The New Normal

by L. J. Hayward

  “Oh god.” Andrew squeezed his eyes shut. He could blow at any moment. “I, ah, don’t know what I do and don’t do. Still working it out, remember.”

  Eliot’s smile went from seductive to fully debauched in an instant. “Only one way to work out what you like. Ever had a blowjob from a man?”

  “Nope.” Words were getting hard to say or understand. Andrew’s cock was hurting it was that hard and that trapped in his borrowed, tight jeans. He wanted to rejoice because he’d honestly doubted he would ever feel like this again. The pain was part of the miracle.

  “That’s so fucking sexy.” Eliot slid off him and down to his knees on the floor. He pushed Andrew’s legs apart and got to work on his jeans. “I guess that means you’ve probably never given one, either.”

  A head shake was all Andrew could muster.

  “Good. Then pay attention. There will be a practical exam after.”

  “Oh fuck,” Andrew moaned, his dick pulsing at the thought.

  Eliot winked, then reached into the open fly to stroke him again. “This is going to be amazing. Lift your hips. I want to get the jeans off you.”

  Andrew leaned back on his elbows and did as instructed. The jeans inched slowly down over his hips and thighs, and his dick throbbed as it was released into the more forgiving material of his boxer-briefs. At his feet, Eliot cursed out his heavy work boots, but once they and the jeans were gone, Eliot sat back on his heels and stared at the tent in the black underwear. He licked his lips and Andrew’s pulse kicked up into dangerous territory. Eliot’s hands landed on his knees, then slowly made their way up his thighs, curving inward and then up over his dick and onto his tensed abs.

  “I might cry,” Eliot whispered. He leaned in and pressed his face into Andrew’s crotch.

  Shocked, Andrew could only watch as this guy he’d only met that morning rubbed his cheeks over his hard dick like Archy mushed his face into him. Andrew laughed at the comparison and Eliot shook his head against him.

  “Not a laughing time, Andrew,” he scolded.

  “I know.” Andrew was breathless with the visuals of Eliot’s face so close to his cock. He could feel puffs of warm breath through the stretched cotton of his briefs. He could almost imagine the wet heat that would surround his aching flesh, and holy shit, he was leaking precum. “It’s just you remind me of—”

  Words and air were cut off as Eliot tugged down the top of his undies, one hand curled around, ready to scoop him out.

  Andrew snapped backwards, scrambling across the bed so far and fast he fell off the other side.

  “What the fuck?” Eliot, too, had sprung backwards in shock, pressed against a cheap IKEA tallboy.

  Exactly. What the fuck? Andrew stayed sprawled on the floor for several more moments. His heart was racing erratically and he felt sick and clammy. It felt like he was back in the club, a dark, heavy beat thumping in his ears, but it was just the blood pounding through his head. And it was every drop he had in him, because there was none left in his cock at all. It had shrivelled in abject fear.

  “Andrew?” Eliot crawled across the bed and sat on his knees on the mattress, looking down at him with confusion and . . . pity?

  “I’m okay.” He sat up and drew his knees to his chest.

  Eliot’s eyebrow quirk said he didn’t entirely believe him. “Did I go too fast for you?” He blinked several times, then in a lower, harsher tone, said, “You said I reminded you of someone. Do you have a boyfriend?” Left unsaid was all the follow-on accusations. Are you not really a same-sex virgin? Have you been lying to me all night? Am I the other man?

  Andrew shook his head and deep breathed to get enough air to speak. “No. No boyfriend. No anyone. You reminded me of my cat, when he wants something and he smashes his face into my leg.”

  Some tension left Eliot’s body. “I’m more of a dog person, but that’s okay.”

  It wasn’t enough. It didn’t explain the sudden end of what could have been a mind-blowing experience.

  “I, uh . . .” Oh fuck. He couldn’t even talk about this with his friends. How did he do it with a relative stranger? “I . . . had cancer.”

  Eliot melted. He slithered down off the bed and curled around him. “That’s horrible. Are you . . . okay now?”

  Andrew nodded. “All clear, as of Monday this week.”

  “Thank god.” Eliot’s arms tightened around him. “My mum had breast cancer. She lost both boobs but is all good now.”

  Squeezing the hand holding his, Andrew nodded. “I’m glad you still have her. I lost a testicle.”

  Eliot went still for a moment, then sighed. “Oh.” He kissed Andrew’s temple. “That doesn’t matter to me. In fact, I think it’s amazing. You survived. Be proud of that.” Another kiss that lingered. “You’re sexy as hell, regardless. Don’t think you’re not. I still want to suck you.” His hand slowly made its way down to Andrew’s groin and gently held him. “You don’t have to suck me, or fuck me. But I’d really like to get your dick in my mouth.”

  Andrew chuckled and wiped away a few tears. “You’re classy at least.”

  “I work in construction. What did you expect?”

  Laughing harder, Andrew let himself be pulled up and sat back on the bed. Eliot straddled his lap and got to work on making up for lost time.

  The rain that had made the end of the week a soggy slog cleared up on Saturday, and Sunday morning was full of bright sunshine and endless blue sky. Brian packed up his gear and put it in the boot of the Jag and he and Carly headed to H2GO. He was ready to go home, to apologise to Andrew and to talk. However Andrew got to the park, Brian would be driving him home.

  “You and Andrew going to play nice today?” Carly asked as they circled the car park for an empty space. The show wasn’t until one thirty, but they’d come before lunch to spend some time at the wildlife reserve attached to the park. At this time of day, the car park was almost entirely full.

  “Yup. Well, I am. Fingers crossed he will too.” Brian scanned the rows around them for an empty space and tired to sound cool. In reality, he’d been itching to talk to Andrew since Friday.

  His first week in A&E had ended much better than it had started and he wanted to tell Andrew all about it. He’d missed that simple thing a great deal. Carly listened but she didn’t respond with the same genuine interest Andrew did, didn’t laugh at the gross bits or pretend to vomit into her mouth at the really gross bits. She was truly concerned for the patients’ wellbeing but didn’t have the patience to listen to him go through his diagnostic method, didn’t ask the questions that helped Brian understand his own thoughts better and solidify the processes in his brain.

  Also, no matter how close he and Carly were, he was still a guest in her home and that made Brian feel awkward. He wanted to be in his own place, with Schrody’s fur scattered across the floor and Andrew’s dirty work boots a trip hazard in the garage. He knew exactly what Andrew would want to watch on TV and how to make his coffee. And he also knew how long Andrew showered for, so he could time his toilet flush without causing an upset. He’d swapped out confusion and anger at Andrew for nerves and anxiety at Carly’s place.

  Brian wanted to go home. He wanted Andrew back. Three days apart and he was a mess without him.

  They finally parked, grabbed their gear and headed in. Elle messaged to say she was running late and had anyone heard from Andrew lately? Brian checked his phone and shook his head at Carly’s askance expression.

  “I’ll message him,” Carly said dryly when it was clear Brian wasn’t about to.

  They were trotting up the stairs to the gates when a familiar hunting horn sounded not far away. Brian homed in on the annoying sound of Andrew’s phone getting a message and let out a long breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

  Andrew was leaning against the wall not far away, looking at his phone screen. He had on shorts, sneakers and a T-shirt Brian had got him for his last birthday. It was green and had a picture of two backhoes and the slogan
I spend my day with hoes.

  “I hate that shirt,” Carly muttered as they headed for him.

  Brian snickered. “I love it.”

  “You would.”

  Andrew looked up at that. “Would what?” He focused on Carly.

  “Just verbally rolling my eyes at boy humour.”

  He glanced down, almost guiltily at the shirt, then up again. “Sorry. It was all I had clean.”

  Brian frowned. Unless Andrew had gone through a dozen shirts in the past three days, that was a lie. They’d been buying each other bad-pun-shirts for years.

  He nudged Carly. “It’s okay. We’ll buy him a shark hoodie in the gift shop.”

  “Then we’d never see him again!”

  They laughed and Andrew looked between them, confused.

  “We’ll tell you about it later.” Carly hooked her arm through Andrew’s. “Did you remember your pass?”

  Andrew held up the card James and Troy had got them for free entry.

  “Elle’s running late,” Carly told Andrew. “Should we go see the koalas?” They were her favourite.

  Neither of them objected so they headed into the wildlife reserve. The large stretch of naturally wooded land next to the water park wasn’t fenced, so wild animals could come and go as they pleased, but there were more or less permanent kangaroos, wallabies, water birds and koalas. There were guided educational tours along the walking tracks, but they’d all been there enough to know where they were going. The koala sanctuary was at the far end of the reserve and Carly told Andrew the missing kid story as they walked. Andrew smiled but didn’t laugh. Brian watched him closely as he trailed behind. He looked okay and happy enough as Carly chatted about the kids in her classes. Of course, he hadn’t actually spoken directly to Brian but for now, seeing him was good enough.

  There were several koalas within sight, curled up the Vs between branches high in the eucalypts. Carly pulled out her telephoto lens, clicked it onto her camera and quickly lost herself in capturing images of the grey fluff balls.

  Brian and Andrew kept out of her way, watching the ebb and flow of parents and excited kids.

  “How are you?” Brian asked when Andrew’s silence got too much for him.

  “Okay. How was work?”

  Holy shit, was this awkward. “Good. I didn’t piss off my current mentor at least.”

  Andrew’s smile was real and made his eyes spark. “Of course you didn’t.”

  Four words and a lot of Brian’s anxiety eased.

  “Did you work while it rained?” He knew Andrew often didn’t have an option but to have unpaid days off in bad weather.

  “Yeah. On Friday I worked up in Brisbane.” He shaded his eyes against the sun and looked around. “When does the ski show start?”

  “One thirty.”

  Andrew kept looking away from him and just when Brian’s frustration was about to make demands, he turned back and smiled. It was a bit tentative but it was there and it was pointed right at Brian.

  “Wanna go play What Wallaby Where?”

  Brian scowled. “No.” He had absolute shit luck at spotting the wallabies in the reserve and the others had made a game of trying to be the first to see one. Brian swore he’d only ever said “what wallaby where?” once and yet it had stuck.

  “Come on.” Andrew put a hand over one eye. “I’ll give you the advantage.”

  He tried to resist but the sight of Andrew having fun, even at Brian’s expense, was too overpowering. Brian sighed and nodded.

  “Awesome. Carls! We’re going to play What Wallaby Where,” Andrew called to her.

  Carly waved them off with one hand. “Good luck, Bri Bri.”

  “Thanks,” he muttered and trudged along with Andrew to the swampy region where the wallabies hung out. It was cooler under the thicker canopy but the scent of stagnant water was strong. The view was beautiful though, with the tall, ragged paperbark trunks and carpet of vibrantly green ferns.

  Being the weekend, there were a lot of families out at the park and reserve, so it made spotting any wildlife hard when the animals were alerted by kids running back and forth along the raised boardwalk. Every wallaby Brian thought he’d found turned out to be a tree stump or blasé kangaroo. The smaller wallabies just weren’t around.

  “What wallaby,” Andrew said, pointing.

  Brian peered into the trees. “Where?” he asked before thinking.

  Andrew snickered. “It’s gone now. You scared it off.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “I swear there was a wallaby. Look! It’s back.”

  One eyebrow raised sceptically, Brian followed the direction of Andrew’s arm and sure enough, there was a squat, brown wallaby standing between two trees, its finely pointed face directed towards them.

  “Look,” Brian whispered. “A wallaby.” He caught sight of them so rarely this was a treat.

  Beside him, Andrew snapped a shot with his phone and a moment later, Brian’s pocket buzzed with an incoming message.

  “So you can prove it to the others.” Andrew smiled at him. “I’ll even tell them you saw it first.”

  “They wouldn’t believe you.”

  “True.”

  They wandered on, trying to find more of the elusive critters. Thanks to the presence of so many others, they had to keep close and Brian was very aware of every brush of Andrew’s arm and nudge of his hip as they moved over on the pathway to allow others by. The familiar scent of his deodorant drove away the damp rot smell of the swamp. Since the night of the epic wank, every moment Brian wasn’t distracted by work, he’d been thinking about almost kissing Andrew. About how much he still wanted it to happen. Kissing and . . . more.

  “I’m sorry,” Brian said softly as they walked. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I didn’t mean them.”

  “I know. I’m not upset about that anymore. Thanks for the apology.”

  “I mean it.”

  Andrew’s hand very briefly pressed against his lower back, half comforting, half guiding him off the boardwalk and back towards the water park. Brian shivered and concentrated on not running over excited kids. He felt the heat of that fleeting touch all the way out of the natural habit and into the man-made one.

  Wandering around led them to a Ninja Turtles show. Standing at the back with the parents, they mimicked the ninja moves like the kids did. After the show, they bought nunchaku and sai to have mock fights with. Of course, Brian ended up on his arse in the wading pool.

  “Smooth move, Raphael.” Andrew laughed and held a hand out for him.

  Brian scowled up at him. “It was a strategic move, actually.” He took the hand and pulled Andrew in.

  “You fuu . . . fire trucker,” Andrew spluttered when he came up.

  “You fell for it.” Brian splashed water at him.

  Andrew shoved him, and Brian grabbed him so they both rolled over. They tussled in the water until they were completely soaked and laughing.

  “Hey!”

  They froze in mid roll and peered up at the park security guy standing at the edge of the pool, watching them sternly. When he had their attention, he pointed to a sign that said “Children Only.”

  “Sorry.” Andrew immediately untangled himself and got up.

  This time when he held a hand out to him, Brian didn’t try any tricks. They hurried away, dripping wet and giggling.

  Brian’s phone boinged in his back pocket. He pulled it out and shook his phone free of water. Thankful for the waterproof case, he checked the message. “Shit. It’s Elle. The ski show is starting now.”

  “Great. We’ll be in trouble if we don’t see every second of it.”

  “I will be in trouble,” Brian corrected sourly. “She never gets pissed at you. It’ll be all my fault you’re late. And wet.”

  Andrew gave him a wide-eyed innocent look. “But you are to blame.”

  “Fu . . . fire truck you.”

  Laughing, Andrew shoved him towards the monorail station.

&n
bsp; “Wouldn’t it be quicker to walk?” Brian leaned back against Andrew’s hands, refusing to be moved.

  Andrew grunted and gave him a bigger push. “Probably, but I don’t want to.”

  “You just want me to get into even bigger trouble with Elle.”

  Suddenly, Andrew was right up against his back, hands on Brian’s shoulders holding him so he couldn’t move. Brian doubted he could have even if his brain had been working enough to make it happen. Even wet he could feel the heat of Andrew’s body, was skin-pricklingly aware of the solidity of him, the strength in his hands. Oh shit, if he weren’t currently terrified of these new sensations, Brian probably would have sprung wood.

  Andrew leaned his face in next to Brian’s and whispered, “Maybe I like watching you squirm.”

  Yup. That did it. Brian was now plumping up right there, in the middle of H2GO, surrounded by happy families having a fun day at a family friendly park.

  With a chuckle, Andrew gave him another push and Brian staggered for the monorail, completely at Andrew’s mercy.

  They waited with a couple of other people and when the rail cars stopped and the doors opened, Andrew gently nudged Brian along until they were sitting alone in the back. Brian crossed one leg over the other and willed his dick to settle the hell down.

  For fucks sake, it wasn’t like he and Andrew hadn’t ever touched before. They’d play wrestled, tackled each other in footy games, brushed up against each other in their little kitchen. When Brian had broken his ankle, Andrew had an-Officer-and-a-Gentlemaned him into the hospital for X-rays. All during Andrew’s illness and recovery, Brian had held him, stroked his back, kissed his temple, curled around him in bed while Andrew shook himself into exhausted sleep. He’d even had the man’s dick and balls in his hands when Andrew had found the lump.

  This was different though. Andrew was apparently in love with him and Brian . . . Well, he didn’t know about the love side of things, but he was certainly A-okay with maybe getting physical with him. And Andrew was sitting really close, his knee nudging Brian’s thigh, touching from shoulder to elbow, Andrew’s hand resting on his own leg, but maybe only a centimetre away from Brian’s. A finger twitch and they’d be almost holding hands.