“Gods!” he exclaimed, panicked. “What’s wrong? What’s happening to you?”
“The cage I was placed in was a stasis holder.” Her voice sounded scratchy and high, the voice of an old woman. “When I came out of it, my artificial youth was compromised. The years are catching up to me now—three years for every one I was in stasis. It is a deadly process—one I’m not strong enough to withstand, I fear.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Xairn’s felt hot tears spring to his eyes. “Why didn’t you stay in the cage? I never should have broken the lock!”
“I wanted you to.” She raised a withered hand and brushed his cheek. “I wanted to hold you in my arms one more time before I died. I love you, my darling. Love you so much. Please forgive my absence from your life.”
“You couldn’t help it,” Xairn whispered, his voice breaking as the tears came faster. “I could never…never blame you.”
“Thank you, my son. I love you.” She smiled at him and even though her face was withered and old, he thought her smile was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. “Tell me this at least—do you have someone to love you? Someone to care for you?”
Xairn thought of Lauren. Of how he would never be able to go back to her now that his Scourge nature had reasserted itself. “Yes,” he whispered hoarsely. “There is a girl I love. She’s kind and beautiful. I…I think you would like her.”
“I’m so glad.” His mother sighed tiredly. “So glad that you’re not alone. That you have someone to love you.” She shook her head feebly. “I must go now. Promise not to take any more of your father’s power—it leads only to corruption and evil.”
“I…I promise,” Xairn whispered. “Mother, please don’t go. Don’t…don’t die.”
But it was too late. Slowly her green eyes closed and her chest rose and fell once more. Looking at her, Xairn knew it would never rise again. She was gone.
“Mother!” Throwing back his head, he howled his grief to the universe. Dead, she was dead! He had found her at last only to lose her forever. It seemed so unfair, so wrong. He wanted to kill, wanted to die, wanted to dive into the blackness of space and let the airless vacuum take him so he wouldn’t have to feel the unbearable pain of her loss.
Suddenly he heard a soft sound at his feet.
“Ssso, you have freed her at last.” The AllFather was watching him from faded red eyes but Xairn thought he looked stronger than he had a few minutes ago. Was his power returning?
Doesn’t matter if it is, Xairn thought, turning a murderous gaze on his father. I can fix that. He felt the greedy, grasping fist rise inside him once more, ready to take, ready to inhale his father’s power and leave him a dry, desiccated corpse at the foot of his own throne.
But then he remembered the soft voice of his mother. “Inhaling his evil will taint your soul!” she’d said.
“That’sss right, it will.” The AllFather chuckled weakly, his eyes glowing brighter as he read Xairn’s thoughts. “Ssso you cannot take my life. I know you, my ssson—you will not go against your mother’sss dying wish.”
“No, I won’t.” Tenderly, Xairn laid his mother’s body on the ground and turned to face his father who had somehow gotten to his feet.
“I knew it.” The AllFather’s hissing laughter filled the air. “Knew you were too weak to truly challenge me.”
“I don’t wish to challenge you,” Xairn said, taking a step toward him. “I wish to kill you.”
“What—?” the AllFather began, his crimson eyes wide with surprise.
Xairn plunged the cryo-knife into his chest, skewering the twisted black lump that served as his heart. “Die, Father” he whispered. “Die.”
The AllFather’s body froze in shock and a thin layer of frost formed over his rigid torso. Xairn watched dispassionately as the male who had raised him with such misery and pain fell to his knees and the life left his eyes.
As the AllFather fell, it seemed as though some connection between them was severed. The strange, greedy hand Xairn had felt inside himself was being pulled out, like a tooth being yanked out by the roots. He cried out in sudden pain, one hand clutching his chest. Then he collapsed at the foot of the green etched throne, falling helpless between the bodies of his mother and father.
Mother, he thought, turning his face toward her face, finally peaceful in death. I’m sorry. I couldn’t save you but at least I avenged you. And whatever it was that made me like him is gone. The power, the greed, is gone…
Then the world was eaten by darkness and he knew no more.
Thirty-Seven
He woke in a dim room with someone bending over him. “What…who are you?” he mumbled, trying to make his eyes focus.
“Relax Xairn. It’s me, Sylvan—I’m a healer.”
“Am I sick? Where am I?” He sat up in bed and the room spun around him. With a groan he sank back down onto the pillows.
“Take it easy.” Sylvan sounded worried. “You had many wounds—you lost a lot of blood. I want to give you a transfusion but I’m still running tests to make sure our blood is compatible with yours.”
“Nothing about me is compatible with anyone.” Xairn started to put a hand to his head…and stopped. “Turn up the lights.”
“What?” Sylvan frowned.
“Turn up the lights, damn it! I need to see something.”
“Very well.” Looking up, Sylvan addressed the ceiling. “Lights high.”
Xairn blinked in the sudden brilliance and examined his hand with its pearlescent grey skin. Grey? But it was tan—the human DNA I got from Lauren changed it. How can it possible be grey again? How—?
Suddenly, in a rush of images, everything came back to him. The corridor filled with vat grown soldiers, the high steps leading to the throne, the cage covered in black cloth, the grinning face of his father, the sorrowful, beautiful face of his mother before she aged and died right before his eyes. And the cryo-knife, plunged to the hilt in the AllFather’s chest.
Gone. They’re both gone. I killed them both.
“Your mother’s death was not your fault,” Sylvan murmured and Xairn realized he’d spoken his desolate thoughts aloud. “And your father richly deserved what you gave him.”
Xairn shook his head. “I took her from the cage. If I’d left her in—”
“She still would have died,” Sylvan interrupted him. “The stasis holder can’t last forever. Once a subject is taken from such a long stasis, death is inevitable. There was nothing you could have done to save her, Xairn. I’m sorry.”
“I longed for her all my life and I got to see her for such a short time.” Xairn looked down at his hands. “I do not regret what I did to my father, but I will never stop mourning for her. For my mother.”
“I know.” Sylvan put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “At a time like this, it’s best to try and share the pain with someone who cares for you. Lauren is waiting to see you—she just came up from Earth. She’s outside the door right now.”
“No!” Xairn sat bolt upright. “No, I won’t see her. Don’t let her in.”
“Really?” Sylvan looked perplexed. “But, Brother, she loves you.”
“I am not your brother and it doesn’t matter how Lauren feels about me. I won’t see her.” Xairn looked down at the hateful grey hue of his skin. “Send her away.” He wished he could use the power he’d had so briefly to force the other male to do as he asked. But he knew without even trying that it was gone—it had been pulled from him during his father’s death. His Scourge instincts and desires, however, still remained intact.
“Be reasonable,” Sylvan said softly. “She cares for you deeply and I know you care for her. At least speak to her.”
“You’re right.” Xairn looked up at him. “I do care for her. I love her—which is why I must never see her again.”
Sylvan frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“Look at me.” Xairn held out his hands. “I am as I was before. The human DNA I had grafted to my own has been bro
ken and replaced by my original Scourge genetic makeup.”
“Lauren won’t care about your appearance,” Sylvan said, shaking his head. “Such things are of no importance where love is concerned.”
“It is because I love her that I cannot see her.” Xairn sighed painfully. “It’s not just the way I look—it’s the way I feel. The way I’ll act if I’m not careful.” He looked at the other male. “You know what Scourge sexual practices are, do you not? The dominance and cruelty that is bred into our very genes?”
Sylvan looked troubled. “I do but I thought you must have found a way to circumvent those traits.”
“I did.” Xairn ran a hand through his hair. “It was the human DNA—that was what allowed me to control myself. Now that it’s gone I cannot trust myself around Lauren anymore. I can’t…can’t trust myself not to harm her.” He looked at his hands. “Surely you can understand.”
“I would simply tell you to get your DNA altered again but a second alteration isn’t possible after the first has failed.” Sylvan raised one pale blond eyebrow at him. “You truly fear you might hurt her?”
“I know I would,” Xairn said heavily. “And I love her too much to risk her safety. Please…have her returned to Earth.”
Sylvan nodded reluctantly. “I will but I’m afraid she won’t go easily. She’s very insistent about seeing you.”
“Do whatever you have to but send her away. I can’t see her.” Xairn shook his head. “In fact, I need to leave myself.”
He started to get up but Sylvan stopped him, pushing him back against the pillows with one large hand. “That I cannot allow. You’re still weak and under my care. Until I discharge you from the med unit, you’ll have to stay here.”
“How much longer do I have to stay?” Xairn demanded. “I need to leave—need to get far away from here.”
“Don’t be so eager to leave the ones who care for you,” Sylvan said gently. “It doesn’t matter to us what you look like, we still consider you our brother. Now rest—I’ll try to handle Lauren.”
Xairn wanted to get out of bed, to protest that he was well enough to leave. But the room began spinning around him again and his head dropped back on the pillows. Soon, he told himself, putting a hand over his arm. Soon I’ll leave and go far from here.
Where would he go? He had no idea but it didn’t really matter. He didn’t care where he went as long as he put enough distance between himself and Lauren. Enough that she could never, ever find him.
Thirty-Eight
“Surprise!”
Lauren looked up to see Olivia, Sophia, and Kat walk in the door of the Sweet Spot. She waved at them, trying to smile. “Hi, you guys.”
“It’s not a surprise, Liv,” Sophia said as they came up to the counter. “I told her we were coming.”
“You did?” Olivia demanded. “Why?”
“So I could whip up a special treat for my pregnant cuz,” Lauren said. “Hang on, let me run in the back and get it.”
“Can I come with you?” Kat stepped forward, a curious look on her face. “I’ve always wanted to see what the inside of a bakery looks like.”
“Come on back.” Lauren nodded at her friend and beckoned her around the counter. “Would you two like to come too?” she asked her cousins.
“Uh, I think we’ll stay here and admire your creations.” Sophia nodded at her twin sister. Olivia’s eyes were glued to the glass cases in the front where the cupcakes Lauren had baked that morning were on display.
“Fine, pick some to take home while you’re at it.” Lauren nodded at them and then escorted Kat through the swinging metal door that led to the kitchen.
To her surprise, the moment they were alone, Kat grabbed her arm and looked into her eyes. “I know all about your problem with Xairn and I think I have a solution for you.”
“What?” Lauren looked at her with wide eyes. “If you know all about it then you’re one up on me. All I know is that he refuses to see me no matter…no matter what.” Her voice wavered but she couldn’t seem to help it. “It’s been three weeks now, Kat. I…I’ve about given up hope of changing his mind.”
“Don’t give up hope.” Kat squeezed her arm. “He’s going through a lot right now—he watched his mother die and had to kill his own father. That’s not something you get over right away—even with a crapload of therapy, and he still refuses to talk to anyone about it.”
“I know.” Lauren’s eyes filled with tears. “But I want to be there for him—to help him get over what happened. Only he won’t see me, won’t even talk to me on the viewscreen.”
“He’s changed,” Kat said. “A lot. He’s reverted back to how he looked before you guys swapped DNA.”
Lauren shook her head. “I don’t care about that! I just want to be with him. Before he left, he told me he wanted to be with me too. I guess…he changed his mind.”
“Only because he’s afraid he might hurt you. And I have to be honest—I think he might,” Kat said seriously.
“What?” Lauren demanded. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been doing some research on the Scourge and the way they have bonding sex,” Kat. “It sounds like you’re in for a rough ride if Xairn does come back to you.”
“I don’t care,” Lauren said passionately. “I’ve thought about that and you know what I decided? It’s worth it. No matter how much it hurts, I’ll go through with it if it means I’ll have Xairn back in my life for good.”
Kat shook her head. “But he thinks the exact opposite—that nothing is worth hurting you, not even a lasting, bonded relationship. So what you need is a way to have bonding sex with him without getting hurt.”
Lauren bit her lip. “I’m afraid that’s probably not going to happen. I don’t want to be crude but you should see the size of his, uh, equipment. And Scourge have two shafts instead of one so if we did have bonding sex—”
“I know,” Kat interrupted, nodding knowingly. “Didn’t I tell you I did some research?”
“And you found a solution?” Lauren asked, raising an eyebrow. She walked over to the convection oven where Olivia’s cupcakes were baking.
“I found out a lot of things,” Kat said mysteriously. “For instance, did you know the original Scourge women actually liked the way they were treated?”
“What?” Lauren frowned. “Xairn told me they were tied up and tortured. Who would like that?”
“There were some abuses of power,” Kat acknowledged, going over to the counter to look at the bowl of pale green frosting Lauren had prepared. “But in a lot of bonded relationships, the female Scourge seemed to genuinely care for their mates and enjoy their sexual relationship. That’s because while the Scourge males were natural Dominants, the Scourge females were natural submissives—it was hardwired into them to enjoy being dominated.”
“Really?” Lauren looked at her with wide eyes, the tray of chocolate cupcakes she was taking out of the oven forgotten. “They…they really liked it?”
Kat shrugged. “It was in their genes. They couldn’t help liking it.”
Lauren looked down at the cupcakes she’d baked especially for her cousin. “Kat, if I tell you something do you promise not to think I’m weird or sick or something?”
“Word of honor.” Kat raised her right hand solemnly. “Go ahead and spill—I’m not the judgmental type.”
Lauren smiled as she put down the cupcakes. “I didn’t think so. The thing is that ever since Xairn has come to stay with me here on Earth I’ve been having these, well…these fantasies. About things I never would have been interested in before.”
“Mm-hmm.” Kat nodded. “Go on.”
“Well, I felt weird about it and kept thinking it was strange and unnatural. I mean, I was raised to be a feminist and never let any man dominate me. So I kept wondering why I was fantasizing about this kind of…thing.”
“About being submissive, you mean?” Kat raised one dark red eyebrow.
Lauren blushed and nodded. “Essentia
lly, yes.” She began removing the cupcakes from their trays, working carefully as she spoke. “As I said, I didn’t know where all this was coming from. But now I realize I’ve only been having these, uh, feelings since Xairn and I had our DNA altered.”
“That makes sense,” Kat said thoughtfully. “You took some of his DNA and he took some of yours, right?”
Lauren nodded. “And I never could figure out what I got out of the exchange. I mean, with Xairn it was obvious—it changed his skin and eye coloring dramatically. But with me, nothing changed except my scent. And the change was so subtle nobody but Xairn could even tell.”
“Maybe you did get something else from the exchange,” Kat said. “If you’ve got Scourge DNA running around inside you, it’s not surprising that you’re having the same kind of urges a Scourge female would when she wanted to have bonding sex with her male.”
“That’s what I’m beginning to think. Whew…” Lauren let out a shaky laugh. “For awhile there I thought I was going crazy or something. I couldn’t figure out why I wanted…what I wanted,” she ended lamely.
“Well, now you know.” Kat grinned. “And I say you should go with those impulses—let your new DNA be your guide.”
“I’d be happy to,” Lauren said with a sigh. “In fact, I’ve already made some, uh, changes in case he comes home. But now I don’t know…” Her throat felt tight but she forced herself to continue. “I don’t know if he ever will.”
“He’ll come back to you,” Kat said confidently. “I’ll have Deep work on him—they seem to have a special connection. I’ll have him tell Xairn he has to at least come say goodbye to you in person. And the minute he gets here—gotcha! You pounce.”
“That all sounds great,” Lauren said doubtfully as she began to frost the chocolate cupcakes with the pale green frosting. They were still warm so she put on a lot of icing, letting some of it melt into the cake. “But I’m pretty sure he’ll refuse to, uh, do anything. Especially if he thinks he’s going to hurt me.”
Brides of the Kindred Volume One: Books 1-4 Page 163