Luisa walked over to her mother and stood close, not sure how to get what she needed. “I think I’ve made a mistake,” she confessed through a clogged throat.
Her mom looked up at her and stood from the table. “Can you unmake the mistake?” she asked softly. “Everyone deserves a second chance.”
“I’ve had my second chance with Hunter.” Her eyes filled. It was too late. Everything was too late.
Her mom brushed Luisa’s hair back from her face. “Ask him for a third.”
Luisa shook her head.
“I don’t think it can ever be too late,” her mother said. “There’s always hope, right?”
Not now there wasn’t.
Luisa sank into the chair next to her mother’s. “I’d like to stay for a couple days, okay?”
“Of course.”
Her mother’s smile broke Luisa’s heart all over again because the surprise in it? The happiness? She’d left her parents for too long. She’d been alone too long.
She’d wanted to live life to the full. To make the most of every moment. To be happy all of the time. See it all. Do it all. It had become a habit.
But Hunter was right. It had become a way to hide.
And most of all she’d hidden from herself—she’d laughed and made things ‘fun’… but she’d not always been honest.
A few days passed with surprising speed. Two of her brothers visited. She met the little niece she’d not met because she’d been too far away. She told some stories of her travels—but not all the good ones. She told them some of the horror moments as well… trying not to be that effervescent entertainer all the time. And gradually she recognized more deeply the truth that he’d tossed at her so brutally.
“I thought I was happy until I met him, but I didn’t know what happiness truly was,” she said to her mother in the late afternoon three days after Hunter’s visit.
“Do you think you know now?” Her mom asked.
“It’s the connections. The relationships. Reconnecting with you guys and my brothers.” She drew in a shaky breath. The simple joy of just being with them. “It hurts, but that hurt is easing.”
But not the hurt over Hunter. That was a wrong she had to admit to him.
“I think you’re right.” Her mother came and sat with her on the sofa. “But also I think you need to go ask Hunter for that other chance. Don’t use us now, to hide from him. You can come back again soon.”
Luisa smiled sadly. “Old habits can be hard to break. But I know. I already booked my flight. But it’s a return one.”
“Good for you.”
She’d never been a nervous flier. But this time? She was shaking inside for all the hours, unable to sleep, unable to relax. Unable to wait.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
LUISA FOLDED HER arms to hide her shaking fingers, tossed her head and stared Logan in the eyes. “Where is he?”
Logan was one of Hunter’s best friends. Reformed reprobate but ruthless, he’d left her waiting outside his office for three and a half hours. Three and a half hours of uncertainty and buffeting waves of frosty disapproval from his receptionist. No offer of refreshments or inquiries as to whether she was comfortable. She’d come straight from the airport—was in travel stained clothes and felt sticky, tired and wired. But she wasn’t leaving without the information she needed.
Now that Logan had finally summoned her, she wasn’t letting him brush her off.
“I don’t know,” he answered blandly.
“Yes you do.”
Logan shrugged. “Okay maybe I do. That’s not the point. Why do you want to find him?”
“Why do you think?” She leaned over the table, bracing her hands either side of his laptop. She was tired and worried and hurt and she wasn’t leaving until she’d found out where Hunter was. Her exhaustion meant her emotions were ragged. “Are you worried I’m going to hurt him? Because you and I both know that man knows how to look after himself.”
“You and I both know you’ve already hurt him.” Logan sat back in his chair his displeasure lancing her. “I don’t want to see it happen again. I won’t let him suffer more.”
“Then help me make it right.” She knew what she needed to do. Sorry, sorry, sorry. She’d never been as sorry in all her life.
“I’m not sure you can.” Logan said coldly.
Luisa straightened, stepping back from his desk. What did he mean? Blades of fear sliced down her spine. Failure was not an option here. Not now.
“I need to try.” She owed Hunter that. She owed herself that. They both deserved more.
Logan’s eyes narrowed. Was he testing her—questioning whether she was going to run at the smallest suggestion of challenge?
Hunter had come for her. He’d done everything she’d asked him to do and more. But she’d sent him away because she’d been the failure. She’d been the coward. She’d hurt him. So it was up to her to make this move, because he wasn’t coming back for her again. He was too honorable and too respectful of her wishes. Because he always put her ahead of himself. She didn’t deserve him. But she was damn well going to try to be worthy. She straightened and regulated her breathing. “I’m not leaving without trying.”
Logan still watched her intently. “It’s a long flight, you must be tired.”
She shrugged, uncaring because she was beyond tired now. “Tell me where I can find him,” she asked again, her voice low.
“I’ll be at Rocco’s bar tonight.” Logan looked her up and down in his usual insolent, incorrigible way. “Perhaps you might want to rest and refresh and look in around nine o’clock.”
Rocco was another in that group of friends Hunter had. Would they all be there? All Luisa knew was that nine o’clock was far too far away, but she also knew that was all she was going to get from Logan right now.
“I’ll do that,” she said.
The hostel she chose to stay at wasn’t far from Rocco’s hotel and bar but it was a world away in terms of affluence and coolness. She was too broke to care. She showered and pulled on clean clothing—black leggings, black tee, black boots. Her personal uniform. She left her hair loose to dry and donned sunglasses to hide the shadows under her strained eyes. Then she walked—retracing the steps of the summertime—past the place where she’d ran her coffee cart, where the pop-up pizzeria had been… where she’d first clapped eyes on Hunter.
Hope flowed through her veins. Surely she’d been right to return?
At five to nine she couldn’t wait any longer and walked into the hotel. Rocco’s bar was always popular. The doorman glanced at her and jerked his head, allowing her access. The place was crowded, people stood in groups, smiling, drinks in hand.
She spotted him almost immediately. He was sitting with a group of people at a table near the back of the room. The light was dim, but she’d recognize his body—his aura—anywhere. She began to walk over. He hadn’t seen her, he was too busy listening to something the woman beside him was saying. And then he laughed. Laughed. And the woman next to him laughed too.
It was like being hit by a bucket of cold sick. He was with friends—with another woman—and looking happier than she’d ever seen him.
What the hell was she doing here when he clearly was happy enough without her? He wasn’t devastated the way she was, he obviously didn’t give a damn. She’d made a massive mistake. He was too happy. He was too alive. And he was definitely better off without her.
She was suddenly furious. How dared he be? She whirled away from the sight that tore her heart.
“Don’t think you’re leaving here without talking to him.” Rocco stood right behind her, glaring at her. “I suggest you turn around, walk over there and say what you came here to say.”
“You think you can stop me?” She fought to keep her voice steady. She was too tired to hold all the emotion back. Rage rose higher.
She shrugged off Rocco’s glare and walked to Hunter and the damn merry crowd of people. She didn’t recognize the woman next to him. The woman she hated. He wa
sn’t laughing anymore, but there was still a smile on his face. Anger drummed louder. She was unbearably, unreasonably angry.
“Luisa?” Min’s voice lifted, ringing clear across the bubbling hum of the bar.
Luisa didn’t look at her. She couldn’t tear her gaze from Hunter. He lifted his head with a jerk to stare right back at her. He didn’t speak or move a muscle more, just sat utterly still, that smile completely wiped from his face.
“You’re h-here, that’s so wonderful,” Min continued. “Isn’t that wonderful Logan? Come and—”
“In here Hunter.” Rocco called from just behind Luisa.
Hunter stood, his gaze slipping past Luisa, and walked away. People parted without him saying a word. In less than ten seconds he’d gone from that comfortable back corner to the office door behind the bar. Luisa followed in lethal silence. He hadn’t reached to take her hand. He hadn’t said anything. She couldn’t believe his ice-cool reaction. He looked like her sudden appearance didn’t bother him at all.
Her control slipped further. The defenses that she’d held firm and strong for so long were too battered—by tiredness, desertion, loneliness and need. She couldn’t hold her hurt together, not for a second longer.
He shut the door behind her and locked it. A couple of paces into the room she spun to face him. He stayed in position in front of that door.
He stared—still silent—that Hunter statue of old. Like he no longer wanted to speak to her the way he had on their island. And that torched her.
“I was fine Hunter. Fine.” In this second, she hated him. “But then you smash into my life. You turn it upside down. You tear me apart.”
When he didn’t care? When he could sit there laughing…
“You made me want you,” she accused him. “You made me need you. You made me—”
She broke off. He still didn’t move, damn him.
She dragged in another breath but her lungs were burning. Her whole body felt crushed. “And then you walked away.”
“You told me to walk away,” he answered too calmly.
Her fury unleashed. “But if you loved me, you would have fought. Why didn’t you fight for me? Why didn’t any of them fight?” Jack and Ellie too? Why hadn’t they tried harder to stay with her? Why had they all left her? It hurt so much. “I didn’t mean it when I left Fiji,” she reproached both herself and him. “I didn’t know what I was thinking… How could you leave me? I hate you for leaving me.” Tears cascaded. Huge fat acidic tears that burned worse than bile. The lump in her throat was a rock she couldn’t swallow. “I hate you for making me…”
Her voice cracked. He opened his arms and took two steps forward to catch her as she crumpled.
She wasn’t just crying, she was wailing. Her whole body curled inwards. The pain was so intense she couldn’t take it. But he held her together—close and tight, gently rocking her. Not trying to shush her. Not saying anything. Just being there for her as she shattered. She couldn’t hold it in.
Or keep him out.
She’d never wanted this. She’d never, ever wanted this.
“It hurts so much,” she whispered brokenly. “I missed you so much.”
He picked her up and carried her over to a low chair, settling her in his lap.
“I hate how they left,” she muttered. “I hate how it makes me feel. You were right. You were so right about everything.”
Eventually the storm of tears subsided leaving her limp, so worn out she couldn’t think. She rested on him, safe in his strong arms. The front of his shirt was damp. Beneath it she felt his heat, the solidness of his muscle, and heard the thud, thud, thud of his heart. It beat fast, but he was holding her gently. Yet as she calmed, she realized the pace of his pulse was picking up. She lifted her head to look at him. He had a watchful, guarded expression in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have said all that just then.” She breathed out to ease the tightness in her lungs. “Some of those things weren’t really for you, you know?”
He cupped her cheek with a tender hand. “I should have come back—”
“No.” She shook her head. “That was awful of me to be angry about that. I was just so hurt to see you laughing there and it was the last straw.”
“You didn’t want to see me happy?” His lips twisted ruefully.
“Not without me,” she admitted. “I was so jealous.”
He laughed a little.
“I’m not perfect,” she said sadly. “I’m not brave. And I’m so fickle.” Impossibly her eyes welled with more tears. “How many times were you going to have to come back for me when I was awful to you? It was so unfair of me to say that to you just now.”
“But it’s how you feel.”
“I was terrified you’d moved on already.” Twin tears slid down her cheeks. A dull ache throbbed in her head. How could she have any tears left? “You were laughing,” she muttered, still recovering from it.
“It was a good joke,” he muttered, but he looked somber. “Why are you here.”
“Because I wanted you to know the truth. About everything. About how I feel.” Tenderly, warily, she cupped his jaw. She loved the rough stubble tickling her palm, loved being able to touch him again—even if it couldn’t be forever. She could have this moment. “I was wrong to send you away. Wrong to reject what I feel for you. I do love you Hunter. So much. Always so much. But I want you to have more than what I can offer.”
He didn’t appear to react in any way. But she could feel his heart racing.
“That’s not your decision to make. I know what I want. And I want you.” He sighed. “But now I think you need some security and my job doesn’t come with that.”
“I don’t like the danger that comes with it, but I know how important it is to you. I know how much you need to help other people.” She understood that the drive to make a difference to other people was part of his identity. Because he was searching—that incompleteness within himself was something he didn’t want others to have to face. He was kind like that.
“You said you could never know who you are.” She pushed past the shaking emotion clogging her throat. “But I know who you are.” She held his face in both hands so she could look right into his eyes as she spoke her truth. So he couldn’t turn from her and hide the way she knew they could both be guilty of. “I can tell you who you are. I can show you.”
He didn’t answer, but she saw the intensity in his expression and felt the stiffening of his muscles and that speeding pulse.
“You’re a man who keeps his promises—who’ll help someone else, even if its going to hurt him.” She ran her tongue along her dry lip and forced herself to speak stronger, because this was so important. “You put others first. You care. You’re the guy who’s so loyal to his friends he flies halfway round the world to help them. You’re the one who can sit quietly and let others take the limelight. Who isn’t afraid to applaud others. Who’s humble—happy to remain out of sight, unrewarded, even when he’s the one who’s done all the work. You’re the one who’s honest.”
He looked down. But she snuck in closer, she wouldn’t let him look away from her this time.
“Look at me. Let me in,” she whispered. “I won’t let you down again. I won’t ever let you down. For as long as you want me, for as long as I’m here, I’m yours.”
She wouldn’t let him retreat behind those barriers of his own. Because of him she’d torn hers down, she had to obliterate the last of his too. Because he had them. It wasn’t that he wasn’t brave. It was that he didn’t quite believe. Not just in her, but that anyone could love him this way. But she’d prove it to him. Over and over again for all the years she had to come.
“You have a huge heart, you deserve to be put first in someone else’s. To have someone care unconditionally and give you all the love and support and family that you should have. You’re not just a good man, Hunter, you’re the best.”
“I’m not a saint, Luisa,” he growled, his
muscles bunching beneath her. “I’m not perfect.”
“Maybe not. But you’re perfect for me.” Her eyes welled yet again and her words tumbled as she pushed to get that past that constriction in her throat before she sobbed and was rendered speechless again. “You’re everything I want. And I’m selfish Hunter, I want to keep you even when I can’t give you—”
“I don’t want anything but you,” he suddenly barked. “Not anything else.”
His hands moved, holding her less gently. The restraint he’d put himself under was slipping.
“Then have me.” She offered herself unconditionally, letting her body softly mold to the hardness of his. “Have me for as long as you want me.”
She would take whatever he wanted to give her. Because she wanted to give everything she had to him—as limited as it was.
Emotion flared in his eyes and his jaw clenched. Searingly hot need radiated from him to her and back again. An undeniable force, the power of desire was unstoppable.
“Need you,” he gritted.
“Have me.” She offered again. “Have me, have me, have me.”
His kiss was hard and ruthless. There was zero finesse and she didn’t give a damn. She just pushed closer too—overwhelmed by the need to connect. She met his passion fiercely, opening her mouth so he could plunge deep—so she could sweep her tongue into him too. His hands shifted, fumbling frantically, releasing the buckle of his belt, the few domes on his jeans, fighting the fabric aside so his erection sprang free and strained towards her. She cursed the stupid decision to wear leggings. But he simply lifted her with one hand, showing super-human strength and desperation, pulling them down.
“Miss you,” he groaned.
“Love you.”
He stood, planting his feet wide, to hoist her with that insane strength of his. She wrapped her legs around his waist. A moment later he drove her down to his hilt. Hard. Again. Again. Again.
She screamed as impending orgasm tensed every muscle. It twisted through her like a tornado. His guttural shout echoed in her ears as he too surged and shuddered with ecstatic completion.
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