She hesitated for a moment, then stepped to the side. “Okay.”
Lyra’s apartment was surprisingly tidy. I had expected it to be messy since whenever someone is grieving in the movies, their house looks like hell. There were cups all over the tables and counters, but that was par for the course with Lyra.
“So, what’d you bring me?”
“Well, first, some Dots. I know you love these things.”
A weak smile crossed her beautiful lips. “I do.”
“And plenty of Twix. No pressure to share, though. Everything in here is for you.”
“Well, that’s nice.”
“I know you love gossip magazines, so I grabbed every one they had.”
She lit up a little bit as she took the shiny gossip rags from the bag. “I’m so behind on all of this. Thank you.”
“And I’m shit in the kitchen, but I stopped at this really cool Mexican restaurant down the block. I remembered you saying Abuela taught you how to make these. Obviously they won’t be as good as her secret recipe, but…” I reached for the last bag and handed it to Lyra. She opened the paper bag, inhaling the smell of cinnamon and sugar.
“Sopapillas?” she asked, her eyes welling with tears.
“Yeah.” I said, taken aback by her tears. “Geez, I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was make you cry.”
“No, no,” she said, waving me away as she closed her eyes tightly. “They’re good tears. Thank you for doing that.”
“Of course.”
“I can’t… I can’t believe you remembered.”
“I remember everything you say. You’re important to me.”
Lyra wiped her tears away and took a deep breath. “This is going to sound really weird, and it doesn’t mean I want to get back together, but…”
“What is it?”
“Would you just hold me? I feel so broken, so empty. I just…I really need you to hold me right now.”
Without another word, I walked to her, taking her in my arms. Her shoulders relaxed into me, and she sobbed in my arms. With soft movements, I rubbed her back and whispered, “Shhhh” into her ear. “It’s going to be okay.”
I held her in the middle of her living room, grateful for being able to smell her again. That familiar scent of strawberries and pears danced through my senses as I clung to her, feeling guilty that I was enjoying this moment too much, that I was taking pleasure in moment that was fueled by her pain, her grief and her anguish over losing one of the most important people in her life.
When her tears stopped, she spoke. “Why were you so upset about Trupti and Craig?”
“Because she slept with him.”
“So? You were sleeping with me. I don’t get it.”
I pulled away, looking her in the eye. “No, no. They slept together two years ago at my company’s Christmas party. On my desk.”
Lyra did a double take. “Wait, what?”
I nodded. “Just days before she dumped me. I was literally holding an engagement ring in my hand when she ended it. And when I saw him at the resort, I called her and she got weird. I asked if something happened with them. She said he hit on her but nothing happened. Turned out that was a lie.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of that?”
“I thought I did. I mean, not the resort stuff. But the sleeping-together-at-the-party stuff”
Lyra shook her head. “No, I thought you meant they were sleeping together now. After you’d broken up. I had no clue this happened.”
“Shit, I was so drunk, I just thought you knew, which is why I got so pissed at you. Now that I look back on it, I feel really fucking dumb.”
Her eyes were puffy from her tears, but they softened. I was finally seeing the vulnerable side of Lyra that I was so desperate for that night outside of Bennet’s. “You must have thought I was so heartless.”
“Well, I mean, I didn’t say that,” I said with a soft, yet silly smile to lighten the mood. “Look, I was full of pride that night, but you need to know it wasn’t because I still have feelings for her. I dumped her the moment I got home from the ski trip. Yes, it was a long time coming, but let’s be real. You were the real reason I knew I wanted out. I wanted the possibility of you. And there was no you and me if I was still with her.”
Lyra smiled. “That’s nice.”
“And now that you’ve opened the door to this discussion, I need to tell you that my work calls are just that. Work. And Craig absolutely lied to you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, her eyes pained.
“No, don’t you dare apologize, Lyra. You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all.”
“Well, I appreciate this grand gesture; it’s really nice. But I’m not ready to—”
“Oh, this isn’t my grand gesture,” I said, shaking my head vehemently.
“It’s not?”
“No. I’m here because I care about you, because I feel powerless right now and want so badly to take your pain away. I’m here because you show up for the person you love.”
Lyra’s eyes softened when I said that last word.
She looked completely overwhelmed, running her fingers through her hair as she looked around the room, tears welling in her eyes again. “If I’m lucky enough to give you a grand gesture, then it’ll knock your damn socks off, Lyra Castillo. Make no mistake about that. But not until you’re ready.”
“Okay.”
“Just promise me one thing,” I said, taking her hand in mine.
“What?”
“Be ready one day. It doesn’t have to be today, next week or even two months from now. But please, please…be ready one day.”
“I wish I could promise you that.”
“That’s fair,” I said, my heart sinking into my gut. I put on a brave face because this day wasn’t about me. It was about Lyra. “Well, that’s enough about that. Today is about sopapillas, candy, and gossip magazines. And I’ll even watch The Wizard of Oz…if I have to.”
“Really?”
“Sure. I know you love it. But I’m telling you, if that girl had just taken better care of her dog…”
“Yeah, you’ve made your case against Dorothy’s pet ownership abilities.”
“Good, just want to be clear about where I stand.”
Lyra rolled her eyes, and for just a second, I felt a tinge of normalcy between us. “You’re impossible.”
“Yeah,” I said with a smile, “that’s true.”
“But you’re here,” Lyra said, squeezing my hand.
“Yeah, I’m here,” I said. “And I’m not going anywhere until you kick my ass out. So let’s yellow brick road this bitch.”
Another laugh left her lips, and I smiled to myself as she started the movie.
I grabbed my phone and sent a simple text to Peter.
-Thanks, man.
Chapter 26
LYRA
Three days later…
“Okay, I’m just going to say it,” Maren said as we left the library and headed out for lunch. Spring was always her slow time at the candle shop, so she had more free time to meet me for lunches. It was really nice, especially after losing Abuela. Maren was like a sister to me, and I found myself relying on her for emotional support even more than ever, especially as I was still not sure what to do about Dev.
“Say what?”
“Vern… He’s sexy.”
“Wait, what?”
“The man can dress. He has this old-fashioned charm about him, and I dig it.”
“That’s because every time you come in, he flirts up a storm. Believe me, when you’re not there, he’s a total curmudgeon. The man literally counts down the days until breaks. If we went back there right now, he could tell you how many days until the end of the school year.
“Hey, can we try that calzone place?” Maren said. “I love those things, and Peter’s not a fan. I gotta seize the opportunity.”
“You’re so lame,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Is this what engagements are like? Scheming to
eat food the other doesn’t like?”
“Yep,” she said with a decisive nod.
“Fine, whatever,” I said, crossing the street and heading to Ben’s Calzones. I felt a slight twinge in my stomach when I remembered Dev was the last person I went there with. “So, I have something to ask you.”
“Shoot,” Maren said.
“What should I do about Dev?”
“Excuse me?” Maren asked, looking perplexed. She stopped in front of the restaurant, which was a relief, because if we were going to dive into this conversation, I was in no state to be stepping up to a register and ordering food.
“What’s that look?”
“I mean, you’ve never once asked me for relationship advice, in all of our friendship. You know what you want and you go for it.”
“Well, this time I don’t know what to do.”
“Why not? He admitted he acted like an asshole. You heard the full story of what happened. If I’m honest, I’m surprised you didn’t make up the day he brought you sopapillas and magazines. That was really sweet.”
“It was. But I just wasn’t ready. I’m having trouble pulling myself out of my grief.”
“I can see that. And that’s just going to take some time. But wouldn’t you rather be as happy as possible while you deal with your grief? I mean, you’re not betraying Abuela if you’re happy.”
Tears welled in my eyes as the gravity of Maren’s words hit home. Was that it? Was I feeling guilty about the idea of being happy again? Would I be abandoning her memory? Would I be dishonoring her somehow?
Grief was a nasty bitch. She played with your head and she made you question your actions, your thoughts, your feelings. With each passing day, I felt like a different person. I really wanted to feel like me again.
“You know I would never downplay your grief, but I’ve been online a lot, trying to figure out how to help you through all this.”
“Okay.”
“Have you heard the ball-in-the-box theory?”
“No.”
“Okay, so the theory is this that there’s this box, and inside the box, there’s a grief button and a ball. When you first lose someone, the ball is really large, and it hits the button constantly. Over and over again, it hits. Right now, your ball is really big. You’re hitting that button all the time, and it’s setting you up for these massive mood swings and episodes where you feel out of control.”
“That makes sense.”
“The size of the box remains constant, but over time that ball gets smaller, so when it bounces around the box, it doesn’t hit the button as often. Eventually, you’re going to have more feelings of normalcy; you’re going to feel more like yourself again. That doesn’t mean the ball won’t hit the button, because it will. One woman commented on the article that she was having a great day and then in the middle of the produce department, a man reminded her of her dad and she lost it. The ball hit the button.”
“Okay, so…”
“I just think that you have to live your life. Knowing you as I do, you’ll always honor Abuela, because that’s just who you are. You’ll honor her with your choices and your memories. You’ll honor her by taking care of your mother, calling more often, and being maybe a little less snippy when she asks about your love life.”
“Noted,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Abuela would never want you to put your life on hold for her. Far from it. I’ve met the woman; she wanted you to live a beautiful life.”
“And?”
“And I think your life with Dev would be all kinds of beautiful. Is he perfect? No, he can be a real asshole sometimes. But guess what? So can Peter. We’re all perfectly imperfect, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, but look at how we fight. You and Peter don’t fight like that.”
“Comparison is the thief of joy, Lyra.”
“Ugh, you’re like a philosopher today. What the hell?”
She shrugged. “I told you. I went down the Google rabbit hole.”
“Lovely,” I said, rolling my eyes again.
“The ball is going to hit the button regardless of what you decide. But you have a right to be happy.”
“But what if I can’t trust him?”
“I don’t know everything there is to know about the man. I do know this, though, and I know it for certain. Dev isn’t a cheater, and if I’d known that was a legitimate concern of yours, I would have set you straight a very long time ago. I’m so sorry I didn’t.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. I was too afraid to say the words out loud. If I verbalized it, I was afraid it would be true.”
“So, just think it through. If you don’t want to be with him, that’s a whole other story. But I know you, Lyra. I know you really, really well. You love him.”
I cringed at the word. A tear formed in my eye. “I do, and I’ve never felt this way before. What if he destroys me?”
“Or what if he makes you the happiest you’ve ever been in your entire life? Isn’t it worth finding out? Abuela would want that for you. She’d want you to be brave, to take a risk and follow that big, beautiful heart of yours.”
“To have a beautiful life,” I said with a nod, tears forming in my eyes.
“Exactly,” Maren said. “Now, c’mon. I’m hungry.”
“Just a second. I have to send a quick text.”
With adrenaline coursing through my belly, I sent a text to Dev:
-I’m ready.
Chapter 27
DEV
I was eating at my beautiful new mahogany desk when I heard the text come through. Quite honestly, I almost ignored it because I was completely engrossed in whether my girl Lizzy Bennet would finally get her head on straight and marry Mr. Darcy. I was seriously pissed at her when she turned down his proposal. I mean, what the hell? She was opinionated and stubborn…and she reminded me of Lyra, so I secretly loved her despite the fact that she frustrated the crap out of me. And I seriously couldn’t put the book down.
I’d already read Sense & Sensibility. I started it Sunday morning and finished it that same day. I had to hand it to Buzzfeed, they nailed it with their quiz. Marianne was definitely like me—impulsive, free-spirited, and she wore her heart on her sleeve. Although I would never have fallen for Willoughby’s shit. I mean, seriously, what a dick! Knocking a girl up, then fleeing to London to marry a sugar mama? The dude was fucked up. And I was learning that Jane Austen was much more scandalous than I’d assumed. I kinda liked her.
When I hit a good stopping point in Pride & Prejudice, I reluctantly put the book down and looked at my phone. And with two little words, my life was made.
-I’m ready.
Jumping out of my chair, I threw my fist in the air. “Yes!” I yelled, kicking my chair across the room. It slammed into the wall, but I didn’t care. I was freaking ecstatic. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!”
“Hey, you okay?” Julian, the engineer in the office next to mine, popped his head in my office.
“Yeah, sorry, man. Just, uh, got some really good news,” I said, beaming as I ran my hand through my hair. I didn’t even care if I was disheveled for my one o’clock meeting. My co-workers would have to deal with the fact I was the happiest man alive.
Julian smiled and left as quickly as he came. Throwing my arms into the air one last time, I grabbed my phone and texted Maren.
-I need your help. Grand gesture. You, me, let’s do this. SHE’S READY and I can’t do it without you.
-Wait! She is?!?! Holy crap!! Why didn’t she tell me??
-Um…because she told ME.
- Um…no, I mean I’m WITH her right now, like sitting across from her at lunch.
-MARE! This is important.
-Okay, fine! Want to meet for dinner tonight?
-Yes!
-LOL Okay, let’s meet at Bennet’s.
-Why there? You’re not exactly a fan.
-Neither is Lyra…
-Got it! 7:00?
-See you then!
With a
nticipation stirring in my belly and ideas flying through my brain like the winged monkeys of Oz, I grabbed my book and dove back in.
“C’mon, Lizzy. Get your man!”
Hours later, Maren and I had concocted the best plan ever. Maren didn’t understand most of it, but she was going to help get Lyra out of her apartment. We figured their Thursday night yoga class would be the perfect way. And that would give me a full day to plan everything else, get my ducks in a row, and make sure I had everything just perfect.
Lyra deserved nothing less than perfect.
“You should probably start calling florists now.”
“What do you mean? It’s spring; they should have tons of these.”
Maren gritted her teeth. “I’m just saying. I would get a jump on it.”
I looked at my watch. “Hopefully there’s still time.”
“I’m gonna head home,” Maren said, draining the last of her wine.
“Can’t thank you enough, Mare.”
“You’re welcome, but when you really think about it, aside from getting her to yoga and giving you her spare key, you came up with everything else.”
For a second, I was puzzled. “I did? It really felt like a group effort.”
“Nope, this was all you. I love that deep down you’re a romantic softy.” She rose to her feet and kissed me on the forehead. “Don’t ever change.”
“Aww,” I said, taking her hand and planting a kiss on her knuckles. “You’re too sweet. Thanks for meeting me, especially on such short notice.”
“I’d do anything for Lyra…and for you,” she said with a wink. “Get some sleep tonight.”
“Will do.”
As soon as she walked away, I grabbed my phone and called every florist within a three-mile radius of Lyra’s apartment. It was time to set my plan in motion.
Chapter 28
LYRA
I was a little bummed that I hadn’t heard from Dev since telling him I was ready. I knew he was crazy about me, and knowing him, he was planning something cool for the weekend, but it still would have been nice to resume our flirty texting, to capture a little bit of who we were before everything fell apart.
Stuck With Me: A With Me in Seattle Universe Novel Page 25