“When she saw this new system Menechella grew brusque and, with a face like a mother-in-law, said, ‘My darling, since when? What sort of game are we playing? What sort of jokes are these? What are we, the fields of feuding peasants, with these boundaries that you marked? What are we, enemy armies, with this trench that you made? What are we, wild horses, with this fence that you put up to separate us?’ Meo, who knew how to count to thirteen, said, ‘Don’t complain about me, my darling, but about my doctor, who wants me to purge myself and has ordered that I go on a diet; besides, I’m so tired from hunting that I feel like I’ve lost my tail.’ Menechella, who wasn’t capable of muddying the waters, swallowed this whopper and fell asleep.
“But—when the Sun began to eavesdrop on the Night, who was given crepuscules of time to pack up its bundles33—as he was getting dressed at the same window where his brother had gotten dressed, Meo saw the same young lady who had ensnared Cienzo, and since he liked the looks of her very much, he said to Menechella, ‘Who’s that flirt at the window?’ And all in a huff, she answered, ‘So you’re going to keep it up? If that’s how it is, then we’re all set! Yesterday, too, you tickled my pants with this grouper fish, and I’m afraid that the tongue goes where the tooth hurts! You should show some respect for me, though, since after all, I’m the daughter of a king and every piece of shit has its own smell! It was not without good reason, then, that last night you acted like the imperial eagle,34 shoulder to shoulder! It was not without good reason that you retired on your revenues!35 Now I understand: you diet in my bed so you can have a banquet in the house of others! But if I see that happen, I intend to do crazy things and send sparks flying!’
“Meo, who had eaten bread from many ovens, calmed her down, and with kind words told and swore to her that he wouldn’t trade his home for even the most beautiful whore in the world, and that she couldn’t be dearer to his heart. Entirely comforted by these words, Menechella went into a little room to have her ladies-in-waiting smooth down her forehead with glass,36 braid her hair, dye her eyelashes, rouge her face, and deck her all out so that she would look more beautiful for the one she believed to be her husband.
“In the meantime Meo had begun to suspect, from Menechella’s words, that it was Cienzo who was at the young lady’s house. He took the bitch, left the palace, and went into the other house. As soon as he arrived the lady said to him, ‘Hair of mine, bind him!’ And Meo, quick to do business, immediately answered, ‘Little bitch of mine, eat her up!’ And the bitch flung herself upon the lady and gulped her down like an egg yolk.
“When Meo went inside he found his brother, who appeared to be enchanted; but when he placed two of the bitch’s hairs on him, it was as if he awoke from a long sleep. Meo told him everything that had happened during the trip and, finally, at the palace, and how, when he had been mistaken for Cienzo, he had slept with Menechella; and he was planning to continue and tell him about the divided sheets, when Cienzo, tempted by the demon, grabbed his Spanish sword37 and cut off Meo’s head as if it were a cucumber.
“At the sound of this the king and his daughter came to the window, and when they saw that Cienzo had killed someone identical to himself they asked him why, and Cienzo said to them, ‘Ask yourself, you who slept with my brother thinking you were sleeping with me; that’s why I cut him down!’ ‘Ah, how many people are wrongly killed!’ said Menechella. ‘A fine job you did! You don’t deserve this honorable brother! Because when he found himself in the same bed with me he divided the sheets with great modesty, and we each played on our own!’
“When he heard this, Cienzo regretted the gross error that had been son of a rash judgment and father of an asinine action, and he scratched off half of his face. But then he remembered the herb the dragon had shown him, and he rubbed it on his brother’s neck, where it immediately took, and once the head was stuck back on, Meo was whole and alive again. And then Cienzo embraced him with great joy and asked to be pardoned for having been in too great of a hurry and poorly informed in his rush to rid the world of him, and the pair of them went to the palace. There they sent for Antoniello together with his whole household; Antoniello grew dear to the king, and in his son saw the verification of the proverb: A crooked boat finds a straight port.”
8
GOAT-FACE*
Eighth Entertainment of the First Day
Due to a favor granted by a fairy, the daughter of a peasant becomes wife to a king. But when she shows herself ungrateful to the one who had done her so much good, the fairy turns her face into that of a goat. For this reason she is scorned by her husband and receives a thousand abuses; but then through the intervention of a kind old man she humbles herself and gets back her original face, and thus enters once again into her husband’s good graces.
When Ciulla had finished telling her sugary tale, Paola, whose turn it was to enter the dance, began to speak: “All the evils committed by man are colored in some way: either by disdain that provokes, or by need that presses, or by love that blinds or fury that shatters; only ingratitude has no reason, either false or true, to which it can cling. Indeed, this vice is so terrible that it dries up the fountain of mercy, puts out the fire of love, blocks the road to favors, and, in the person who has been poorly recognized, gives rise to disgust and regret, as you will see in the tale that you are about to hear.
“A peasant had twelve daughters, and one barely had the time to hold the next in her arms, since every year that good lady of the house Ceccuzza, their mother, gave birth to another little fart of a girl. Every morning the poor husband went off to dig his day’s worth of earth so that his household might get by honorably, and it was hard to know whether there was more of the sweat he dripped on the ground or the spit he rubbed in his hands. In any case, with this little bit of labor he kept all those frogs and urchins from dying of hunger.
“Now one day while he was digging at the foot of a mountain—a spy for the other mountains, which kept its head above the clouds to see what was going on in the air—he came across a grotto so deep and dark that the Sun was afraid to enter, from which a green lizard as big as a crocodile crawled out. The poor peasant was so terrified that he didn’t have the force to beat it out of there, and when the hideous animal opened its mouth he expected his days to come to a close. But the lizard went over to him and said, ‘Don’t be afraid, my good man; I’m not here to do you any harm. I come only for your good.’ When Masaniello heard this—for this was the name of the laborer—he got down on his knees in front of the animal and said, ‘Madam what’s-your-name, I am under your power. Behave like a decent person and have mercy on this poor fellow, who has twelve whiny brats to support.’ ‘That’s why,’ answered the lizard, ‘I’m moved to help you. So then, tomorrow morning bring me the youngest of your daughters, for I want to raise her as my own, and I’ll hold her as dear as life.’
“When he heard this, the miserable father was left more confused than a thief discovered with the stolen goods on him, for the fact that a lizard was asking him for one of his daughters, and the most tender of them besides, led him to conclude that this mantle was not without stiff hairs, and that the lizard wanted her as an aggregate pill1 to evacuate his hunger. And he said to himself, ‘If I give the animal my daughter, I give it my soul; if I deny it my daughter, it’ll take this body of mine; if I allow it to take her, I’m deprived of the pupil of my eye; if I contradict it, it’ll suck this blood of mine; if I give my consent, it will take away a part of my own self; if I refuse, it’ll take the whole thing. How should I decide? What choice should I make? What expedient should I come up with? Oh, what a terrible day it’s been! What a disaster has rained down on me from the heavens!’ As he was saying this, the lizard said, ‘Make up your mind soon to do what I have asked, or you’ll be leaving your rags right here, for this is what I want and this is how it shall be!’
“After hearing this decree, Masaniello, who had no one to turn to, went home full of melancholy, so
yellow in the face that he looked like he had jaundice, and Ceccuzza, when she saw him so dispirited, downcast, choked up, and out of sorts, said to him, ‘What has happened to you, my husband? Did you have an argument with someone? Did someone send you a bill? Or did the ass die?’ ‘None of those things,’ answered Masaniello. ‘It was a horned lizard that shook me up, because it threatens to do abominable things if I don’t bring it our youngest daughter, and my head is spinning like a wool winder and I don’t know what to do! On the one hand I’m pressed by love, and on the other by the rent on this house! I love my Renzolla with all my heart, I love my own life with all my heart: if I don’t weigh out this product of my loins for the lizard, it’ll take the entire weight of my own poor body. So give me some advice, my dear Ceccuzza, or I’ll be done for.’
“When she heard this his wife said to him, ‘Who knows, my dear husband, that it won’t be a two-tailed lizard2 for our household? Who knows that this lizard won’t bring an end to our miseries? You know, more times than not we bring down the hatchet on our own feet, and when we should have the eye of an eagle to recognize the good that presents itself, instead our eyes are too blurred and our hands too cramped to seize it. And so go, bring her to the lizard, for my heart tells me there’s some good luck in store for that poor little girl.’
“These words convinced Masaniello, and the next morning—as soon as the Sun, with the paintbrush of its rays, whitewashed the sky, which was all black from Night’s shadows—he took the little girl by the hand and led her to the grotto. The lizard was on the lookout for the peasant’s arrival, and as soon as it caught sight of him it came out of its den. When it had taken the girl, it gave her father a big bag of small change3 and said to him, ‘Go, marry off your other daughters with these coppers and be happy, for Renzolla has found a mother and a father. Oh, lucky her, to have come across this good fortune!’ Masaniello was full of joy, and he thanked the lizard and went skipping home to his wife. He told her what had happened and showed her the beans, which they used to marry off all the other daughters, and there was even enough relish4 left for them to gulp down the hardships of life with pleasure.
“Once the lizard had Renzolla, it made a beautiful palace appear, and there it kept her, and brought her up on luxuries and gifts fit for a queen. Let’s just say that there was no lack of ant’s milk5 and that she ate like a count, dressed like a prince, and had a hundred solicitous and experienced young ladies to serve her. And with all of this excellent treatment, in four snaps of a finger she grew as tall as an oak.
“Now it happened that while the king was hunting in those woods night fell upon him and, not knowing where to turn his head, he saw a candle glowing in the palace and sent a servant in to ask the master if he could offer him shelter. When the servant got there, the lizard appeared before him in the form of a splendid young lady, and when she heard the message she said that he would be welcome a thousand times over and that neither bread nor knives would be lacking. As soon as the king received the answer, he went and was received like a lord. A hundred pageboys came out to meet him with their torches aflame, so that it looked like an elaborate funeral rite for a rich man; a hundred other pageboys brought the food to the table, and they looked like the errand boys an apothecary sends to bring delicacies to the sick. But above all else, Renzolla poured the king’s drink with such grace that he drank more love than wine.
“When the meal had ended and the tables had been cleared, the king went off to bed, and Renzolla herself pulled the socks off his feet and the heart from his breast, and in such a charming manner that the king felt love’s poison rising up to infect his soul from the little bones of his feet touched by that lovely hand. And so in order to find a remedy for his death, he decided to procure himself the antidote to that beauty and, calling the fairy whose protection Renzolla was under, he asked to take her for his wife. The fairy wanted nothing more than the good of Renzolla and not only gave her to him freely but also supplied her with a dowry of seven million gold pieces.6
“The king was full of jubilation over his fortune and left with Renzolla, who, sullen and unthankful for what the fairy had done for her, took off with her husband without giving the fairy one accursed word of appreciation. And when the sorceress saw such ingratitude, she put a curse on Renzolla: her face would become like that of a goat. She had barely said these words when the girl’s muzzle got longer and grew a span of beard, her jaws narrowed, her skin turned tough and her face hairy, and the braids wound around her head like a basket became pointed horns. When the poor king saw this, he shrank back and couldn’t figure out what had happened and why a double-soled beauty had been transformed like that. And sighing and weeping a full meal of tears, he said, ‘Where is the hair that bound me? Where are the eyes that transfixed me? Where is the mouth that was a snare for this soul, a trap for these spirits, and a noose for this heart? What is this? I should be the husband of a goat, and acquire the title of billy goat? I should be reduced in this fashion to paying my fees at Foggia?7 Oh no, I don’t want this heart of mine to croak because of a goat-face, a goat that will bring me war by shitting olives!’8
“Thus speaking he arrived at his palace, where he put Renzolla and a maid in the kitchen and gave them each four rolls9 of flax to spin, setting the deadline of one week within which they were to finish the job. The maid obeyed the king and began to comb the flax, make the wicks, wind them on the distaffs, turn the spindle, roll the skeins, and labor like a bitch so that by Saturday evening the job was completed. But Renzolla thought she was the same person she had been at the fairy’s house, since she hadn’t looked at herself in the mirror, and she threw the flax out the window, saying, ‘The king’s wasting his time if he thinks he can give me these bothers! If he wants shirts he can buy them! And he better not believe he found me in a gutter stream!10 Let him remember that I brought seven million gold pieces to his house and that I’m his wife and not his servant; it seems to me that he’s acting like an ass to treat me this way.’
“In spite of all this, when Saturday morning arrived and Renzolla saw that the maid had spun her whole share of flax, she became very afraid that she would get a good wool carding herself, and so she set off for the fairy’s palace, where she told her of her misfortune. Embracing her with great affection, the fairy gave her a sack full of spun flax to give to the king and thus demonstrate that she had been an industrious wife and housekeeper. Renzolla took the sack without even saying ‘many thanks’ for the favor and went back to the royal palace, while the fairy threw rocks after her on account of the bad manners of this disaffected girl.
“Once the king had the spinning, he gave them two dogs, one to Renzolla and one to the maid, and told them to raise and take care of them. The maid raised hers on soft morsels of bread and treated it like a son, but Renzolla said, ‘My grandpa bequeathed me this worry? Have the Turks11 arrived? I have to comb dogs and take them out to shit?’ And as she said this she hurled the dog out the window, quite another matter than getting it to jump through hoops.
“After several months the king asked for the dogs and Renzolla, spinning the fine thread of fear,12 ran off again to the fairy, where she found a little old fellow, who was the doorman, at the door. He said to her, ‘Who are you and what do you want?’ When she heard this bizarre question, Renzolla said to him, ‘Don’t you know who I am, goat-beard?’ ‘You’re coming at me with a knife?’ answered the old man. ‘The thief is chasing the cop! Stay away from me because you’ll get me dirty, said the coppersmith! Duck if you don’t want to get hit! Me, goat-beard? You’re a goat-beard and a half, since you deserve this and even worse for your arrogance! You just wait, you insolent and arrogant girl, and I’ll clear things up for you! You’ll see where your haughtiness and presumption have driven you.’
“As he was saying this he ran into a little room, got a mirror, and placed it in front of Renzolla. When she saw that awful hairy face she came close to dying of anguish; not even Rinaldo’s13 tor
ment when he looked at himself in the enchanted shield and saw how he had been transformed from his previous state was as great as the pain she felt at seeing herself so altered that she couldn’t recognize herself.
“The old man said to her, ‘You must remember, Renzolla, that you are the daughter of a peasant, and that the fairy treated you so well that she turned you into a queen. But you were an idiot, you were rude and ungrateful and gave her few thanks for so many favors; you left her in the middle room14 without showing her a single sign of affection. And so take this and spend it, grab this and then come back for the rest! The deal went well for you; look at the face you’ve got, look at where you’ve ended up on account of your ingratitude: the fairy’s curse has transformed not only your face, but also your state. But if you’re willing to do what this white beard tells you, go in and find the fairy, throw yourself at her feet, pull out your hair, scratch your face, beat your chest, and beg her pardon for the bad behavior you showed her, and since she is of very tender lung she will be moved to pity you for your awful calamities.’
“Renzolla felt her keys being played and her nail hit on the head, and so she did things the old man’s way. The fairy, hugging and kissing her, turned her back into her earlier form, and, after she gave her a dress heavy with gold, placed her in a marvelous carriage accompanied by a pack of servants and took her to the king. When he saw her like that, so beautiful and lavishly dressed, he held her as dear as his own life, and he beat his fists on his chest for all the agony he had caused her to suffer and apologized that he had treated her like trash15 because of that accursed goat-face. And so Renzolla lived happily, loving her husband, honoring the fairy, and showing her gratitude to the old man, since she had learned at her own expense that it is always of use to be courteous.”
The Tale of Tales Page 15