How to scare them off:
Suffocate them by telling them exactly what you want from them. A commitment. Well if that's what you want.
Discuss the future. Specifically your future. Together. Converse about responsibility. Make it feel like you're trying to control them.
Try to analyze them and tell them what conclusions you've come to.
How to keep them fall in love with you:
Never reveal your intentions. This'll make the commitment phobe wonder increasingly, about you. Especially what you may want with and from them.
Give them their space.
Be in the present moment. No discussions about the future.
Don't put a label on your relationship. Do not especially call him or her your friend. Because this'll automatically satisfy their unconscious need to be certain (about your intentions)
If they do ask about where the two of you stand, say something like "oh I don't know." Or, "I wouldn't put a label on it." Or, both.
Make them the pursuer. Give them something to chase after. (You.) Why? Because if you're dealing with a commitment phobe who likes the control or grew up believing (consciously, or unconsciously) that they need to control, the more they try to chase you the more they'll want to control you. (See: control freak.)
Example:
My two friends were dating. Avery and Brenda. Every time Avery and Brenda became more emotionally intimate, he would pull back. He had a nonchalant attitude about this, but it was always when the commitment was strengthening.
As soon as Brenda discovered he was a commitment phobe, she gave him his space. She avoided any conversations about the future, or where they stood. Soon enough, his resistance fell, and Avery gave Brenda the commitment she desired.
when two of the same kind get together
You've seen two of the same target types clash. There isn't any chemistry. At first, it appears to be a match made in heaven. Ultimately, it fails because the two of you, won't complete each other.
We all fall into different target categories. What makes us fall into those target categories is what we lack in our lives. What makes us insecure.
We fall in love with people that complete these things.
When two people of the same victim types have the same insecurities, and the same lacks, it is like two identical board game pieces. They don’t belong together. Because they're both searching for the same thing. They can't get it from each other, because neither of them, have it. Mostly, they won't complete each other.
Here is an anecdote:
I fit the player category. The typical player goes out and has several people on the side. For whatever reason. Its primarily to boost our ego. We couldn't care less about the other person. Players are the best at getting people obsessed with them, whether they realize it or not. Us players love dominating people. Most players do like to dominate physically. I like to dominate psychologically.
Youngin gave off the impression he was square and innocent. He even admitted he liked to PLAY innocent. I already figured that he may or may not know what he was doing. However, I wanted to psychologically conquer him and possibly corrupt him up as much as I could. On his end, he wanted me to obsess over him. I could tell because he always wanted my validation. And, he said (in his own words) "could you be my female stalker?" (Jokes, and their sense of humor show their personality.)
Basically, we were competing, to see who was the best player. Trying to validate each other. I always felt so angry around him. I felt like maybe he was doing a superior job at being a player then I was. Since he was frequently on my mind. It angered me off so much I decided to cut him off. He was expecting me to have the desire to be closer to him after our three dates. Nope. I dropped him. Told him "I knew how he was (which was quite impulsive and a big accident.) I didn't think he would become furious. Turns out, he did. He flooded my cell with messages filled with confusion, anger, questions, and sadness. I didn't reply. (see: how you cut them off.)
The following day: I get an email from him. It was a lengthy email. I was quite surprised. His ego was hurting so badly it was comical. He told me he was "pissed" and "not satisfied with my reason." He mentioned he had deleted my phone number. And, that he deserved a "real reason." (Sense of entitlement. Meaning he has a huge ego.) Then he went on to state some assumptions he had about why he thought I may have had gotten rid of him. "Is it because you think I'm going to get too attached to you, or something..?" OR. "Do you think it'll only be about the sex?"
I laughed as I deleted the email. Why? Because it had an effect on him. Not because of the words he stated in the email(s). It was because of his actions. He had deleted my phone number. But, he still found a way to contact me. He put in the effort to send that long email. He lost. I won.
See, it was a competition. Neither one is fulfilled.
Moral of the story:
Our egos were meshing and could no longer "fit each other's puzzle pieces." Because we could never fit in the first place.
Its the same with every other target types comes together. Beware of that. Once you find they are the same target type, get out as soon as you can. Or, if you want to leave a scar, just abandon them. (See: how you cut them off.)
the types of people you can’t seduce
Paranoid people:
They can fall for your trap, but ultimately they may be too paranoid to stay. Even more so, if they understand what you are trying to do. (see: paranoia, in the after effects section.)
People who are happy and satisfied with their lives:
We all rely on our target's insecurities to get them to obsess over you. Confident people are aware of their insecurities and will depend on themselves to fix it/transform it into a strength. They're also INTERNALLY dependent. The types you can control, are the ones who are insecure and EXTERNALLY dependent. The difference between the confident person with insecurities and the insecure person with insecurities, and is the insecure person is most likely heavily in denial, and will find everything to deny their insecurities. Confident people work on it, even work with it and accept it, rather than denying it.
People who bore you:
CP had no depth to him. He was boring as hell to talk to. Eventually I blocked him. What I found boring about him was that he had no depth. I am a deep thinker. Seemed to me like he was just a vegetable. Just lifeless. With nothing to discuss, but lame songs and pointless media pictures. He had no imagination and couldn't appreciate my intelligence. Boring people whatever your definition of boring is, avoid them like the fucking plague.
You must be with someone who excites you. This wouldn't work on someone you don't share anything in common with. You could fake a connection. However, eventually, you get bored. Tired and resentful towards your target. How much more of a connection are you going to have to fake? Unless you have a certain goal and are patient enough. This is an exception.
The love addict:
There are many types of "love" addicts. There are ones who constantly need to be in a different relationship with different people all the time. This may be good for the short term. But, never for the long term.
Lastly this wouldn't work on people who are so insecure that they'll never be completely satisfied. You'd be fun for a little while, then they'd become unsatisfied. Because, ultimately, they're too unsatisfied with themselves.
Chapter 3
starting the process
Congrats! You've done your homework on your target. What to do now?
You can have all the knowledge in your mind, however, application is key. Let's see some action. That's all that matters, in seduction.
Some of these things may seem like a contradiction. Moreover, they apply to different people and different situations.
This chapter talks about the things you need to do according to your target. I discuss when to apply these techniques, and when not to. Who it would work best on, and who this would work on. Most importantly, HOW to do it.
pain and pleasure
Pain enhances our pleasure. Pain and pleasure are mixed signals. This is why we as humans have a high tendency to fall for someone who gets our hopes up, then immediately crushes them.
However, once you believe that it’s over, suddenly, the hope crusher, has done something to win your heart over, yet again. This becomes an endless vicious cycle of obsession.
The core of having anyone obsess over you, is hope and grief. Hope being they have high expectations that something may occur, and grief, being the hopes are crushed. Then repeating the cycle.
What is hope?
A feeling or thought that something will happen, or turn out as expected.
You know what ruins people's dreams? Hope. As a human, we put our hopes into everything. Especially in obsession. One of the reasons people don't get over obsession is because of hope. They hope the person will come back to them. They hope the person will change their minds. They hope they can change the other person. It's all about hope.
If someone gets our hopes up, by flirting or showing interest than we have them hooked. However, the key is, you have to also be mysterious. You can't completely show you are interested. In the beginning.
Perhaps there may be a possibility that you are attracted. And, they witness some signs. Once they feel hope, this means they believe anything is possible with you. When you've instilled hope into your target, they believe they have conquered you. They've gotten you to like them. They believe they're in control. Whether they want to think it or not.
Once you give them hope, they've created expectations. After hope, comes sorrow.
How to instill hope:
Indirectly show them interest but never be verbal about it. You can do this by giving them a certain look. It can be a sensual look. Or, eyes filled with passion. Pay more special attention to them. Not excessive attention, though. Have open body language. Ask them questions about themselves. You're showing them indirect signs of interest, therefore instilling hope into them. With a hint of curiosity, and confusion.
What you don't do:
Verbally tell them your intentions/what you think of them. Although, you can give them an ambiguous compliment.
The whole point is that you need to make them uncertain. (Think back to the days where you grabbed a flower, and said "he/she loves, they love me not.")
Not verbally telling them is what makes the unconscious mind wonder about you. Because it needs to fill in empty gaps. Either by imagining or obsessing about you. Either way you're on their mind, which is good. Once you have an effect on them mentally, they'll be under you're influence. Don't do too much of anything. Just be very subtle.
Once you've instilled hope into your target, and they begin to become complacent, this is when you change it up and crush their hopes. With grief. Hope and tribulation is the essence of long lasting obsession.
the essence of grief
If you deprive them of what they want, they will fall to your feet, but you have to tease them just enough that they always have hope. The hope of finally obtaining what they wanted. Dangle a bottle of water to someone in the desert. But don't let them drink. Spare them a few sip every now and then and watch them come back for more.
After instilling hope, expectations, and certainty, you must pull back, and instill agony in your target.
Pulling back will crush their hopes, confuse their expectations, and remove the certainty, to make them uncertain.
Imagine the times when you or a friend complained about "mixed signals." Ring a bell?
You withdraw their pleasure from them. Which was possessing you. Once you pull back, it is like a drug addict. They try harder to get back their pleasure. (Possess, and conquer you.) Pulling back gives you value. If you had an unlimited supply of orange juice, it would have no value. However, if you only have one day’s worth of juice, it will have lots of value.
Our minds are driven by certainty. We need certainty and control of everything. Uncertainty frightens us. Once we become uncertain, be become obsessed. We obsess over trying to find certainty. You can take advantage of this, by making them feel uncertain, and pulling back.
This also works on their vanity. Once you pull back, they will believe they were at fault, and will do everything in their right mind to compensate, and make sure their egos feel at ease again.
Pattern interrupt:
Giving them the hope, then withdrawing is called pattern interrupt. Pattern interrupt is when someone becomes accustomed to something, then something breaks the pattern. You can use pattern interrupt to get someone to fall in love with you. Breaking the pattern causes their mind to instantly wonder.
Here is an example:
Let's say you're on a wonderful date. The two of you are chatting away, suddenly, you go quiet. Your date was accustomed to the two of you chatting away, and his or her subconscious mind started wondering why you got quiet. You might notice how uncomfortable they've become. And, asking if “everything is alright?” This is pattern interrupt at it's finest.
The two of you will inevitably establish a routine. You'll have to use pattern interrupt to keep them on their toes. This is one way of pulling back. And the most potent form.
Whatever your target is used to (particularly in your meetings, and your behavior) pull back, or interrupt that pattern. One day if someone is used to getting hugs from you, don't give them a hug. Or give them a pat on the back. Some variation. The whole point is interrupting the pattern.
Awkward silences:
When there is silence, this can show your coldness. You can simply be cold by being silent. Silence makes people insecure. Which is where the term awkward silence comes from.
People want to fill in the silence, because our brains are constantly stimulated. We now live in a society where we need to be doing something. These are learned behaviors. Going against this appears as “cold, and distant.”
What does being cold achieve?
It will demonstrate you are self reliant, and internally dependent. Even a little narcissistic.
Being cold triggers our the part of our subconscious mind that is obsessed with finishing business. If any piece of information is filled, the subconscious mind becomes satisfied, and will move onto another mystery to solve.
If you love yourself so much people are drawn to it. Because we are all narcissistic. Inherently, we all thirst to be narcissistic again. However, now we can’t because society has suppressed narcissism, because we “must” consider other people.
Unconsciously, we want to be the person that conquers and possesses you a.k.a the narcissist. And be able to possess you and overpower you just like you’ve done to us. We want to be able to make you love us more then you love yourself. And have you put us first over yourself. This is the power cold people have over us. We want to shake them and scream “hey please just... notice me.”
Other ways to be cold:
-Act like you don’t notice them.
-Be distant.
-Seem a little bored or unpleased.
-Be vague. Don’t explain yourself.
-Disappear when things get too familiar. Disappear when they are comfortable.
-Be mentally absent.
-Say one word answers.
-Have ambiguous answers.
When to be cold:
-When you can notice they’re starting to get relaxed.
-When they’re complacent. When they believe unconsciously or consciously they have fully conquered you.
timing
Life is one constant fluctuation. It is never static. But, a series of events, circumstances, and people that make it fluctuate.
During these constant fluctuations, our minds will prioritize certain needs and desires. So you must be able to keep up with your target’s needs. By observing your target, and patience.
If you fail to appeal to their needs at the right time, your plans may go downhill. They may lose interest and/or find someone else/thing to fulfill that need for them.
Example:
If your target had someone close to them die, they may have the need for certainty. So rather than pulling away and being cold. Be there for them. After a few days, if you pull away, and come back, their obsession for you may be much stronger than ever. Obviously this is an extreme case. I don't recommend pulling away, but in similar circumstances (that are less extreme) they may have the need for certainty.
During the winter, someone may crave more TLC than usual. Provide that for them. Many people will expect to receive love in different ways, whether it be verbally, or physically. See which one they fancy.
2) During the process of obsession, patience is required, as well. You can't rush things because it doesn't create anticipation or mystery. It doesn't work on someone's mind mentally. You must make them anticipate, make them sweat a little. Pump some adrenaline and uncertainty, and excitement. Obsession takes time, and the more time you give someone, the harder they fall.
get their attention
ATTENTION: you'll have to devise a way to get their attention. If you haven't already. Whether it be what you wear, stirring up their curiosity. Here are some relevant, ways some marketing experts do it. That you can apply into making people fall for you. Although, there are millions.
The Reticular Activating System (RAS) handles what we pay attention to. It is like a filter that sorts out data that is worth paying attention to, and what isn't.
Our brain picks patterns that are mundane. Then quickly disregards it. So be different! You'll effortlessly grab everyone's attention.
How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You, Forever; How to Make Someone Obsessed With You Page 6