Alexis plopped down on her couch and held in her scream. She wrapped her arms around herself. She wanted someone there who could just be on her side. Sometimes, she felt she was hanging off a cliff. She knew her mother probably meant no harm and was suffering from her own loneliness. Alexis made a silent promise to herself that she would not become like her mother: alone and miserable.
At 2 a.m., still tossing in her sleep, Alexis had an urge. She didn’t know why it had come, but she needed something inside her. She reached for the purple butterfly in her nightstand drawer. She had lied to Diedre about the batteries running out. That never happened. Every year she’d purchase enough to supply her at BJs. She tickled her pussy with the edge of the small device. At an instant, she felt more relaxed and let her mind take her wherever it wanted to. That was the fun part. She had a freakier side to her than she cared to admit. None of her exes had any idea that she would try anything once, loved getting her salad tossed and tossing others, and had a penchant for porn and videotaping herself. She had never been on anyone else’s videotape and had about two with her alone as the star. An image flashed before her of Rasheen slapping her naked ass and making her beg for mercy as he pounded his weight into her. The buzzing sensation of the butterfly on her soft flesh sent quivers down her thighs. She gripped the edge of the bed, breathing through her mouth, about to hit her mark, until—the phone.
“Hello!” Alexis picked it up just to curse the hell out of whoever had the nerve to call so late.
“It’s Rasheen. Sleep?”
Alexis wiped her forehead with her mint green bedsheet. “Sleep?” she said, totally flustered. Am I dreaming? Somehow, she had beckoned Rasheen to come to her. She didn’t know how powerful a person’s thoughts could be sometimes.
“Were you running or something? You sound out of breath,” he asked in his low, syrupy voice.
“Something like that,” Alexis said, throwing herself back on the bed. “I was just doing some early morning push-ups.”
“Yeah, right.” Rasheen laughed; then there were a few moments of silence.
Alexis was still thrown off that he called. His timing couldn’t have been better, she thought. “Rasheen, I don’t know why you called now. But do you wanna come over?” All she kept seeing was her mother’s disapproving face. Alexis squeezed her eyes shut so hard that it hurt. She didn’t want to talk to him too long on the phone because she might change her mind.
“Let me get your address,” he said, his voice cool and knowing. She gave him her details. It wasn’t more than twenty seconds before they hung up. A pang of excitement went through her. She would have never felt comfortable to be that open with any of her exes. She barely knew Rasheen. It had been barely two weeks since they first met. But for once, she wanted to be bad. Diedre’s rundown on men like Rasheen and their bed skills had never left her mind. If it wasn’t going to be tonight, it just wasn’t going to happen with Rasheen.
Thirty minutes later, her bell was buzzing like it was a four-alarm fire. Rasheen must have taken a jet plane from Bed-Stuy to East 112th, she thought.
She wrapped her red, velvet robe around her body and composed herself. A part of her wanted to flee or open the door and play sick. But the more dominant part was ready for whatever.
When she opened the door, Rasheen looked up into her eyes, his dark-skinned face staring her down. He didn’t even say hi.
“Hello, Rasheen. Come in,” Alexis said, watching him glide by. “You made it here fast.”
“Ahh, I got my ways.” He stood by the couch, his baggy jeans sagging around the crotch, his tall, thick body willing and able.
“Can I get you some tea, water, juice—?”
“Come here,” he said, grabbing her by the waist.
Instinctively, she wiggled out of his hold, but not too hard. “You may have called me over here to feed me. But I don’t think you had food in mind,” he whispered in her ear. “And a brother hasn’t eaten in a long time.” He kissed her behind her ears.
“I was just being courteous,” Alexis said nervously.
“I ain’t into games, boo. You feelin’ me, I’m feelin’ you. We both grown. It’s three a.m. What’s good?” He backed away from her, slid his leather jacket off. He wore only a white wifebeater that showed off his massive pecs.
“Uhm—”
“Listen, I know I ain’t your type. But you my type. And if you don’t want this to be any more than some good sex, I’m with that. If you rather not, I’m not going disrespect you in any way.” He sat down.
Alexis respected his straightforwardness. He knew she was more than willing, but played it so that she could still feel like a lady about it. She walked toward him and was about to sit beside him.
“Nah, stay standing,” he said, holding her by her hips, as he stayed seated. He moved his hands slowly from her thighs to the roundness of her ass, engulfing it with both hands. “Damn, you feel so good. What do you have on under this robe?”
Alexis giggled. She felt like a schoolgirl about to be willingly molested. “Nothing much,” she said, slightly opening it.
Rasheen untied her robe and kissed her belly button a few times. Alexis rubbed his back as he continued planting kisses around her waist and sides of her stomach. Her abdominal muscles quivered at his soft, delicate touch. She felt like silk or porcelain in his hands.
Alexis let her robe fall to her knees and slipped off her panties. Now she was completely naked before him. Her body wasn’t perfect, and she felt her stomach pouch and dimpled thighs were on display. But from the look on Rasheen’s face, he was loving her nooks and crannies. He raised one of her legs on the couch with her pussy facing him.
“Just try to stand still,” he said, and turned his tongue into a light feather. Alexis didn’t think she was going to be standing up much longer. He held her leg steady enough for her to balance her weight as he worked on her like a ripe mango. Each time she saw the pink of his tongue and her juices lingering on the edge of his chin, her knees grew weaker. She turned around and bent over.
“Mmm,” he said, caressing her ass. He slapped it hard several times. “How that feel?”
“Ohhhh, real good,” she said at the vibration it brought between her thighs.
He bit her ass firmly, his bites gently stinging her. Then his warm tongue slid into the crevice, tickling down below. She bent over more, and he licked her pussy from the back.
“Ahhh, oh my God,” Alexis moaned out loud. That was one of her favorite positions. He got on his knees, wrapped his arms around her thighs, and buried his mouth all up inside her. Alexis exploded so hard that she fell forward, nearly missing the edge of her coffee table.
He flipped her over, and climbed on top. Somewhere in between he had removed all his clothes. He gazed at Alexis like he did that first night he set eyes on her. This was Alexis’s first real time seeing him up so close. His lips full, thick, and his eyes the color of midnight black. He kissed her nipples and sucked them until they were red. His power was overwhelming; there wasn’t much she had to do. His hardness pressed against her pelvic bone and just the pressure of that hurt. She slipped his dick inside her, holding on to his back. The feelgood sensation of the moment had overtaken any common sense she had. The orgasm was one like she hadn’t experienced in years.
He danced his way inside her, hitting spots that she hadn’t opened for others. “Tell me how much you love this dick,” he commanded.
“I do, I do,” Alexis said, running her fingers down his cornrows. “Don’t sound like it.” He banged into her harder and painfully bent her legs all the way back.
“Awww,” Alexis said out in pain. She hadn’t been the most flexible person. “It feels good.”
“Say ‘my pussy feels good.’ Say it,” he said, looking down on her. Beads of his sweat fell onto her face. He licked her wet forehead.
“My pussy feels so damn, fucking good!” she shouted. She had never called out those words in bed before.
“This pussy taste g
ood, feel good, I’m a have to take this pussy. Make it mine,” he said, bending her legs farther back. “Hold your feet up.”
Alexis did that too and found a new favorite position as Rasheen reached even farther inside her. She held her feet, Rasheen lowered his body, and his deep, fast strokes shook her body and his to the core. Kissing each other, they fought to catch their breath. Neither let go of the other, as they both closed their eyes.
3
For the last two weeks, Rasheen had become a constant fixture —2 at Alexis’s apartment. Usually during the late, weekend nights. She didn’t tell anyone about him, not even Diedre. Rasheen was like her little dirty secret. In between the sex, they’d talk on the phone. He had asked her out again, but she wasn’t ready for more, just yet.
“This weekend, I was thinking you should come over to my side of town,” Rasheen said as they watched a bootleg version of Madea’s Class Reunion. He put his arm around her, and she rested his head on her shoulder. They both were naked; the only thing in between them was a bag of Doritos.
“You mean visit you in your grandma’s basement?” she asked, giving him the eye. “I kind of like it over here better.”
“I ain’t saying all that. I’m saying I wanna take you to this spot where we can shoot some pool, eat some soul food, dance. I’m tired of eating all that sushi shit y’all have around here. I want my food, cooked and seasoned.”
Alexis laughed. “It’s called eclectic cuisine.”
“Whatever, yo. Plus, I do want you to see how I live too. Show you my world,” he said, his fingers traveling below her waist.
“I’ll see,” she said.
“We should go tonight. It’s still mad early.”
MS. SHIRLEY’S WAS a discreet neighborhood bar on the corner of Bedford and Putnam Avenues in Brooklyn. There wasn’t even any signage on the front, and Alexis wondered how people found the place. She didn’t know what to expect when they walked in. She wore tight-fitted jeans, heels, and a green-and-gold embroidered tank, with a light yellow spring shawl. She thought she may be overdressed, but better that than underdressed. Rasheen was in his usual comfortable jeans and a football jersey. Alexis was ready for stares from the regulars because she was the new face. But no one seemed to notice her. A few men and women gravitated toward Rasheen and smiled curiously at her. She didn’t feel out of place, but quite comfortable. Alexis smiled to herself at the rickety Christmas lights hanging around.
“You know how to play?” he asked.
“I may know a li’l something.” The only thing she knew was what she had seen in a movie. How hard can it be, she thought, to tap a ball with a stick?
“You wanna break?” Rasheen set the balls inside the rack. “Break? We just started,” she said, sitting on the edge of table. She glanced around and saw two women playing together. They both looked like pros.
uBreak means if you wanna be the first to hit the balls and see who gets what. I’ll do it. Just watch,” he said, sharpening his pool stick. Rasheen bent over and skillfully hit all the balls until they scattered throughout the table. “You go first.”
Alexis glanced at the women at the next table, hoping to steal a quick tip. She bent over like Rasheen and slipped the stick through her fingers so hard, the ball knocked off the table onto the next.
“Sorry about that,” Rasheen said to the ladies, who just nodded their head in pity for Alexis’s skills.
Rasheen smiled at her then came and stood behind her and directed her every move. He showed her how to hold the stick, how to aim, what the best shots were, how to hit two with one, and how to call her plays. By the end of their games, Rasheen had won two, and Alexis won one. Though she thought Rasheen let her have it.
After the games, they sat at a nearby table and threw down on fried chicken and waffles, with loads of butter and syrup. It was 3 a.m.
“This is such a cute combination. I never thought of it,” Alexis said, spreading some butter and syrup on her chicken. “They go perfect together.”
“Especially the way Ms. Shirley makes it,” Rasheen said, biting into a meaty chicken leg.
Alexis looked around at the people eating, dancing, and drinking. Some of the people didn’t look too kosher, and she was sure at any moment there’d be a fight. But there was no drama, just good times. As she ate, she felt Rasheen’s growing silence as he kept his eyes on her every move. He seemed to enjoy her enjoying herself.
“Rasheen, I think I need to give you an apology for being you know, so, uhm—”
“Snobby.” He laughed.
Alexis forked up a piece of waffle. “Not open-minded.”
He grew serious again. “Well, I just want you to know that I really like you. And I want to make sure you know what you getting into.”
“I like you too. I do. And I want us to keep seeing each other. Like regular people do—in the daylight!” She smiled.
Rasheen’s shoulders slumped. “There is something you should know.”
Alexis rolled her eyes and listened. It always has to be something, she thought.
“I have a daughter.”
Alexis stared at him in surprise. “A daughter? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You kept asking me questions about jail and all. I figured that wouldn’t matter to you.”
“How old is she?”
“She’s three years old. Lives with her mama in Queens. We don’t get along, though.”
Alexis shook her head. “What else should I know?”
Rasheen exhaled loudly. “I owed her like five thousand dollars in back pay for child support when I wasn’t working. So I’m paying that now and the normal child support, which is eight hundred dollars a month. But I’m going back to court to fight that,” he said.
Alexis thought she had finally hit rock bottom. “Besides your jail record, besides that you live with your mama, besides that you never finished high school, I’m now supposed to deal with your baby mama drama?” she said, raising each finger one by one. “Come on, what else is there? You might as well let it out now.”
“That’s it. I mean, damn, Alexis. Ain’t nobody perfect. And when you with a man like me, we come with shit. I wasn’t raised like you.”
“So you think your big dick is gonna solve your problems?”
“My mama was a drug addict, my father was in jail, and my grandma took care of me and my three sisters. I’m doing what I can. I work, my jail record was wiped clean when I turned eighteen, and I just want to have a good life like anyone else.”
“So what is up with you and your baby mama?”
“We broke up when the baby was born. And you know, she acts like a baby mama. Sometimes, she gets mad if I’m dating, she’s demanding, but she knows it’s over. Trust me, you won’t ever have to deal with that.”
Alexis rubbed the temples of her forehead. “Why couldn’t you tell me this before we had sex?”
Rasheen didn’t even respond.
Alexis was of a mind to get up and walk out of that bar, leaving Rasheen behind for good. But how many times was she just going to walk away from things in her life that didn’t turn out as she planned? She liked how Rasheen made her feel.
“We can keep talking about this,” she said, taking his hand. “We’ll work it out. How much money do you need?”
“I don’t need any of your money. I got my own. I was just telling you,” he said, yanking his hand away.
“Fine,” Alexis said, a bit reassured that he wasn’t with her for the wrong reasons.
That night, Rasheen went home and Alexis took a cab back to the comfort of her own apartment.
DIEDRE PASSED ALEXIS the red-rimmed plate of salmon croquettes she had brought over for their little Sunday get-together. Alexis was thinking of cancelling, but she figured she needed someone she could talk to about Rasheen.
“I’ve been seeing Rasheen for almost a month now, and I don’t know what to do with him,” Alexis said as she sat Indian-style on her leather couch. Her hair was pulled back in a bu
n, and she still had on some of her makeup from the night before.
“I can tell by looking at you that he has already had a positive effect. Your butt even looks fatter,” she said, teasing Alexis. “He like hitting it from the back, right?”
Alexis laughed and said, “Yes, he does, and I like it too. But I think it’s that exercise. It’s building up my butt muscles, too. Who knew having sex was so much work?”
“So is it just a sex thing,” Diedre said, twirling her newly styled braids in her hand.
“Uhm, I thought it could be a one-time thing. Like the morning after a hangover, and you say you won’t ever do that again. Then I was like, okay maybe we can fool around a few more times and he’ll disappear.” Alexis put two more salmon croquettes on her plate. After the night before gorging on chicken and waffles she didn’t want to overdo it. “ Fhen we started getting closer. And now I think I really like him.”
“You already told me about his background, and he sounds very much like Prince. Honey, I think you may have found your Prince Charming. Ain’t those type of men so fun and exciting?”
Alexis sulked into the sofa. “I mean he has shown me a few things, and he makes me feel good in and out of the bed. But he got his issues.”
“He on parole?”
“No.”
“On the run?”
“Nope.”
Diedre put her hand over her head. “On drugs?”
“No!”
Diedre waved her index finger like she finally got it. “He’s on the DL!”
“He has a child,” Alexis said, holding her head down. “That comes with baby mama baggage.”
“Is that all?” Diedre said, sitting up alert. “That ain’t nothing but a thing. Though it’s not like I got any experience with that.”
“How should I handle that?”
“Did he ask you for any money?”
“He is very independent. Anytime we go out, he pays for everything,” Alexis said. “I don’t think it’s about money.”
“Then all you have to be concerned with is minding your own business. Whoever that baby mama is got nothing to do with you,” Diedre said.
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