Chapter Twelve
I climbed into bed as the sun rose, pulled the covers over my head, and used the pillow to stifle my sobs.
How could something so wonderful cause so much pain? Maybe Mal was right. If I felt so much for him now, how bad would it be in a month, in a year? And if he wasn’t able to let go of his guilt and end his curse, how much pain would his death bring?
What was I thinking? Why was my heart so shitty at choosing who to love? I was in love with two men, neither of whom I could have, and half mated to one I didn’t want. Grayson was the only man in my life right now who was willing to give himself to me without any drama. Yeah, being tied to the pack didn’t seem so bad right now.
The bed dipped, and I rolled to face Cora, who wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “Mal?”
“I’m in love with him, Cor. What if I can’t save him?”
She pushed me away a little and gave me a stern look. “It isn’t your job to save him, Fee. He’s a grown-ass demon. If he wants you enough, he’ll figure out a way to save his own ass. Stop taking responsibility for everything. If someone loves you, they find a fucking way. It shouldn’t just be up to you.”
I stared at her. “How the fuck did you get so wise?”
She gave me a wry smile. “Daytime TV. You’d be surprised the shit you can learn from Dr. Phil.”
I let out a snort-laugh.
“Better,” she said. “Look, sometimes the cosmos try to tell us stuff. We just need to listen, and sometimes the best place for us is the last place we thought we’d ever settle. You deserve to be wanted and loved. It shouldn’t be so hard.”
“Grayson…”
“Yeah. Uncomplicated, and he straight-up wants you, and I know you want him.”
I rolled onto my back and wiped away the tears.
Cora was right. “I’ll be a good mate to him. I’m not going to use him for protection from Hunter and the heat.”
“I should hope not,” Cora said. “Now get some sleep, or you’ll look like shit when we go to the Underealm.”
“Nah, I have an amulet to make me look like a hot dude, remember.”
“Yeah, but the amulet is gonna have to come off sometime.”
“What I need is a distraction.”
“Have you heard back from Uri yet? You messaged him two days ago about a meet-up to discuss what he’d found out about the dread.”
My dread project. My mission to find out about the dread claim that they were celestials locked out of heaven. “Nothing yet. Maybe he hasn’t found anything yet?”
“Maybe.” Cora frowned.
“What?”
“Or maybe he found something he shouldn’t?”
Okay, now I was worried.
“You should try calling him,” she said.
“Grigori don’t carry cell phones.”
She nudged me. “You know what I mean? That call-him-with-intent thing.”
“I don’t think it works if I’m in the Underealm.” I gnawed on my bottom lip. “I’ll go to Necro tomorrow and try to contact him.”
I caught Cora’s smile before she could stifle it. Yep, she’d totally given me a new focus and saved me from my moping.
I snuggled into her. “Will you stay till I fall asleep?”
“Yeah, babe.”
With a new objective for the morning, I closed my eyes and was asleep in seconds.
I stood under a lamppost opposite Lumiers. The sun was setting, and the Christmas lights that were draped around Lumiers’s window and attached to the lampposts had come to life. The temperature was dropping, which was standard for this time of the year, and a spark of festive spirit shot through me only to be squashed by the reminder that I’d have to survive a trip to the Keep first. I had the amulet, but that didn’t make the prospect of meeting Lilith any less daunting.
I checked my comm for the fifth time. No messages from Uri. Okay, here went nothing.
I closed my eyes and imagined his hawkish face and blazing amber eyes. “Uri, I need you.” I opened my eyes. Nothing. Panic coursed through me. What if Cora was right? What if he was hurt? What if he was trapped? “Uri, dammit! I need you, Uri!”
A couple across the street shot me wary glances before picking up the pace.
Shit, I probably looked like an insane person, but I didn’t care. Uri was my friend. He’d saved my life on several occasions. I summoned my scythe. Fuck it. I’d get Mal or Conah to take me to the Beyond. I’d demand answers, I’d—
“Fee?”
I spun to find Uri a few feet behind me. I didn’t think. I acted. Bridging the distance between us and throwing my arms around him.
He was okay. He was safe. Thank fuck. Wait, I was hugging him, and he was as still as a stone pillar. Um, unwanted display of affection alert.
I made to pull back, but he chose that moment to relax, molding to me, and mother of flapjacks he was hugging me back.
My body tingled, and my head grew fuzzy and light, and I wanted to stay like this forever and ever and—
“Fee, you need to stop sniffing me.”
I froze with my nose pressed to his pectoral. Oops. “I’m sorry. I…” I stepped away from him with an apologetic wince. “Your aura thing. It gets me every time.”
The corner of his mouth lifted in amusement. “I have to admit it’s never affected anyone the way it does you.”
“What can I say. I’m unique.”
Now that he was here, I couldn’t stop staring at him. His amber eyes looked exceptionally bright today, probably because he was sporting a five o’clock shadow on his chiseled jaw.
“Fee? You called me?”
“Oh. Oh, yes. Right. You didn’t return my messages.” I paused. “Okay, that sounds like I’m some girl trying to tap that ass and not getting anywhere.”
“Tap that ass?”
“Your ass.”
“You’d like to tap my ass?”
Oh, God, my cheeks were on fire. “No.”
“No?” He canted his head, his eyes twinkling with mirth. Yep, he was totally messing with me.
I covered my face with my hands. “Argh.”
His low, deep chuckle sent a tingle down my spine. My head whipped up to see the flash of even, white teeth in a face that looked almost carefree, and then he sobered, cutting off the laugh, his brow pinching as if he was confused by it.
“Uri?”
His throat bobbed. “I’m sorry. It’s been a while.”
“A while since you laughed?”
“The Beyond is a serious place.”
I studied his face, looking for the tell-tale twitch of his lips, but it didn’t come. Well damn.
“I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your messages. The comm Conah gave me stopped working.”
Oh, well, that made sense. “I can get you another one.”
“That would be useful. Meanwhile, I have nothing to report. Yet. I have a meeting with Saniel, who works as a scribe in the celestial ark. I’m hoping he’ll be able to shed some light on these dread claims.” His lip curled.
“You don’t believe them?”
“No. I can’t believe that the creator would be so callous as to abandon his celestial army in such a manner.”
“Yeah, it does sound unlikely, but they believe it. These original dread have the other two generations convinced.”
“And we need to show them the truth by contesting these claims.”
He looked the picture of righteous indignation, eyes blazing, jaw tight. I touched his arm lightly. “If anyone can find the truth, it’s you.”
He fixed his eyes on me. “Fee, I’m merely a lowly Grigori.”
“You’re more than that, Uri. You’re a protector, my protector. I owe you my life. Twice. And…” I smiled up at him. “You’re my friend.”
He blinked slowly as if absorbing this. “In that case, how about we take a walk. I have a place I like to go when not on duty.”
“You stay on earth when off duty?”
He
shrugged. “There are worse places to roam.” He leaned his head to the side. “Would you like to see?”
“As long as you keep your aura in check.”
“I’ll do my part if you promise not to sniff me.”
Man, he smelled good. “I’ll try.”
He held out his arms, and I stepped into them, allowing his aura to wash over me, and yes, I may have sniffed him once before we splintered.
Chapter Thirteen
“Will you guys be okay?” I hugged Cora for the tenth time outside the pinnacle.
“We’ll be fine,” Cora said.
She looked refreshed and revitalized. She was meant to be hanging out with Vi today, and nope, I wasn’t even a little jealous.
Okay, fine, maybe a little, but it wasn’t just a girly lunch. With Azazel gone, Cora had taken it upon herself to find out more about the hooded figures and tulpas in particular. She was going to ask Vi if there were any new independent witches in town who might be able to control one or more tulpas.
I still couldn’t believe that Azazel had just ghosted on us. Yeah, I got that he wanted to put distance between him and me, that he’d shut off his emotions and all that shit, but he still needed to protect me. It was his curse, and finding the person responsible for orchestrating the attacks on me needed to be a priority. Plus, at least that way I got to see him. His absence was like a hole in my soul, this emptiness that I couldn’t shift no matter what I did.
“I’m sssleeping in your room while you’re gone,” Cyril said, jolting me out of my thoughts. “Cora hogsss the bed.”
Cora rolled her eyes. “You have your own bed. Maybe try using it?”
“Would you want to sleep in a glass box?” Cyril retaliated.
“Didn’t bother you before,” Cora said.
“Oh, it bothered me. There was jussst no one to listen to me moan.”
Oh God, I’d forgotten how these two loved to banter. “Um…seriously, guys, will you be okay?”
They both turned to look at me. “Yes,” they said in unison.
Cora gave me a stop-worrying look. “We have Iza to help out if we get stuck; that imp knows how to get hold of anything.”
I hadn’t seen much of my imp maid for the last few days, but then I’d been pretty preoccupied. “Tell her we’ll all catch up when I get back and give her a hug from me.”
The sound of huge wings beating the air drew my attention to the glass doors. Mal and Conah were visible on the pinnacle, and beyond, growing rapidly close, was our ride—a white carriage drawn through the sky by two huge drakes.
The drakes I’d seen in Senki were black, feral, lizard-looking beasts, but these were white with golden ridges on their heads. Their wings were webbed, bat-like appendages that were set high on their backs. They were almost at the end of the pinnacle now, and it was obvious there was no way the ledge would be wide enough for them to land. But I’d seen the drakes bring supplies to the pinnacle before. They could hover in place, beating their wings every couple of seconds to stay airborne and stationary. It defied the laws of physics, but then the Underealm defied the laws of physics as we knew it.
“Fee!” Conah called out, waving me to hurry.
He was dressed in his Dominus gear but with an added fur-edged, crimson cloak with gold embroidery—Lilith’s colors. Mal and I had similar cloaks. Speaking of Mal, he didn’t turn to look for me. In fact, he hadn’t looked at me at all since our night together. If I’d known he’d shut himself off from me like this, I’d never have slept with him.
“Go,” Cora said. “Get this over with, and once you get back, you can start fresh.”
I gave her a final hug. “I’ll see you soon.”
Pulling my cloak tighter around me, I stepped out onto the pinnacle just as the carriage drew level with it.
Conah shook his head and raked me over. “This is going to take some getting used to.”
I gave him a cocky grin and dropped him a wink, doing my best guy impression. “Don’t worry. I got this.”
He shuddered. “Get in the carriage.”
Mal was already pulling the doors open while the drake made awful squawking noises of impatience. I hurried over, ducking my head against the gusts created by the drake’s wings. The carriage was hovering a foot above the pinnacle and half a foot out from the edge.
“Let me give you a boost,” Conah said from behind me.
His hands gripped my hips, and he launched me upwards. I grabbed the inside of the door frame with my gloved hands and pulled myself up. My left boot made it inside, and then I slipped.
“Whoa!” Conah cupped my ass to halt my fall, and Mal grabbed the front of my cloak and hauled me in.
I landed half on top of him, our faces inches apart, and he had no choice but to look at me. His hand came up to touch my cheek, but then he thought better of it.
“You okay?” he asked.
Why did I get the impression he was asking about more than my almost fall?
“I’m fine. We’re fine, right?”
He sighed through his nose. “Yeah, Fee. We’re fine. But you should get off me now.”
I shifted to push myself off him and grazed his groin. He was hard. My gaze shot up to meet his. He cursed, grabbed my wrist, and physically lifted me off him.
Shit. I scrambled into the seat opposite him and fixed my attention out the window. My heart ached for the easy camaraderie we’d lost. He’d become my friend, and now I couldn’t even touch him without getting burned.
I shouldn’t have gone to his room. I should never have slept with him. I’d wanted to hold on to him, but now I’d lost him.
Conah joined us, taking the seat beside me and pulling the door closed. The carriage jolted, and I fell forward, but Conah’s arm shot out to catch me.
“No seat belts?” I gave him a shaky smile. “Design flaw.”
“It’s okay,” Conah said. “I’ll make sure you don’t fall out of your seat.”
His tone was warm and suggestive. I frowned at him, but his attention was on Mal. Was he goading him? But Mal kept his attention on the view outside the carriage. If not for the fact that his hands were curled into white-knuckled fists, I’d have thought he didn’t give a shit.
I needed to stop focusing on him. “So, no drivers? How do the drakes know where to go?”
“They’re highly intelligent creatures,” Conah said. “The drake master who trained them gives them directions, and they make the journey. They’re trained from birth to carry cargo and messages.”
Mal had closed his eyes, feigning sleep, obviously done with interacting with me.
Conah took my hand and squeezed. Oh fuck, he knew. He had to know. I tucked my chin in, wanting the carriage floor to vanish so the clouds would swallow me.
“Look out the window,” Conah said. “I think we’re flying over Persephone now. It’s the largest region of green land we have in Underealm. Our timber and most of our vegetables come from this region. Cattle are reared here for export to the cooler climates.” I scooted across to the window and peered out at the world below. The plains below were visible through breaks in the cloud cover—lush green grass, fields of brightly colored flowers, the tops of wide branched trees, and neatly eked out farmland. It was beautiful, but nothing I couldn’t see in rural parts of the human world.
“Wait for it,” Conah said.
And then the terrain shifted to rolling plains of gold and orange, and the farmhouses were replaced by glass towers and domed buildings that gleamed in the sunlight.
“Solar power,” Conah said. “The region is powered by sunlight. All the factories and farms and harvest machines are solar-powered. It’s why the air in the Underealm is so clean.”
“What about chaol? I thought that was your main fuel.”
“Chaol burns clean, and we use it to run our power plants and produce clean electricity and gas.”
“I’m surprised the human government hasn’t demanded a trade.”
He sat back with a dry smile. “
Oh, they have. But there’s nothing they have to offer in return but destructive elements.”
I couldn’t help but bristle at that. “It’s hardly humanity’s fault that the fossil fuels available on earth damage the environment.”
“Trust me, there are plenty of non-fossil fuel alternatives available to humans, not to mention the option to stop cutting down trees.”
Valid point. I don’t know why I was defending humans. We constantly did shit to fuck up the planet, not to mention the endless wars over wealth, religion, and land. I sat back, suddenly exhausted by it all. I’d barely gotten any sleep the night before, nervous about this trip, about being a guy for a whole week. Nervous about seeing Azazel again. I studied my manly piano-player hands with their neatly buffed cuticles. I had to admit, this was a fine glamour. The witch who’d created it had outdone herself.
A yawn threatened to unhinge my jaw in a pretty good impression of a snake preparing to swallow its prey whole. Cyril would be proud.
“Get some sleep,” Conah said. “It’s a long journey. We have to stop in a couple of hours for the drake to rest.”
“How long is it to Infernum?”
“Around twelve hours. We’ll need to take two rest stops on the way. One just before the River Enmity and then one more, probably somewhere in the Circle.”
“Circle?”
“The Circle is the heart of the Underealm. It’s a crater in our world, a bowl split into nine regions. It was built eons ago to house the souls of the dead—malignant, sinners, anyone the Beyond deemed unworthy of a place in celestial bliss. The Circle was their home.”
“Wait…you mean like the nine circles of hell?”
He smiled. “A simplified version, yes. Back then, Asmodeus, Mammon, Leviathan, Belphegor, and Samael managed the Circle along with various other demons. But then things changed. The Beyond decided it wanted all the souls back, all except the malignant. Those souls were placed in purgatory, and the souls who roamed limbo were left here. Our contract was altered, and the Circle was no longer needed. It became a regular part of the Underealm, and the demons who’d run it were given ambassadorships over regions within it.”
Reaper Unveiled (Deadside Reapers Book 4) Page 7