by Bella Baird
Alice pushed through her sick feeling and made her way through the tight hall into the living room. Her dad lay on the couch, looking not at all the way she imagined. In her memory, he was a muscular guy with a thick beard and fuzzy eyebrows. Now, she witnessed a slender man completely without hair on his head or face. Instead of looking older, he looked like he’d aged backwards, so fragile and smooth-headed. A lump formed in her throat, unwilling to be swallowed down. Alice watched for the rise and fall of his chest, but she didn’t see any. He wasn’t breathing.
“Dad!” Alice screamed as she ran to his side.
Jacob popped up automatically with a loud snort, shouting, “What? Huh?”
He looked around the room rapidly, evidently confused. His eyes connected to Alice and Karen, squinting heavily as he smiled at them both. Alice’s heart bashed against her ribcage still, although she felt relieved that she hadn’t just discovered her father’s corpse.
“Allie!” he shouted, reaching his arms out while still sitting half slumped over.
“Hey, Dad. I guess you’ve finally started living the bachelor life,” Alice joked with him as she bent down to hug him tightly.
He chuckled and said, “Right! That’s me! Actually, I’ve just been too exhausted to clean up.”
“Wait a minute. Don’t make excuses,” Karen joined in. “I offered to clean for you, but you refused to let me.”
“You’re not a maid, Karen. I’ll get to it when I have energy,” Jacob said, still glowing from Alice’s hug.
“At least let me hire a real maid for you, then. Would that be okay?” Karen asked.
“Yeah, I guess that would be fine.”
“Good,” Karen said, calming down a little before getting visibly upset again.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I called you to let you know we were coming twenty minutes ago, and then you fell asleep? What did I tell you about not using your sleep apnea mask? You weren’t breathing when we came in. You almost scared Alice to tears!” Karen sounded disappointed and worried.
“I’m sorry. I was just so tired…” he trailed off.
“Well, it’s okay,” Alice’s mother replied softly, her eyes getting misty. “Just try to remember next time. I don’t want you to have heart failure or any other issues. You’ve got enough. I just worry. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know,” Jacob looked apologetic. “So, I hear you already graduated!”
“Yep, in the spring!” Alice said, happy to have the conversation veer towards lighter talk.
“How’s that working out?”
“Great! I finally got a design job, and it pays very well. Maybe I should be the one hiring a maid for you,” Alice bragged.
“No, no! Save your money,” he demanded. “Don’t waste anything on this guy. New York is an expensive city, and I want you to have an emergency fund with some extra cash.”
She laughed, “Trust me, I have plenty in the bank right now. Beyond my bills, I’m sort of a tightwad. I spend almost nothing. If I keep this up, I’ll have my retirement fund in two years.”
“See, now that’s a fantastic goal.”
They continued with the small talk for another hour or so, with Karen mostly sitting on the sidelines of their conversation. She seemed to be watching Alice and Jacob reunite, a relaxed smile replacing her anxious look from earlier. Now and then, Karen would allow herself to laugh at something ridiculous her ex-husband said. Alice enjoyed seeing that. It brought her back to all the times her parents used to play around and lightheartedly tease each other.
“Can you give us a while, Karen? I want to talk to Alice for a bit,” her dad said suddenly.
“Oh…okay,” she responded, looking like she would cry as she walked to the front door.
His eyes showed a new intensity, and he watched Karen carefully until she closed the door behind her.
“Let’s get real now,” he said seriously. “Have you noticed a change in her?”
“I really have, Dad. She’s like a new person. In the few days I spent with her recently, Mom’s shown sides of herself I thought I’d never see. It feels like we’re family again.”
“That’s what I thought,” he sat up slowly, adjusting to discomfort. “I just wanted to confirm it with you. I had to be sure that she wasn’t treating me differently only because of my sickness.”
“No, I think this is the real thing. Based on what she said, this change has been brewing up for a long time,” Alice frowned deeply. “I’m a little ashamed of myself now.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because the last time I talked to her before all of this, I called her to brag about my new job and how much I’m making. I wanted to make her pay for all the times she said I shouldn’t go to college or get an art degree. She was pretty silent the whole time. I took it as jealousy, but I think I must have offended her.”
“I bet she’s not even bothered by it now,” Jacob rubbed her shoulders.
“Yeah…”
“I’m debating if I should tell her I still have feelings for her,” he stated, looking at the carpet. “Once you love someone, it never really goes away. It gets clouded by everyday life, bills, family issues, mood swings, and whatever else you can think of. The distance made me realize that. I’ve missed her since the day I moved out. Though our relationship got to a very toxic point, it’s not entirely her fault. There are so many things I could have done better. I could have helped her more with you. I could have cleaned up my messes. We were so young, we didn’t realize we needed to value each other and help each other out instead of blaming the other person for hard times. I wish I could go back and stop myself from getting that divorce.”
Utterly astonished, Alice said, “If that’s how you see it, why are you still debating? Tell her!”
“It’s not as easy as it seems. There’s never a good time to bring it up. I’m terrified, too.”
“Of what?” Alice asked.
“That I’ll scare her away. She’s been so helpful and supportive since I came to her. I don’t want your mom to distance herself again,” he ran a hand over his shiny head.
“Trust me when I say this: you should tell her now. I’d hate it if you didn’t get the chance,” she tried not to reveal what Karen told her last weekend.
“Yeah, why not? What do I really have to lose?”
“Nothing at all,” Alice showed him a big smile.
“Bring her in here. She looked like she was ready to have a breakdown when I asked for privacy,” Jacob cackled.
Alice went to the front porch to retrieve Karen, and they both hurried back inside to sit across from Jacob.
“I hate to see you leave, but I’m feeling nauseated again. I might puke in the next few minutes. The last thing I want is for you to see me do it,” he said. “But I want to see you again soon, Alice.”
“You will! I promise.”
“All right! Hey, Karen. Can you help me make some sense of these pills? It’s almost time for me to take them. I hate how many pills they give me,” he said.
“Okay!” Karen turned around and handed her car keys to Alice. “Go ahead and start the car for me. Get it nice and warm. I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Sure,” she said. “Bye, Dad. I love you!”
“I love you, too.”
At that point, Alice saw both of them staring anxiously at her. Karen gave a nod, and Jacob winked suspiciously. They’re both going to have the talk now! She quickly turned and hustled to the car, her heart racing. Alice had some difficulty keeping a mad giggle from escaping, but she managed to get outside before it came out. This couldn’t have worked out better if I planned it. The wait in the car lasted much more than a minute. Fifteen minutes passed before she saw her mom opening the front door, but Alice knew the wait was worth it. Her mom bounded over to the car and hopped in, a look of satisfaction dancing on her face.
Alice rested her chin in her hand as she leaned against the door, giving her mom the most devilish grin and
sideways stare.
“What?” Karen cracked up when she saw her daughter’s look.
“You guys…” Alice said in a cartoonish voice.
“Oh, stop!” Karen said, unable to contain her smile. “Yes, we talked about our feelings.”
“Mom, you don’t even know what this is like for me. I feel like a kid again! Most children of divorced parents can only dream about their parents getting back together. When’s the second wedding?”
“Hey, now. Don’t get ahead of yourself! We still have the cancer to worry about. If he goes into remission, then we’ll talk. That’s if he doesn’t go to sleep without his friggin’ mask again and stop breathing for good! For now, I’ll just be by his side.”
They spent the drive back to Karen’s house talking feverishly, although Alice did most of it. She’d been waiting for something good to happen in the last couple of months, and finally she had something to look forward to after all the dust settled.
The apartment had gotten way out of hand in the last couple of weeks. Dirty clothes lay strewn all over the floor, along with many other items. Dishes filled the sink to the top and spilled over onto the tiny counters. All surfaces needed a good wipe down to get rid of food or dust. Normally, Alice kept her apartment clean and organized, but she lacked the energy to do any cleaning after work. The weekends were her usual cleaning days, but she’d spend the last two at her mom’s house to visit her dad and help him with chores. Jacob finally agreed to let Karen and Alice clean his house, and they were to save up the “maid money” to get the unsafe porch fixed. She’d done most of the outside work, which included: mowing the lawn, sweeping dirt off of the porch, clearing the gutters, knocking loose debris off of the roof, painting most of the exterior of the house, and various other tasks. Her will to tidy up had entirely vanished when she got home from doing all that.
Now, her father’s house practically sparkled. Karen couldn’t totally vanquish the musty smell, but she’d brought it down to acceptable levels. Alice hypothesized that the improved environment would make her dad’s energy and recovery improve, with which Karen agreed. It was so uplifting to see her parents getting along and laughing together. She could just barely remember the last time they looked happy together. She wondered if her dad was right about people never truly falling out of love. If that’s the case, maybe Trent and I could still have a chance later. Neither of us said we didn’t love each other. It was only the circumstances that kept our reunion from ending positively. Would he still give me a second thought after I left him the way I did? After I ran from him that night at the club?
One negative consequence of being around two people rediscovering their feelings was that it made Alice lovesick. It still beat the way her life was more than a month ago. Nothing else compared to that stress. Not even her father’s illness. She wasn’t downplaying the significance of his cancer, but she sincerely believed that he’d survive. He was a tough guy, and he had the two most important women in his life to support him. She and her mom agreed that his overall appearance had improved by a lot.
Alice gathered her clothes into two laundry bags to carry down to the machines in the basement. They quickly became overstuffed due to her failure to remember which parts of her “floordrobe” were dirty or clean. She took everything without discrimination. A series of knocks sounded from her door just as she got to the last articles of clothing to stuff. Who could that be? I don’t have any texts or calls. Dropping the current bag, she shuffled lazily to the door. I hope it’s not some crazy person like the other time I got an unexpected knock. When she arrived at the door, she looked into the peephole. The image was extremely fuzzy, so it was difficult to tell who stood out there. Another three raps came before she could undo the lock.
“Hold on a second,” she said.
She pulled open the door just a little to peek out, and gasped in surprise. In front of her stood Trent, looking deeply into her eyes.
Chapter 3
Alice dropped her hand from the door and let it finish swinging open by itself. She stood utterly stunned into silence and inaction. After the shock of seeing him before her wore off, she finally took stock of his physical state. He stood in front of her, so tall and imposing, yet seeming so slight and broken at the same time. His dark-circled and red-rimmed eyes told of someone who had lost plenty of sleep. Trent looked as if he could break down crying at any moment, his lips quivering and his shoulders sagging low. The wrinkled clothes and unkempt hair added gravity to his appearance. All she desired was to pull him in and comfort him, saying that each time she left him was a huge mistake. Alice couldn’t bear to see him looking like that, especially knowing that she was the cause of his suffering.
“How did you know where to find me?” she asked.
“I couldn’t wait anymore,” Trent said delicately. “I looked up your address in your employee file.”
“Isn’t that a little unethical?” Alice questioned, although she didn’t really mind. His presence there felt right, as unexpected as it happened to be. She stepped closer without thinking.
“Very. I’m sorry. This is the only way I knew I could get you alone to talk. Unlike all the other times, I wanted us to be in a safer environment. Somewhere we wouldn’t get disturbed or spied on,” he rationalized. “Anyway, it’s only been a month since I saw you, but it was still too long. I thought what I needed was time and space, but this is killing me. I should’ve felt like I could move on, or like I would start resenting you and being glad we never got together again. I realize now that I can never move on, and I can never hate you. I love you, and no one else is going to make me feel the way I do about you. You’re the one I want. Please give me another chance. That’s all I’m asking.”
In an instant, she thought about her parents and the time they spent apart, regretting every year away from each other. Here, she had the man she loved begging to be back in her life, and she didn’t want to let his love and warmth pass by her. Without saying a word, Alice gave in and threw her arms around him and gripped like she would fall if she let go. She kissed his neck and cheek before burying her head into his shoulder. Then she pulled back to look at him again through tear-filled eyes. Alice took his hand in hers and held it close. She’d almost forgotten how good it felt to be near him and to be able to touch him. Since the second she walked out of his office the last time, Alice had longed for that closeness.
Alice said, “I thought trying to move on would help, too. It did, in some ways, but the pain was too much. The only thing that’s happened in the last month was that I started feeling better about myself as a person. I knew that I couldn’t love you, or anyone, if I didn’t love myself. Now that I’m getting over what I did, my feelings for you started intensifying. Even though we work in the same building, it was like I was miles away from you. I couldn’t take it. I should’ve known that in the end, it wouldn’t matter how much I resisted you. We weren’t meant to be apart in the first place.”
Trent’s face brightened, and he asked, “So, we’re finally getting to be with each other again?”
“Yes, but we should take things slowly this time. You have to remember; it’s been years since we were in a relationship last. It doesn’t seem like you’ve changed much as a person, but I can’t make that judgment until we get to know each other again. We can’t jump into this and expect it to work. I loved who you were back then, and I want to find out who you really are now,” Alice replied. “We can go from there, if we think it’s right.”
“We’ll start dating, then. I’ll take you out, you’ll take me out, and we’ll find out more about each other’s lives.”
“It’s a good start. Only then we’ll know for sure…but I already have a feeling that things are going to work out better than ever,” she said. “I just can’t believe you’re here again.”
“Me either, but I’m glad I came. Why don’t we go on a date tomorrow night? At…5 o’clock. I’ll pick you up. I can take you to one of my favorite spo
ts in the city.”
“That sounds great!” the excitement crept into her voice.
“I have to go home now. I really need to freshen up and catch up on a lot of sleep, but I’ll see you then,” he said as he walked backward.
“Wait!”
Alice pulled him in close before he could take his hand away and pressed her lips against his. He put his free hand on her hip while he committed to the kiss, and they both stayed there for a few minutes. Her heart leapt in her chest and beat excitedly at the heat of his lips on hers and the feel of their tongues connecting. Alice’s pent up desires almost overtook her. She ground her body against his and kissed him more strongly, which he also did in response. She wanted to take him into her apartment to undress him and hold him. No. That’s too much, too soon. We need to start completely over. I can’t let my urges get the best of me. It might hinder the process we need to go through to get to know each other.
Alice slowly withdrew her mouth and brought her hands back to his. She gently pulled away and looked at him to find a dreamy sort of smile plastered on his face. He looked like he would fall over from exhaustion and contentment any second, so Alice figured it would be a good time to send him home to relax and get some obviously needed rest.
She sighed loudly before saying, “Okay! Whew! Slow…take things slow.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I just missed you. I couldn’t help it.”
“No, it was my fault. You may see more of that if our date tomorrow goes well,” Alice teased.
“May? So that’s how it is. I guess I’ll have to work extra hard to impress you. I have a lot to look forward to if I do,” Trent played along. “I should actually go now. I can’t wait to see you again.”