“Yeah, well, I even made a pot myself. Let’s just say I’m desperate for anything that will turn you back into a human being.”
“What are you talking about?” He waved his hand over his desk full of paperwork. “I’m sitting here doing my job.”
“You passed my desk without saying hi, you haven’t said a word to anyone, and your shirt’s on backward. Not to mention you look like you haven’t slept for a week. Have you showered?”
“Of course I showered.”
“Because your hair is sticking up.” She licked two fingers then leaned over to smooth it down, and he backed away.
“Okay, enough already. Thanks for the coffee.” Preston took a sip and made a face. “Except this stuff might just kill me instead of help me.”
“Is there anything I can help with?”
He set the cup down. Misery swamped him. Hell, there wasn’t anything anyone could do to get him out of the mess he created. He couldn’t stop thinking about Cat. Couldn’t stop hearing his father’s words echoing in his ears. The drilling pain in his knee wasn’t helping either, but at least it was more under control now. “Thanks, Lacey. But no. There’s nothing.”
“Well, I’m right here if you need anything, okay?” She gave him a concerned look before she began walking out.
“Wait.”
She turned around. “Yes?”
Preston closed his eyes. This was hard, opening himself up to people. “This is our last day here, and I—I wanted to thank you for—for always doing your job. I know I’m not very expressive about things, especially these last few months, but I value your service. You’re a great employee. Even if you do meddle in my personal life.”
“I’m not sorry I told Cat, if that’s what you’re talking about. But thank you. I’ll take that compliment under advisement the next time I ask for a raise.”
She stood there, unmoving. He put his elbows on the desk and raked his hands through his hair. “I lost her, Lacey. I lost her for good.” He didn’t know why he said it. Usually he handled his pain by himself. Maybe he was sick of being an island. Or maybe his despair was just too great, and he could really use a friend.
“I’m sorry,” she said gently. “Can I say something?”
“No, but I have a feeling you’re going to do it anyway.”
“You’re one of the kindest men I’ve ever met. You gave me this job and the opportunity to better myself. You paid for my mother’s cancer consult at MD Anderson and made sure I wouldn’t find out about it.”
“But you did anyway?”
She grinned. “You’re smart, but you can’t hide much from me. Anyway, boss, you cut everyone slack…except for one person. Maybe it’s time to give yourself a break.”
Preston wished he could, but all he could think of was how hopeless his situation was. Surgery followed by more months of rehab. Of needing help. Of dealing with his own problems and head issues. Of feeling like he wasn’t ever going to be a whole man again. How could he ask Cat to sign up to ride with him on his own personal journey to hell? “Thanks. I—I’m not exactly sure how to do that.”
“Well, if it helps, Cat seems to love you just as you are. Crankiness and limp and all. You might not be able to find that anywhere else. Think about that, boss.” He lifted a brow to warn her not to get too cheeky, but of course she ignored him. “Besides giving you my insightful advice, is there anything else I can do?”
“Well, there is one thing,” he said, cracking a smile. “Promise you’ll never make me coffee again. This stuff tastes worse than sewer water.”
He heard her chuckle as she left the office. “Lacey,” he called.
She stuck her head back in the doorway. “Yes, my liege. What is it?”
“I—I wanted to tell you you’re a good friend.” He cleared his throat. “And I appreciate your advice.”
“It’s damn good advice, too. You should take it,” she said as she finally left.
God, it was hard being open and honest with people. He didn’t really feel better but—well, it was good to have a friend.
Lacey hadn’t been gone a minute when a knock on the door made Preston look up. “May I come in?” Henry Kingston asked.
Preston moved to stand, an old habit from the military that had to do with respecting your seniors, but Henry shooed him back down. “No need to stand up for me, son. I thought we’d take a few minutes to talk business. Is now a good time?”
“Of course.” Henry shut the door, an unusual move that made Preston’s stomach churn worse than the coffee. He half expected Derrick to show up as well for a private roughing up.
“Look, Mr. Kingston, if this is about—”
The older man cut him off. “I know you’re leaving today, and I wanted to make sure we’re squared away on the new CEO. I also heard you’re headed back to surgery and want to wish you the best.” Preston couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around the fact that this man was still talking to him after what he’d done to his daughter, but he forced himself to keep it professional.
“Thanks,” he said, clearing his throat. Before the silence could get uncomfortable, he got to business. “I’ve reviewed the files on all the candidates,” Preston said. “Brady’s definitely the one that scores the highest on education, competence, and likability factors.” Basically, he was a shoo-in. Preston squeezed the bridge of his nose and tossed the file to the desk. “But there’s a concern I have.”
“What is it?”
“He talks all the proper technical talk—metrics and units and markets and outsourcing work to China to increase productivity, but—”
“But what?”
“He has no heart for the mission of the company, sir. He’s all about productivity and the bottom line. I’m sure he’d make the company a success on paper, but he doesn’t seem to care about the tradition of the shoes, that they’re American made, that many of the folks in town have been working here for two generations. My concern is that he’d sacrifice people for profit.”
Henry sat back in his chair and laughed.
“Sir?” Preston raised a brow. Did he say anything funny?
“I knew I liked you, son. You just said what I came in here to say. This Brady guy looks perfect on paper, but he’s going to send the company in a direction I’ve fought against all my life. I know every worker’s name. Their families, too. Their kids and now even their grandkids. I want my company to be a place where people are proud to work. Where they’re encouraged to be creative and contribute to the products and the good of the company, not be robots shuffled on an assembly line, doing the same task a zillion times a day.”
“I can continue to screen résumés for you even after I leave town. I think broadening our search to people who are in management at more specialty-oriented manufacturing companies—” He scratched a few notes on a pad.
“I had a slightly different idea.” Henry sat forward.
Preston looked up. Henry was eyeballing him calmly, his hands interlocked, slowly twiddling his thumbs. “Why don’t you do it?” Henry asked.
“I beg your pardon?” His job was to match CEOs to the right companies, not run a company himself. He traveled all over, barely had a chance to enjoy his lake house, let alone be a part of a community. Hell, he’d never been part of any community.
“You understand the direction Maddie’s going with her shoes, and how we also want to maintain our standard lines. You’re going to be stationary for a while as you rehab your injury. Why don’t you do the job?”
Preston put down the pen and stared at Cat’s father. “Frankly, sir, after what’s happened between me and your daughter, I’m not sure how you can make me such an offer.”
“This doesn’t have anything to do with Cat. It has to do with you.”
Preston must have looked puzzled. He was completely floored. How could this man, who must surely want to kill him for hurting his daughter, be offering him the top job at his company? He was asking him to take a leadership role at a time when he t
hought of himself as anything but.
“I’m humbled, sir, but I don’t deserve your consideration. I tried to push your daughter away after I got hurt, but she kept coming back and coming back until I just couldn’t help myself. But I’m not the right guy for her.”
“Care to explain that?”
“Men in my family don’t handle long-term injury well.”
His eyes narrowed. “Do you love my daughter?”
God, of course he did. But he would only poison her optimism and her belief in people. “That’s a complicated question.”
Henry laughed again. What was with this guy, anyway? He was sitting there as calmly as if they were having a chat about last night’s ball game. “Can I show you something?” Henry asked.
Without waiting for a reply, Henry stood up and lifted his right pant leg to midcalf level. Preston craned his neck over the desk to see. At first, he saw nothing wrong. His sock over his calf. As he raised the pants, he saw the unquestionable cosmetic cover of a prosthesis. Preston looked up at Henry, whose eyes were the same bright green as Cat’s.
“Grenada, 1983. I was just married at the time. I came back with more missing than my lower leg.” He paused. “I know what you’re dealing with, son. You feel like you’re not going to be yourself again, but believe me, you will be. You’ll rely on the strength of character deep inside you that made you go fight for your country in the first place, and if you’re smart, you’ll rely on the people who love you.”
“With all respect, my father was a vet, too,” Preston said. “His injury is what started all his problems. I don’t want to drag your daughter down with me.”
“You’re nothing like your father. Even before he went to war, he may have lacked what I call a moral compass, but I’m not here to trash anyone. The point is, it doesn’t matter what your father did or what his life’s been like. You’re an officer and a graduate of West Point, and you can use your mind and your reason to change the arc of your life. Just because you were born to that father doesn’t mean you’ll end up like him. You’re your own man—you always have been, and you always will be.”
“I’m sorry for hurting Cat.”
“I’d say that to who needs to hear it. Go out there and be the man you were meant to be—someone who isn’t ashamed to say he needs someone.” Henry stood. “I came to say what I had to say, so I’ll be going,” he said.
Preston got up and dumbly shook Henry’s hand. For once, words escaped him. Was it possible to escape a past you wanted no part of? To surmount problems that felt like they’d never go away? Maybe it was, if you wanted something more than anything you’ve ever wanted in your life.
He wanted to be whole, to have love. To have Cat, whom he loved with all his heart. He wasn’t sure he could be the man she needed him to be. But maybe it was time to try.
“Think about things,” Henry said with a wave as he left the office.
When the new driver Preston hired dropped him off at home, he was surprised to find his brother pacing the great room in his bare feet and texting on his phone, his hair still wet from a shower. Thank God Preston had gotten him out of the hospital before their father had an opportunity to get to him. “Glad you’re up and about,” Preston said, setting a bag of groceries down on the Carrara marble island in the kitchen. “How are you feeling?”
“Besides still having the headache of a lifetime, I’m okay. Listen, Pres, I—I need to get back to school. It’s bad enough I stayed here an extra day. I’m trying to get one of my friends with a car to come pick me up.”
Jared had finals coming up and Preston understood he wanted to get back. But he also understood he was embarrassed by what had happened and they hadn’t talked much about it. Jared, still pacing, looked edgy and ready to bolt. “I can get you back to school,” Preston said, “but I thought we’d have a meal together first. What do you say?”
“I really should go. I’ve got classes all day tomorrow, and I feel like I’m behind.”
Preston walked over to his brother and put his hand on his shoulder. “Stay for dinner. It’s been a long time since we had a talk. My driver can take you back right afterward. Please.”
Something flickered in his brother’s eyes. Preston had the sensation of looking in the mirror. Maybe his brother was just as in need of someone to reach out to him as Preston was. He wanted to reach him. Have a heart-to-heart. Make sure he knew he was loved even though he screwed up.
Jared broke into a sudden grin. “Depends on what’s in the bag.”
“Two sirloin steaks, baked potatoes, salad. Thought I’d toss the steaks on the grill.”
“Dessert?”
“Ice cream.”
“I’ll stay.”
They worked together to prepare the meal. Preston refrained from opening a beer, pulling out a couple of Cokes instead. They ate dinner on the patio, under the shade of some big oaks. A light breeze was blowing off the lake that made the spring evening pleasant.
“So tell me about your plans after graduation,” Preston said. He’d gotten Jared to stay for dinner. Now to get him to talk.
Jared shrugged. He was playing with his Coke can, crushing it between his hands. “Don’t worry. I turned in my grad school acceptance.”
“Could you please sound a little more thrilled about that?” Preston asked, stretching out his bad leg near the fire pit.
“Grad school’s important, and I’m going to be sure to make something of myself.” The can crunched as he squeezed.
“I know you are. I’m not worried about that.” Preston took a sip of Coke, trying to figure out just the right thing to say but not having a clue. What would Cat do? Meet the problem head-on, that’s what. “Jared, it’s okay if you don’t want to become a psychologist.”
His brother went quiet. He spent a long time looking into the fire pit. And mutilating the can.
“I really like psych,” Jared said. “I’m just not sure I want to listen to people’s problems all day.”
“That’s fair.”
Jared jerked his head up. “What did you say?”
“I said, that’s fair. What’s your alternate plan?”
More silence, like he was getting up his courage. “Look,” Preston finally said. “You shouldn’t feel bad telling me how you really feel. I want you to do something you’re excited about. Something that makes you happy.”
Jared tossed the crushed Coke can onto his plate. When Jared glanced at him over the fire pit, Preston was reminded of when his brother was a young boy, always so worshipping. Now he worried that his brother wanted to please him a little too much, at the expense of his own happiness. Like Cat with her family. “You know that high school volleyball team I helped coach this semester?” Jared said. “They want me to be a real assistant coach next year.”
“That’s great.” He could see how his brother’s eyes lit up when he talked about coaching. Like it made him…happy.
“I like working with kids. And I love sports.”
“So what are you thinking?’
“Maybe I’d like to be a high school counselor. Work with kids, you know? And a coach.”
Preston stretched out his other leg and crossed his arms. “I can actually see you doing that.”
“I applied to the wrong graduate program.”
“An easy fix.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Well, you can always try to apply somewhere that’s not filled. Or worst-case scenario, work a year and apply again. Either way, you’ll figure it out.”
They sat watching the fire, listening to it crackle. Felt the soft spring breeze as it carried scents of fresh lake air and growing things.
“So if you need a job while you’re figuring this out…”
“Yeah?”
“I might have a lead on something here in Buckleberry.” He was pretty sure he could get Henry Kingston to give him a job as he’d done for Preston many years ago. “You interested?”
“Sure. Except that Dad’s here.”
>
And then there was that. “He showed up at the hospital, did you know that? He’s on his way to Florida.” He didn’t want to hide things anymore from his brother. “To be honest, I think it was more because he wanted money from me than anything else.”
“I don’t want to have anything to do with him,” Jared said. He poked a stick into the fire for a minute before he said, “I’m sorry I acted stupid and ended up in the hospital. I guess it’s in the genes.”
Preston frowned and sat up. “What are you talking about?”
“You turned out okay. But you’ve always known what you wanted. Look at me, ready to graduate, and I’m not even sure about my next step. I’m fucking up, just like him.”
Preston reached over and grabbed his brother’s arm. “Look at me, Jared. Don’t ever compare yourself to our father. You couldn’t be more different.”
He could tell from his brother’s eyes that he wasn’t buying that. Worse, his brother actually thought he had it all together. “Look, your whole future is ahead of you, and it’s going to be great. I don’t think I’ve told you this enough, but I’m so proud of you.”
“Yeah, I made you real proud, huh? You had to come to my rescue just like you do our old man.”
“Everyone makes mistakes. The key is to learn from them and don’t let them define you. That’s the difference between us and him. Our father is who he is, and we can’t help that. But we can be who we want to be—and don’t let him convince you otherwise.”
Preston heard the words come out of his own mouth. The very thought that Jared was anything like their father was ridiculous. He was as certain of it as he was his own name. And that’s when it hit him. He wasn’t either.
“I’m sorry I fucked up,” his brother said. “You’ve done everything for me, and I didn’t make you proud.”
Preston placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. He remembered when that shoulder was bony and thin, when he was just a gangly teen, but he’d filled out a lot in the last year or two and was looking more and more like a man. “Somebody wise told me the best way to have a relationship is to share things. Not just the good, but the bad, too. I haven’t shared much with you since I’ve been back from overseas. I was protecting you from things I didn’t feel you should have to worry about. I thought I could shoulder it all on my own. I was wrong.” He’d been wrong about so many things. He’d fucked up, too, big-time. How could he preach to his brother that everything was going to be all right, that he would work it out, without taking the same advice himself?
A Man of Honor Page 17