probably look for them again tonight.” She shook her head. “Well, let me go put that order in for you and get you a new basket of bread.”
“Thanks.” Lauren smiled at her as she left. “Here Lola,” she said, holding out another piece of bread to the dog. This time the female dog took the bread but didn’t eat it. Instead, she darted away down a back alley between two of the shops and was gone. “Aww, I bet she’s taking it to her babies.” She looked up at Xairn and frowned. “Hey, you’re awfully quiet? Are you okay?”
“Fine. I’m…fine.” He shook his head, trying to clear away the memories that threatened to drown him. Sanja as a puppy, so playful and eager to please. Her big brown eyes, her soft fur, the way she always knew when I was upset. And the look in her eyes when I had to give the last command. When I had to kill her…
Gods, he didn’t need to be thinking about this now. He hadn’t told Lauren about his pet or how he’d been forced by his father to kill her. In fact, he hadn’t told her hardly anything about his past although she seemed to have deduced a great deal on her own. She doesn’t need to know, he thought, looking down at his water glass. Doesn’t need to hear the things I went through. The things I did. It’s bad enough that she knows about my people without knowing the specifics of my sad, twisted life.
“You don’t seem fine.” Lauren sounded doubtful.
“I am though.” Xairn made an effort to straighten up and shake off the black mood that had come over him. He even made favorable comments about the food when it arrived. His approval and enjoyment seemed to please Lauren.
“I’ll make a foodie out of you yet.” She grinned at him. “In fact, let’s stop by the store on the way back to my shop. I’ll get the ingredients to make a batch of cupcakes just for you.”
Xairn smiled at her. “You did promise me some of your signature confection as I recall.”
“That’s right, I did. And I have a new recipe I’ve been dying to try. Chocolate vanilla bean with strawberry jam in the center—kind of a Neapolitan thing. Should be delicious if I can keep the jam part from sinking to the bottom while the cupcakes bake.”
As always, when she spoke about her chosen profession, Lauren’s eyes lit up and she started to smile. It reminded Xairn of how she had looked when she first told him about the miniature cakes and described how they tasted when she was still a prisoner on the Fathership. The passion in her voice and the light in her warm amber eyes had drawn him like a magnet. He thought it was then that he first began to love her, though he hadn’t understood it at the time. It was Lauren who had introduced him to the concept of love in the first place—a concept he feared he was still far from mastering.
Gods, how I care for her, he thought, listening intently as she spoke about the recipe she wanted to try. I wish I could show her how much without hurting her! If only…
But there was no way. No way to express all he felt and still keep control of his darker urges. With a sigh, Xairn pushed the thought away and tried t
o concentrate on what Lauren was saying instead of his growing desire for her. But it was hard, Gods, so hard when he wanted her so badly. He could still feel her pressed against him from the long hug they had shared back at her shop. Her warm, curvy body, her smooth brown skin, her sweet feminine scent—everything about her was appealing. Like a drug he couldn’t get enough of.
I want her more every day, he thought. Every day it gets harder and harder not to take her, to bond her to me. Gods, I should leave now before I hurt her, before I ruin her life and put out the light in her beautiful eyes forever.
But he couldn’t leave. No matter how much he knew he ought to go, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.
Twenty-Six
Lauren hummed happily to herself as she stirred strawberry puree into a big bowl of homemade butter cream frosting. They were back at the Sweet Spot and the cupcakes were in the oven, filling the air with the warm, delicious scents of chocolate and vanilla. The smells soothed her as nothing else could and for the first time in weeks she felt at peace.
Baking always made Lauren feel like herself again. Considering all the stress she’d been under lately, she didn’t understand why she hadn’t made anything before now. She’d been concentrating on her relationship with Xairn to the exclusion of almost everything else—leaving little time to try new recipes. Now she admitted to herself that had been a mistake. Some things couldn’t be forced. She needed to be patient—to let the feelings flow naturally between them. Maybe if she just relaxed, things would fall into place. She’d always been optimistic by nature—it was good to feel her natural cheerfulness returning.
“That looks delicious,” Xairn murmured, interrupting her train of thought. He was leaning against one of the counters, watching as she worked at the island in the middle of the kitchen. His deep voice was a low purr and his eyes were hot as he watched her. “You use only fresh ingredients?”
Lauren felt her heart skip a beat at the way he was watching at her. Looking down, she realized that the top two buttons of her cotton Henley blouse had become unbuttoned, showing a generous amount of cleavage. She must have been putting on a show without knowing it. She started to button her blouse…and stopped.
“All fresh everyday. That’s my motto.” She smiled and dipped her finger into the sticky-sweet, ruby red puree. “Fresh organic strawberries and pure cane sugar—that’s all. Want to try some?”
He took a step toward her and then held back. “I…shouldn’t.”
“Sure, you should.” Lauren’s heart began to pound. Let it flow, she reminded herself. Go with your instinct. Stepping toward him, she held her finger, still dripping with the sticky puree, in front of his lips. “Say ahh, baby,” she murmured.
Hesitantly, Xairn parted his lips and then the tip of her finger was engulfed in his hot, wet mouth. Holding her eyes with his own, he sucked the sweet mixture from her finger, cleaning her skin slowly and thoroughly with his tongue. It reminded Lauren of the way he had licked her pussy honey from her fingers after she’d touched herself for him. Just the memory of that made her feel hot and wet between her legs, made her whole body tremble. God, she wanted him, wanted more…
But then, suddenly Xairn was releasing her and it was over. “Delicious,” he said thickly, his eyes half-lidded with lust. “But…I probably shouldn’t have any more.”
“Oh, yes you should!” Lauren’s heart was racing but she wasn’t about to end this now. They were finally getting somewhere and she didn’t want to stop. Reaching into the strawberry puree again, she painted her bottom lip with it and beckoned to Xairn. “Come here.”
She didn’t have to ask twice. A low growl rose in his throat and then he was bending her over his arm, ravaging her mouth with a hunger that left her breathless. He sucked her bottom lip eagerly, lapping away all traces of strawberry before demanding entrance to her mouth.
Lauren opened for him at once, moaning softly as Xairn stroked her tongue with his own. God, he tasted incredible! It wasn’t just the strawberry—his mouth tasted of some hot, exotic spice she couldn’t name. Something intoxicating and immediately addicting at the same time. She gripped his shirt, wishing she could tear it off. She wanted to feel his skin under her fingers, wanted to be naked with him…But then, suddenly, Xairn was ending the kiss, pushing her gently but firmly away.
“I’m sorry, Lauren.” He shook his head as though to clear it. “I…shouldn’t have done that. I’ll go now.”
“No!” she exclaimed, but he was already turning away. “Wait,” Lauren implored him. He paused for a moment, turning his head to see her.
“What?”
“This.” Taking a deep breath, she unbuttoned her blouse and reached for the snap in her front-hook bra.
“Lauren…” Xairn’s deep voice sounded strained but she ignored him.
“Here.” Pealing back the pink lacy cups, she bared her breasts to him. Then, reaching behind her, she dipped into the bowl of sticky-sweet puree. Biting back a gasp as the cool liquid hit her hot skin, she painted it liberally over one tight nipple. “I think you’ll find it tastes even better this way,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady. “Come back and take another taste.”
“Lauren,” he whispered again and there was a warning in his voice she deliberately ignored.
“It’s all right, baby,” she assured him, painting the other nipple with the cool, sticky puree as well. “You’ve done this before, remember?”
“As if I could forget,” he growled. And then he was on her, gathering her into his arms and sucking her right nipple deeply into his mouth.
Lauren gave a breathless moan as he worked on her, lapping and sucking, taking as much of her breast between his lips as he could at one time. She was dying, exploding, drowning in lust, overwhelmed by the need that had been growing between them for so long.
Xairn switched to her other nipple and she buried her fingers in his thick black hair and urged him on, thrusting her breasts up and out, offering herself to him, letting him know that she wanted everything he was giving and more. She vaguely remembered that he hadn’t wanted her to move this way the first time he’d touched her sexually but she no longer cared. She couldn’t be still as a statue when he was sucking and licking her breasts so fiercely. Couldn’t keep herself from moaning and pressing against him when he was finally giving her what she so desperately wanted. Couldn’t—
“No!” Xairn pulled away, breaking her train of thought with his hoarse gasp. “I can’t.” He was almost panting, his big hands curled into fists at his sides. “Cant’ do this. It will lead to more, to other things.”
“That’s what I’m hoping.” Lauren was filled with a mixture of lust, love, and frustration. Her nipples throbbed, swollen and sensitive from his delicious, wild sucking and her pussy was so hot she felt like she was on fire from the waist down. God, she needed him! And she wasn’t about to let him get away. She tugged at Xairn’s hair, trying to pull him close again. “Come on, baby, it’s going to be okay,” she coaxed.
But Xairn shook his head and started backing away. “We should stop now, before things go too far. Before I hurt you.”
“You won’t hurt me,” Lauren insisted. “In fact,” she added, with a sudden burst of inspiration, “You can help me.”
“What do you mean?” He frowned at her warily.
“I mean I’m dying over here, Xairn. Not literally,” she added hastily when his eyes widened with concern. “But sexually, you’re killing me. Just look…” Biting her lip, she unbuttoned her jeans and pushed them down her thighs. It was against her nature to be an exhibitionist but in this case, she didn’t think she had a choice if she wanted to keep him here with her. “Look how hot and wet you’re making me.” She gestured to her pink silk panties, which were nearly soaked through with her cunt honey. The outline of her pussy lips was clearly visibly through the thin fabric, swollen with need and desire.
“Lauren…” Xairn’s voice was rough and his eyes had begun to flicker, changing from ocean blue to
red-on-black but at least he was still here—for now.
“Just look.” Heart pounding, Lauren slipped her thumbs into the waistband of her panties and pushed them down, baring her pussy completely. God, she felt like some kind of a porn star, coming on to him this way, but if this was what it took to keep him with her she was willing to do it, willing to do anything.
“I’m looking.” Xairn’s red-on-black eyes roamed over her body hungrily. “But I shouldn’t. And I don’t see how I can help you.”
“You can stay with me. Touch me,” Lauren gave him pleading look. “I need you Xairn.”
A low groan was torn from his lips. “Lauren, please, you don’t understand what you’re doing to me. What kind of events you might put into action…”
“Oh, yes I do—I might get you to finally touch me!” Reaching into the bowl of puree one more time, she got a dripping finger full of the sticky-sweet mixture. Then, her hand trembling, she parted her pussy lips and stroked the inside of her sex, coating her inner folds with the strawberry puree. “You made this mess,” she said, popping her finger into her mouth and sucking the rest of the strawberry off. “Come clean it up.”
“Lauren, don’t do this!” The warning was clear in his voice but he was already kneeling on the floor before her and stripping her jeans and panties the rest of the way off.
“I’m not doing anything but giving you what we both want,” she told him breathlessly. “What we both need.”
“What I need is to get away before things go too far.” He seemed frozen on his knees before her, his big hands cupping her hips. It was clear he was fighting the urge to take her, fighting against himself and his natural instincts.
For just a moment Lauren paused. Should she really be doing this? Should she really be pushing him this far? But she told herself firmly she was through being afraid of his Scourge side. How bad could it be when he looked so human? When he held her so sweetly as he had earlier when he was comforting her? Go with the flow, she reminded herself again. Let it happen. No, make it happen.
Brides of the Kindred Volume One: Books 1-4 Page 154