by Nancy Revell
‘Knowing Tommy, tomorrow if he’s given half a chance.’ Helen blew out more smoke. Not that she thought Tommy’s intention was to return to work. She looked around for the ashtray. ‘Dr Parker has to pass him, though. Medically, that is.’ Helen took one more look out of the window before turning and marching back to her office. ‘Shout if anything happens. God forbid!’
‘Why’s Miss Crawford in such a mardy?’ Charlie whispered.
‘She’s always like that,’ Marie-Anne said.
‘Mmm,’ Bel said, thoughtfully. ‘She’s mellowed a bit of late. Something’s got her goat, I reckon.’
‘How long’s it been now?’ Polly looked at Olly, who was holding out a stopwatch.
‘Fifteen minutes …’ He paused, waiting a few seconds. ‘Exactly.’
Just then, there was sudden movement on the pontoon. One of the linesmen shouted something across to Ralph, who shouted something back, but Polly couldn’t make it out.
The women all froze.
Ralph started barking orders at all the men.
He seemed panicked, or rather, as panicked as Ralph got.
‘Oh my God, something’s happened.’ Polly’s voice was barely a whisper.
She caught sight of movement and turned to see Dr Parker running across to the quayside.
A second later Polly was hot on his heels.
‘What’s wrong?!’ she shouted. She looked to her left to see Arthur on his feet, almost balancing on the edge of the quay and looking down at the river.
‘It’s all right, pet.’ Ralph looked up at Polly. ‘Drama over.’
Polly looked to see the two linesmen were holding a length of rope and the ventilation tube in their hands.
‘Slight hiccup with the air valve. It’s fine now.’ He looked at Polly. ‘Get yourself back to yer pew.’ He winked. ‘He’ll be coming up in a minute.’
Polly looked across at Arthur, who had stepped back. She could see the relief on his face as he sat back down.
Dr Parker stayed where he was.
‘Bloody hell. I think I stopped breathing then,’ Angie said.
‘Me and you both,’ Dor said.
Polly sat back down next to Gloria, who took hold of her hand and patted it.
‘Nearly over with,’ she said.
The linesmen, distinctive in their dungarees, were pulling hard on thick ropes slung around a huge pulley. There was a glint of metal as Tommy’s helmet appeared, water pouring around its three small portholes.
Polly gripped Gloria’s hand hard as Tommy slowly clomped his way up the metal ladders, before his big steel-capped boots thudded onto the pontoon’s decking. The two divers started to unscrew the helmet. They were working as fast as they could, but it still felt like an age.
Finally, they lifted the helmet off, revealing Tommy’s flushed and sweaty face.
‘Thank God!’ Polly let out a gasp of air.
She looked at Tommy, who immediately sought her out. Spotting her, he waved over, giving her a wink and mouthing, ‘I love you.’
‘Ahh,’ Dorothy and Angie said in unison.
‘Děkuji Bože,’ Hannah muttered under her breath. She didn’t feel like she could handle any more bad news.
They all watched as Tommy was slowly stripped of his outer armour.
As soon as his helmet was off, Dr Parker jumped onto the barge.
No one could hear what they were saying, but it was clear from Tommy’s nods and shakes of the head that Dr Parker was hearing what he needed to hear.
Climbing back up onto the quayside, Dr Parker nodded over to Polly, showing her that all was well.
Polly forced a smile, although she thought his face still looked strained.
‘I think a celebration’s in order when we all leave here?’ Gloria suggested. ‘I think we’re all in need of a stiff drink, eh?’ She smiled at Polly.
‘I should say so!’ Polly’s voice was rasping.
‘You can really start to enjoy the run-up to married life now,’ Gloria added.
‘Ha!’ Dor said. ‘More like enjoy your last week of freedom!’
They all chuckled.
‘Right you lot,’ Rosie said, picking up her boxed-up gas mask and overall. ‘I’ll leave you all to it. Have a drink for me.’
Polly watched as Arthur slowly climbed down onto the pontoon. He shook hands with divers and linesmen and then did something that surprised her. He took Tommy’s head in both hands and kissed him on the forehead. She had never seen Arthur do anything like that before.
He turned and Ralph helped him back up onto the quayside as Tommy sat and went through the slightly laborious process of taking off his diving gear and lead-weighted boots.
‘I’ll see yer back home, pet!’ Arthur shouted to Polly as he started his way back across the yard to the main gates.
‘Come on, then,’ Martha said, standing up and stretching her back. ‘If we go now, we might be able to get a table.’
‘The Admiral?’ Olly asked.
‘Where else?’ Dorothy laughed.
‘I’ll wait for Tommy. I’ll catch you all up,’ Polly said.
‘Well, dinnit hang about,’ Angie said. ‘I wanna meet Tommy. Proper.’
Angie had only become friends with Dorothy and the rest of the women after Tommy had left for the war.
Polly smiled.
‘All right. See you all there.’
Polly sat and enjoyed the quiet of the yard, which had now more or less shut up shop for the day. Her thoughts wandered to their wedding and what would happen afterwards. She hoped they would be able to afford their own little place for their own little family.
She watched Tommy walk over, his clothes dry as a bone thanks to his waterproof suit.
She wondered if their first child would be a boy or a girl.
‘See?’ Tommy said, grabbing hold of Polly and kissing her. ‘I told you. Nothing to worry about.’
Polly kissed him back, putting her arms around his waist.
‘I feel like we’ve just been given a pass,’ she said.
Tommy looked at her, a question on his face.
‘You know,’ she explained. ‘Like we really are at the start of the rest of our lives. You’re going to be all right. And you can still dive. It’s amazing really, isn’t it?’
All those dreams she thought had been smashed to smithereens just two months ago were back. And best of all, those dreams were becoming a reality.
Tommy pulled away.
‘Give me five minutes,’ he said. ‘The doc’s waiting to give me the once-over.’
Tommy kissed Polly quickly and jogged over to the St John’s ambulance, where Dr Parker was waiting.
‘So, I’ve kept my side of the bargain,’ Tommy said. He was taking deep breaths while Dr Parker listened to his chest.
‘Quiet!’ Dr Parker commanded. He was in no mood for niceties. ‘Another deep breath.’
Tommy did as he was told.
Dr Parker stood back.
‘Turn around.’
He pressed his stethoscope against Tommy’s broad back. He could see the scars from when Tommy had been caught in the original blast and hadn’t quite got the distance he’d needed between himself and the ensuing explosion.
‘Right, you can put your shirt on now.’
Tommy again did as he was told.
‘So, you’ll pass me. Give me the thumbs up,’ Tommy said.
Dr Parker expelled air.
‘I’m not happy about this. Not happy at all. I’d feel a lot happier, to be honest, if I was sanctioning your medical discharge. It would be much better for your health if you stayed put. Did your bit for the war here, repairing these ships.’ He threw his arm out towards the open doors of the ambulance.
God, most blokes would be thanking their lucky stars that they were still alive.
Dr Parker took another breath.
‘You heard Ralph. He’s cock-a-hoop thinking you’re coming back to work. The two young lads he’s got under him barely look out of
short pants. You’re needed here. Helen’s always telling me about the pressure to get the ships built and repaired as quickly as possible. All the yards up and down the country are struggling.’
Tommy looked round to see where the two medics and the driver were.
Seeing Tommy’s concern that their conversation might be overheard, Dr Parker stuck his head out of the back of the van and told the three men to take a ten-minute break.
‘I know what you’re saying,’ Tommy said. ‘I understand. I know I’m needed here, but the thing is, I’m needed more over there. Really. The Italians might not be anything special on land, but they have the advantage at sea. Their divers are a pain in our backside. Have you heard about the raid on Algiers in today’s papers?’
Dr Parker nodded. He had read the reports about the Italian Royal Navy sinking two Allied ships and damaging two more in the harbour of the Algerian capital.
‘We’re so behind,’ Tommy said, his voice full of frustration. ‘What you just saw me wearing is prehistoric compared to what they’ve got. We’re catching them up, but we need experienced divers out there.’
He took a deep breath.
‘I’ve got to get back out there.’
He looked at Dr Parker’s face. The doctor’s expression had changed. Tommy knew what he was thinking.
‘I know,’ he sighed. ‘It’s going to break Polly’s heart. I know. Imagine how it makes me feel.’
He rubbed his face.
‘I’m just praying she’ll understand.’
Dr Parker looked at Tommy.
‘She’s going to hate you,’ he said simply.
As Helen will hate me.
And with that Dr Parker started filling out the form that would send Tommy back to the war.
Back to Gibraltar.
Chapter Forty
‘So, you up for a quick drink at the Admiral?’ Polly asked as they both walked across the yard. ‘Everyone’s dying to see you.’
She chuckled.
‘Angie is particularly desperate to meet you. I think she’s feeling like the odd one out.’
‘Of course,’ Tommy said, turning to look at Polly. Her face was vibrant. So full of joy. If he could put off this moment, he would, but he knew he couldn’t.
‘Do you mind if we go for a walk first?’ Tommy slid his arm around Polly’s waist and pulled her gently towards him. ‘Give us a chance to chat on our own.’
‘Course.’
Polly looked at Tommy.
‘You know what?’
‘What?’ He smiled down at her upturned face.
‘I don’t think it’s possible to be any happier than I am now. Although,’ she added, a twinkle in her eyes, ‘I think that I might well be even happier this time next week.’
If he had had even the slightest inclination to put off this conversation until another day, then the mention of the wedding – and the fact it was now just seven days away – meant that he had to have this chat now, before Polly agreed to be his wife.
Tommy felt his shoulders sag.
‘Come on, let’s go down to the wharf,’ he said, letting Polly break free and hand in her time card.
They turned left out of the main gates and headed towards the edge of the river.
‘You know, we’ll have to start thinking about getting our own place,’ Polly said.
Tommy didn’t say anything. Instead he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.
‘Obviously, we’ll have to live with my ma for a while, but I was thinking we might be able to rent one of the cottages on Laura Street.’
Tommy remained silent.
‘Or the Diver’s House?’ Polly asked as they reached the metal railings by the river’s edge. Secretly, she was hoping that Tommy would dismiss the idea, as she didn’t want to be quite that far away from her ma and Bel. Especially when they started their family.
Tommy took her in his arms and kissed her.
‘Pol,’ he said, moving a thick strand of hair away from her face. ‘I need to tell you something.’
Polly heard the seriousness in his voice.
‘It’s something I know you’re not going to like.’
‘You’re worrying me,’ she said. ‘What is it? What am I not going to like?’
Tommy cupped her face in his hands. There was no other way round this.
‘I’m going back out there.’
Polly stared at Tommy.
‘What?’
‘I’m going back to Gibraltar.’
Polly continued to stare at Tommy in disbelief, his words not quite sinking in.
‘You’re going back to Gibraltar?’
Tommy nodded.
‘I’m so sorry, Polly. I have to. They need me.’
Polly grabbed his hands and pulled them away from her face.
‘No,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘You don’t have to. You’re needed here.’
She stepped away from him.
‘I don’t understand. You’ve just done a dive. You’re going to start work back here.’
‘Exactly,’ Tommy said. He stepped forward and tried to take her back into his arms. ‘I’m well enough to work here, which means I’m well enough to go back.’
Polly dodged his embrace.
‘No, no, no. That’s not true. You’re not well enough to go back. You’re not strong enough. You’ve been terribly ill. For God’s sake, you nearly died. It’s a miracle you’re still here.’ Polly could hear her voice getting louder.
‘I’m so sorry, Polly.’
Again, he reached forward to take her in his arms to reassure her.
Again, she moved away.
‘I need to go back there,’ he implored. ‘Look at me.’ He splayed his arms out wide. ‘I’m fit and healthy.’
‘No, you’re not! You’re not fit and healthy. You’re far from it. You’re not half as strong as you used to be. Any fool can see that.’
Polly stopped. A thought suddenly slammed into her mind. Tommy couldn’t go back – even if he wanted to.
‘You won’t pass the medical,’ she said, as much to herself as to Tommy. She knew what Dr Parker had said. Tommy’s body would always be at risk from infection. No spleen equalled greater risk. ‘There’s no way they’ll allow you to go back.’
Polly could feel a rush of relief and almost laughed with joy.
‘Tommy,’ she said, her voice softening. ‘It’s incredibly courageous of you to want to go back out there, but there’s no way they’ll let you. Your body’s just not up to it.’
There was a moment’s silence.
‘I’ve been passed,’ Tommy said quietly.
‘What?’ Polly was genuinely perplexed.
‘I’ve been passed – medically.’ Tommy hesitated. ‘By the doc.’
‘What? Dr Parker’s passed you?’ Polly said, her eyes glued to Tommy. ‘I don’t understand.’ Her mind was whirring. Was this really happening? All of sudden everything seemed unreal.
‘Please, Polly, I know this is hard on you,’ Tommy pleaded. ‘But I need you to understand.’ He didn’t like the blank look on Polly’s face.
‘My love for you is everything,’ he said, stepping towards her and gently taking both her hands in his own. ‘Everything,’ he repeated. ‘You are my world. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I’ve wanted you.’
He took a deep breath.
‘But this war is all-consuming. It’s not about me. Or you. Or us. It’s about winning. We have to win this war. There’s no other way. If we don’t, we mightn’t even have a future together.’
Tommy freed one hand and touched the side of her face.
‘You’ve got to understand, Pol. I’ve got to go back. I’m needed more there than I am here. It’s really that simple.’
Polly looked at Tommy. The reality of what she was hearing suddenly overwhelmed her. Tears started to well up. Her chest filled with the most unbearable sorrow and she started to cry. Great heaving sobs.
‘Please, Tommy, don’t do
this.’
Tears were already streaming down her face and dripping from her lips.
‘Please. I can’t lose you again. I can’t. Please do this for me.’
Polly knew she was begging but she didn’t care. She would get on her knees if she thought it might make Tommy change his mind. She reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck and held him tight.
Tommy held her tight too.
‘I’m sorry … I’m so sorry, Pol,’ he murmured into her ears. He could smell her skin and hair. Her scent.
He felt his heart breaking and realised it was his own hands that were ripping it apart.
They stayed like that until Polly was unable to cry any more.
There was nothing left.
She pulled herself away and looked Tommy in the eyes. She knew it didn’t matter what she said or did. He was resolute.
Tommy was going and there was nothing she could do about it.
And with this realisation, the sorrow dragging her under was pushed aside by the anger that was now rising up.
A terrible, vitriolic anger, and its target was right here in front of her.
The love that she felt for Tommy – had felt for him over the past two and a half years – was congealing into hatred.
Polly wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her overalls.
‘After everything that has happened. After everything you have put me through.’
She grabbed the railings and looked up at the outline of the barrage balloons floating high in the night sky.
‘You made me fall in love with you and then you left me. Told me you had to go to war. And I understood. It broke my heart, but I understood. I waited and waited. Worried every single day that something terrible might happen to you. Feasted on your letters when they arrived, beyond relieved that you were still alive.’
She brought her attention back from the sky and turned to face Tommy.
‘When I thought you were dead, I wanted to die myself. Sometimes I didn’t feel like I could breathe, imagining a life without you.’
Tears of sadness had now turned into tears of resentment, born of the remembrance of the grief she had endured.
‘So don’t think for one moment that I will marry you now. I have no intention of wearing white only to end up shrouded in black for the rest of my life.’