DEV
I really didn’t want to answer that call. But Noah from Switzerland was in a complete panic, as one of their software systems was glitching pretty badly. I needed to walk him through the protocol. So, I sucked it up, compartmentalized my personal shit for five minutes and calmed him down, getting his system back online.
“Thank you, Dev,” he said once everything was working properly again. “Sorry to bother you again. I know my co-worker just called you three days ago.”
“Hey, it’s my job. Now, go take a deep breath, maybe get a cup of coffee.”
“Good idea.”
“Maybe some decaf,” I said with a forced laugh before ending the call. Placing my phone in the pocket of my jeans, I inhaled the cool Seattle air into my lungs, trying to wrap my mind around Trupti showing up with Craig on her freaking arm.
I was over Trup, I was. One hundred fucking percent. But something wasn’t sitting right with me. Either they’d legitimately been seeing each other or it was a desperate attempt to get my attention. Either way, it worked. She had my full undivided attention, and I hated her for it.
I turned to walk to the door just as Trupti walked out of the bar, a smug look on her face. I used to think Trupti was the most beautiful woman in the world. But I didn’t see that anymore. I saw arrogance, I saw ugliness. I saw a person I barely recognized.
“Another work call, huh? Who was it this time? London? Paris?”
“What do you want, Trup?” I asked, shaking my head in disgust.
“Oh just thought we should have a little chat.”
“About?”
“Us.”
“There is no us, Trupti, for fuck’s sake!”
“Bullshit, I saw the look on your face when you saw Craig. You’re jealous.”
“No.” I shook my head vehemently. “Don’t confuse disgust with jealousy.”
“Dev, come on. We belong together.”
“You’re delusional. I’m in love with Lyra.”
Holy shit. That’s the first time I said that out loud.
“What?” Trupti looked like she’d swallowed poison. Her nose flared and her cheeks turned bright red as she stared at me in shock.
“I do. I love her. And I’m over you. I’ve been over you for a while now. I’m sorry. I know that must hurt, but—”
“I fucked Craig.”
“What?”
“Right before I broke up with you. At the Christmas party two years ago…just like you thought.”
“What?”
“We fucked in your office. On your desk, actually.”
“What the fuck did you just say?” I yelled, rage building in my chest.
A creepy-as-fuck smile crawled across Trupti’s face. Apparently she got the reaction she hoped for. “I cheated on you. And I ended things because of it. Things fizzled back then, but I decided to give him a call a few weeks ago. And it’s just as good as I remembered it. Although, I do miss that desk…”
“You’re a fucking bitch,” I seethed, my chest heaving. I hated myself for feeding into her bullshit. Whether or not it was true didn’t matter. I couldn’t get the thought of her with Craig out of my head. While I was arranging for my nani to send her ring and planning to propose, she was spreading her legs for that fucking douche on my desk.
The desk I still use every single fucking day.
“Say the word and I’ll end it. I’ll tell him it’s over right now.”
I put my hands up on my head, pacing the sidewalk. “Do you hear yourself, you fucking psychopath? You put your dirty, lying cheating ass on my fucking desk and fucked that prick.”
“But I also said I’d end it.”
“You think I could ever want you back? I didn’t want you back to begin with!”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Look, I don’t know why you’re here. I don’t know why you’re trying to take a massive shit all over my life, but you need to leave. Right fucking now.”
Trupti shook her head, crossing her arms. Her eyes turning from aggressive to pleading. “Dev, please.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Don’t give me the pathetic puppy-dog shit. Get the hell out of my fucking life.”
“But I—”
“I mean it, Trup. I hope I never see you again.” I swallowed hard as I glared at her. “Ever.”
The door opened and Craig walked out the door, beelining for Trupti. “Hey, babe, everything okay out here?”
“Turn around, walk away.”
“What?” Craig looked clueless.
“I’m not playing, man. Don’t come near me right now.”
“He knows,” Trupti said, standing between us, her face defeated. “He knows about the Christmas party.”
A satisfied prick of a smile crossed Craig’s face. “Yeah, well, you snooze you lose.”
“You’re a piece of shit,” I sneered at him. “Always were. An unmotivated, sleazy piece of shit.”
“Oh what the fuck ever. You treated everyone like they were beneath you.”
“Fuck you, dude. You are beneath me.”
“Whatever, dude. You walked around that office like your shit didn’t stink. Someone needed to knock your ass down.”
“You’re a piece of trash.” I glared at him before glancing at Trupti. “The two of you deserve each other. Have a nice fucking life. And never come back to this place. It’s mine,” I said, walking past them and back into the bar.
The stale smell of beer and the sounds of announcers from the TV were slightly comforting as I made my way to the bathroom. I needed to splash some water on my face and try to get my shit together.
When I got back to the table, everyone was silent until Lyra started in on me. “What happened out there? I saw you talking to Trupti.”
“Nothing; it’s nothing.”
“Here, man,” Scott said, sliding a couple shots of Tito’s my way. “Got these for you to take the edge off.”
“Take the edge off of what?” Lyra demanded.
“Thanks, man.” I downed each shot, feeling the familiar burn of the vodka at the back of my throat. Again, it comforted me slightly, but not enough. Even being near Lyra wasn’t helping me out of the fucking abyss I was in.
“What happened, Dev?” Lyra pushed.
“Just drop it, okay? Nothing happened.”
“Whatever,” she muttered under her breath, grabbing her purse and walking away. Maren and Allison followed her toward the bathrooms.
“Okay, it’s just us. What the hell happened?”
“She fucked Craig days before I was going to propose. Fucking whore.”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah.”
“I mean, I knew Turnip was a pill, but I didn’t know she was this bad.”
“Wait, what did you say?” I asked, cocking my head to the side. Peter got a guilty look on his face.
“Well, now that you’re definitely never getting back with her, it’s probably okay to tell you this.”
“We call her Turnip,” Scott said. “We always hated her, man.”
“Oh my God.” I looked up at the ceiling. “Turnip? Really?”
“Sorry,” Pete said with clenched teeth and a shrug. “It starts with a T. It just came out of my mouth one night after too many beers.”
“And we went with it,” Scott said with a chuckle, sliding another shot of Tito’s my way.
“No, no, it’s hilarious, I just…I’m too fucked up to laugh right now.” I raised the shot glass. “Adios, Turnip.”
The guys raised their glasses and said “adios” in unison.
Scott hopped up. “I’ll get another round.”
“Make that two.”
“You got it.”
“I know I should go after Lyra, but dude, I just can’t right now. I’m too pissed off.”
“She’ll come back soon. They can’t stay in the bathroom all night.”
I pressed my hand to my head, feeling the Tito’s finally kicking in and numbing my nerves just a little. “I
mean, I can’t fucking believe this. I can’t believe I ever got back together with her in the first place.”
“You didn’t know, man. Don’t beat yourself up because she can’t keep it in her pants. She’s manipulative and controlling, and now we know she’s a cheater too.”
“Yeah. But I’m a dumbass because I fell for it. I fell for all of it.”
Scott returned with three more shots and I grabbed two of them, downing them one after the other. I had to ease this pain that coursed through every inch of my body.
“Dev,” Lyra said from behind me. “We need to talk.”
“Lyra, c’mon, just give me a minute, okay?”
“No, now. Outside.” She stood with her hands on her hips, her expression stony and her lips pressed together in a thin line.
“Fine,” I said, prying myself off the barstool. “After you.”
When we got outside, I attempted to put my arm around her, but she pushed me away.
“What the hell?”
“What really happened out here?”
“Nothing. She was just trying to get me all riled up.”
“Well, it certainly worked. You’re a mess.”
“Trupti means nothing, okay? I don’t want her.”
“Trupti means nothing. Abby means nothing. Oh, and Malika means nothing too. I see how it is,” she said, placing her hands on her hips.
I rolled my eyes; my words slurred from my mouth. But in my head, everything made perfect sense. “I don’t mean then. I mean now.”
“You’re not over her.”
“Yes, I am.”
“Guys who are over their exes don’t act like this. You’re drunk as hell, slurring your words and acting like someone I don’t even know. And the worst part is you’re jealous as hell that she’s with a new guy.”
“New guy,” I hissed. “New guy, my fucking asshoooolle,” I yelled into the street.
“You’re making a fool of yourself.”
“I could say the same about you.”
“What?”
“Storming off to the bathroom because you couldn’t give me a fucking minute. Just one fucking minute is all I needed, but you were all up in my shit!”
“Wow, okay. Sorry for caring about you. Sorry for being invested in you.”
“Don’t do that. Trupti always played the martyr, and I’m over it.”
“Don’t you dare compare me to her.”
“Then don’t act like her,” I said, a fake overly sarcastic smile stretched across my face.
“I was being myself, Dev. I was being a woman who speaks her mind, remember? A woman who does what she wants. You said you loved that about me.”
“Yeah, well, sometimes it’s fucking annoying.”
“Wow,” Lyra said, looking up at the sky. “That’s convenient.”
“What?”
“Well, you claim to want a woman like me, to love that I say what I think when I think it.”
“Sometimes I do.”
“Exactly. And that’s why it’s convenient.”
“Oh my God, Lyra. Just give it a rest, okay? You’re beating a dead fucking horse. I mean, like you killed that fucking horse, then you beat it with a shovel, and now you’re running it over with a semi!”
“Would you calm down?” Lyra said, looking around us. People on the sidewalk were crossing the street to avoid passing by, but I didn’t care. Instead of calming down, I yelled at them, throwing my arms out into the air. “Keep walking, assholes!”
“Why are you spiraling like this? I just don’t get it. You were fine before they walked through that door,” she pushed. She was not going to let any of this go.
“Because he fucked her!” In my drunken haze, I thought Lyra should understand what that meant. But she only looked more pissed off. I expected sympathy, but all I could see was a face made of stone.
“I can’t believe you,” she said, shaking her head. “And what about your calls?”
“My what?” I asked incredulously.
Calls? What the hell was she talking about?
“Your work calls?” She put finger quotes around the word, and it pissed me off. Trupti used to do that all the time.
“What about them?” I used finger quotes right back at her, being overly dramatic, but I needed to make a point.
“I mean, come on, let’s just get real. You get these calls all the time. You never say what’s going on, you always sneak off somewhere to talk in private, usually outside the building so no one is in earshot. Why do you do that?”
“So I can hear better, so I can focus. Where the fuck is this coming from?”
She closed her eyes tight. “Craig told me you’re a player.”
“What?” I asked, feeling like I was going to lose my ever loving mind. “He said what?”
“Back in December he told me you cheated on Trupti all the time. And those calls, they just… I can’t shake what he said.”
“He’s a goddamn liar.” I spat the words, wishing I could punch Craig in the fucking head for lying to her. And I would enjoy it. Why he did it? I wasn’t sure. It could have been because he saw we were into each other at the resort and he was trying to paint himself in a better light, but I couldn’t be sure. All I knew was that he was a douche and he’d lied through his teeth. I’d never been a player in my entire life. If anything I was overly monogamous. And apparently, a cuckold or whatever that old-fashioned word was for a guy who’s woman cheats on him right under his fucking nose.
I bet Jane Austen would know the word. Fucking Jane.
“When you went outside, Trupti made it obvious that you work calls aren’t really work calls.”
“And that’s why you used those fucking finger quotes.”
“Yes.”
“And you believed her,” I deadpanned, unable to believe what I was hearing. She’d never met Trupti, but was playing into her head games instead of trusting me.
“I don’t know what I believe anymore.” Lyra threw her hands up in the air. “But you’re way too worked up over Trupti moving on. And you get these calls all the time. We run into your Tinder fuck buddies everywhere we go! Something’s gotta give, Dev!”
“So, let me get this straight. You think I’m hung up on Trupti, but you also think I fucked around on her.” I paused for dramatic effect. I was too pissed to play nice. “You think I’m getting booty calls every five minutes, but I’m also hung up on Trupti at the same time. I can’t keep my dick in my pants, but I’m pining over the girl that I dumped. Which is it, Lyra?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. The Dev I’ve been with for the last month would never be freaking out over his ex like this. And he wouldn’t be screaming at me in front of a bar because I dared to ask what happened.”
“He fucked my girlfriend, Lyra. My girlfriend! That’s what happened.”
“Your girlfriend,” she deadpanned, turning around and walking away. “Nice.”
“What?” I asked, not understanding the problem.
“Maybe this was a mistake. All of this,” she said, turning around, her face impassive.
“Oh really?” I asked, my anger was now covered in dread and misery as I imagined my life without Lyra. But that misery and dread combined with my anger created a heavy, suffocating darkness that I felt powerless to stop.
“Yeah,” she said, no tears on her face. No emotion, no kindness. She was made of stone, and it terrified me. She held my tiny little heart in the palm of her hand, and all she had to do was squeeze. I could feel her grip tightening as she stared through me.
“Actually, that sounds good to me.” I said, grabbing my phone. “Where’s the App Store? Ah, here it is.”
“What are you doing?”
“Downloading Tinder,” I said, pressing on the app to download it.
“Wow. You’ve officially reached a new level of asshole.”
“I mean, if you’re going to accuse me of getting my wick dipped, I may as well get something out of it, right?”
; “You do that,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “And we can go back to how this was always meant to be.”
“And what is that?”
“Being forced together kicking and screaming. We’ll just pretend the last month never happened.”
“Ahh, I get it,” I said, testing her, hoping to coax some emotion from her, some softness. “Then maybe you and Professor Plum can give it another try.”
“What did you just say?” She glared, daggers in her eyes. But still, no softness, no vulnerability that I could cling to for dear life.
“You heard me,” I said, digging my heels into the darkness. My world was spinning out of control, literally and figuratively.
“I’m out,” Lyra said, shaking her head and walking passed me. “Call me when you sober up. Better yet, call me when you grow up.”
“Where are you going?”
“To get as far away from you as possible.”
I heard her cell phone ring as she walked away, her shoes clicking against the concrete. I wanted to call out to her, to tell her to take a cab, to not walk alone at night. But instead I yelled out, “Tell the professor I say hi.”
“Fuck you, Dev!”
She pressed the phone to her ear as she rounded the corner. Part of me wanted to run after her, beg her forgiveness, but the stubborn side of me just wanted to be alone, to crawl inside of my darkness and escape my reality.
And the darkness won.
Chapter 24
LYRA
I couldn’t let Dev see that he’d broken my heart in two. Instead, I stayed stoic. I stayed strong until I could get far enough that he couldn’t hear my sobs, he couldn’t see my tears. Once again, I felt replaceable. I felt like I would never be enough for a man who was pining after his ex and couldn’t be faithful.
My phone rang as I approached the corner.
“Tell the professor I say hi,” Dev called.
“Fuck you, Dev,” I said before answering the call. It was my mother…literally the last person in the world I wanted to speak to. I was so angry and upset with Dev that it never occurred to me that my mother was calling me at midnight. Normally seeing her number that late would have sent me into a panic. But I was too wrapped up in my fight with Dev to process it.
Stuck With Me: A With Me in Seattle Universe Novel Page 23