by Donna Alward
“I don’t think it’ll matter one bit, as long as it’s healthy and happy.”
“Me, too.”
And still his hand rested against her, their voices fell silent and the air in the kitchen hummed around them.
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know why.”
“Because you’ve had to turn your life upside down?” she suggested shakily, but he shook his head.
“I thought about you even before you showed up. Wishing I knew how to find you.”
“Christopher...” It was a warning, but the long version of his name told him that she was nervous.
She slid out from his touch and skirted around him, making her way out of the kitchen to the living room. “It’s late,” she suggested, her eyes wide. “I have to be up early in the morning.”
“And you need your rest. Of course.” He offered a knowing smile and grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair. She was scared and off balance and he understood completely. Didn’t mean he agreed. She wanted to take their relationship and make sure it checked certain boxes and stayed there. He wanted to see where it would lead. If it was nowhere, they’d figure that out before the baby came. But if it was somewhere, they should know that ahead of time, too.
“Thanks for dinner.”
“Thanks for including me in the appointment. It was pretty special.”
“I can’t wait for the ultrasound,” she confessed, smiling. “Pictures, not just sound.”
“Can I come to that, too?”
“Of course you can.”
Damn it, but why did she have to look so beautiful, so...natural? There wasn’t a bit of artifice about her. Sure, she could be cool sometimes, and a bit remote. But there was not an artificial bone in her body. He liked that about her. Liked it almost as much as he liked thawing that icy demeanor that he understood she wore like armor.
He took a few steps toward her, saw her pupils widen more and dropped his jacket on the floor. Two more steps and he’d gathered her up in his arms. His mouth crashed down on hers and after the first millisecond of surprise, she responded.
Lips, tongues, teeth, hands. All were busy as Chris held her firmly against his body. This was the woman he remembered. Alive, vibrant. On fire. She made a sound against his lips and his body kicked into overdrive. It wouldn’t take much to prompt him to sweep her into his arms and carry her to the bedroom.
There was a perfectly good couch and so instead he shifted his weight, nudging her backwards until they were at the edge. Another shift and his arm was braced on the back of the couch, pushing her down into the cushions. Her mouth left his and she stared up at him, her eyes shocked and aroused and her lips swollen from kissing. “Christopher,” she whispered uncertainly.
“Shh,” he responded, and he braced himself above her, feeling her long, lissome body beneath his. “I can’t stop thinking about you. What it was like that night. How you felt in my arms. I can’t pretend it doesn’t exist, Liz.” He slid his mouth down the column of her neck and was gratified when she gasped in response. His hips marked her, once, twice, and she pushed up against him.
He was half on top of her, half on the sofa now and it freed up one hand. He skimmed it down the soft fabric of her dress, felt the hard pebbled tip of her nipple against his palm. He slipped his fingers inside the black jersey, encountering a satin-and-lace bra that only made his pulse beat harder. Caught up in the moment, he unfastened the front clasp and tasted the sweet skin of her breast as her body jerked and thrust up to meet him.
And then her hands were pushing against his shoulders and she squirmed against him. “Stop,” she commanded hoarsely. “Oh, Chris, we’ve got to stop.”
He froze.
“What’s wrong?” He looked down into her face. Was it the baby? Was she uncomfortable, did something happen? He had no experience with pregnant women, though he was pretty sure it was okay to make love during the pregnancy.
“It’s just... It’s too fast.” Her skin was flushed and her breathing heavy. “I can’t... I’m not ready... I know it sounds stupid considering...”
The phrases came one on top of the other. “Considering we already went fast?” he asked, trying to steady his breathing.
“Yeah. That.” She moved one arm awkwardly, grabbing at the fabric of her dress to conceal her revealed breast.
He gazed down into her eyes, trying to isolate his brain from his body, which considering the way he was feeling at the moment, was a monumental challenge. “I want you,” he stated, his voice low. “I wanted you that first night. And even if you weren’t having my baby, I’d want you now. You should know that.”
Her body trembled, pinned beneath his.
“But I am having your baby. And I...I need to be very, very sure this is what I want. There are no take-backs.”
He closed his eyes and forced himself to inhale deeply once, twice, three times. When he opened them again she was staring up at him, her hair down and spread over the sofa cushion, so similar to that night in the motel room that he had to grit his teeth to keep from kissing her again.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured.
He sighed. “Don’t apologize. If you’re not sure, you’re not sure. That’s all. Me?” He raised an eyebrow at her and tried a smile. “I’m very sure.”
To his surprise she treated him to a saucy smile in return. “I can tell.”
Damned if he didn’t feel himself blush.
He pushed himself off her and sat back on the sofa, running his hand over his hair. “I suppose I should go then.”
“Probably.” Despite being the one to call a halt to their bit of fun, she sounded disappointed.
“You gonna be okay?” he asked.
She nodded.
He put his hands on his knees, preparing to push himself up when she put her hand on his thigh. “Chris? This is going to sound really strange...and I haven’t changed my mind...but would you mind kissing me again? Nice and slow? It was so good before.”
Hell, did she realize what she was asking? Her request went straight to his heart. It must have taken a lot for her to ask that. And the sweet yearning in her voice made him wonder if she had been missing out on romance for too long. All work and no play...
He leaned over, moving his upper body only, and met her gaze when their lips were only separated by maybe two inches. He hovered there for a moment, staring into the depths, letting her know that in this moment he was 100 percent involved.
Then, and only then, did he kiss her again, pushing down the urgency pulsing through his veins, taking his sweet time nibbling her lips, kissing the corner of her mouth as her lips dropped open and her breath came out in a jagged rush.
“God, you’re good at that.”
He smiled against her lips. “So are you, darlin’.”
And still he kept his hands to his sides, his body planted firmly on the sofa, holding tight to the thin cord of restraint he possessed.
She was so sweet. Sweet and way more innocent than he would have expected. The girl from the motel, the girl from five minutes ago beneath him on the sofa, intoxicated his mind and body. But this girl...this girl had the ability to wrap herself around his heart.
He pushed back, rested his forehead against hers. “I can’t,” he said, shaken. “I can’t go on and keep my promise not to touch you. Unless you’ve changed your mind...”
She shook her head slightly, but enough that he understood her denial.
“Then I should go. But, Liz?”
She leaned back and looked into his eyes.
“I don’t want to go. You should know that, too. And decide what you want from me.”
He got up, pressed a kiss to her hair, and picked up his jacket on his way to the door.
“Chris?”
&n
bsp; He turned, his hand on the doorknob, and found her standing beside the sofa, her hair mussed, her dress twisted, and looking just about as beautiful as he could stand.
“You need to decide what you want from me, too. Because I’m not really interested in being your baby mama with benefits.”
The words struck him with uncanny accuracy. He opened the door and stepped outside into the hall. He shut it behind him without looking back, more confused than ever.
Chapter Nine
Lizzie didn’t see Chris for the rest of the week. She worked long hours and tried to get as much downtime as possible. She took to calling her dad before she left the office to give him his daily update, went into the office on Saturday to stay on top of things without the usual daily interruptions, and spent Sunday cleaning her condo and doing laundry. By 8:00 p.m. she was exhausted and fell into bed and a long, deep sleep.
The only contact she’d had with Chris was a text message he’d sent, giving her the local AB Windpower office number in case she needed to reach him and he didn’t answer his cell. She missed his previous chatty messages more than she cared to admit.
Maybe he was still thinking. Or maybe he’d decided it wasn’t worth pursuing anything romantic with her. It would probably be easier this way. Definitely less stressful. So why wasn’t she feeling more relieved?
By Wednesday her morning sickness was starting to ease up, with less vomiting and more or less just nausea until she had time for her breakfast to settle. Now she was just hungry all the time, and with the spring weather turning even warmer, she’d started wearing dresses to work that weren’t so fitted in the waist. Still, she was ever aware that the time was coming that she’d have to say something to her family. She’d been running Baron for nearly three weeks now; she was almost done her first trimester. Nothing devastating had happened to the company under her management, even if her father was a stubborn old coot who plagued her for updates what felt like every hour.
The decision about when to share the news was practically made for her when Julieta left the PR department to stop by her office with an invitation.
“Okay, kiddo, you can’t bury yourself in here forever. You haven’t been out to the ranch in ages. We’re having a family dinner this Sunday and you’re coming.”
Lizzie looked up at Julieta, admiring her cream-colored pantsuit and the pink scarf she’d twined around her neck. With her Hispanic complexion, the colors were stunning. It wasn’t much wonder Brock had been taken with her, and little Alex, too.
“What’s the occasion?” She pushed aside her calendar for a moment and gave Julieta her full attention. She didn’t think it was anyone’s birthday this weekend....
“Family dinner is the occasion,” Julieta replied, a little sharply. “Everyone seems to be scattered everywhere these days. We haven’t all been together since your dad came home from the hospital.”
Lizzie smiled a little to herself. “Is he driving you crazy?”
Julieta sank down into a chair. “God, yes.”
“He doesn’t like to be idle.”
“If he could pace while waiting for your call each day, he would. I love the video conference meetings because I know that for at least an hour he won’t be irritating me about something.”
“You could come back to work full-time instead of trying to do it from home. I’m sure nursing staff would look after him just fine. It’s got to be killer trying to do everything and only being in the office two days a week.”
“Have you ever known your dad to take to being ‘looked after’? It’s all I can do to get him to stay off his feet. The physiotherapist has started coming in, thankfully. By the time he finishes with that, he’s ready for a nap. Don’t get me wrong, I love your father and I’m happy to be home and caring for him.” Her face softened a little. “I just needed to vent.”
At times over the past few years Lizzie had wondered about Julieta’s relationship with Brock. The age difference was so great, and even though she liked Julieta she’d wondered why she’d married a man so much her senior. And she’d wondered if at this point Brock had just been after a trophy wife.
But it was clear to her there was real affection between her dad and stepmother. “I know what you mean. He’s not even in the office and he drives me crazy most days. He second-guesses everything I do and then we end up going with it anyway. But he doesn’t make it easy.”
“He wants to be part of the process. He still needs to be needed.”
Lizzie softened a little, too. “I know that. Anyway, I should be able to make it for dinner.”
“What about this Chris guy? You still a thing? He’s welcome to come, too, if he’s in town.”
Lizzie picked up a pen and turned it over in her hands. A family dinner would probably be the perfect time for her to drop the p-bomb. “Actually, uh, he’s working in Dallas right now. His company offered him management of their local office.”
Julieta smiled brightly. “That’s good news, right? But wasn’t he competing? What happened?”
How much could she tell and still have it make sense on Sunday? “He was, but I think the management offer was too good for him to pass up, so he cut his season short.”
“Oh, well. Bring him along. I know the boys will like having him around, and Alex will be in heaven. Chris was really great to him at the hospital.”
Yes, he had been. And he’d been great about a lot of things since. Great about everything except calling her over the past eight days. And that was mostly her fault.
“I’m sorry, Jul, but I’ve got to get to an HR meeting,” Lizzie apologized. “Four-ish on Sunday?”
“Or earlier. Maybe you and Chris would like to go out for a ride. You could show him the ranch.”
“We’ll see.”
Julieta got up and leaned over the desk to give Lizzie a hug. “Good. Now I just have to ask Savannah if she’ll do dessert. No one makes pastry like that girl.”
“See you Sunday. And don’t let the old guy push your buttons.”
Julieta laughed, a musical tinkle that made Lizzie smile. “Right back at you,” she directed, then headed out of Lizzie’s office.
Lizzie picked up her files and her purse and began to make her way to the boardroom. Once her meeting was done she’d have to break down and call Chris.
They’d have to talk and decide how she was going to tell the family—which included telling Brock he was about to become a grandfather.
She just hoped he had his shotgun locked away.
* * *
LIZZIE PICKED CHRIS up at his motel on Sunday afternoon. She had mixed feelings about his coming to the dinner. She’d thought it would be better to tell the family alone. It would spare Chris having to answer some awkward questions and, well, she could control the outcome a bit better. But he’d insisted. Their relationship status confusion aside, he’d made the argument that if he wasn’t along it would look as though he were a coward—which he wasn’t. And he thought she needed backup. They were in this together.
Lizzie pulled into the lot, frowning as she put her car in park. She’d given up some control of the situation but had gained moral support. The really annoying thing was she was glad she wasn’t going to have to face them down solo. Not that long ago Daniel had called her Little Miss Perfect. Not that he’d been malicious about it, but she still felt as if she were about to take a tumble off an invisible pedestal.
Chris came out of his room and pocketed his room key, still an actual key rather than the more modern key card. The motel wasn’t exactly a dive, but it wasn’t a four-or even three-star establishment either. He got in the passenger side and shut the door. “Hey,” he said simply, settling into the seat and reaching for his seat belt. As if nothing had happened between them. As if she hadn’t been sprawled beneath him on the sofa, and he’d never called her bluff.
&n
bsp; “You haven’t found a place yet?” she asked, turning out of the motel onto the street. It would take the better part of an hour to get to Roughneck, by the time she got out of this part of the city and headed east to the ranch.
He shrugged. “I’m taking my time. I don’t want to have to move again, so I want to make sure I end up in a nice neighborhood. Maybe with a yard. Somewhere...safe.”
For their child. He didn’t need to say it for her to know that was what he meant.
“Can we make a stop on the way?” he asked. “There must be a flower shop somewhere.”
“A flower shop?”
He turned his head and looked at her. “Yeah. I’d like to take something to your stepmother.”
It was a sweet gesture. Lizzie gave a short laugh, though. “It’s so hard to think of her that way. There’s only a decade between us.”
“But you get along?”
“Well enough. Not really mother-daughter.”
He nodded, sitting back against the seat and relaxing. “Were you close to Brock’s second wife? What was her name?”
“Peggy?” Lizzie’s heart still ached when she thought of the woman who’d come into their lives at such a crucial time. “Yeah, I guess I was. I mean, I never called her Mom or anything. But she was definitely a parent. She and Dad never wavered on the rules, and she was pretty kind and understanding but tough when she needed to be.”
“But she wasn’t your real mom.”
The ache intensified. “No.”
“You’ve never had contact with her since she left? You have no idea where she is?”
Her jaw hardened. “No, no contact.”
There was silence for a while. “Have you considered trying to find her, Lizzie?”
Her chest squeezed and she was quiet again. Eventually she answered his question. “I’ve considered it. Lots of times. But the truth is, she walked and never looked back. I’m not sure what good would come of looking now.”
“Maybe she left it so long she didn’t know how.”
She turned a burning gaze on him. “That’d be a cowardly excuse now, wouldn’t it? You gave up something you loved and moved across the state for a child who isn’t even born yet.” She looked back at the road. “I don’t care about the reason. I can’t imagine leaving children behind. What kind of mother does that?”