by P. Stormcrow
“We were thinking Florida. Hit up Disney World and Harry Potter World at the same time.”
Never had Luna seen someone talk about a kid place with such a neutral tone. She wondered if August was just indulging Lani, until she leaned across and stage-whispered. “Don’t let him fool you. August’s the biggest Harry Potter fan. He has every line in the book memorized and told me the first thing he wants to do is go get his wand.”
Luna’s eyes widened in disbelief while August only sniffed. “I am merely interested in how they accomplish those special effects that I’ve heard so much about. Apparently they try to emulate the movie, as the wand chooses the wizard.”
Lani held her hand out flat, as if to present August and mouthed a silent word. “See?”
It was true. Luna did not miss the way August was trying to hide his excitement behind that calm and collected façade. It was in the way his brow twitched and the way he held himself rigid, as if to prevent himself from fidgeting.
Just then, August’s phone screen lit up and he grabbed it before typing back. Both girls looked up, curiosity driving them to lean toward him.
“It’s Cass. We haven’t hung out in a while and she wants to catch up.”
“You mean to catch up on the gossip about you and Lani.” Luna grinned, enjoying the teasing.
“Oh look, the pot is calling the kettle black.” If August wasn’t August, Luna could see him sticking his tongue out at her. Instead, she stuck hers out at him in reply but grinned after.
“Now, now, children,” Lani chided.
The rest of the evening was filled with just as much mirth, and Luna wondered why she’d ever had doubts that she would be uncomfortable, even if she was third-wheeling.
All too soon, it was time to go. As they stepped out back into the summer heat, Luna cringed at the thought of the bus ride home, however short it might be.
“Come on, Luna. We can give you a ride home.” August motioned for her and she followed until they were all piling into his car. As August pulled out of the parking spot, she took out her phone. Maybe it was time to text Jacob back, even if it was to tell him that she still wasn’t sure yet. Perhaps they could keep exploring until she was. They meant something to each other. For now, that would be enough.
They stopped at an intersection and Lani turned to glance toward Luna sitting behind her. “You okay, sweetie?”
“Yeah. I’m just thinking of giving Jacob a call.”
“Good.” Lani beamed and, from the rearview mirror, Luna saw August give a small smile too.
Their light turned green and August rolled out into the intersection.
“Hey, Luna, what do you think about making dinner, like tonight, a regular thing?” Lani suggested.
Luna never had a chance to reply. Without warning, the car lurched toward the passenger side. Her seatbelt yanked her back, cutting into her thin tank top as her head whipped toward the window. She reached out with both hands to brace herself, to keep her head away from the glass, only to hear a sickening crack as pain blossomed over her right wrist. Someone screamed, then she realized it was her.
The world slowed. The car came to a skidding stop. Her sight was blurry and unfocused as she shook her head, trying to clear her vision.
“August? August!” Somewhere in front, Lani’s frantic voice broke through the silence in the car. She reached to unbuckle her seatbelt then cried out in pain. Afraid to look, she used her other hand instead and felt panic surge as it remained stuck. The door. If she got the door open, she could call for help. She reached out but she was too pinned to her seat. Her heart thudded in her ears as she struggled to no avail.
“Lani?” she called out but Lani only kept screaming out August’s name. That was when Luna realized that she hadn’t heard a sound from him. As her sight began to clear, she ventured a look to the driver’s side.
Blood. There was blood and glass everywhere. She couldn’t tell much from her angle, but she glimpsed August’s hand hanging limp next to his seat. Bile rose in her throat. From beyond the broken window, she discerned the shape of another car, the front of it mashed into theirs. T-bone. The word came unbidden. Her mind was restarting as she began to process what had happened. They had been in a car accident. She was hurt. Lani was conscious, though she wasn’t sure what state she was in. But August was badly injured.
The sound of sirens pierced the silence, growing closer. Jacob’s voice came to mind and she tried to breathe, to ground herself, to use those techniques to keep the horror of the situation from overwhelming her. Next, a face in fireman’s gear peered into the window next to her. “Stay calm, ma’am. We’re getting you out. You’re okay.”
I’m okay. I’m okay. She clung to those words like a lifeline. She was okay. The emergency crew was here. Everyone would be okay. Everyone had to be.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Luna sat in her own temporary area in the ER, listening to the beep of machines in the other rooms. Initial triage had determined that she had a mild concussion, whiplash and a broken wrist accompanying minor cuts. The concussion was enough to warrant at least an overnight stay at the hospital. At least the nurses had given her some acetaminophen and the pain had now receded to a dull pulsing.
“Please, can you let me know the condition of August Kane and Luna Weir? They brought me in here with them.”
Recognizing Lani’s voice, Luna scrambled off the bed and shuffled in her hospital gown, pulling back the curtain. There she was, the mass of red curls on top of the small figure. “Lani?”
“Oh, thank God.” Lani’s relief was palpable as she reached to pull Luna into a hug, only to see her hand in a splint.
There was a gash on Lani’s forehead, already stitched, and several other smaller cuts along her arms. Luna breathed out. “Are you okay?”
The weak smile was the least vibrant she had ever seen from Lani, but it was more than understandable. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Lani looked less than fine with how pale she was, worry creasing her brows. Luna touched her friend’s back, guiding her back to the nurse’s station.
“I’m Luna Weir. Please, can you tell us anything about our friend August’s condition?”
She could see the nurse struggle for a neutral but friendly face but the pity in her eyes was unmistakable. Luna’s stomach dropped and she swallowed hard.
The nurse didn’t even have to look at her log. Another bad sign. “Ah, I believe he’s still in the operating room.”
“Excuse me. Are you Lani McMillan?” an older woman in simple jeans and hoodie called out from behind them. With light brown hair piled in a messy bun and glasses framing large eyes, there was no doubt that she was related to August.
When Lani nodded, she stepped toward them and held out her hand. “I’m Madelyn Kane, August’s sister.”
Lani took her hand, shaking it, a little wary but Madelyn dove right in. “You’re August’s new Dominant, correct?”
Lani paused as shock registered on her face, while Luna’s eyes widened into saucers. How did August’s sister know? Did August tell her? Were the two close? Was August’s sister also in the lifestyle? A thousand questions sprang to Luna’s mind.
“It’s okay.” Madelyn’s voice softened. “I’m well aware of my little brother’s preferences. We’ve always been open with each other, and I accept his choices, even if I don’t understand them. I’m just glad he’s found someone.”
Despite the calm demeanor, Madelyn’s voice cracked and her eyes behind her glasses were red and puffy.
“Thank you,” Lani whispered. “How’s August?”
“They’re still operating on him. Can you leave here? I wouldn’t mind some company waiting. Our parents are out of town, so I’m alone.”
“We’d be happy to come sit with you.”
Madelyn turned and Luna venture a small smile of greeting. “I’m Luna. Luna Weir.”
“Ah-h. I’m glad to meet you, though I wish it were under better circumstances.”
; They all glanced back at the nurse, who nodded toward the three of them. The sympathy in the nurse’s smile was the hardest to bear and Luna braced herself. In her mind, a mantra began to play as she followed Madelyn’s lead. He’s okay. He’ll be okay. He’s okay. He’ll be okay.
Just as they were almost stepping into the elevator, a strangled cry pierced the air, followed by heavy footsteps rushing toward them.
“Luna!”
There he was, his mop of dark locks a ruffled mess, panic showing in his chocolate eyes. Jacob stood, panting, before closing the distance to draw her into his arms, the last few seconds slowing down, careful of her injuries. “Oh thank fucking God.” The words were muffled as he half buried his face against her hair.
“Jacob, I’m okay. Please.” She was not going to burst into tears, not when one of her closest friend’s fate was still unknown. “Please,” she emphasized again until Jacob stepped back enough to give her some space.
“Lani?” He was looking past her now, as if remembering himself. Luna shuffled back a little more, one arm holding her injured wrist, and she nodded up at him. He took a step forward toward his long-time friend.
“I’m okay. But August…” Lani trailed off, managing by some miracle to hold back a sob.
He drew her into a hug and Luna moved closer to rub Lani’s back. For a moment, they took comfort in each other’s presence before Lani came to and, disentangling herself, half-turned. “Jacob, this is Madelyn, August’s sister.”
Madelyn gave a nod of acknowledgment. “We’re just heading back upstairs to wait for him to come out of surgery.”
“Sorry,” Jacob mumbled as he let go of Lani and reached for Luna’s uninjured hand. Though his grip didn’t hurt, it was firm as if it brooked no argument. There was a desperation in the way he held her hand, smoothing his thumb over and over the back of it, as if reassuring himself that she was still there—or so Luna imagined.
“No apologies necessary.” Madelyn stepped into the open elevator and they all shuffled in. In the back of her mind, Luna wondered at how the siblings even talked alike.
When they reached the operating room waiting area, the light was still on, showing that surgery was still in progress. They took seats and Lani wrapped an arm around Madelyn. They waited in the stillness with bated breath, none of them wanting to be more than five steps away from the door.
Minutes turned to hours. At some point, Lani and Luna were both informed of their new rooms for overnight stays but both refused to leave their vigil. They took turns sitting, pacing, standing, trying to work out the restless energy building from waiting until, at last, the operating light turned off.
It hit Luna before the doctor spoke even a single word. The careful neutral face, the sympathy in his eyes all spoke volumes. He asked for the next of kin and Madelyn rose, shoulders already trembling. Deep down, they all knew.
Luna reached for Lani’s hand and felt her friend’s slender fingers wrapped around hers in a vise-like grip. They couldn’t hear the low whispering of the doctor to Madelyn but when she let out a single plaintive sob, Lani let go of Luna’s hand and rushed over to pull August’s sister into her arms. Lani’s own tears fell unhindered but she did not utter a sound.
August was gone.
One minute he’d been there laughing, joking with them, making plans about the future, then the next, he was gone.
“Luna?”
She heard Jacob’s voice as if from a distance but she couldn’t focus enough to register what he was saying. It wasn’t happening. It was just a bad nightmare. If she tried hard enough, she would wake up and August would be one phone call, one text away.
“Luna!” Jacob grasped her shoulders and shook her until she stared into his eyes.
“August…” she whispered. And the tears came.
“I know, sweetheart.” His warmth enveloped her as he wrapped his arms around her. The more he held her, the more she cried, great heaving sobs racking her body as she clung to him like a lifeline. She closed her eyes, afraid to even make eye contact with anyone else as she struggled to come to terms with the loss.
Images of the evening replayed in her head. Dinner. The sibling-like bickering. August’s offer to drive me home. If he hadn’t had to drive her, would he have taken the same route?
Oh God. Lani. Poor Lani. If it was her fault in some way, how was she ever going to face Lani?
The rest of the night passed in a daze and her memory of it afterward never became more than a jumbled mess. At some point, nurses had come to escort her to her room. Jacob had asked whether she wanted him to stay but she only shook her head, everything still numb. She wanted to find Lani but, like a coward, she hid in the room instead, pulling one of the hospital blankets over her head to block the world out. Tossing and turning all night, she alternated between staring into space and weeping until her eyes ached.
The next day, the hospital discharged her. Without telling anyone, she snuck home in a cab. As soon as she let herself into the apartment, she emailed her boss at work to explain her absence and to request the rest of the week off. Then she shut off her computer and her phone and curled up on her couch. Even the bed felt too far away.
August had never visited her apartment. Why had she never invited him over? Cooked him a nice meal to show her appreciation? Maybe she’d thought there was time.
There wasn’t.
Time ticked away as she lay there. At some point, hunger drove her to get up and she wandered into the kitchen in search of something to satisfy the hollowness inside. Anything involving turning on the stove or oven was too much effort. In the end, she found a bag of chips, half-forgotten in the back of the pantry, and fortified with cans of beer, she returned to her couch. With her splinted wrist in a sling, she’d had to make several trips.
Luna opened the bag and popped a chip into her mouth. In her mind, she could almost hear August’s disapproving voice, see that frown of his as he chided her for not making healthier choices. Fueled by sudden anger, she began jamming handfuls into her mouth. Who was he to be lecturing her? He didn’t even have the grace to be here anymore. He didn’t deserve the power to make her feel so shitty.
As quick as the anger came, it fled just as fast, leaving her numb and exhausted. It wasn’t as if August chose not to be there. No, that had been taken away from him. A drunk driver, they had told her, speeding and running a red light.
She stared at the can of beer in disgust, picked it up and threw it hard in no particular direction. It made a crunch on the floor then began leaking its contents all over.
“Shit, shit, shit.” Luna scrambled to action, retrieving the can and running it to the kitchen then grabbing paper towels to clean the mess. It felt good to be doing something, anything to combat her sense of helplessness.
What started as cleaning the puddle on the floor became a full-fledged house cleaning. It took twice as long, given her injuries, as she had to both do most things one-handed and take frequent breaks. But she cleaned for the rest of the day, falling into deep dreamless sleep when she grew too tired, only to wake up and do it all over again.
Several times, she stared at her phone, willing herself to pick it up, turn it on and call Lani. But the longer she remained isolated, the more guilt gnawed at her. She should have been there at the start, helped her friend grieve. If the loss cut so sharply for Luna, she couldn’t even imagine how Lani would feel, so new in love with August. The longer she remained out of contact, the harder it became for her to start.
Then there was Jacob.
Luna owed him an answer, but she couldn’t bring herself to even think about her own tangled ball of emotions regarding that man. As she recalled his panicked face and his reluctance to leave her at the hospital, she was aware that she owed him at least a text to reassure him she was okay. But she had been afraid to even turn on her phone.
The only thing that felt good was the beautiful ache in her body from all the cleaning. Combined with the tightness of her healing wounds, the
blend of pain felt perversely satisfying, proof that her self-inflicted punishment had salved off the worst of her guilt. It made sense to her in a world that no longer did. The pain was proof that she had control, that she was not helpless in her grief.
The sound of her landline ringing jolted her out of her morbid daze and she looked up, startled. She ignored the ringing, only for it to start again. The only thing that damn cordless phone was hooked up to was the buzzer downstairs, which meant someone was down there—and they were not leaving.
With a groan, she rose to her knees where she’d knelt, scrubbing the kitchen floor, then she made her way to the phone. She reached to pick it up with a shaky hand, bringing it to her ear.
“Luna, let me up.”
Jacob.
Chapter Thirty
Two days. He had lasted two days before he’d come slinking around like some stalker to a girl’s apartment, ringing her apartment buzzer nonstop as soon as he’d gotten off work. But after checking that no one else had heard from her either, Jacob had to make sure she was okay. Even as a friend, he would do no less.
When he heard her timid voice over the speakerphone, Jacob let out a sigh of relief. She was alive, conscious. At least there was that.
The second bout of relief came when he heard the ring and the latch from the front door, releasing to let him into the building. He struggled to keep his stride even as he made his way to her floor and across the hall until he reached her unit.
Luna cracked the door open at his approach.
She looked like hell.
“Ah, sweetheart,” he murmured under his breath but was afraid to touch her. Luna cut such a fragile figure in her grief that he wasn’t sure she wouldn’t break under his touch, emotionally or physically. With dark rings circling her eyes and ugly bruises already blossoming on her arms, legs and shoulders—even one on the side of her cheek—she looked battered and broken. When she saw him, she turned around, leaving the door wide open as she shuffled away, her arms wrapped around herself as she hunched over in her oversized T-shirt PJs. Jacob felt something akin to his heart breaking.