Tears burned the backs of my eyes all over again, and I blinked rapidly, then looked back at Marco. “If he wakes during the night—”
“I’ll take care of him. Trust me. I know Luc. In a day or two, when it’s all not so fresh and he’s had time to process, you can go to him. I just think seeing you right now might make things worse.”
I didn’t believe that for a moment. But I also realized that the Luc I’d seen writhing on that bathroom floor had not been my Luc. It had been a shadow of the man I knew. And I wasn’t willing to give that man any reason to keep my Luc locked away.
I swallowed hard. Nodded. And somehow managed to say, “Okay.”
Marco squeezed my shoulders, then released me. “It’ll get better, Natalie. Just have faith.”
Faith was all I had left. I just hoped it didn’t fail me.
“Come on.” Felicity pushed back from the table. “I’ll take you up to a room. There are lots of suites in this old castle, all with super comfy beds.”
I followed her out of the kitchen and up the stairs, and when she turned into a different wing from where Luc was staying, it was all I could do not to protest. But I didn’t, because I was willing to do whatever it took to bring my Luc back to me. Including give him space even though my heart screamed that was the wrong thing to do.
I just wasn’t sure how long I could stay away from him.
* * *
As it turned out, I wasn’t able to stay away long.
I couldn’t sleep not knowing how Luc was doing. So after two or three hours of tossing and turning, I threw back the covers and crept out into the dark hallway.
Marco and Fee had gone to bed sometime after me. I didn’t know which room they were staying in, but I figured it was probably close to Luc in case he needed Marco’s help in the middle of the night.
Moving as quietly as I could down the hardwood floor in my bare feet, I reminded myself that everything was going to be okay. I had faith. I believed in us. I wouldn’t let Luc’s family break us, no matter how hard they tried.
The doors in Luc’s wing were all closed, and I held my breath as I stopped outside his room. A shiver racked my spine, one that made me wish I’d tossed a sweater over my tank in this cold castle, but I didn’t want to waste time and go get one now. I just wanted Luc.
The knob squeaked as I turned it in my hand, the sound sending my pulse up even higher. Moving quickly so the hinges didn’t wake anyone, I pushed the door open only a few inches, slipped into the room, then quietly shut it at my back.
Only a sliver of moonlight shone through the upper windows along the wall not covered by curtains. My gaze swept over the dark room and landed on Luc lying facedown on the bed, the sheet low across his hips to reveal the fresh bandage across his back, one bare foot hanging off the end of the mattress.
My heart bumped. His hands were up near his face, and as I rounded the mattress, I realized the pillows were half covering his head, either to block the light or drown out sound.
Memories of the way he’d looked on the bathroom floor flooded my mind—memories of him bent over and shaking, his voice raspy and deep, sounding nothing like him.
I stopped at the side of the bed, still couldn’t quite see his face. Indecision warred inside me. More than anything, I wanted to touch him, to wrap my arms around him, to slide between those sheets with him and hold him to me, but if he freaked out again, if I somehow triggered the same kind of reaction—
His head shifted my way, pushing the pillow partway off his face so I could see his nose and lips and the sexy scruff on his jaw I loved to run my fingers over. “Ang...letto?”
Warmth flooded my chest. “Yes,” I whispered, dropping to my knees beside his bed. “I’m right here.” I slid the pillow the rest of the way off his handsome face and brushed the soft hair back from his forehead. “I’m right here.”
He didn’t open his eyes, but I didn’t need him to. The way he angled his face toward my hand told me he sensed me. I blinked back happy tears.
He lifted his muscular arm, grimacing with the motion, and wrapped it around my shoulders. “C’mere.”
When he pulled me toward him, I didn’t resist. I climbed beneath the covers with him, fixed the pillow at my back, and let him drape his big body over mine. And when his head was resting on my chest and his legs were entwined with mine, I wrapped my arms around him, careful not to graze his wounds.
“I’ve got you,” I whispered, holding him close, sifting my fingers through his silky hair. “You’re all mine.” I pressed my lips against his forehead, hoping he felt all the love I held inside for him. “I’m not letting you go.”
He sighed and relaxed against me. As his weight pressed me deeper into the mattress and his warmth and strength surrounded me, I closed my eyes and was finally able to drift to sleep.
Felicity was right. All we needed was faith. We could survive anything so long as we held on to each other.
* * *
Voices woke me. Angry voices. Well, one angry voice. The other sounded... frustrated.
I struggled to pull my eyes open. A door slammed somewhere close, followed by that same angry voice yelling, “Just get her the fuck out of here!”
Blinking several times, I looked up and around. Luc’s room. I was in Luc’s room. I’d gone to him in the middle of the night.
Pushing up on my hands, I glanced across the empty bed toward the closed bathroom door. Marco dropped his hands from the doorframe and turned my way with a perturbed expression.
Unease filled my belly as I brushed the unruly curls back from my face. “What’s going on?”
“He woke to find you in his bed, and he’s not happy. That’s what’s going on.”
My gaze shifted to the bathroom door. “He wanted me in here last night. When I came in to check on him, he wouldn’t let me leave.”
“Is she gone yet?” Luc called.
Marco frowned and glanced back at the door. “Not yet.”
“Get her the fuck out of here because I’m not coming out until she leaves,” Luc snapped.
Marco moved to the side of the bed, leveling an apologetic expression at me. “That’s the pain talking. He’s due for his next dose of meds.”
I wasn’t so sure. Unease rolled through me as I threw the covers back and pushed to my feet. After rounding the bed, I stopped next to the bathroom door and knocked. “Luc? What’s going on?”
A muttered “Merda” met my ears. Then louder, he said, “I don’t need your help. I want you to leave.”
Panic churned in my gut. I glanced once at Marco, then looked back at the door. “I don’t believe you.” My hand moved to the knob, and I tried to turn it, but he’d locked the door. “Luc, let me in.”
“Get out of my room, Natalie. I don’t want you near me.”
“You did last night.”
“Last night, I was fucking drugged.”
My heart felt like someone drop kicked it.
“Luc—”
“Cazzo. Just go already,” he growled. “Or I’m going to lose my shit like last time!”
I dropped my hand and stared at the door, my heart pounding double time. There was so much anger in his voice, he almost didn’t sound like himself. And memories of the way he’d been on that bathroom floor last night flooded my mind all over again.
Marco’s hand landed on my shoulder, and he gently turned me toward him. “Just give him some space,” he whispered. “I’ll talk to him.”
I swallowed hard and stepped back from the door. But my hands shook as I turned out of the room and headed back to my own.
Alone, I sank onto the end of my bed and just stared at the carpet beneath my bare feet. It was some floral wool rug with blues and golds and oranges that blurred in my vision until it all kind of ran together as one color.
Last night, when Luc had pulled me into bed with him, I’d thought the worst was behind us. But now, I had a sinking suspicion what Marco had said to me on the plane was about to come true. It was
going to get way worse before it ever got better.
I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose. In and out. Again and again until my hands stopped shaking. This time, it wasn’t misery I fought. It was a blistering rage that threatened to consume me.
I’d never understood how a person could commit murder. But if Luc’s parents were here right now, I wouldn’t even hesitate. I’d claw their eyes out with my bare hands if I had to. And I’d enjoy every single minute.
A soft knock sounded at my door. Looking up, I worked to compose myself when I said, “Yeah.”
Marco stuck his head into my room, his dark eyes filled with regret. “Hey.”
I’d known it wouldn’t be Luc, and right now, I was glad he wasn’t here. Not when I felt like punching my hand through a wall. I wasn’t sure how he’d react to that. Or how I’d react if he started yelling at me again.
I brushed the hair back from my face and pushed to my feet. “Hey.”
“You okay?”
I shrugged as he stopped in front of me. “I could lie and say yes, but I have a feeling you’d see right through my bullshit.”
He smirked and rested his hands on the waistband of his jeans. “At least you still have your sense of humor. That’s a good thing.”
I wasn’t so sure. I couldn’t see anything humorous in this entire fucked-up situation.
I tipped my head and studied him. His hair was rumpled, his T-shirt wrinkled as if he’d slept in it. I had no idea what time it even was, but I had a hunch he’d worn his clothes to bed just in case Luc needed him. “How is he?”
“Cranky.”
“I wasn’t trying to cause trouble. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. He’s the one who didn’t want to let me lea—”
“I get it. He was probably loopy last night. Which is a good thing.”
I frowned. “It’s a good thing he only wants me when he’s drugged? Well, let’s just keep him high all the time, then, why don’t we?”
Marco’s lips thinned at my sarcasm. “You know what I meant. He’s not pushing you away when his walls are down. People tend to tell the truth when they’re high or drunk or loopy. His stupid brain’s just getting in the way when he’s awake.”
“It’s his brain I’m most worried about. Physically, I know he’ll heal, but what they did to him...” Bile pushed up my throat, and I worked to keep it down. “They set that up specifically so it would take away his control. You and I both know how important that is to him. They—”
“You’re right, they did. And you being there was not what he expected. It was just another way they fucked with his head. Seeing you now, before he’s had a chance to wrap his mind around all that shit, is just a giant reminder of that fact.”
My stomach clenched. “So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying...you need to give him that time. Let him deal with the anger and humiliation and shame of what they did to him before you go see him again.”
All the fight from before slipped right out of me. I sank to the end of the bed again. “And how long will that take? A day? A few days? A week?”
“We’ll play it by ear.”
I didn’t like the sound of that. Tears burned hot behind my eyes, a mixture of rage and misery swirling inside me I couldn’t seem to get a handle on. I looked down at my hands in my lap.
Marco knelt in front of me and rested one hand on my thigh. “You just have to be patient. The Luc you know and love is still in there. He’s just trapped under something pretty heavy.”
I knew he was. That was the worst part. Because I didn’t have a clue how to reach him.
I sniffled and swiped the back of my hand across my nose. “Be patient and have faith. Those seem to be my mottos right now. When what I really want to do is commit first-degree murder.”
He smirked again. “I’m kinda proud of you for wanting to commit first-degree murder.”
I glanced up. “You are?”
“Hell yeah. Most women would have bailed after what you saw.”
“I’m not leaving him.”
“That’s how I know you’re the real deal. And it’s how I know you’re the very best thing in the world for Luc. I wasn’t sure before. I mean, the first time I saw him look at you outside the airport in Rome, I knew he was head over heels in love with you, but you were so standoffish those first few days...”
He was referring to the first few days Luc and I had stayed at the guest cottage on Marco’s property.
I looked back down at my hands again. “Things were... complicated then.”
Though, thinking back, they hadn’t been that complicated. Not complicated like this. We’d both just been too wrapped up in our own pride to be honest about our feelings. A mistake I was not about to make again.
I met Marco’s gaze once more. “I love him. Desperately. I’m not about to give him any reason to think I don’t.”
“Good.” His expression sobered. “Because that’s the other reason I came in here.”
“I’m not sure I want to know what that means.”
“He’s going to try hard to push you away, Natalie. He’ll say it’s for your own good. He’ll claim you’re not safe around him. Whatever he hits you with, don’t buy his bullshit. Luc, in his current state, is like a wild animal that’s been cornered. And this is his corner—being injured, relying on others to help him, having no control over what happened to him, knowing you were there to watch it all... Those are some big ass corners. He’s coming out swinging because it’s all he knows. Give his wounds some time to heal, but don’t let him anger or intimidate you. And don’t you dare give up on him, because regardless of what he says, he needs you. Fee and I can help get him past the physical pain, but you’re the only one who will be able to get him through the rest.”
I stared at Marco. He was talking about the mental and emotional scars Luc was going to carry because of that rape. Because that was what it was. Regardless of what his House wanted to call it, it was rape. They’d tied him down, pumped him full of drugs, and taken away his choice. It didn’t matter if the rapist had been a woman or a man. That ritual hadn’t been about sex as they wanted Luc to believe. It had been about power. About showing Luc—and me—just who had the power in this world. And about making sure we never crossed them again.
“I want them to pay for what they’ve done to him,” I whispered.
Marco squeezed my thigh. “They will. I promise. When the time is right.”
The right time would never be soon enough.
But I didn’t say so. As tears burned all over again, I just closed my eyes and nodded.
Marco pushed to his feet. “Why don’t you come down to the kitchen and get some breakfast. Fee’s making French toast. Then you can come back up here and sleep for a few hours. I need you to take care of yourself so you have the strength and energy for Luc.”
I nodded again, though I had no appetite. And I had no idea when Luc would even need me.
Or if he’d ever let me get close to him again.
* * *
A few days, it turned out, wasn’t enough time for Luc to get his head together. Neither was a week.
As I sat at the kitchen table with my hands wrapped around a hot mug of tea ten days after we’d arrived in Scotland, I glanced at Felicity at the kitchen counter, loading a few items into a bag for her and Marco’s trip south, not entirely sure this was the best plan. “And what if he takes a turn for the worse?”
Felicity pinned me with a look. “Like... a runny nose?”
I frowned. “You know what I mean. An infection of some kind.”
“He’s past that. I took most of the stitches out yesterday. What’s left, you can manage later today.”
I wasn’t so sure of that. I lifted the tea to my lips and muttered, “You’re assuming I can get near him.”
Felicity sighed and crossed to sit in the chair next to me at the table. Laying a hand over mine she said, “It’s going to be all right.”
“How? Every time
I even get near his room, he barks at me. He doesn’t want my help. He only wants you or Marco.”
“Which is why we’re leaving. It’ll force him to deal with you.”
I frowned again. “Force him to yell at me, you mean.”
Felicity smirked. “You married him, honey.”
No, I married a sweet and loving man. Not this bear. Though, thinking back, I couldn’t help but see a similarity between the Luc I’d first encountered in New York at the Covet offices and this Luc. Both seemed to think bullying me was going to get me to back down. It hadn’t worked the first time. He should know better than to ever try that strategy again.
Felicity’s smile widened. “There’s the fire I knew was in you.” She leaned close and squeezed my hand once more. “Don’t let him push you around, Natalie. The time for coddling is over. He needs to get out of that room. He’s staying in there because he thinks he’s safe from you there. Get in there, kick his ass out, and make him start dealing with real life.”
He was hiding. I should have realized that earlier, only I’d been too wrapped up in my own emotions to notice. It was the exact same thing I’d done after he’d abducted me and trapped me on his island in the South Pacific. If I could get past that, he could get past the fact I’d seen him freak out the first night he’d awoken here.
“In all seriousness,” I said, “what if something really does go wrong?”
“Nothing’s going to go wrong. The perimeter of the property is highly protected. So long as you two stay on the estate, you’re perfectly fine.”
There was that feeling of being trapped again. “And if we don’t?”
“My father made an agreement with Luc’s dad. House Salvatici is not going to risk an open war with House Merrick over this. You’re safe here in the Isles. If you want to leave the property, I wouldn’t do it alone, and I also wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. People in this country know who Luc is. If they see him out, word will spread. And if word gets back to the Grand Duke that he’s healed, they might call him back sooner than any of us are ready for. That’s all I’m saying.”
The Price: House of Sin - Book Five Page 6