Now they were on the couch, listening to Jase talk about the foundation, which outside of the kids, Slate’s twins, and his soon-to-be-wife, was maybe his favorite topic. He explained the origin, what was behind the idea, about how he had a coach when he was working towards the pros who had done so much more than the already hard job of coaching. The meaning of the foundation shone from him like a spotlight, the love of giving that had been drilled into him alongside his hockey skills.
Coach Patterson had opened his home to the boys on his juniors team, having them over for meals and movies, checking up on them frequently to make sure their host families were doing right. With every action, he modeled what a good coach did, what a man should be. He mentored them on how to be an honorable man first, a principled sportsman second, and a competitive athlete last.
When his former coach passed away, creating the foundation gave Jase a way to pay homage to the man in a tangible way, and also left him able to keep a foot in his beloved sport of hockey when he retired.
Jase and Hope talked equipment and Hoss was impressed, because as Sammy had told him, she knew her shit pretty well. It sounded like what Jase was offering would be everything needed for the practices and games, and as the discussion wound down, the tension was gradually leaving her body. He hadn’t been aware she was holding her worry so close, the fear things wouldn’t be as advertised, but when it was all gone, the difference was palpable. She leaned into him, tucking herself into his side and relaxing, resting her arm on his leg, fingers drawing those lazy circles on the knee of his jeans.
Softly kissing the side of her head, he asked her, “You work in the morning, baby?” She nodded distractedly, eyes on DeeDee, who was explaining something about the team mom’s responsibilities she was currently taking care of. He shook her then said, “Hope, baby. If you work early, we need to go soon.” She looked up at him, smiling, and he captured her mouth with his, kissing her hard and deep, stroking into her mouth possessively, pulling back with a scarcely stifled groan. Mine. Turning his head, he called, “Sammy, get your things together, son. We need to get your momma home.”
***
Sammy stood in the doorway, watching Hoss kiss his mother. He had talked to Jonny late into the night, far past when Miss DeeDee had told them to be asleep, and they had concluded if Hoss wouldn’t go away, then the next thing to try was get close to him. This wouldn’t be hard to do, because Hoss seemed to want to be friends. And, Mom liked him. A lot. Plus, Hoss had never been mean to Mom, except that first night, and he didn’t want that to count, because from the other man’s yelling voice, Sammy thought maybe Hoss had been worried more than anything.
He heard Hoss call his name, caught his gaze across the room and responded with a nod, but that was all he could do, because of what Hoss said. He called me son, he thought and his throat got tight like he was going to sick up. The night before last, he hadn’t really been sick, so maybe this was his payback for lying to Luce. My own Daddy didn’t want me, but Hoss called me son.
Let me bring you home
“This is perfect,” Mercy said with a broad, happy smile, while Hope sat and stared at her in disbelief. “Seriously. Deke is on his way over right now. He wants me to move in with him today, which means we can shift your stuff into my room and give Sammy his own bedroom. His own space.”
Hope nodded slowly, mentally tearing up the lists she had made for school supplies and clothes for Sammy. She knew how much this apartment cost, and she could swing it…barely. She also knew if she took on the rent and all the utilities by herself, then once again there would be no room for error.
A panic began to build in her chest and she desperately wanted to talk to Hoss, but he had been gone for nearly two weeks with no word. After the day and night they spent together at his house, she believed they were beginning something…a relationship. But, then he was gone. After dinner at DeeDee and Jase’s, he dropped Sam and her at the apartment, barely coming in to say goodbye before walking out. Then, nothing. No calls, no texts. No responses to her attempts at communication. Nothing. Two days in, she had cried herself to sleep, broken at the loss of that promise she thought they had been building together.
All she had gotten from Mercy were sympathetic glances, not even a reassurance her pain would pass, so she hid her tears as best she could. Even now, roughly two weeks out from him walking away, her throat grew tight when she thought about it, because she didn’t know what she—
Shutting down those thoughts, she tried to focus on what Mercy was sharing. “School is all lined up for Sammy, and I can still watch him any time at all. Deke’s place is actually closer to the diner, and you can drop him off with me before going to work.” Mercy looked down at her hands, clasped on her knees, happy promises written in every line of her body. “Everything will work out great.”
“You know, with everything going on,” Hope said slowly, “I could take this opportunity to reevaluate things. Maybe move, get away from…stuff. I’ll probably find a place Sam and I can move to, as long as it won’t mess with your lease agreement with the club on this apartment.”
Mercy tilted her head and looked at her, sudden uncertainty clouding the joy present on her features. Hope remembered what Hoss had said about Mercy needing her, and rushed to reassure her. “We’d stay in town, Mercy. I can’t lose you, not after finally finding you. But that’s not today, doll face. Today is happiness and rainbows, because I’m so happy for you. Glad Deke finally figured out what he’s been chasing after for so long is you.”
With a quick return of her smile, Mercy tucked her chin down and nodded, whispering, “Me, too.”
The two sisters were silent for a minute, and then Hope drew a deep breath and clapped her hands. “Packing,” she announced with a brisk nod. “We have to pack. He’s already on his way and you’ll need to take some clothes with you tonight, we can get boxes from the grocery store for the rest of your things.” The furniture in the apartment all belonged to the club, which meant it would need to be returned but she wouldn’t have to worry about selling or storing it at least. “We’ll talk every day, and see each other all the time, right?” Mercy nodded, offering her a happy smile as they rose from the couch.
Twenty short minutes later, Hope pressed her back to the inside of the door, feeling the latch thud implacably into place as it closed. Stunned, she stared blindly into the suddenly empty-feeling apartment. Just like that…just that fast, Mercy was gone. From roommates to gone in less than half an hour. They only had a few weeks of knowing each other, but it felt as if there was an enormous hole in her life already.
Mercy had been so thrilled about how things were working out with Deke that Hope had ruthlessly stuffed her own sadness down. She thought she did a good job of concealing it underneath the real feelings of pleasure gained from knowing her sister was happy and smiling, no longer hiding behind a closed and locked door. She was glad Mercy had found her brand of bliss. Pleased Deke had finally recognized the beauty he held in his hands and decided to make a move to keep it there.
Now, Hope simply had to get a plan together. First up, she had to find an apartment she could afford and do it fast. This one belonged to the club and she had no claim there, not anymore. Not with Hoss pulling away and Mercy moving out. The rent here was also about three hundred dollars more than she could honestly afford. It was nearly the end of the month, which meant she had to start looking immediately, fingers crossed she could find something in the same school district quickly. Otherwise, she and Sammy would be back in the car, and the climate here in northern Indiana was less conducive to that than in Birmingham. She realized that once again, she was back on her own, and the feeling was far more frightening now than it had ever seemed before.
She liked it here, loved the town, and it felt like she was developing ties here, building firm friendships with not only Mercy, but also DeeDee and Eddie. Thoughts of leaving flitted through her mind and caused her chest to hurt fiercely, the pain nearly doubling her over. The
idea of losing these fledgling relationships—something she hadn’t known she was missing until she had it, even if Hoss’ silence and absence proved he wasn’t interested—burned. Mentally rifling through the fake pop can where she kept her cash, she ran the numbers in her head, trying to find a way to stay, at least in town, even if not in the apartment that had begun to feel like home. Her safe haven, torn away.
“Mom?” Sammy called to her from across the room and she winced at the uncertainty in his voice. Deke still frightened her, and she had been so caught up in making sure Mercy would be ready before he showed up in his truck that she hadn’t thought about giving Sammy a chance to say goodbye. Shi—crap. It’s not goodbye, she reminded herself. I’ll find a time when Deke’s not home and we can go over and visit Mercy.
“Good news, boychick,” she called gaily, lying through her teeth. “We’re on the hunt for new digs, something we can put our own stamp on, make totally our own.”
“Mommy? Where did Aunt Mercy go?” Even across the space between them, she could see his bottom lip quivering. “I saw you packing her stuff. Did she leave us?”
“You know how she’s been seeing a lot of Mr. Deke, right?” She waited for his head nod. “Well, she’s headed over to his place for now. Not so much leaving us, as moving towards her new boyfriend,” Hope explained, deflecting his question somewhat.
“She’s gone? Just like that? And now we can’t stay here? What did we do? Did you talk to Hoss?” Her head came up and, eyes narrowed, she looked at him. Typically, she knew he would offer Cal up as a solution, but now it was Hoss? Hoss, who hadn’t called or tried to contact her for weeks? Hoss who had offered her what seemed a lot like love, only to yank it back, brutally forcing her to realize she might never know what real love felt like?
She forced herself to pause before responding, shoving down her pain at Hoss’ rejection before answering Sammy. “Bud, we didn’t do anything wrong. And you know how I am about things. We always make our own way,” she reminded him. “I’ll sort things out. Everything’s going to be okay. I’m working good, steady jobs. We have this place for at least another couple of days until your Aunt Mercy comes back for the rest of her stuff. And I promise you, I’ll have something lined up by then.”
“But did you talk to Hoss?” His voice shook with strain when he asked the question this time, and she could see his hands anxiously twisting into the jeans covering his legs. “Did you talk to Hossman?”
Hoss hadn’t returned any of her calls or texts, so even if she wanted to, she couldn’t talk to him. By avoiding her, he had made it painfully clear she had nothing that interested him, her inexperience and baggage had quickly worn thin any attraction she held for him.
This wouldn’t have been a conversation to have over the phone, anyway, even if they were talking. And with how completely he had walked away, she didn’t believe that particular conversation would be happening, ever. She didn’t know why he had shut the door on them, but when lying alone in bed at night, her brain could think of a dozen different reasons, every one of them pointing straight back to her.
“No, bud. Decisions like this are mine, all mine. You are my responsibility, and I’ll sort it out.” Her heart clenched when she saw his lips trembling again, and suddenly her head was pounding, the pain swelling to distracting levels within seconds. She reached up and rubbed her thumb and finger across her forehead. Eyes closed tightly against the light, she was glad he had given up the argument, as she heard his footsteps coming towards her and then retreating towards their bedroom. His bedroom for the next couple of nights. All she could think of was finding a horizontal surface, so she felt her way to Mercy’s bedroom and lay down on top of the comforter. God bless, this hurts, she thought, distractedly hearing Sammy talking.
***
“Mom?” Sammy’s voice held the unmistakable watery signature of tears. She was exhausted, but struggled to open her eyes. Within two days of Mercy moving in with Deke, she had found them new living arrangements. Since then, she had packed and moved their boxes, gone shopping for a couple school outfits for Sammy, and kept up with a work schedule that now included four jobs.
This was their fourth night in the new apartment, and she had gone to sleep curled up on the couch, a gift from one of her new neighbors. Sam was speaking from behind her, which meant he was still on his thin mattress on the floor between the back of the sofa and the wall. A narrow, dark space, but it meant she wouldn’t trip over his bedding, or worry about stepping on him when she had to go to the bathroom. It also put her firmly between him and the door, the direction from which any threats would come. “Mommy?”
Her voice cracked when she asked, “Yeah, bud?” Licking her dry lips, she squinted into the dark room, trying to discern what would have woken him. Pulling her phone from underneath her head, she saw it was three a.m., still an hour and a half before she had to be up to get ready for her shift at the diner.
“Someone’s in the hallway.” He was whispering, and alongside those tears was a broad current of fear, something she hadn’t heard in his voice for weeks. Something she could have gone an extremely long time before hearing in his voice again. “They knocked.”
She sighed and stretched, rolling halfway onto her stomach on the cushions. “It’s no one we know, Sammy. They got the number wrong, just a mistake. Back to sleep, my man.” She spoke with confidence, because she had not yet updated her employment records with anyone. Not at the diner, with Dickie at the trucking company, Dale at Murphy’s Law, nor Jase at the Foundation, where she was helping organize his office. That last one wasn’t a paying job, unless you counted Sammy being able to skate as payment. It made her feel a lot better about accepting the terms Jase had laid down, though, and she thought he understood what it meant for her to give back even a little. Especially since I’m no longer—
Cutting off the thought brutally, she refocused on the quiet in the room, and the hallway beyond the locked door. All of that meant, thus far, no one she knew had been told their new address, which further meant no one even knew they had moved. Not relaxing, head cocked towards the door, she softly reassured Sammy again, “Back to sleep. Morning comes early, bud.”
Within a few minutes, the slow, quiet breathing from behind her meant Sam had chased his dreams back down, leaving her lying awake, eyes directed towards the door, straining to see in the dark. She heard a soft rattle from the doorknob and frowned. That sounded almost like someone trying to get inside.
When the noise didn’t return after several minutes, she relaxed back into the cushions, tugging the blanket up over her jeans, feeling it drag against the fabric covering her legs. She was back to sleeping fully clothed so she could feel ready for anything. Again tonight, she had forced Sammy into pajamas. He had complied, but eyed her jeans and sweatshirt with a scowl, communicating his dislike of the resumption of old habits without saying a word.
She reached up and rubbed her fingertips across her forehead, wishing the constant headache would ease, if only for a moment, but it was unrelenting, even after nearly a week. Hot tears welled in her eyes and she blinked them back, swallowing a sob.
How did we get to this point again so quickly? Her gaze darted around the darkened single-room apartment, memory filling in the details. Water stained ceiling, nicotine-tinted walls, scuffed and chipped tiling on the floor. Everything scrubbed as clean as she could make it, but still tawdry and soiled.
Four walls and a roof, she reminded herself. Not a shelter. Not the car. Better than the alternatives. A place she could afford, and still manage to get Sam the things he needed. Her neighbors seemed decent, and a couple of families had boys about Sam’s age.
Bikers occupied two apartments on the first floor, and even though it was a different club, she felt a strange sense of ease when she would see those men in black leather vests and their friends in the parking lot. Their eyes always on her and Sammy, intently tracking the two of them as they moved from the car to the building, but not in a threatening way.
More curious than anything. Maybe not entirely safe, but not dangerous, either. Friendly as they carried in the sofa, giving her the now-familiar chin lifts in response to her thanks.
It’s not the worst place we’ve lived, she reminded herself, and the thought made tears sting her eyes again. Sammy deserved so much more. In the few weeks they had been with Mercy, he finally had a stable place to call home, and now, no more. No safe havens. The thought skittered through her mind as she forced back another sob.
***
Hoss turned a tight circle in the apartment, mouth open in disbelief, tongue pressed firmly into one cheek. Gone. Hope was fucking gone. All the things she had brought up from Birmingham in her car, everything of hers and Sammy’s, gone. He blew out an angry huff, eyes flicking across the apartment again. Gone.
Walking in the door the night they got home after dinner with Jase and DeeDee, he had gotten an urgent call telling him he needed to go to the clubhouse in Memphis. Club business. So he revised his plans, kissed her goodbye, turned around, and left. The run was supposed to be a single day, and he thought he would be back before she even knew he had left. That day turned into two, which turned into four, which turned into…too many fucking weeks.
A week ago, Deke texted, told him Mercy was moving in with him, which left Hoss pleased. Not only for his brother, who was finally getting his head out of his fucking ass, but also for him, because it meant there was no reason not to move Hope and Sammy in with him.
For the last few days, he had spent every minute of downtime making plans. He talked to Jase about her work, and got Bear to talk to Eddie about school for Sammy. Asked DeeDee to buy stuff and set up one of the spare rooms on the main floor in his house for Sammy. Through interaction with others, he kept track of her to make sure things were good, asking his questions alongside club business to make it easy, because the Memphis club business was fucked and hard, demanding all of his attention.
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