“No.” It was stated as the simple truth. “But what does it say about me that I got to twenty-six years old and never even suspected it about myself? I must be pretty fucking dumb, right?”
“Not at all. You hear stories all the time about people not realising until much later in life.”
“Yeah, nah. I think a lot of those people knew, or suspected, and couldn’t admit it for various reasons until much later. Like you. You knew and just didn’t tell me until now.”
“I guess.” Andrew sighed and watched Archy pounce on a defenceless leaf. “Not everyone’s story is the same, right? Your thoughts and feelings are the only ones that matter. You can’t be told who you are, you work it out for yourself.”
Brian chewed on his lower lip. “I’ve been trying and I still don’t know, and if I don’t know, how does that make you feel? Am I taking advantage of you for sex? Because you’re in love with me?”
Andrew wanted to ask, “Are you in love with me?” but didn’t want to hear no. “If I ever start to feel taken advantage of, I’ll let you know. Do you . . . do you feel I pressured you into the physical side of things?”
“No.” It was unhesitant and honest. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m very into the physical side of things. Why did you think you had?”
“Before, you said you’d hate to do whatever it was that made them think you’re gay.”
“Oh. I didn’t mean I would stop having sex with you. They don’t know about that. I just meant . . . Actually I don’t know what I meant except that I was angry and opened my mouth. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I know. And I know you’re really enjoying the sex, too.”
“Oh man, so much. So, so much I want us to start thinking about anal.”
“You wanted to wait for that.”
Brian rolled his eyes. “And I have. Nearly three weeks! You know I like being touched there and played with. I want to try it.”
“Are you sure you want to be . . . the receiver? I’m the bi one.”
“Yeah, but my dick’s bigger. We should start with the smaller one. Work our way up.”
Andrew choked on a laugh. “Fatter, not longer, remember.”
“It’s girth that matters.” Brian leaned into him, looking up at him with big eyes. “Besides, do you want a dick in your arse?”
“If you wanted to put your dick in my arse, I would like that.”
“Okay, but me first.” Their voices had dropped to husky whispers
“If you really want. Does this mean we’re not over?”
“I don’t want us to be over, but if you need me to work out just what I am sexually, then we can wait. If you want.”
“If you’re happy to keep going how we have been, then I’m happy too. I won’t ever pressure you into saying you’re something you’re not. But I am going to tell the others about myself.”
Brian nodded and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I’ll be there with you, ready to kick arse if needed.”
“Same, if you ever want to say anything.”
“Get our furbaby and bring him inside. I want to show you how into the sex I am.”
The poor kid wouldn’t stop crying. Big, fat tears and snot and gasps for air. He was propped up on pillows in the bed in the A&E Fast Track bay, clammy with fever and wracked with coughs. His panicking mother was standing at the foot of the bed, her own tears barely held back as she talked to Michael. The senior doctor had a comforting hand on her shoulder, talking softly in his light Irish accent.
Brian stood by the bed, checking out the veins on the boy’s inner arm, hurting with every struggling breath and sob the five year old managed.
“No,” little Oliver choked out. “No.”
“It’s okay, mate,” Brian said soothingly. “I’m just having a look at your muscles. Do you wanna show me how strong you are? Can you do this?” He clenched his hand into a fist and showed the boy. “Come on, give it a go.”
Oliver shook his head and wailed as it upset his obviously aching temples.
“Oh, mate.” Brian stroked the sweaty hair off Oliver’s forehead with a gloved hand. “I know you’re hurting.” If he could have, he would have made the kid better with strength of his compassion.
Oliver quietened and looked up at him, lower lip trembling. “You gonna jab me?”
“It’ll be just like a little pinch. Won’t hurt at all.”
“Actually, Brian,” Michael said. “Let’s not worry about the bloods. Just the swab will do.”
Mum looked so relieved she might fall over, so Michael put a hand on her arm and steadied her. “I’m pretty sure it’s a respiratory virus,” he told her. “If we can confirm it with a swab, we can start treating it properly.”
“Will the swab hurt him?” she asked.
“It’s uncomfortable but doesn’t hurt. We have to get it right back into his sinuses. That will give us the best results.”
She looked over at her coughing child and nodded. “Okay.”
“We’ll let him settle down for a bit, then try the swab.”
Michael asked Brian to stay with Oliver, then went to check in on another patient. Mum pulled out her phone and then looked at Brian.
“Would you be okay with him while I call my husband?”
“Absolutely.”
As Mum stepped out of the room to make the call, Brian pulled up a chair and sat, putting himself lower than the kid. “How old are you, Olly?”
“Five. My name’s Oliver, not Olly.” He panted for breath once he’d finished speaking.
“Okay, Oliver. Can you guess how old I am?”
Oliver frowned. “Fifty?”
Tipping his head forward, Brian asked, “Do you see any grey hair in there?”
The kid giggled, coughed and then snotted and looked absolutely miserable. Brian cleaned his face and then sat down again. There was a nasopharyngeal swab on the tray by the bed and Brian picked it up. Oliver’s mouth turned down the moment he saw it.
“Do you know what this is?” Brian asked him.
He shook his head.
Leaning in, Brian said softly, “It’s a snot rod.”
Oliver looked doubtful.
“It is. We call it that because it’s for collecting snot. But not just any old snot. Special snot.” Every time he said “snot” Oliver smiled more. “You know when you sneeze so hard it feels like your brain might come out? That’s the snot we like.”
“Mummy said snot is a bad word.”
Brian glanced up and found Mum standing at the door to the room, no longer on the phone, but watching them with a hand pressed to her mouth.
“We won’t tell mummy about it,” he whispered to Oliver. “Do you want to see some of the special snot?”
Oliver peeked at Mum, then nodded.
Brian called in a nurse to take the swab while Brian held him still. Afterwards, Oliver cried and wouldn’t let Brian near him again, but they had the specimen and half an hour later, confirmation of RSV. Oliver was admitted and put on treatment within an hour.
“Ever thought of paediatrics?” Michael asked on their break. “You handled Oliver perfectly.”
“Nah. The kid hated me afterwards. I couldn’t handle that on a daily basis.”
“Being friends with your patients isn’t your job.”
“No, but it’s a perk.”
Michael eyed him suspiciously as he dragged on his smoke. “You okay? You seem a bit pensive today.”
“Just missing Dr. Compton.”
“Right. ’Cause I’m not the fun doctor at all.”
“I got a ‘well done’ from her the other day.” After two weeks of struggling to make sure she had absolutely no reason to send him home early a second time.
“Christ. You’ll be running the place any day now.”
Brian laughed because it was a relief to have not completely pissed off the head of the department. “I am very happy to be back on shift with you, though.”
“Oh, me heart.” Michael turned u
p the accent. “’Tis a joy to have ye back as well.”
“I know you think you’re joking but I can see the truth behind that thin shield of humour.”
With a grunt, Michael got up off the ground. “Go be a psychiatrist then and leave me with my broken heart.” He headed back inside.
Brian hurried after him. “Um, actually, I have a favour to ask.”
“Oh, now I know why you’re buttering me up. Fine, ask. I may consider it, if you put a good word in for me with your new bestie, Compton.”
Rolling his eyes, Brian said, “It’s technically not for me, but a friend of mine. He needs some blood tests done to make sure he’s negative for hep and HIV.”
“You’re a doctor, why don’t you do the request?”
Brian shrugged. “It’s a confidentiality thing. We’re friends, I’m not his doctor and shouldn’t see his results if he doesn’t want me to.”
Eyebrows raised sceptically, Michael eventually nodded. “But I meet him first.”
Relief left Brian a bit lightheaded. “Yes, of course. I told him you would. It’s already planned, he’s coming by after work today. His work, not our work. You’ll still be on the clock. Thank you. I owe you.”
“Just remember me when you’re running the hospital, okay?”
The hours until Andrew showed up were both fast and arse-draggingly slow. Brian was kept busy but whenever he checked the time, only minutes had passed. Michael took no mercy on him, drilling him on symptoms and possible diagnoses. It was almost like working with Compton again, but Brian stubbornly kept at it and finally, Andrew was brought in by Kimberly, dropped off at the hospital by Terri on her way home.
“Said he’s a friend of yours, darl,” Kimberly said to Brian, while smiling up at Andrew like he was Thor himself.
“Yup. He is. Thanks!” Brian knew it was a rough dismissal but she was a bit of a flirt. She threw him a smirk, then returned to work.
“So, this is where Dr. Stagliano saves lives.” Andrew grinned as he looked around. “I’m impressed.”
“I’ll give you the tour.” Brian gestured around. “This is A&E. Done. Michael wants to talk to you first.”
“Great. Another doctor.”
Brian got that Andrew had probably had enough doctors poking at him to last a lifetime, but he’d asked for this. “You said you didn’t want to go your regular doc because James and Troy go there too. And unless you want to explain it all to a stranger, then this is your only option.”
“I know. Thanks for asking your friend.”
“My pleasure. Now, come on.”
Michael was at the desk, writing up charts. He greeted Andrew with a smile and suggested they go into a treatment room.
Michael made sure Andrew was okay with Brian in the room with them, then said, “Getting an STI check is a smart thing, but is there any particular reason? Anything you might be worried about?”
Andrew shifted in his chair. “I had chemo treatment a while back and had a transfusion at one point.”
“How long ago?”
“Eight months since the transfusion. Seven months since chemo ended.”
“All right. Why follow up on it now?”
Brian, standing in the doorway, bit his lip. This was all normal.
“I’m in a new relationship and I want to make sure I’m not a risk to him.”
Michael didn’t even blink at the ‘him.’ “Smart. All right.” He pulled out a request book and wrote it up swiftly, getting all of Andrew’s details. “What about your partner? Has he been tested?”
“A couple of weeks back. All negative.”
Andrew’s relief when Brian had told him his results and that of the patient involved in the needle stick incident were negative had been greater than Brian’s. Brian hadn’t been really worried but apparently Andrew had been.
“Good to hear.” Michael signed the form, tore it off and handed it over. “Results should be back in a couple of days. Call me. Don’t ask Dr. Do Me a Favour there.”
Brian snorted.
Andrew laughed. “I will definitely call you. Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
“Just keep being smart.” Michael stood and looked at his watch. “Want to take your boyfriend down to pathology, Brian? It’s about time you had a break.”
“Thanks,” Brian said, then gaped at Michael. “What?”
“Sorry, are you not the boyfriend?” The twinkle in his eye said he knew otherwise.
Brian just stared, completely caught in the headlights.
Michael laughed. “Remember what I said about listening to your patients? Congrats. He’s cute.” Then he walked out.
“I guess you just came out at work,” Andrew murmured. “You okay?”
“I didn’t come out. He guessed.” Brian sank into the chair Michael had vacated. His belly felt all twisty. “He seemed okay. Didn’t he seem okay?”
Andrew smiled. “I think he seemed very accepting. And you could ask him not to share.”
“Yeah. He won’t blab. Shit, Andrew. I just came out and I don’t even know as what.” The twisting in his stomach got worse.
“Hey.” Andrew cupped his face and held him still. “It’s okay. You still don’t have to define anything. It’s all you, no one else.”
Brian nodded and repeated that a couple of times until he didn’t feel like he was going to throw up. “Let’s go see Sean.”
“Is he the blowjob tutor?”
“Yeah.”
With a grin, Andrew stood. “Good. I need to thank him.”
Sean was busy with another patient so they waited and Brian boldly took Andrew’s hand in the waiting room. There was no one else around but he felt brave all the same. Andrew gave him the world’s sappiest smile and didn’t even lose it when the door opened and Brian let his hand go.
Sean saw his patient out, then turned to them with a smile. “My brave ladybug is back. With a friend.”
“Ladybug?” Andrew asked, amused.
“Ugh. It’s a thing,” Brian muttered. “Go. Get this over with. I have to go back to work, remember.”
Andrew full on laughed and Sean promised to tell him the story, winking at Brian as he closed the door to the collection room behind them. Brian waited outside, foot tapping, wondering what they were talking about behind the closed door. Was Andrew really going to thank him for giving Brian BJ pointers? Andrew was gearing up to tell their friends he was bisexual, so maybe being open about it with strangers was part of that. He certainly hadn’t startled when Michael caught on. If anyone was a brave ladybug it was Andrew, and Brian felt sick again that he couldn’t yet own up to anything concrete. Well, except that he was inordinately proud of how loud he could make Andrew shout his name while blowing him.
The simple drawing of blood seemed to take longer than usual and at one point there was loud laughter. Brian paced and considered how unethical it would be to barge in and hear what was so funny. Very, was the answer he forced himself to acknowledge. Sean wasn’t a doctor or a nurse, but he was under strict confidentiality rules as well.
Finally, Andrew reappeared. “Sean is finishing up some stuff. He said he’d probably catch you later.”
They walked out and Brian steered them away from A&E. “I’ve got a couple of hours left to go. Do you want to take the car home and come pick me up?”
Andrew gasped. “You’ll let me drive the Jag?”
“You’ve driven it before.” He handed over the keys, letting them go after Andrew tugged on them. “Just watch the garage door. It’s been a bit slow lately. Make sure it’s all the way up—”
Andrew’s finger pressed against his lips, but his eyes looked like he wanted it to be his mouth stopping Brian from talking. “I can drive, remember. And I do live in the house with the slow garage door. It’ll be fine.”
Brian nodded and Andrew released his lips.
At the car, Brian watched as Andrew got behind the wheel, then hurried around to get in the passenger side.
“What—”
He stopped Andrew’s question with his mouth, kissing him like they hadn’t touched in years. Andrew moaned and kissed him back, as hard and as passionately.
“Thank you,” Brian said against his lips.
“For what?”
“For being so patient with me. I know I’m not being reasonable about this sexuality thing and you’re so beautiful and accepting and have everything worked out, I feel horrible.”
Andrew kissed him again, soft and tender. “Don’t. It’s really okay. And I don’t have everything worked out. I’m shit scared of telling any of our friends or family about being bi. I kind of want it to be just you and me in our home with our disaster cat and no one else bothering us. But I want to be able to be honest as well.”
“Maybe we should just get married and do it all once. You coming out as bi, me coming out as . . . I don’t know, gay for Andrew Fitzroy, and our furbaby coming out as split personality, oh, and one more thing, we’re married.”
“Oh hell no. Do you know how much we would bleed if we took away any wedding glory from Elle right now?”
Brian laughed. “I suppose.”
“Get back to work. We’ll talk some more tonight.”
“Sure, while you finger me.” At Andrew’s surprised cough, Brian added, “We have to start prepping. It’s important.”
“Get out of the car now, Brian Stagliano. I will be back in a couple of hours.”
Brian got out and watched him drive away, for once not caring about someone else behind the wheel of his car. It was all Andrew on his mind, and just how much Brian was letting him down.
The Palm Beach build was almost done. They were putting up the siding over the space of a week. Reclaimed wood panels on the ground floor and fibre-concrete on the upper two. As much as Andrew would miss working on the house when it was done, he loved this part of it. This was when the owners would come by and see a house. Not the construction of a building, but the house they would be living in. There was still a lot to do on the inside, but from the outside, it was now a home.
“Oy! Next load of panels, coming up,” Terri called from the ground.
Andrew was up on the scaffold with Sam, fitting the fibre-concrete panels at the top of the second floor. “I’ll grab them,” he said to Sam and turned to watch the load of panels slowly be winched up to them.
The New Normal Page 18