by BETH KERY
“She’d been going through a relatively stable period at that time. But when I saw her, moving so excitedly and secretively in that dark room, I recognized immediately that she was manic again. Sexually compulsive. It was like a little explosion went off in my brain. How dare she do this to me again? What kind of a monster was she?”
His eyes blazed as our gazes locked. He’d been asking rhetorically, in part, but another part of him—a small, wounded part—wanted an answer, craved an answer so badly. I stared at him, speechless. I didn’t know the answer to his question. I couldn’t even fully imagine the things he was telling me, couldn’t make sense of how someone survived such suffering.
“So I followed her. Before, I’d always dreaded the idea of catching her in the act with one of her lovers. She’d confessed things to me, things that would turn your stomach, Anna. Things I can’t even bring myself to repeat,” he said, breaking our stare.
“Her actions were hers, Evan. She was sick, and she acted out. You did your best to try and protect her, but you couldn’t completely control her decisions and choices. Not unless you turned into a Noah Madaster.”
His gaze flickered over to me. I sensed his surprise at my compassion. Maybe I was weak for offering it. But it was hard to withhold simple honesty, in the face of so much sorrow.
He inhaled, seeming to take courage to continue from my words.
“That was the night I discovered the corridor. The one between the North and South Twin.”
The hair on my arms and the nape of my neck stood on end. “You didn’t know it existed before?”
“No. No one ever mentioned it to me. The entrances were concealed. There’s a hidden door at the back of a storage room. It’s on the same level as the workout facility and the viewing room. You have to know where to access it. I’m sure Lorraine never knew of its existence, either. I’m willing to bet that a good portion of people who lived at Les Jumeaux over the past century didn’t know about it.”
“Did you follow her into the corridor?”
“Yes. She didn’t realize I was behind her. I stayed back and watched her open the door.”
“Where did it lead?”
“To a concealed room on the lower floor of the South Twin.”
“That’s how Noah and Elizabeth were meeting for their… trysts?”
“If that’s what you want to call them,” he said flatly, that bitter-taste expression once again on his face. “Madaster would claim that’s where he was carrying out his research.” He made an angry quote-gesture around the word research. “But in fact, it’s where he was regularly drugging, brainwashing and raping his own daughter.”
My chest felt very tight when I tried to inhale. “He was using that thing—the Analyzer on her?”
“Yes,” Evan replied gruffly. He blinked and looked at the table. He picked up a water glass and drank half of it thirstily before setting down the glass with a jarring bang. “That monster would have her wear the sensor cap of the Analyzer while they had sex.”
He said it like he was giving me a reluctant, necessary blow to my head. But I was only confused by his revelation.
“I don’t understand,” I said.
He explained to me that Madaster had turned the visual feedback on his brainwave lie detector into an auditory function, which he could hear through a small ear bud. Another supposed “advancement” of the Analyzer was an easily donned “sensor cap.” With it, no difficult individual attachment of sensors to the skull was necessary.
“Noah could ask questions of the person wearing the sensor cap and supposedly determine from the auditory tone in his ear if the person was lying or not. It was his ‘hands free’ option for the Analyzer,” Evan explained, his tone rife with sarcasm and anger. “Or at least, that’s what Noah and Elizabeth believed. But I think it was the force of Noah’s personality, the use of drugs—scopolamine, sedatives, LSD and other psychedelic drugs—along with his cruelty and mind games, that were really made the Analyzer ‘work.’ Not as a lie detector or mind reading technique, but purely as a means for control and brainwashing.
“He would give Elizabeth drugs that were meant to free her consciousness. Then he’d make her wear the sensor cap during.…” He winced and gave me a quick, reluctant glance. I merely nodded once, trying to assure him it was all right. “Various torture and bondage activities. She’d wear the cap during sex, and he would demand that she tell him the truth about whatever he was doing to her. He would insist she was lying, even when she was honest. Eventually, Elizabeth believed whatever he told her was the truth. He made up into down, Anna,” Evan said, his voice cracking. “Wrong into right… pain into pleasure and love.”
I covered his hand in mine. It killed me, seeing him like this. He glanced up, my touch pulling him out of his misery. I hadn’t even told myself to sit up in bed and try to comfort him. His anguish had been so tangible, I’d responded without thinking.
“You saw it. You saw them doing that?” I whispered shakily. The idea of him having to witness something so abhorrent firsthand was unthinkable.
He shook his head. “Not all of it, no. Not that night. I heard later about most of it, from Elizabeth herself. That night, I just saw her enter a room. There was a bed in the background, with some wires and equipment on it. A lamp was lit. Noah was there, and I could tell he’d been waiting for her. He embraced her, and she embraced him back. There was something so familiar about the way they touched each other. So charged. I remember he grabbed her hair and pulled on it, stretching back her neck. He jerked at the straps of her nightgown so that it fell down to her waist. I was horrified. I started to run forward to stop it all.
“But then I saw her expression. She stared up at him, not just with adoration. With lust.
“That was when I understood that she hadn’t only been sexually abused by her father. The abuse continued. And Elizabeth didn’t consider it abuse in the least. Then he kissed her, and Elizabeth reciprocated. In fact.… she became the aggressor… ”
His deep voice broke. I squeezed his hand tighter when he faded off, his jaw clenched tight. He squeezed back.
“It was like… part of me froze, and has never unthawed, to this day. Abomination. That’s what it was. That’s what he was. I can’t think of a better way of describing it. He’d corrupted her to the point that very little of her original self remained.
“But seeing them together like that, it changed me. Suspecting something and seeing the truth are two very different things, Anna. I’d hated Noah before that night. But after that… that’s when my obsession began, to see him pay for what he’d done.”
Chapter Twenty
Evan sighed heavily, but that hard, determined set to his mouth remained.
“Then Noah closed the door,” he continued. “And I heard a lock click into place. I didn’t confront Elizabeth until she returned to her bedroom, early the next morning.”
“What did she say?”
“It was a lot like so many times before. The tears. The confessions. The remorse. It was the same on her part, anyway. For me, everything had changed that night. Elizabeth cringed with shame and regret when she understood I’d seen her with her father and knew they were sexually involved. She cried. She admitted everything: how they’d first had a sex when she was just nine years old, how the abuse had continued since then, how their activities had grown in depravity, how he used the Analyzer on her. She insisted that she wanted it all to end, and begged me to help her put a stop to it all.”
“What did you do?”
“I insisted she check herself in for a long-term psychiatric hospitalization, and then for substance abuse rehab. I knew nothing could change until she got away from Noah and Les Jumeaux, and admitted what had been happening to her for most of her life to mental health professionals. I only had a vague idea of the effects of brainwashing and mind control at that time, but I understood that she r
equired professional care, an expert to help deprogram her from all of Noah’s deliberate brainwashing.
“I also insisted that we go to the police,” he said.
“So that she could report Noah?”
He nodded. “She was willing to do everything I asked in regard to treatment. But when I mentioned going to the police, she got frantic. Panicked. Did I want to see her charged with something? Did I want to see her family and herself, ostracized publicly?
“When I persisted, she turned angry. Spiteful. Vicious. She said she’d refuse treatment if I insisted upon her going to the police to report what Noah had done to her… what he continued to do. Then… ”
His eyes looked hollow as he hesitated.
“She laughed at me for wanting to save her from her father,” he said gruffly. “She told me that she was the one responsible for what went on between Noah and herself.
“It wasn’t until then that I realized she believed it; she honestly believed that she was as much at fault as Noah. More than equal in blame. I found out that Noah had convinced her that their first sexual encounter was initiated by her—Elizabeth.”
I cringed back. “But she was a child.”
“I know that. You know that a child can’t give consent for something like that; the idea is ludicrous and sick. She was completely at her father’s mercy. But that was the real terror of his brainwashing. Elizabeth didn’t understand that. She believed, body and soul, that she’d wanted what her father had done to her. Craved it. She was convinced she was warped sexually. That she’d been born depraved. Noah had her convinced he was trying to stamp the twisted gene out of her. That’s what she believed he was doing to her while she was hooked up to that Analyzer, and he was abusing her. The whole thing was so screwed up. It boggles the mind, to consider the evil one human being can force onto another. Worse, this was a father corrupting his daughter to the core.
“When I couldn’t convince Elizabeth that the fault was one hundred percent Noah’s, I realized the best I could do at that point was send her to treatment… get her away from the devil, free her from drugs and alcohol, and hope that professionals could deprogram her from the lies and filth he’d imprinted into her brain. Her soul. I hoped that after that, she’d be able to condemn her father for decades of abuse, separate from him—both physically and psychologically, and begin the long process of healing.”
“Did she agree to the treatment?”
“Yes. She had an extended psychiatric hospitalization where they were able to stabilize her on medications for her bipolar disorder. She attended regular therapy. After that, she checked into substance abuse rehab. Upon discharge from both the psychiatric hospitalization and the substance abuse rehab, I’d never seen her so healthy. Her doctors and I had to work on convincing her, but while she was still in rehab, she agreed to come with me to San Francisco. Our marriage wasn’t what it was—it never would be—but it was enough that she was growing stronger during those weeks we lived in San Francisco, away from the influence of Noah.”
“You never did tell me how you reacted toward Noah after you saw the two of them together… after Elizabeth told you what he’d been doing to her.”
Our hands were still clasped together. I felt a tremor pass through him. He glanced at me reluctantly.
“Evan?”
“We had a blowout. I hit him. Hard. He went down. It felt fantastic, Anna,” he admitted with a quiet, terrible intensity. “I wanted to do more.”
“Did you?”
“No. I regret it. Sometimes. Noah managed to pick himself up off the floor.”
“Did he admit to his abuse of Elizabeth?”
His mouth slanted angrily in memory. “Yes, essentially, although he didn’t consider it abuse, of course. For a narcissistic sociopath like Noah, there’s always a good defense for his behavior, even when the behavior is utterly indefensible. It was an ugly war of words between us after that. I won’t go into all the details, except to say that Noah took off his mask during our confrontation. I threatened him with public exposure. He threatened me with sabotaging Elizabeth’s treatment and separating us, and eliminating what he considered to be my unhealthy influence over her once and for all.”
“How did he plan to do that?”
“He claimed he had the power to do it, just by speaking to her. One phone call to the hospital. A brief visit after she was discharged. Not only that. He insinuated that if Elizabeth ever revealed his abuse, if she turned on him and went to the police, he would stop her. End her.”
I stilled. “He admitted to you he would kill her if she told the truth?”
“Not in those words. I’m telling you just what he said. He said he’d end her. It was the look in his eyes when he said it that made me think he meant it literally. He wasn’t talking about cutting her off from her trust fund, or ruining her reputation socially. He meant end her life. I was afraid he was telling the absolute truth. No… part of me was certain he was. But at that point, I’d only started to realize the depth of his power over Elizabeth.
“So we left things at a standoff for the time being. Elizabeth’s continued stability and the hope of improvement had to be my one goal. Noah wouldn’t try to contact Elizabeth and interfere with her treatment or life as long as I didn’t publicly expose him for what he’d been doing to his daughter for nearly her whole life. I hated having to agree to that, but I didn’t know what else to do to keep her safe.”
Evan lowered his head at that point, his weariness palpable.
“After Noah and I fought,” he said, “and while Elizabeth was still in the hospital, I had the corridor between the twins filled with rock and soil, and the doors sealed.”
“Did Noah know that you’d done it?”
“Yes. It would have been impossible to disguise the construction crew onsite.”
“He didn’t confront you about it?”
Evan lifted his head slowly. “No. Part of me wanted him to. I wanted to finish that fight. But he never did. I just saw him once while the men were working. He was standing on the grounds, watching. You should have seen the look on his face.”
“What was it?” I asked, reaching to brush back his hair.
“Smug contempt. Like the bastard knew something I didn’t.”
He abruptly caught my stroking hand in his. “God, I hate him, Anna,” he said with such fierce intensity, for a split second, I was frightened. But then I felt the trembling in his flesh. It nearly undid me, to experience my strong, virile husband shaking with rage.
“You’re going to go on with this, aren’t you?” I asked him. “You’re going to continue with this vendetta until either Madaster is exposed, or you’re dead.”
“No.” He said it so passionately, that I started back.
“That’s what I’ve started to realize, being here with you. I crave seeing Noah punished for what he’s done. I wanted it so much that it consumed years of my life. I grew bent on revenge. That’s what he does to the people around him. He makes us bent. Twisted.
“When I came up with this plan, I thought there was no way he could harm you, though. But now, given what happened to you yesterday in the sauna, and the rock avalanche on the road… even the fact that those two thugs were here on the property, removing stuff out of the boathouse—likely at Noah’s request—I’m starting to think I’ve overestimated Noah’s vulnerability. I’ve underestimated his potential reach.”
“You think Noah was responsible for those things?”
“I’m not positive. But I can’t take the chance. Let’s leave Les Jumeaux, as soon as we can. When I came home early from San Francisco, that’s what I had in mind. This is what I’ve learned in the past few months, being with you. I hate him. But I love you more, Anna.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. I know I’ve wronged you. I’m sorry for dragging you into this, and that you fou
nd out about the truth from someone other than me. I know you’ll need time and space to sort through all this. But don’t separate us. Please. We’ll go wherever you want. We’ll go to Tiburon. God, I wish I’d listened to you, that day after our wedding, and stayed there with you there. Or we could go to San Francisco if you like… or to Europe… ”
“You would just forget about Noah? About making him pay for what he’s done?”
“If it would help.”
My fingers tightened in his hair. “Help what?”
“For you to begin to forgive me.”
I exhaled shakily, tears stinging my eyes. I’d reached a wall again. I was pressed against it so tight, I couldn’t fill my lungs. I wasn’t sure about anything. Evan. My feelings. My future.
The only thing I knew for certain was my pain. Our pain. Evan and I were co-sufferers in that moment.
I reached for him, my hands under his elbows, urging him to stand. He rose slowly. Our stares locked as he looked down at me.
“Come to bed,” I said through a raw throat. “You’re exhausted, and so am I. We’ll see how we feel in the morning.”
“Anna—”
I shook my head, cutting him off. I pulled on his hand and scooted back on the mattress. I put out my hands for him.
“I can’t believe you did this to me. I’m furious at you, Evan.”
“I know, I wish I could—”
“No more talking. I can’t absorb anymore right now. I can’t decide anything. The only thing I know for certain is that we’re both hurting. Come to bed,” I repeated softly.
He stood there for several seconds, just looking at me. Then he came down on the mattress and took me into his arms.
I let him.
We held each other tight throughout the night, our embrace our only ward against a world of bitterness, uncertainty, and loss. We were alike in that way, Evan and I.
Neither one of us could bear to see our spouse in pain.