Perhaps I was thinking that. “Not at all. However, I must admit I do think what you do is exciting. You know, like show business.” In truth, I thought it was a grimy way to make a living. No doubt, she had limited job choices. “But it’d be fine if you wanted to talk about something else, like where you grew up?”
“Okay, just to pass the time. But nothing about stripping, okay? Nothing special to tell. How far back should I go? Let’s see, grew up in Fort Lauderdale...” She brushed back some of her wonderful curly hair and turned to me. “Oh, you want to hear a good story about this guy George and me? It’s a long, long story.”
“It’s a long, long drive.” I was betting George was one of the lucky men in her life. I was interested to hear how he made out with her.
“Okay. George was Momma’s boy friend. I was a cute thirteen when he first came to the house. Big middle-aged guy, like an aging football player with a beer gut. Ran some type of contracting business. Nice to me and I liked him immediately. Momma wasn’t as tall as I was and I guess she was a little overweight, but she had a pretty face. The boob thing runs in the family so she was okay in that department.
“They didn’t date steady, but whenever he showed up, he’d be certain to speak to me and ask how I was doing. He was interested in what I did at school and about my friends and if I had a boyfriend. He guessed I drove all the boys at school crazy. He had that right. Nice to have him around now and then. I felt safe with a man like George in our house.”
“What about your father?”
“Never really knew him, took off early. He wasn’t a nice man, was all Momma would ever say about him. Now this George was a gentle type. At thirteen, I thought he was very cool. The next time he came over, he gave me a little bracelet with my name. He said it wasn’t expensive. He could have saved his breath. It looked like it came out of an arcade vending machine. Too cheap to wear. I didn’t care. It was from George. More than Momma ever got from him.
“He took Momma out no more than twice. Once for a dinner and once for a movie. From then on, when he came over, they didn’t leave the house. The first few times, the three of us would talk or watch TV for a while. They never said anything, but I knew they wanted me out of there. So, I’d go to my room early and listen to music. As you’ve probably guessed, they’d end up in her bedroom.
“As far as I could tell they never did anything for one another, outside of the bedroom, I mean. I never heard the word love. If he brought over a bottle, they’d drink it. But she wasn’t going to use her own liquor. Sometimes he showed up with pizza or Chinese. She never cooked for him. Of course, she never cooked all that much for me either.
“He would then disappear for a few weeks. One time he came over, I think I was fourteen by then, and Momma wasn’t home. She worked for a printer. She phoned, had to work a double, wouldn’t be home until midnight. He asked if he could hang around since he was already out of the house. I took ‘out of the house’ to mean he was married. That was cool with me. I could play hostess and I’d be the one to get him a drink or whatever he wanted. He’d brought a bottle of bourbon. He liked it on the rocks and that’s easy to fix. I could have a sip if I wanted, he said, but only one little one and it’d be our secret. I’d snuck into the bourbon years before and knew I didn’t like the stuff. So that was no big deal. I fixed a couple for him. He went in and fixed some others.
“He wanted to see my bedroom so we went in there and he sat beside me on the bed. He really liked my posters and bedroom junk. I had a real cool scrapbook of rock stars I had cut out of magazines. So we flipped through that. We listened to my favorite, November Rain. You know, Guns n’ Roses? He wanted to know the name of each star. I said something about the glamorous life they led. He told me he was going to take me out on my eighteenth birthday and we’d have some fun. You bet I never forgot that promise.”
“So George made a move on you in your bedroom.”
“No, I didn’t say that. He left after an hour or so. I wished he’d stayed longer. So cool sitting beside the big guy on my bed. He was real nice.”
“I guess you saw him again.”
“I think it was the very next Saturday. He phoned Momma, wanted to take us out on his boat for the day. Said we could go swimming or whatever we wanted. Momma was annoyed and raised her voice on the phone. She always worked on Saturday and he should have remembered that. So his big deal invitation amounted to nothing. A few minutes later, he called back and apologized. He’d forgotten she had to work. Maybe I’d like to go if I wasn’t doing anything. I pleaded with Momma. She finally said okay go ahead.
“I was excited. I’d planned to go to the mall with my immature boyfriend, Jimmie. You know how long it took me to cancel out on that. So, I fussed with my hair and all. And counted the minutes until George picked me up.
“I was surprised. The boat wasn’t there in Lauderdale as I assumed. It was more than an hour away down at Coconut Grove, near some hammock. He explained a hammock was a little island or a bunch of trees, or something. It was a small white fishing boat with two big black motors on the back. In the front, there was a neat little cabin you could crawl down into with two V-shaped bunks. Between them was a porta-potty thing.
“George motored way back into the mangroves. The fishing would be better where it was private with no other boats to disturb the fish, that’s what he said. I was lost from the start. I’d no idea where we were and didn’t care. Big George was responsible for me. He’d take care of me. The day started off great. We had a little cove all to ourselves. I’ll never forget jumping off that boat into the water. I swam a little and mainly worked on my tan. He tried to fish but didn’t seem much interested in it. When it started to get dark, we were going to come back. Then the engines wouldn’t start.
“George said not to worry. If he couldn’t get them running, we could sleep on the boat and he’d find help in the morning. Fantastic, I thought, sleeping out there overnight would be totally cool.”
I frowned at Betty Jo. I didn’t like how the George story was progressing. Of course, he’d been watching and drooling over her all day. I didn’t want to hear about him getting his beefy hands on trapped little Betty Jo. As if I was saving her for myself, but I knew that was crazy. But if I were George, I wouldn’t have touched her. “So, you’re alone with George out in the middle of nowhere. It’s getting dark. He pulls the old run out of gas trick, huh?”
“He never said out of gas, just something or other wrong. The engines or the motors whatever they call them. I was secretly hoping he couldn’t fix it and we’d have to stay out there another day. But it was simply a loose wire or something. He fiddled around and after awhile he got them running.
“George drove so fast coming back home I thought he’d get a ticket. It was late and Momma was furious. She took me into the kitchen and started grilling me about everything that happened that day. I kept telling her everything was cool. I had behaved and he never had to yell at me. She still looked plenty nervous.
“Momma started in on him. As far as she was concerned, everything went wrong that day. For starters, he knew damn well she had to work and couldn’t go with him. Plus, she thought he was taking me to the beach, or for a boat ride or something. She didn’t like him taking me down to some distant county and bringing me back after dark. He said he was sorry. I knew he was eager to go in the bedroom. That’s why he had raced back. No way, George. She sent me to my room and I could hear her yelling at him. She was telling him no, for the first time. Momma told him to get out. I’d never seen her so upset. Eventually though, all was forgiven and it was back to normal.”
“George sounds like a taker to me, Betty Jo.”
“I talked about him with Momma once. I pointed out he never took her anywhere, never gave her anything, never even did any favors for her. He’s a contractor, for chrissake. Let him fix up this place. He’s getting plenty of you-know-what. She said she wasn’t going to trade sex for anything. ‘I’m not an attractive woman.’ I said, Yes
you are Momma! She said, ‘Well, I’m not spectacular like you are, Betty Jo, and that man keeps coming back.’ Didn’t sound very assertive. Maybe she was just being realistic. Bottom line, Momma loved the arrangement.
“She was using him, she told me. It’s companionship, someone to drink and laugh with, someone to look nice for, and something to look forward to. Someday I’d understand what was going on. It was perfect, he didn’t ask for anything else from her. Lets himself out in the middle of night. She didn’t have to look at him in the morning, or have him see her. No washing his clothes or cleaning up after him. He’s kind to her and they have nothing to argue about.
“I said he’s rich and we’re poor. Have him come across with a little help sometimes. You can bet he’d come up with something to keep the deal humming. I was already fourteen and thought she was stupid.
“Watching those two during those years, I learned a lot about sex. No, not about doing it, but the effect it had on people. The contortions they put themselves through to find it and keep it. At school, I could just think the word sex—not even say it—and boys would start stammering and running around in circles bumping into each other. Yet, I felt better about Momma after that talk. She appeared happy and her head didn’t seem messed up over the arrangement.”
“That’s quite a story.” I hoped that was the end of hearing about George. “So you just went your merry way, grew up, and eventually left home?”
“You really got into this, didn’t you Freddy? Kind of fun telling it to you and watching you. Actually, there is a big punch line. Eventually, we saw George less and less, every month or so at most. I think Momma was beginning to like not having him there so much. By that time, I was seventeen. I’d graduated and was Assistant Manager at the Dollar Store. Still lived at home. Still going steady with Jimmie. He was taller by then and was a way cool guy.
“Momma saw George maybe once that year. At that time, he reminded me he was going to take me out on my eighteenth birthday and we’d have some fun. I already had that planted in my mind, but figured he had forgotten about it. I had some money then and as my birthday got closer I bought my first suit, you know a skirt and short jacket. The woman at Penney’s said it was the very latest. Cost me two weeks pay. Everyone said I appeared older anyway I was so tall. I tell you, that suit turned me into an adult. I paid to have my hair styled and put up, which I had never done before. Looking like that, I could have gone into any bar in Lauderdale and not been carded. I hoped George would like it.
“The morning of my birthday, I waited. Hadn’t slept much. I crossed my fingers and hoped George would remember. At that moment, the heavens opened and the phone rang. I was too nervous to answer. Momma handed me the phone. George would pick me up at noon. Awesome! When he saw me, I’d knock his eyes out.
“He picked me up but was kind of quiet. Not one word about my suit or hair. I was excited and dying to know what he had in store for me. He wouldn’t say. We drove right up to that huge front entrance to the Beachside Plaza Hotel. You know the place? I’ll never forget it. A boy my age in a cute little orange jacket opened the car door for me, which was cool except I didn’t know what he wanted at first. George and I just walked off and left the car sitting there in the driveway.
“Another guy in an orange jacket opened the tall front door for us and we went in this large round lobby. So large you could have played football in there. Huge columns that went up high to something like a dome. The floor was like polished black stone. I thought, don’t slip, Betty Jo. But heels were no problem for me. And I knew how to put on a slight strut. We walked across to the elevators. George told me the place was famous for their dining room. I could picture myself looking good in that dining room with my new suit. I’d be nervous ordering off a menu. George would make it all go smooth...wait a minute. An elevator? ‘George, why are we coming up here?’
“He unlocked the door to the room. Was the surprise in there? I glanced around. Pretty classy. Had its own microwave, a bar, and everything.
“As soon as George closed the door, he told me to take off all my clothes.
“Just like that. George! What are you doing? I looked down at my new suit and up at him. I didn’t understand. Was he going to surprise me with a bunch of new clothes? Did he want me to change here in the room so we could go out?
“He wasn’t exactly demanding. He just stood there and in a normal voice told me to get undressed. He was a big man. But he wasn’t blocking the door. He wasn’t threatening me. I was confused. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This didn’t make any sense. He wasn’t supposed to do this. Adult men weren’t supposed to tell girls to take off all their clothes. Why weren’t alarms going off in his head saying he shouldn’t do this?
“Again, he said take everything off. For chrissake, George! We stared at each other for a minute. I could see he was nervous. I’d never seen him like that and that made me even more nervous. I went ahead and took off my new suit. I stopped. He flipped his hand meaning everything. I took it all off. He smiled slightly and gawked for a long moment checking me out. I folded my arms across my chest and stood there feeling silly. I certainly didn’t want him looking at me. He kicked my suit over into a corner. My new suit!
“I told him I didn’t want to do anything. Is that the same as saying no? I told him I wanted out of there. He said the door was unlocked. I could leave if I wanted. I thought I was acting grownup by not yelling and screaming.
“I was eighteen that day for chrissake, so I had fooled around some, but the serious stuff I’d done just with Jimmie. We’d watched porn flicks together and tried some stuff. So I wasn’t some naive maiden about to be initiated into dark unspeakable sexual rites. I knew what was going to happen if I stayed.
“What I didn’t realize was the rules for men had changed last night while I was sleeping. Like most teens, there were certain passages I looked forward to. The age I could get my driver’s license. The age when I could legally drink. I never thought much about the age when the sex rules change. In Florida, the age of consent is eighteen.
“Up until eighteen the law spoke to all adults for me and said no sex with Betty Jo. Even if she doesn’t object, keep your hands off. She’s too young to know her own mind. Then instantly, at the tick of a clock, I’d better know it all because, ready or not, I became fair game. From then on, the kid can decide for herself. She’s now free to do what a woman does. Now she has to deal with men who no longer worry about that law. Men quite likely to be older and wiser. Okay guys, she’s out there. Say whatever you want and do whatever you want to get her to cooperate. Lie to her, tell her you love her, any trick you can think of is fine. She’s not our problem.
“The law wasn’t going to say no for me any longer. I had to speak for myself...and I didn’t. I knew I could say no to George. I’ve said no to boys plenty of times in the past. Why was I confused about saying no to George?”
“But Betty Jo,” I said, “your choice wasn’t difficult. You should have kicked and screamed and tried to run out of there. Whatever it took.”
“All I can say is I decided I didn’t have that choice. It made sense to me at that frightful time. I know, Freddy, you always want things nice and neat. Such and such happened, therefore I should have done such and such. My point is, in the real world it doesn’t work neatly like that. Choices are muddled. Everything is so clear to people outside the problem, yet not to you until later. You read about someone and wonder why the hell did she do that?”
“I suppose you’re right,” I replied. “If everyone made the correct choice, there’d be no novels and movies.”
“Exactly, and no story about George. Anyway, I wasn’t certain what I should do. Incredible as that seemed to me later. I now think I was waiting for him to suddenly change back into the old George. To stop acting that way. To be nice to me again. When I realized the sex was really going to happen, I began to think, okay I’m a big girl, it’s creepy, but let’s get it over with.
“I didn’t
believe him when he said I was free to go. Didn’t believe the door was really unlocked. I didn’t think he’d hit me if I tried to run, although I wasn’t positive about that either. I wanted to cry, but I held back because I didn’t want to act like a child. I was absolutely convinced he wouldn’t let me go until he was tired of me. And knowing George that might be a long, terrible time.
“But, you’re right, I didn’t leave...until I finally started thinking again. Through all the fog and confusion in my mind, eventually I decided my best action was to get him to fall asleep. I didn’t think of that until a couple of hours had passed and it wouldn’t have worked anyway until he was a little tired. I pretended to fall asleep. He didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t even want to rest. He was just getting started. He didn’t like it and shook me. Finally, he moved away a little. I laid there not moving a muscle. I was very cold. He was really sweating and had turned the air conditioning on high, and I wasn’t covered with anything except one of his hairy legs. It seemed like a month before I heard him snoring.
“I was able to move away from him and get off the bed without any noise. I didn’t dare breath. I gathered my wrinkled clothes from the corner, went in the bathroom, and gently closed the door. Damn! The noisy fucking exhaust fan came on when I turned on the light. I cringed and froze, hoping he hadn’t heard. Nothing I could do about it. I was exhausted. Didn’t want to look in the mirror. I could imagine how I appeared, my hairdo ruined—half up and half down. What the hell, nothing else I could do. I dressed quickly, shut off the light, and slowly opened the bathroom door.
“He was awake, sitting up in the bed watching me. He ordered me back on the bed. He was now rested and reenergized, ready to go at me again. My heart started pounding. I gauged the distance to the door. I wondered if I could get there and unlock it before he could grab me. If I could just get it unlocked and opened, he’d have to run naked down the hall after me.
The Price of Candy Page 16