“T-take Mad,” I whispered, my teeth practically chattering.
He did as I asked, hoisting our son into his arms, his eyes never leaving mine. Mad grinned up at his daddy, oblivious to the tension.
“What’s wrong with her?” one of the Black Riders asked, his tone confused and almost accusatory.
Axel turned to him with fire in his eyes. “What’s wrong with her?” he growled. “What’s wrong with her is that fucker Aron helped kidnap her and terrorized her in a motel room until she escaped. That’s what the fuck is wrong with her!” he shouted.
The man held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Sorry, brother, I didn’t realize she was your woman. I didn’t know who she was,” he tried to explain.
“I’m not your brother,” Axel spat.
“Axel, take your family home,” Cal ordered brusquely. “Now.”
Axel wasn’t happy with the order. His chest heaved as he glared daggers at the three men filling the doorway.
The tension was palpable as my anxiety grew more pronounced.
“Ax, man,” Cole’s voice suddenly filled the space. I hadn’t even realized he was here. “If it were my woman, I’d feel the same fucking way and you’d tell me the same thing. You’ve got too much skin in this game. Take your girl home. Trust your brothers. We’ve got your back,” he assured him.
After a moment, Axel nodded reluctantly. “Yeah, man.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led us past the men and to the truck parked out front. He opened the door for me, guiding me with his large hand to crawl in while he still held our son. “Seatbelt,” he commanded, moving around the other side to get Maddox strapped in his seat.
He didn’t say a word the entire drive back home. His demeanor didn’t invite conversation and I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn’t press him. I did have the presence of mind to wish he’d offer some form of comfort, no matter how small. Tension poured off him in waves and I wondered what exactly had him so keyed up.
The air had a new chill when we pulled up and carried Mad inside. Fall was officially upon us. I looked up at the sky wistfully hoping we’d have the kind of holiday season I’d dreamed about since I was a child. The kind filled with laughter and love – not appearances and forced emotion.
“I’ll take him,” I murmured in our darkened entryway, reaching out for a sleepy Maddox. Axel handed him over without a word.
“Sweet boy,” I murmured into his soft hair that was coming in thicker every day. “You’re ready for bed, aren’t you?” I talked softly to him as I carried him into the office and got him changed. He had his last bottle at the club so he was ready to roll. I looked around the office wondering if it was time to convert it into a nursery. Axel had asked me several times, when was I ready to make it his room? When was I ready to call his place ours?
Maybe it was time to take the plunge.
I swayed back and forth, humming an unnamed melody to Mad as his eyes drooped. I knew I could put him down but holding him calmed my frazzled nerves. Seeing those men, those jackets, had brought back so many unwanted memories and emotions. Then there was Axel. He was seriously pissed and I wasn’t sure I had the capacity to deal with his emotion as well as mine. Not right then anyway.
“Night, sweetie,” I cooed softly, placing my sleeping baby in his crib. I smoothed his hair back from his beautiful face and slipped out of the room in search of my man.
I found him pacing the master bedroom like a caged beast. I eyed him warily as he pulled on his hair and looked ready to break down a wall or two.
“What’s the matter?” I asked quietly when it didn’t seem like he was going to stop any time soon.
He turned to glare at me, the venom in his expression taking me by surprise. Axel had never directed anger at me. Frustration? Irritation? Sure. But nothing like the feral rage I saw now.
“I should be there,” he growled by way of reply.
“Where?” I asked, confused.
“At the club! Not fucking playing house!” he roared.
I took a step back, reeling from his anger and the bite of his words. It was a minute before I could even respond.
“Is that what we’re doing? Playing house?” I shot back through numb lips.
He threw up his hands. “That’s not what I fucking meant!” he hollered.
“Keep your voice down!” I hissed.
“I have to go.” He shook his head, grabbing his cut off the chair. “I can’t deal with this shit.”
I wondered which shit he meant specifically but couldn’t bear to ask for fear of what he’d say. I fought fiercely to battle down my own temper. To bite back the demand of where my feelings played into all this. He was obviously warring with himself over something and this wasn’t the time.
“Talk to me,” I asked quietly, moving a step closer.
He groaned, throwing his head back to look at the ceiling. “I’m not a man who should be talking about fucking feelings,” he huffed. He held up his fists, clenched so tight his knuckles were white. “I use these – it’s who I am,” he grit out. “The club needs me to be that and I can’t be that when I have to take care of you,” he shot out, leveling me with a frustrated stare.
Holy hell, ouch. It was as though he verbally socked me in the gut. My eyes pooled with tears at his harsh words.
“Well, please, don’t do me any favors,” I murmured hoarsely.
“Fuck! I’m no good like this. I’m leaving,” he muttered, moving past me.
I stood shocked in the sudden quiet, feeling like I’d just been through a hurricane and was left with the wreckage.
I heard his bike start up in the garage and the tears filling my eyes spilled over and down my cheeks. I swiped at them angrily, frustrated he could decimate me so suddenly. He demanded time and time again that I let him take care of us, yet he threw that back in my face.
Well, screw that shit.
I pulled myself together and picked up the phone, calling the only person I wanted in that moment who also happened to be the last person I should share this with.
Chapter 14
Sal was quiet on the drive down the mountain. We’d taken Mad’s car seat out of Axel’s truck and without a word he’d installed it and helped me with my things. I felt guilty for disturbing Maddox but there was no way I was waiting for Axel to come back – whenever the hell that was.
If he didn’t want to be burdened with us, then I was more than happy to let him have his house back. That was what I was telling myself anyway.
I looked out the window lost in thought as we drove. Sal didn’t press and allowed me my space.
We pulled up to Sal and Kat’s new place. They’d moved in a few months ago wanting more space for the baby. Their ranch-style place was close to Wes and Connie’s and had four bedrooms, plenty of space.
Kat swept in quietly when we walked in and led me into their nursery. They’d just started decorating but had a crib already up that I set Maddox in. He immediately went back to sleep.
“You can stay in here,” she murmured, ushering me to their guest room.
“Little different than the last time I dropped on your doorstep,” I smiled dryly, looking around the neat room with a queen-sized bed. When I’d first arrived in Hawthorne, I’d shown up on Sal’s doorstep without warning. He had a two bedroom house back then and the second bedroom was in no shape for a guest.
I looked over at my brother who leaned in the doorway, his dark eyes assessing. “Sal, you’re so grown up,” I teased lightly as I set my overnight bag down on the bed.
“I’ll go get some towels,” Kat offered and I knew she was just giving us a minute.
“I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but whatever that idiot did, I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” Sal muttered. “Want to talk about it?”
“What is it with you two anyway?” I asked, sitting on the end of the bed warily.
He sighed in resignation. “We’ve had some dust-ups over the years,” he admitted with a shrug
. “We prospected at the same time all those years ago. I was an outsider and he’d known most of the guys all their lives. He didn’t trust me for a long-ass time.” He chuckled wryly. “I guess it went both ways. We’ve gotten a lot better over the years, but I guess when you came back into town and I saw his reaction to you – well, it struck a nerve. It was less about him though; I admit that was part of it – and more about how you’d grown up. I didn’t think any of the guys would be a good match. Especially when I wasn’t gonna let anyone take advantage of you,” he explained.
“You’re a good big brother,” I replied softly.
A look of guilt swept over his face. “Shit, Soph, I could have been so much better,” he grumbled shaking his head. “I shouldn’t have left you. That was some fucking selfish bullshit.”
“Sal, you were eighteen. You’re supposed to be selfish at eighteen,” I protested.
“Still,” he lamented. “But, Soph, what I said about any of the guys taking advantage. It was clear pretty damn quick that wasn’t Axel’s agenda. Not with you,” he shook his head. “He loves you and he loves Maddox,” he said firmly.
I looked down at my hands and the tears pooled again in my eyes. “I know he does,” I shrugged, biting my lip and trying not to do the whole ugly-cry thing. I was surprised Sal was venturing this far into the emotional zone. I didn’t want to scare him away. “He just…tonight he was so mad,” I whispered. “He made me feel like Mad and I are holding him back from what he wants to be doing, like we’re a burden. I didn’t understand where any of that was coming from or why he was so angry. He’s fought so hard to make me feel like he wants to take care of us but then his actions tonight said otherwise.”
“Shit,” Sal muttered and sighed, coming to sit awkwardly next to me. “I’m sure that sucked,” he acknowledged. “And I’ll gladly pound him if you want.”
I chuckled on a sob and shook my head before he continued.
“Ax has never had a woman – not one he cared for like you, Soph,” he sighed. “It’s an adjustment. It was for me, too. It’s like two sides of yourself warring all of a sudden. That’s my guess of what might be going on anyway. Doesn’t make it right but there it is,” he shrugged as Kat returned bearing a cup of tea.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
I nodded though it really wasn’t. “I think I just want to go to bed. Thanks for letting me stay. Sorry for imposing.”
“It’s no trouble. You guys are welcome any time,” Kat rushed to say. I could tell she wanted to ask for details but restrained herself. “Let us know if you two need anything.”
“I will, thanks.”
“Night, Soph, it’ll work out,” Sal assured me, clasping the crown of my head with affection before they left me to my thoughts.
I looked at my phone. He hadn’t even called, didn’t even realize we were gone. I winced, thinking how freaked he’d be if he didn’t know where we were. That wasn’t fair to him. No matter how mad and confused I was, I didn’t want him to worry. I shot him a brief text.
At my brother’s. We’re safe.
I turned off my ringer and quietly got ready for bed, crawling under the unfamiliar covers. It took me a long time to find sleep. I tossed and turned, Axel’s anger haunting me even after I’d fallen asleep.
There was a faint tapping that grew louder as I roused, feeling groggy. I wasn’t even sure how long I’d been sleeping.
“Soph,” Sal’s deep quiet voice cut through the darkness.
“Is Maddox okay?” I asked groggily.
“Yeah. But Axel’s here. I told him he can’t come in but he’s pretty damn determined.”
“What time is it?” I rasped, sitting up and wiping my hair back from my face.
“Two.”
“Fantastic,” I muttered. “Sorry, Sal.” I felt bad that they’d taken me in and were now being awoken by a perpetually moody Axel Black.
He snorted. “I had money he’d show up by now. Don’t worry about it.” He waved me off.
“But Kat,” I protested, knowing how tired she was these days.
“She’d sleep through a fuckin’ parade. She’s out; otherwise, I’d be out there having more than words with your man.”
I didn’t doubt that was true.
“I don’t want to put you in the middle of this but can you send him home?” I asked, my voice sounding small in the dim light.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Axel’s voice cut through the night with booming conviction.
“Fuck, man, I told you to stay out there,” Sal bit out.
“And I told you to stay the fuck out of it,” Axel growled. “She’s your sister. I get it. But she’s my woman and that’s my son in there.” He jerked a finger toward the nursery.
“Yeah and you’re acting like a fucking jackass,” Sal snarled.
“Sal, fuck, man, don’t make me remind you of all the shit you pulled on Kat,” Axel appealed to my brother with a sincere effort toward peace. “’Cause I took care of your girl while you were gone and I didn’t fuckin’ judge you for that shit.”
There was a heavy pause and I honestly couldn’t tell which way this would go.
“You’re right,” Sal agreed, shocking the hell out of me. “I was no saint.” He shook his head. “I get some of what you’re going through. But she’s my little sister, man. Anytime she turns up on my doorstep, I’ll take her in. Don’t cross a line where I don’t let you in,” he warned.
“I won’t,” Axel agreed.
“All right, I’m headed to bed,” my brother said gruffly. “Keep it down. If you wake up Kat, I’ll kick your ass out.” He shot a look at Axel though I could tell most of his anger had left him.
I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at both of them.
“Good luck, dude,” Sal muttered, slipping from the room.
“If my brother won’t kick you out, I will,” I hissed toward Axel after the door had been quietly shut.
He didn’t answer me but clicked the light off instead. I heard the sound of his boots dropping one by one to the floor with heavy thunks that ricocheted off the walls. When I heard the sound of his belt and jeans falling to the ground, I stared at him with wide eyes through the dark room.
“What the hell are you doing?” I demanded incredulously.
“Babe, we’re gonna fight; I don’t know much but I know that,” he muttered. “I’m an angry motherfucker and you’re as sweet as you are stubborn.”
“I am not stubborn,” I argued.
He chuckled as I glared.
“We’ll fight,” he continued as he climbed up onto the bed. I scooted away indignantly. “But baby, you’re mine. You sleep under our roof or I find the one you’re under.”
“Not if you’re going to fight like hell for us and then when you get pissed make me feel like a burden,” I argued.
“You’re never a burden,” he replied, his voice tired but sincere. “I’m just not used to fixing things by talkin’,” he explained. “It’s always been with my fists. When those fucks showed up at the club, I’ve never felt so torn. I didn’t want you out of my sight but I also wanted to let them know who the hell they’d answer to if they stepped out of line.”
“So you chose to be with me and regretted it?” I asked confused and hurt.
“All I regretted was feeling like I didn’t do enough to protect you by letting everyone else handle business that I felt was mine.”
“That sounds like it’s more about what you needed than what I needed,” I pointed out.
There was a charged pause while he took that in.
“Fuck, you’re right,” he admitted.
He sounded so surprised by that realization and so tired that I softened some.
“I love you and I swear I’m tryin’,” he added as I heard the pillow rustle under his head. I knew his gaze had turned to me and I was glad the room was dark. Those eyes always made me melt and I needed to stay strong here. “There’s nothing in this goddamned world I want more than you a
nd Mad. Taking care of you, protecting you – it gives me a purpose like I’ve never known. Anything I said to make you feel otherwise was said in anger and was complete and utter bullshit,” he swore.
I took that in for a minute.
“Okay,” I murmured. I believed him. I knew we both had to operate on a learning curve; this whole thing was new to both of us.
“Okay?” he asked, his voice relieved.
“Yeah,” I answered. “I just think – well, I feel like you’re censoring yourself for my benefit. If Mad and I force you to change too much, this will never work,” I shook my head. “I think what we need is some balance,” I surmised.
“All right,” he agreed. “I also think we need to have some goddamned fun, Soph. Let me take you away for a night. Sal and I already talked about it. You and I need some time, just us.”
“Leave Mad?” I questioned nervously.
“With your brother and Kat,” he interjected. “One night, Soph, it’ll be good for us. He loves them both, he’ll be fine.”
“I don’t know,” I fretted. I’d never left Maddox overnight.
He reached over, pulling me close to his chest. “You know I’d never suggest it if I didn’t know he’d be well taken care of. I don’t regret the way we ended up here. I fucking love our life. But I never did the whole dating thing. Never wanted to. But with you, well, I want to spend time with you. Alone,” he pressed.
I giggled quietly at the urgency in his tone.
“Yeah, okay,” I agreed. “What did you have in mind?”
Chapter 15
I found myself regretting sharing that I’d never been camping.
Growing up in Manhattan and having parents who were positively repelled by the outdoors, my closest experiences with nature had been Central Park.
Axel hadn’t liked that so much.
When he suggested a night away, this hadn’t been exactly what I’d had in mind but I was determined to roll with it.
The campground he’d brought us to was gorgeous, surrounded by pine trees and amazing rock formations. It was fairly private with only a few other campsites occupied. I appreciated the smell and the sense of calm.
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