by Rye Brewer
“You may hope all you wish, but you don’t know me at all if you think I’m going to allow you to walk away from me without a detailed explanation.” I felt the color in my cheeks, the way my nostrils flared, heard my heart pounding away. He thought he could push me aside that easily?
When he revealed an old, intricately carved dagger, I reached for it out of sheer curiosity.
He pulled away. “No. You must never touch this. The magic is too strong. This is what Anissa wished to give me, as a way to help with what I have to do.”
“What is it you have to do?” And why did Anissa have it if it was so powerful?
Knowing Anissa, there were any number of ways which she might have come to obtain it.
“This is an ancient shade relic which my sister happened upon by accident. She witnessed the murder of an extremely powerful vampire with this very dagger and believed it would be helpful to me.”
Cold fingers of dread plucked at my heart. “You’re going to kill Garan, aren’t you?”
“I must.” His eyes began to glow with their customary light. “It must be done if the shades are ever to avoid a terrible war against the fae. You’ve seen what’s already happened. You know how much worse this will get before it is over. I cannot allow that to happen. I will do everything in my power to ensure it does not happen.”
“I know you will, which is why you ought to be the one leading the shades.”
“And I intend to, once I’ve seen to Garan’s destruction.” He wrapped the dagger in many layers of fabric before tucking it back into his robes.
Such precaution could only mean the dagger was as powerful as he claimed it to be.
“I wanted for so long to take what I saw as my rightful place, Felicity.”
“I know you did. I know it only makes sense for you to still want to take your place—now, more than ever.”
“That is just the problem, however.” He took both of my hands this time, holding them tight, studying me with those glowing eyes I loved so well. “I no longer want it. But I need to take it, just the same, even when all I want now is a life with you.”
There was so much pain in his voice, so much honesty, I couldn’t help but believe him.
“The shades have already exposed themselves far too much to the outside world,” he explained. “We were the memory keepers, the Custodians, in charge of the very history of the many races and species which comprise the numerous realms throughout the known universe. Can you fathom what a task that is? The enormity of it? The gravity?”
Though as a mage for the fae I’d experience many things, this I had not. “I cannot.”
“The focus has shifted away from that work,” he explained. “Garan has seen to it. His greed, his depravity. He has lost sight of our purpose, and I fear for the fate of the memories we guard. Without careful guarding, the magic and secrets and weapons of one race could fall into the hands of another. This cannot happen. It must not.”
“I understand,” I assured him.
“You do? You know why it is that I need to do this? Not because I wish to be in power, not because I care so much about sitting on the throne. I haven’t cared about that since I realized how much you mean to me.”
I smiled in spite of the tears which were beginning to well in my eyes. “I truly understand. So this is goodbye, then? That’s what you’re telling me?” I could barely speak for the pain tearing its way through my chest. He was breaking my heart, no matter how noble the intentions behind his actions.
He nodded slowly. “I am so sorry, Felicity. I do not see any other way. I could never ask you to spend your life in ShadesRealm, unable to live outside our caves.”
I blinked away more tears, staring at him. “Is that what you’re concerned with? You think it would be unfair to ask me to make that sacrifice?”
He nodded slowly. “Yes. Of course. And it would be unfair, and it would most certainly be a sacrifice. One which you do not know the full depth and breadth of.”
That was it? That was the entire basis of his breaking off our relationship? I laughed both out of joy and disbelief. “Allonic! Don’t you know that I would live in Hades, so long as it meant being able to live with you?”
“You might as well be living in Hades, for all of ShadesRealm’s remoteness,” he murmured.
“I don’t care! I care nothing about that, so long as I get to be with you. Oh, Allonic, if that is truly the only reason why you believed we couldn’t be together, I’ll tell you here and now that you have nothing to fear. I would do anywhere, do anything, if it meant we could be together. I’m prepared to face any challenge if you are the outcome.”
“Truly?”
“I’ll pack a bag right now,” I replied, matter-of-fact.
“You really mean it. You would go with me?”
“Allonic!” I threw my head back and laughed. “Besides, you’ll need a fae mage. Who better to serve than me?”
He released my hands in favor of taking hold of my face. “Fae mage? More like my queen. For that is who you will be. My queen, forever and always.”
“Always,” I agreed with a smile and a deep, sweet kiss that seemed to go on forever. Just as my love for him would go on. And to think, I had almost lost him.
When I pulled away, however, it was with a frown. “I suppose we ought to tell Gregor.”
“Oh. Yes.” He frowned, too. “I do feel sorry, taking you away from him at a time like this.”
“As do I,” I admitted. “But life must go on.”
“Indeed.”
We both stood up and left my chambers together, intent on finding Gregor and sharing what I fervently hoped he would regard as good news.
17
Cari
“I haven’t admired the city from this height in a long time,” Naomi admitted as we sat together on the balcony. “Too many years spent living underground. I forgot how lovely it all is.”
“Even this section looks more appealing from four floors up,” I agreed with a smile.
In the moonlight, with Paris shimmering before us, it seemed anything was possible. We could both afford to smile, to be happy for a little while. She was recovering well, and Gage had regained his strength after his ordeal. All was well for the time being.
“Have I thanked you yet?” she asked, seemingly out of the blue.
“You don’t have to. Truly,” I added when she flashed a skeptical smirk. “I don’t expect thanks. I did what needed to be done, especially after you saw to it that I was able to free Gage. I evened the score, if anything.”
“There was never a score to make even.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Just the same, you took a great chance,” she murmured, looking out at the city once again. “You might have been caught in the sun, or killed by my captors.”
“But I wasn’t. I knew well what I was doing, and so did Gage. We both owed you that much, at the very least.”
“But Raze didn’t.” She turned her head, glancing through the open doors which led inside.
Gage was in there with Raze, the two of them catching up on clan business. It seemed their clans did not get along. It was a blessing the two of them managed to get along in spite of everything.
“No, he didn’t. I guess he’s just a decent guy, then.”
“I suppose he is. You must understand my surprise, as it’s been so long since I knew a decent man.” The bitterness was still heavy in her voice, remembering the way Micah had killed her Xavier. I couldn’t imagine that sort of pain, though it would have become a very real thing for me had Naomi not spoken up and helped me find Gage.
“You’ll never have to worry about him again. I’m only glad we found each other in the middle of all of that.”
“I agree,” she smiled, resting her head against the back of her chair. “Would it sound too ridiculous if I told you you’re like the sister I never had?”
“Ridiculous?” I asked as my heart swelled with pride. “Hardly. I’m honored that
you feel that way. You were an only child?”
She nodded. “It was only me. Not that it much matters now, anyway. My family would be long gone by now.”
“That’s true,” I whispered. “The same will be true for me one day, too. I’ve been thinking of my family, especially today.”
“Why today?”
“I made the mistake of checking my email on Raze’s computer. And there was one from my father.” I explained the twisted history with him, how little I had seen him since I was twelve, how I had resented his second family—especially his wife. How he had pretty much written me off.
How surprised I was that he would reach out at all.
“I didn’t know until I read that email that I missed him,” I admitted. “And I feel bad when I think about him believing I’m dead. Because he’ll have to, eventually. Right? Eventually, that will be the only conclusion he can come to. And I guess it will hurt him.”
“I guess it will. He is your father, after all. He reached out, he has men looking for you.”
I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. “Were you born of human parents?”
“Of course. It is rare for vampires to bear children. As far as I know, there is only one line of vampires even capable of it.”
My heart sank a bit. I would never have children. I guessed I had already known that, though. “Who are they? One of these clans Gage and Raze keep talking about?”
“No, not a clan,” she explained. “A bloodline, which is not quite the same thing. The line was set a long time ago, and its descendants might belong to any number of clans—or no clan at all, in fact. They pass the trait down to those they turn. They don’t know they’re capable until they suddenly find out they’re with child, I suppose. It’s not exactly something which is discussed, but I understand it is very rare.”
“I see.” I needed to get off the subject, as it was somewhat more painful than I had imagined. “Did you want to see your family after you were turned?”
“Of course. I missed my parents terribly, especially at first when everything was so different. The entire world had changed, as I know you know.”
“Yes, and it wasn’t very long ago,” I smiled. “What about you? Are your parents still alive?”
“Oh, no,” she whispered. “I was turned more than two centuries ago. They are long since deceased.” She sighed, a bit wistful.
“I’m sorry.”
“There is no need to be, though I appreciate your concern. Many decades have passed since then. The pain is nothing more than a faint memory. An itch I can never quite scratch, which no longer bothers me much.”
I fiddled with my fingernails, just about burning up with curiosity but afraid she would think I was being pushy if I kept asking questions. The world went on around us, cars honking their horns and people calling out to each other. The familiar sound of vomiting from a nearby alley—whoever was doing it had started early that evening, since it was still barely midnight.
“Did you ever… want to see them? Did you ever visit them? Just to check and make sure they were all right without you?” I eventually asked. I wouldn’t rest easy until I did.
“I did,” she sighed. “I know this is not the answer you wish to hear, but it didn’t help me.”
“No? Why not?”
“Because they went on without me.” She turned her head to look at me, a sad smile touching her pretty face. “They went on. Not as if I’d never been born, mind you, but as if they had accepted my loss. Even though I had disappeared. Even though the vampire who had turned me left quite a mess behind. I tried to fight,” she explained, shrugging. “It was pointless, but I did try.”
“And it made you sad.”
“Extremely,” she summed up. “Back then, there was no way for me to let them know I was still alive, at least in the most general sense. That my consciousness still existed. It was a far simpler time, in what became known as Hungary. My father was of royal blood. An advisor to the house of Habsburg.”
“You were royalty?” I whispered.
It was hardly unbelievable. She carried herself like a princess.
“A minor royal,” she smirked, self-deprecating. “Even for all our money and connections, we were still members of the same limited, superstitious world. If I had suddenly appeared—unable to venture into the sunlight, unable to eat normal food, always thirsting for blood—well, I would not be sitting here with you right now.”
She stared up at the sky, lost in memory now. “My name then was Noemi. I used to love running free in the woods, wishing I had been born a boy so I might be allowed to do as I pleased rather than having to sneak out when the governess’s or tutor’s back was turned. I would strip off my shoes and run barefoot. I never could convince any of the other little girls in the palace to join me.”
“You lived in a palace?” I marveled.
“Yes, the king wanted to keep my father close, so that he might be able to call on his wisdom day or night. And he did, too. My mother would fume whenever a guard knocked at their chamber doors in the middle of the night. More than once did she make a snide remark about it being no wonder they’d never been able to conceive another child, since he was always leaving her.” She laughed. “I didn’t understand it back then, naturally.”
I laughed with her.
“It wasn’t until two months after I’d been turned that I could no longer stay away,” she murmured, and she wasn’t laughing anymore. “It happened to be the night of a ball at the palace, one for which I had been preparing for many months prior. It was to be my coming out, you could say, along with the princess. My best friend. The seamstresses were in the process of creating my gown for the occasion when I… was turned.”
I started feeling sorry for bringing it up. The memory was clearly painful for her.
But she was already deep in it, too deep to stop until she’d told the entire story. “I remember how cold it was that night. How clear the air was, the sky. So many stars. I lingered beyond the balcony outside the grand ballroom, watching as so many people I recognized danced and laughed and committed scandalous acts together. Court intrigue, you know.”
Of course, I didn’t know. But I was so very entranced by her story.
She chuckled drily. “To think, I once considered all of that important. I watched, and oh, my heart ached. I resented the monster who’d changed me, who had hunted me in the woods when I was out alone moments after sunset. He had taken all of this away from me, an evening which was supposed to be mine. The possibility of finding my husband, having a family. Dancing at a ball.”
I put my hand on hers, hoping it would somehow keep her grounded in the idea that things were better now. They were, weren’t they?
A single tear rolled down her cheek. “And then, my mother came outside. She looked beautiful, was always the most beautiful woman at court, by far, more so than the queen. I wanted so much to call out to her, I had to clamp my hands over my mouth to keep from doing so. My father joined her soon after. I almost imagined revealing myself to them, their happiness at my being alive. I wanted to tell them how I loved them, how I hadn’t wished to leave them.”
She fell silent for a long time.
I waited, almost dreading finding out how the story ended.
“Father murmured something in Mother’s ear. And she laughed.” Naomi wiped away another tear. “She laughed. And he laughed with her. And one of their friends, some duke or other, joined them and they shared the joke with him and he laughed, too. One would never know the evening had originally been intended in part for their daughter. Only two weeks I’d been gone. A fortnight. And they were able to dance at a ball and laugh with friends.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, crying for her.
“I never saw them again. I left Hungary altogether.” She wiped away her tears for the last time, straightened up in her chair. “I hope I did not depress you too thoroughly with my pathetic tale.”
“It wasn’t depressing, or pathetic,” I tol
d her, patting her hand. “I asked, after all. I shouldn’t have.”
“No, no, it was only fair that you did. Only right. You’re curious. You are still finding your way in a new life. And you want to see your father again, thanks to the message he sent.”
She was right, of course. I wanted to, more and more every time I thought about it.
Raze and Gage joined us, and they couldn’t have come at a better time.
Gage’s hand on my shoulder provided the comfort I needed just then. “Are you all right out here?” he asked, smiling down at me.
“Better now that you’re here,” I smiled back.
“Lovebirds,” Naomi chuckled. “I suppose it is nice to see real love, to remember that it’s possible.”
Raze, meanwhile, hadn’t taken his eyes off her since joining us. He had barely taken his eyes off her at all, ever since we found here in the park. He’d been so quick to offer her his blood, to help her to his safe room.
I wondered if he knew he was catching feelings for her. I grinned, turning my face away so he wouldn’t see.
“What were you two talking about in there?” I asked, nodding in toward the living room.
Gage leaned against the railing with a shrug. “You know. Comparing notes on some history. It’s always interesting to hear old stories through another person’s perspective. Our clans were rather… at odds for a very long time.”
“The way I heard, you hated each other,” I teased.
“Something like that,” Raze chuckled. “Water under the bridge. What about you two? What were you talking about?” He looked at Naomi.
“I was talking about my father, and how I’ve been thinking about wanting to see him.” Saying it out loud was freeing. I didn’t have to pretend not to care. It was normal to want to check on the people who had meant something to me in my former life.
Raze nodded, eyes narrowed. “See? Or visit?”
I knew what he meant. “See. For now. I wouldn’t want to take the chance of a visit.” Though I did eventually want him to know that I was alive—or, rather, not dead. The distinction was important, I supposed, since for some, vampires weren’t considered to be alive.