“Do you want us to come with you?” Rhiannon asked.
I shook my head. “Nah. Unless you’re afraid I’m not going through with it.” I gave her a long look, challenging her to call me a liar. Of course, Rhia wouldn’t, but I was feeling under the gun and really itching for a place to lash out.
She gazed at me softly, then touched my arm. “Come with me.”
I followed her into the parlor. “What?”
“Cicely, I know you think we’re against you but we’re not. Leo’s being an ass, and I am so sorry for the crap he’s given you—if you want, I’ll put him out. But we all want the same things: Myst dead, the town free, Grieve home safe. And”—she lowered her voice—“my mother . . . I want her to rest. For good. I can’t stand the thought that Myst turned her into a vampire.”
I hung my head, trying to swim up through the depths of depression. Everything was so fucked up that I couldn’t see the bottom from where I was standing. Enfolding my cousin in my arms, I patted her back and kissed her hair.
“I’d give anything—even Grieve—to be able to give you your mother back again. Remember: I loved her, too. She was the only steadying force I ever knew in my life, aside from Ulean. Please, never think I’m angry at you. I hold my anger for those who deserve it. Myst—Lannan . . . even Leo. Right now, I could take them all out. Well, maybe not Leo, but I’d like to give him a bruised butt. But you . . . chica, we’re family. We’re twin cousins—remember?”
She smiled then, tears in her eyes. “I remember when we were young. How much fun we had. Life seemed so full of promise, until Krystal took you away. After that, I still had fun, but there was always something missing. And that missing piece was you. Cicely, we’re solstice babies; I’m the light, you’re the dark. We balance each other out.”
I nodded. “Wipe your eyes. Get some dinner. I’ll be back later. We’ll see what Anadey can do.”
As I let go of her and moved to the door, she clasped my hand. “I know this is hard for you—”
“The hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
With that, she let go and I headed over to Anadey’s, to see if she could release me from something I’d give anything not to let go of.
Anadey was wearing a long black robe when she opened the door, and she looked as tired as I felt. She stood back and I entered the house. Peyton was in the corner, curled up with a book, and waved when she saw me.
“Are you sure you’re up for this, so soon after . . . what happened at the diner?” The last thing I wanted was to cause Anadey more pain.
“It will help me take my mind off today.” Her voice was grave. She motioned for me to sit down. “Tell me everything.”
I did, including our plan to rescue Grieve and hide him in a safe house. Anadey said nothing while I spoke, just blinked her way through what I had to say. After I finished, I sat back, waiting.
“I think I can help you. In fact, it won’t be that difficult. But you have to trust me. Do you trust me, Cicely?” She gazed at me with those brilliant eyes of hers. Anadey: the daughter of the most powerful witch who had ever lived in New Forest. Anadey: Peyton’s mother. Anadey: one of our only allies. And I was about to put myself in her hands, to let her work her magic on me.
I paused, holding her gaze. After a moment, I slowly nodded. “I trust you.”
“Then go into the bathroom and bathe—I’ve set up a ritual bath for you. After you finish, return, naked. Peyton—you must leave. You shouldn’t be in the house while we’re working. Be careful, though—the Shadow Hunters could be anywhere.” She gave her daughter a long look.
Peyton bit her lip, then turned to me. “Are you sure you want to do this, Cicely? Think about it . . .”
“Don’t you trust me to treat your friend right?” Anadey turned to Peyton. “After all we’ve been through, do you doubt my word? Is that your father’s doing? Did he lie about me to you in that letter he sent?” She sounded bitter.
“No, damn it! I just want to be sure Cicely realizes what she’s doing. This has nothing to do with you—or my father!” Peyton grabbed her jacket, then turned back to me. “Give the word and I’m out of here. I will support whatever you choose to do, but I want to hear it from your own lips. I just have a bad feeling about it.”
I gave her a faint smile. “I love you, too, Peyton. And thanks—for caring. But I have to do this. If I don’t, I put everybody I love in danger.”
She nodded. “That’s all I needed to hear. I’ll see you later, lady.” To her mother, she glowered, but said, “I’ll be careful. You better be, too.”
When we were alone, Anadey let out a long sigh. “I wish she’d quit blaming me for being angry about her father. He’s a sleaze and a drunk. He ran out on us, leaving me to cope with a young girl, and never once checked in to see how she was doing. Never once did he send support for her—I had to fend for the both of us on my own. And now he wants back in her life? I’m convinced he’ll try to take her away from me.”
I lightly put my hand on the older woman’s arm. “Don’t do this to yourself. You know Peyton adores you—she loves you so much. How can you believe that someone who’s a relative stranger could come in and destroy your relationship with her that easily?”
She wavered, and I could see she was thinking about what I’d said, but then she shook her head. “It’s just too dangerous . . . I can’t chance it . . .”
“Chance what?”
“Never mind.” Her smile returned and she pointed toward the bathroom. “Here, drink this. It will put you in the right mood. Go immerse yourself in the bath and clean with the soap I put there. Then return here, naked.”
I downed the drink—it tasted like apple juice—and then excused myself and went into the bathroom. The walls were soft rose-petal pink, and the bathtub and fixtures were painted porcelain. The tub was filled with steaming water and a froth of bubbles that immediately calmed me down. As I stripped down and slowly lowered myself into the water, the heat seeped through my muscles and I leaned back, letting the magic of the herbs work their wonders.
All my angst and worry seemed to drift away, out of my muscles, out of my heart, and I relaxed for the first time in days. The blood fever felt like it had worked its way out of my system, and I slowly bathed with the soap that Anadey had left. It was a golden brown, and as I smelled it, I recognized honey and oatmeal, valerian and comfrey, lavender and newly mown grass. I lathered up and then, holding my breath and closing my eyes, slid beneath the surface, letting the water cover my head before breaking through again. I gasped, then wiped my eyes on a hand towel.
Cicely, something doesn’t feel right.
Ulean? I didn’t know you’d come with me.
I think you need to get out of here right now.
I bit my lip, wavering. What do you sense? Is there anything riding the slipstream?
A pause, then: No. But I just have an uneasy prescience about this. Please, leave. Go home.
Wondering what was up, I slowly emerged from the tub and wiped off. As I draped my pendant over my head, I began to notice that I was feeling lightheaded. I sat down on the bench to the side of the vanity and tried to collect my thoughts.
Ulean, I don’t feel well—I’m feeling woozy.
Cicely, get out of here. Now!
I stumbled up and tried to gather my clothing but kept dropping pieces. Finally, I tried to shove myself into my jeans but couldn’t manage the legs. I threw on my jacket, ignoring my bra and top, which were somewhere on the floor. As I opened the door and staggered out, Anadey was there to meet me.
“Anadey—something’s wrong. I don’t feel so good. I think I’d better go home.”
“Nothing’s wrong, Cicely. I just had to make certain you were relaxed. This is a delicate spell. Now, take off your jacket and let’s get on with the casting. We don’t have all day.”
Everything seemed terribly normal, but when I stared into Anadey’s eyes, I saw a flickering light that I didn’t like. It was the light of betrayal. I pus
hed past her, attempting to make my way to the door, but once again I stumbled, and this time she grabbed me by the arm and jerked me back. She was horribly strong against my drugged state.
Off balance, I crashed to the floor. The room was spinning now, and I was blinking, trying to clear my sight, which had gone blurry. “What did you do to me, Anadey? What did you put in the drink?”
She tugged my jacket off me and then, grabbing me beneath both arms, half-lifted, half-dragged me into a circle of salt and herbs that she’d laid out in the middle of the living room floor. When we reached the center, she dropped me onto the floor, then stepped out of the circle and whispered a few words.
I forced myself to my hands and knees, crawling slowly across the twisting floor, to the edge of the salt. But try as I might, I couldn’t force myself to cross the barrier. I tried to scatter the salt, but my hand met an invisible force field as it neared the edge of the circle.
“You might as well quit trying,” Anadey said, glancing down at me. “The drink I gave you will last through the ritual. I’m sorry, Cicely, but I cannot chance having my fucking ex come here and take away my daughter. He tried, you know, once before. He tried to kidnap her when she was still young, and I stopped him. He still bears the scars of that lightning bolt. But now he’s gained powerful allies, and I have been offered a choice. I won’t lose her.”
I forced my gaze up to meet hers and saw stark fear emblazoned across her face. “Anadey—what are you doing? Are you going to kill me? Hand me over to Myst?”
She stopped, her eyes wide. “Oh no, my dear. I’d never do that to you—please, don’t think I mean to hurt you. I’m just going through with the spell we agreed on, with a twist. I’m going to take away your love for Grieve. Forever.”
As she lightly stepped in the circle again, I tried to catch her by the hem of her robe, to trip her up, but it didn’t work, and I let out a little cry.
“You can’t break the connection—you’ll kill us both.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, kneeling down. She stretched my arms and legs out, tying me to four pegs that she’d hammered into tiny holes in the floor. After that, she began to draw on me with a brush dipped in red ink. Dragon’s Blood ink. I shivered as the bristles tickled their way over my skin.
“It’s true, Anadey. Please, believe me. Talk to Chatter—”
“He’d just make up a story. He misses his friend. No, we have to go through with this and then you and your cousin will be safe, and so will my Peyton. It will work out best for everybody.”
“What are you doing to me?” I whispered, my voice falling mute even as she drew. “Peyton—does Peyton know what you’re planning?”
“No, she doesn’t, and I’m doing what I was told. This is the only way I can ever ensure that Rex won’t get his hands on Peyton. You have to trust me, Cicely—please trust me. I won’t hurt you, I promise. I would never hurt you.”
But even as she continued to emblazon the symbols across my body, I knew that what she was doing would hurt me far worse than any beating I would ever endure.
Ulean, Ulean, help me. Can’t you please help me?
But no answer came. Ulean couldn’t hear me—or I couldn’t hear her.
“Just a little more, and then I can begin the ritual.” Anadey stood, and, eyeing me, gave a little nod. “Done.”
As she stepped out of the circle, I felt a rush of energy surround me, and for the first time in a long while, I felt totally isolated. There was no one here to help me. I focused on my wolf, calling to Grieve, but he was nowhere to be sensed. Truly alone. I am truly alone.
Anadey waved her hands as she began to circle the ring of salt. A faint bluish mist seeped out from her fingers and drifted lazily into the circle with me, filling my lungs with the scent of ocean waves and salt brine.
Water to water, wave to wave,
Love built through time, I seek to stave.
A flush of energy rushed over me and I was breathing water, choking on the liquid as it rushed through my body, cleansing me fully, seeking all corners of my heart and soul, looking for inroads to fill me full with its briny depths. I began to cry as it dislodged feelings and thoughts and began to buoy them up on its ever-encroaching currents.
“Anadey—stop—you’re stealing my memories!” I tried to scream, but my words were so many bubbles floating up to the surface of the flood that flowed through me.
Anadey returned to the beginning of the circle and began a second sweep.
Earth to earth, stone to stone,
Sever connections that have been sown.
The mist turned to green, and as it flowed into the circle, it felt like a landslide, rumbling. And then I was looking up as a billowing cloud of mud and rock towered over me. I gasped but there was no air to breathe, only the deep gases of the earth, only the dust and soot-laden clouds that swept around me. As the energy began to seep through me, it uprooted connections and bonds, and I felt numb. Empty, and so truly alone.
Anadey returned to the beginning of the circle, to commence a third sweep.
Fire to fire, flame to flame,
This questing love, the sparks shall tame.
Crimson . . . the mist was a crimson cloud and smelled of bonfires and graves, and hearth fires. It burned as it neared, chafing my skin, and brought with it the crackle of embers. And it ate—gobbling up the will of my heart, the love I felt inside, my desire to be with Grieve. As I felt my need for him seeping out of me, I opened my mouth to cry out but there were no words. My lips were silent.
Anadey paused, staring down at me. I looked at her, pleading. After a moment, tears in her eyes, she began her final sweep.
Air to air, gale to gale,
Travel now, beyond the pale.
As the mist faded into white, I felt myself melting, as a rush of air buoyed me up, and then—a sudden jolt and I was gloriously free, rising up in owl form to hover near the top of the ceiling. Anadey gasped, and the mist began to retreat.
“Cicely—get down here! You can’t break the spell, not this way—it will backfire in hideous ways if you don’t allow me to finish it.”
But I didn’t give a fuck what she was saying. As far as I knew, Anadey was my enemy, as surely as Myst. Even more so than Lannan.
At that moment, Peyton broke through the door.
“Cicely! What’s going on! Mother, what the fuck are you doing?” She gasped. “What’s all this?”
She’d no sooner spoken than I took a chance and dove for the door, winging my way out and up into the sky, and then headed for home, free and wondering just what the hell Anadey had done to me.
Chapter 16
I flew into the night sky, winging my way into the heavens as Anadey and Peyton shouted from below—Anadey yelling at me, while Peyton was shaking her mother’s shoulders. No way was I going back and chancing getting caught by Anadey again. Shaken, confused from the drugs and the spell, I headed in the direction I thought was home, terrified I’d transform midflight and go tumbling to the ground.
As I soared over the streets, my head began to clear and all of a sudden, I could hear Ulean. She was riding the currents beside me.
Cicely, Cicely? Can you hear me yet?
Ulean! Oh, Ulean, help me. I’m so confused and not sure where I’m going.
Keep on in this direction and I’ll get you help.
And then, her presence was gone. I focused as best as I could, following the breeze as it carried me aloft. The night was chill, but no snow was falling and the clouds parted to allow the moon to shine through. What was I going to do? She could have killed me. She could have killed both Grieve and me if she’d succeeded with her spell. But how much damage had she done?
And then it hit me. I thought about Grieve, and my heart didn’t skip a beat. I thought about my love, and realized that I felt numb. I tried to summon my wolf, but in owl form I couldn’t connect with it. Thoroughly defeated and afraid, all I could do was keep flying.
At that moment, anot
her owl came gliding in from behind me. The great horned owl. Ulean was riding the slipstream along beside his wing.
Help me—something’s happened to me and I don’t know what.
Follow me. His thoughts came through clear and he turned, heading toward Dovetail Lake. I turned on my wing, following him, able to take direction better than make my own decisions at this point.
We flew under the moon until we reached the lake. A shimmer resonated through the night and the great horned owl flew into the light. It glimmered like summer, like warm leaves and dusky dreams, and a steady breeze that carried roses and night-blooming honeysuckle soothed my senses. I followed the owl through the portal and blinked as the land beneath us opened up, with rich grass untouched by snow, and lakeshore waters lapping gently.
The owl slowly spiraled down to land on a low branch near Lainule’s throne, and I followed suit. I’d never been in the realm of Summer while in owl form and now, every breath, every sound, every movement was magnified.
A moment later, the Queen of Rivers and Rushes appeared, dressed in gossamer white. She steadily approached the throne and looked up at the two of us. After a moment, she let out a long sigh and slowly inclined her head.
“Cicely, take form.”
I flew to the ground, and then, trying to focus through the fear, I shifted back into myself, naked and cold and shivering. As I stood, I found I wasn’t ashamed or even embarrassed—I was too worried and miserable to care about what I was wearing. Or not wearing.
Lainule considered me for a moment, then removed her own cloak from her shoulders and gently wrapped me in it. The thin shawl was surprisingly warm, and my breath slowed as I began to let go of my immediate fear. She nodded to the great horned owl and he flew to the ground. A moment later, I was staring up at a gorgeous man with jet-black hair. He wore clothes, so he must be full Cambyra Fae—but his clothing matched the shimmer of Lainule’s own gown and as I gazed at him, I realized that this was no ordinary Fae.
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