Catch All The Girlfriends! 2

by KJ Harlow

  Ai took a run up, launching herself skyward. As she approached the zenith of her arc, her extended leg turned the color of silvery mercury.

  “Hiiiiyah!”

  Steel Heel missed!

  Even with the jump, which took her close to ten feet up, she was still several feet below Soara. She fell back to the ground, her metal foot clanging onto the tiled ground, becoming flesh and bone again.

  Soara used Fly!

  The bird-kin pushed herself back in mid-air then tipped her head back, falling into a dive. She pulled herself up just as she came a foot within hitting the ground. In a flash, she collected the gym bunny around the neck with her wing, taking her to the ground and dragging her several yards.

  “Ai!”

  It’s not very effective…

  NAME: Aion (Ai)

  LEVEL: 13

  HP: 28/40

  She gritted her teeth and got back to her feet, smoothing her long ears out. “Bitch.”

  “Alright, Ai, get back.” The furred steel-type zipped back. OK, I got a sleeping and burned rock-type who has a type advantage, an interstellar-type at full HP and confused water-type…

  “Come on dude, Clem has money on me to beat you in 10 minutes,” Asshat drawled.

  “Shut up.” Yoshi took his pick. “Go, Crystal!”

  The rock-type came back out. She was prone on the floor, legs kinked up, hands folded under her head. She murmured and writhed on the ground as the flames licked her skin.

  Crystal is hurt by her burn!

  NAME: Crystal (BRN)(SLP)

  LEVEL: 20

  HP: 30/58

  Crystal is sleeping!

  “This is too easy,” Asshat scoffed. He pointed at the rock-type. “Perri, Talon Throw!”

  The Soara flapped up into the air again. Her human legs and feet morphed before Yoshi’s eyes, becoming bird talons made for catching prey. He watched helplessly as Perri swooped down again, digging her sharp talons into his girlfriend’s shoulders and hauling her up. She had to flap harder, but eventually was able to lift her as high as she flew before.

  Perri used Talon Throw!

  She did a somersault again, this time forward, flinging the sleeping rock-type vertically back into the tiles.

  CRUNCH.

  Chipped tiles spat all over Yoshi, clattering at Clem’s feet.

  It’s not very effective…

  Crystal is awake!

  Crystal is hurt by her burn!

  NAME: Crystal (BRN)

  LEVEL: 20

  HP: 12/58

  Crystal shook her head and brushed embers off her skin. “Command me, Yoshi.”

  “Crystal, Bone Fissure!”

  He clenched his fists. That bird-kin won’t know what hit her.

  The rock-type started towards the flying-type, eventually breaking out into a run. The Soara watched her carefully, circling sideways. Crystal kept her crosshairs on her, clasping her hands together. Her arms shone and melded together from elbow to fingertips, forming a massive hammer cleft from stone. Leading with her shoulders, she swivelled on her heel, letting the weight of the attack lead her.

  Perri leaped back a yard, but the arc of the swinging hammer was too wide.

  CRUNCH!

  Critical Hit!

  It’s Super Effective!!!

  “Perri!” Asshat yelled. The hammer had collided right into the bird-kin’s ribs, sending her hurtling towards the far wall of the room. She flapped as she tumbled through the air but this did little to stop her momentum as she slammed into it and slid down.

  She immediately got to her feet, clutching her body while doubled over, her HP down to 45%.

  “Perri, Fly!”

  The bird-kin looked to her trainer, still clutching her ribs. “Can I have a Potion?”

  “No! Fly!”

  She opened her arms up and took to the air, noticeably struggling.

  Crystal is hurt by her burn!

  NAME: Crystal (BRN)

  LEVEL: 20

  HP: 4/58

  “Oh shit,” Yoshi said, turning his attention back to his rock-type. Her arms had morphed back and she was down on one knee. “Crystal, get back. Starry, go!”

  The star maiden took the rock-type’s place, taking in the conditions of the battlefield.

  Perri used Fly!

  “Watch out!” Yoshi hollered.

  The Soara had fallen into a dive and now falling at almost a right angle to the floor.

  Fly missed!

  Big mistake; all Starry had to do was leap a few feet to her left. Perri pulled up and only just managed to not crash head-first into the floor. She tried to hide her pain, but her breathing was labored.

  “Starry, Siren Song!”

  Starry clasped her hands to her chest and started singing. Her voice filled the room, reverberating off the metal-plated walls. It was too much for the flying-type to handle; she couldn’t brace her chest and cover her ears at the same time.

  Critical Hit!

  Perri fainted!

  “Argh, fucking bitch.”

  “Now now,” Yoshi said, waggling a finger at him. “We don’t want to get banned from the gym, do we?”

  “Whatever,” he said, taking out his last ring. “It’s going to be game over after this. Go, Cash!”

  NAME: Cashardra (Cash)

  LEVEL: 27

  HP: 118/118

  The feline fire-type landed on all fours, a ring of flames licking the tiles. Asshat’s evolved starter got to her feet slowly, eyeing Starry at the other side of the ring.

  Another fire type? Asshat wasn’t joking about going to Agate Island.

  “Starry, get back! Ai, go!”

  The steel-type bunny was back out. Before Asshat could complete his command, Yoshi had withdrawn her and sent out Flick.

  “Using my girlfriends to train your weaklings? You got some balls,” Asshat sneered.

  “Yeah, they’re 10 times the size of yours,” Yoshi retorted.

  His opponent gave him a ‘WTF’ look. “Cash, Flame Cannon!”

  The fire-type took a deep breath, filling her chest up to the very maximum. She flung her back and spat bowling ball-sized spheres of fire into the air.

  “Flick, Water Barrier!”

  By the time she clapped her hands to conjure up the defence, Cash’s attack had already soared over the rectangular shield. They collided into her, bursts of steam exploding from her skin as she fell to her knees.

  It’s not very effective…

  NAME: Felicity (Flick)

  LEVEL: 22

  HP: 63/80

  “Flick, use Flash!”

  For several seconds, Yoshi wasn’t sure if she heard him. Next second, she surged through the steam, hands on the bottom of her shirt.

  Flick is no longer confused!

  Light enveloped the room as Cash’s and Asshat’s shrieks echoed through the chamber.

  “Cash, Flame Cannon!”

  “Flick, evade, then Water Slap the shit out of her.”

  It was far too easy from there. Cash tried to land her balls of fire, but could only hit Flick once. Every other turn, they slammed and exploded into millions of embers several feet away from the water-type. By the end of the fourth, the fire-type was prone on the ground.

  Cash has fainted!

  You have defeated Trainer Asshat!

  Ai has gained 2,040 EXP!

  Ai is now Level 14!

  Ai is now Level 15!

  Ai is now Level 16!

  Crystal has gained 2,040 EXP!

  Crystal is now level 21!

  Starry has gained 2,040 EXP!

  Flick has gained 2,040 EXP!

  You have got 1,945 Coins for winning!

  29

  The Seasick Captain

  “You’re lucky that I didn’t take you on with a full-strength team,” Asshat grumbled. Behind his shoulder, Clem was animatedly arguing with his foremen, most likely about money he lost.

  “It was a good battle,” Yoshi said, looking through his updated
bank app in satisfaction.

  “Course you would say that. Losers don’t say that.” Asshat whistled to Clem and waved him over. “Don’t be fooled by their missing teeth and low IQ. Clem and his guys are tough trainers in their own right.”

  “What was that about being ridiculously good-looking?” Clem said, flashing a toothy smile, his front-left incisor missing. His hi-vis vest lifted momentarily above his waist, revealing a belt with a full set of six girlfriends.

  “Just telling Yoshi here that you’ll give him a good time,” Asshat quipped.

  “Yeah, damn right I will. Especially now that I’m few hundred Coins poorer.” The sea rat punched Asshat in the shoulder.

  “Fuck off,” Asshat said, grabbing Clem’s shoulder and shoving him back. “Not my problem if you lost money.”

  “Whatever,” Clem growled. “I gotta earn it back and I’m ready to thrash. Which one of youse is gonna take me on?”

  “Don’t look at me, all my girlfriends have fainted.” He looked pointedly at Yoshi.

  “Errr, I’m going to need to take my girlfriends to the Pamper Nurse first–”

  SKRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

  All three of them fell to the grimy ground. More accurately, Clem hopped and fought to stay on his feet but ultimately fell on his ass, Yoshi fell flat on his face and Asshat fell on top of his fellow Topazarian – all 200 pounds of him.

  “Urgh, what the fuck was that?” Asshat rolled off a flattened Yoshi. He lay on the ground, stars tumbling in his line of sight.

  “Iceberg,” Clem explained matter-of-factly, getting up and dusting his trousers off. It didn’t seem to do anything, remaining as grubby as before. “Captain Maplefingers must’ve tried to avoid it but misjudged the size of the underwater and it scraped the side of the – whooooa!”

  CRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-

  This time, it took him completely off guard. Clem thudded into the floor, rolling back towards the furnace as the ship tipped sharply.

  “Noooo don’t–!” Yoshi brought his hands up to his face, but the juggernaut that was Asshat’s meteoric ass couldn’t be stopped.

  “Arrrrrrrrrgh! Get your finger out of my asshole!”

  “Get the fuck off my face!” Yoshi yelled, his panic smothered in Asshat’s pants. Why do fat asses keep sitting on my face?

  “You sodomized me!” Asshat shouted. He had both hands on his tush, trying his best to twist around and view his backside.

  “Don’t worry,” Yoshi said, warily getting to his feet. “It wasn’t my finger, just my knuckle.”

  “You fisted my ass!”

  “Shut up, both of you!” Clem barked. He ran back where his men were. They too had hit the deck and were checking themselves for bruises. He then shuffled to a table at the side of the room that appeared to be bolted down to the floor. He dialled the rotary and held up the receiver to his ear.

  “Come on…” he murmured.

  SCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–

  “No good,” Clem said, replacing the receiver. “Captain’s not picking up the phone. Someone needs to check up on him.”

  “I’ll go,” Yoshi piped up, scraping his knuckles on the back of his pants. “I was going to see him anyway.”

  “Count me out,” Asshat replied. “My girlfriends who were with the Pamper Nurse should be healed up now and I’ve got to place these three in now.”

  “Alright,” Clem nodded. “Yoshi, would you mind going up and checking on the Captain? It’s not like him to hit so many icebergs like this.” He rubbed his sooty chin thoughtfully. “We haven’t been through icy waters the likes of these, mind.”

  “Roger,” Yoshi said, turning around. “His room was just a couple floors up, wasn’t it?”

  “Right,” Clem confirmed.

  “I’ll show you on the way out,” Asshat said, walking ahead.

  “Don’t forget to come back,” Clem yelled. “One of youse owes me a battle!”

  “So you are going to the Agate Islands then.” Yoshi said, glancing at Asshat.

  “Didn’t I say that?”

  Yoshi was quiet. “A flying-type to get off the ship, fire types to take on the ice-types there…” he murmured.

  “I know, I know, I’m a genius.” Asshat said with a smirk.

  “D’you reckon…” he said, stopping in his path. “D’you reckon you could get your Soara to fly me off the ship to the island too when we get there?”

  “Let me think.” Asshat mocked deep thought for a fraction of a second. “No. Smell ya later.” His childhood nemesis waddled up the stairs and out of sight.

  “Geez, sore loser much?” Yoshi turned back to the door. It was thick and heavy, wrought from redwood. There was a handle with a concave, peach-colored shell on it. Yoshi slid his hand behind it and pulled. Door wouldn’t budge. Pushed, the handle depressed like a button, popping back up. The door still wouldn’t move.

  He looked to the side where a telecom with a 12-digit number pad was embedded into the wall. He pressed the ‘CALL’ button and gentle white noise that sounded like the sea at night crackled through.

  “Hello, Captain Maplefingers?” No answer. “It’s Yoshi Soysauce here, Chester’s friend. We met on the shore before we left Sapphire.” He held the button a bit longer. Still no answer. He let go, rubbing the back of his neck. Do I go back down to the furnace room?

  *CRACKLE*

  “Yoshi?”

  He pressed the button again. “Captain?”

  “Yarrrr, hi…” The crackling disappeared, presumably as he let go of the intercom button from inside the room.

  “Captain, I was down in the furnace room. Clem, the chief foreman, said that we might have hit a few icebergs. He wanted to check and see if you were OK.”

  Yoshi waited for five minutes but didn’t get any further response. He turned to leave.

  BEEEEEEEP

  He spun back around, the shell button was emitting a hissing sound, like steam being released out of a pressure cooker.

  “Come on in, son.”

  “Captain?”

  “HLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGHGHGGHGGGH!”

  The stench of bile and curry permeated the air, infiltrating Yoshi’s lungs. Mother of Frank, that’s the rankest thing I’ve ever smelled. He kept a distance from the captain, who looked like he was heaving his entire small intestine out of his mouth.

  “Captain Maplefingers,” Yoshi said, fingers pinching his nose. “Captain Maplefingers.”

  “I heard ya the first time, boy,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Strands of grey-flecked beard that had banded together dipped into questionable liquid that was in danger of splashing out of the bucket.

  Yoshi stayed silent, in two minds about whether to help him or stand off the side and try to keep his own sick down.

  “I’m not feeling too good, as you can see.”

  “Seasick, sir?”

  “A sea dog like me never gets…” His face went as green as pea soup. Yoshi looked away as another wave of vomit splattered to the bottom of his second bucket. He stared out the window in front of the ship’s wheel. If it wasn’t for the dense mist lazily sliding across the glass, Yoshi would have thought that the ship wasn’t moving. It was only a moment; he caught a glimpse of a hulking mass sparkling ice as high as a skyscraper. Then, the veil of mist swished back into place.

  The wheel began to turn clockwise on its own. “Sir, do you want me to…?”

  “No,” his voice echoed from the metal bucket. “She’s on auto-pilot.”

  CRRRRRRRRRRRRR-SKRRRRREEEEEEEEEE

  “Yes, I’m aware that the auto-pilot is not very good.” He straightened up, swallowed and exhaled.

  “The cabin crew has been bringing our meals up to us. One by one, they all had to be taken to the sick bay.” For a moment, it looked like there was going to be a fully sick encore. “Mark my words: never trust a curry made on the seas.”

  “If the ship’s on autopilot, why can’t you go to the sick bay?�
� Yoshi asked.

  “A captain never leaves his ship,” Maplefingers said, laying his wooden hand on his chest. “It’s a matter of principle.”

  “Is there anything I can do while I’m here?”

  Maplefingers looked at him, scraping his peppery chin with his good hand. “Can you give an old man a pat on the back?”

  Yoshi blinked. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean a pat on the back. You’d be surprised at how well it works for keeping the sick down.”

  “Sure.” He walked over to the old captain, who turned around. Apart from being faded and moth-bitten, it looked like his blazer had never been washed. “Like this?” Yoshi began lightly patting the captain on his upper back.

  “Try stroking downwards, long, steady motions.” Yoshi did as he was told. “That’s right, like you’re caressing the back of a naked Ava.” Memories of the pink-eyed girlfriend who made him cum so hard he thought his head would explode before she kidnapped him invaded his memory.

  “Why did you stop?”

  “Ummm… I’ve just had another idea.” Yoshi extended one finger and pushed it through the first ring on his belt. “Starry, come out.”

  The interstellar-type beamed out.

  She batted her eyelashes. “Yoshi, what can I do for…?”

  Yoshi tried not to laugh as he watched his girlfriend’s pale complexion become even paler. Her eyes searched the room for the horrid stench, widening as she saw the buckets of sick sloshing about.

  “Ms. Serenette.” Maplefingers bowed. Starry kept her hands cupped over her face. “Apologies about the mess.”

  “It’s… OK.”

  “Starry, could you do Captain Maplefingers here a favor and use Siren Song?”

  The two of them looked at Yoshi curiously.

  “I remember Dad telling me stories of mermaid girlfriends who would sing to attract sailors to shore.”