by Golland, KM
Turning to him, I moved his chin with my finger, gaining his attention before kissing him briefly on the lips. ‘I need a drink.’
‘What about congratulating Bryce and Alexis?’ he asked, giving me an uncertain look.
‘They’ll be busy with their families for a little while longer. I don’t want to overwhelm them. Come on, let’s get a drink and go outside for some air.’
***
After Derek and I had made our way out onto the balcony to get a drink, I found thoughts of how great he was with Alexander plaguing my mind. There was no doubt that I wanted a future with him; I’d never felt this way about anyone in my life. And although he had never mentioned it, I sensed he wanted a future with me too. But would he want a future with children? Children with me?
Oh fuck! Oh hell! I don’t want children. I just don’t.
Suddenly, Tash started belting out ‘I Will Always Love You’ from the movie The Bodyguard, snapping me out of my mental panic.
‘That chick is crazy,’ Derek said with a laugh, pulling me to his side before swigging his beer.
I shook my head and laughed. ‘You have no idea the level of craziness Tash harbours.’
‘Carly!’ Alexis announced sternly, but with an undertone of playfulness as she approached us.
I gave her a wary look, glanced up at Derek then looked back toward her again. ‘Alexis?’
‘Hole status? Affirmative or negative?’ she demanded.
Sweet fiery fucks. ‘Affirmative,’ I answered through gritted teeth.
Alexis raised an eyebrow. ‘I thought as much.’
Bryce came up behind her and automatically threaded his hands across her belly. It made me flutter. WTF?
‘Congrats, mate,’ Derek offered, putting a hand out for Bryce to shake.
‘Thanks,’ he replied and shook it.
I gave Lexi a sly smile then quickly glanced toward Derek’s package. She inconspicuously glanced at the men, then furrowed her brow at me, an interrogatory look on her face.
She then leaned forward and concentrated her eyes on mine, which were flicking back and forth from her to Derek’s groin. I repeated that motion a couple of times, trying to insinuate that he was well-endowed.
Lexi smiled, realisation dawning on her face. She then looked around the outdoor area before settling her gaze on a cylinder candle.
Widening her eyes at me in question, she sought confirmation of a correct size comparison.
The candle was short and did not do Derek’s hose justice, so I screwed up my face and shook my head as if to say no.
I controlled my eagerness to blurt it out while she bit her lip and pondered further.
Noticing her struggle to find a decent Derek-hose-size comparison, I lifted my hands and separated them approximately twenty centimetres wide, then quickly clasped them together as if clapping at absolutely nothing while smiling smugly at her. She gave me the ‘not bad’ face by pursing her lips together and nodding her head slowly. Then, putting her hand to her eye in a circular shape and pretending to look into it like a telescope, she inconspicuously asked for an indication of girth. Uh huh.
My hand shot out faster than lightning and picked up the candle.
Her jaw dropped.
I just grinned.
‘Did you just explain to Alexis how big my cock is?’ Derek asked, snapping me out of my how-big-is-my-boyfriend’s-cock game. Oh, shit! Think quick.
‘Um, no, I was just expressing my appreciation at the fact Bryce and Alexis use candles. Global warming is a serious issue, and cutting down on our greenhouse gas emissions is very important. Every little bit helps, you know,’ I blurted out. Save of the century.
‘Bullshit, you just sized my cock,’ Derek bragged, not believing a word I just said and rightly so.
Lexi laughed and shrugged her shoulders.
‘Na, you’re wrong, mate. If she’d been sizing your cock, she would’ve held up her pinky,’ Bryce goaded.
Derek shoved him. ‘You’re gonna force me to prove you wrong,’ he said as he began to unbutton his jeans. Oh yes, prove him wrong. And then maybe he will want to compare.
‘Um ... excuse me, Alexis,’ a tall strawberry-blonde interrupted, her eyes falling to Derek’s pants before quickly moving them back up to Alexis’ face.
‘Sam! I’m so glad you’re here,’ Lexi said happily, giving her a hug. ‘Are you here with Gareth? Oh, that’s wonderful —’
‘I was here with Gareth, but that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Something happened and he left. He was furious and he kept muttering, “This ends here.” I’m not sure if he meant us, or something else. I don’t know what I did wrong.’
Bryce let go of Alexis’ waist and grasped his chin with an expression of nervous contemplation. ‘It’s not you, Samantha, you did nothing wrong.’
The colour drained from Alexis’s face, leaving her as pale as a ghost, her expression filling me with dread. She turned to Bryce and said in a shaky voice, ‘I have a bad feeling about this. Something is wrong.’
‘I know. I feel it too. I want you to stay away from Gareth. I have a feeling Scott has returned.’ Oh, shit! Scott, the bad alternate personality. The one Lexi is afraid of.
‘Bryce,’ she said nervously, ‘I think he never left.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Alexis instantly placed her hand across her stomach in a protective manner which made me nervous and inquisitive all at once. I had known my best friend practically all my life and could sense when something was not right. I had that feeling now.
‘Come on, we’ll go and look for him,’ Derek suggested to Bryce, concern etched on his face.
‘It’s okay. I’ll go look for him a little later on when everyone has gone home. I need to talk to him alone. Set some things straight,’ Bryce explained with a long exhalation.
Derek nodded. ‘Okay, you know where I am if needed.’
Closing his eyes for the smallest of moments, Bryce placed his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose — the poor bastard was clearly distressed.
Noticing his unease, Alexis reached forward and took hold of that particular hand. She placed a quick kiss to it, her lips appearing to soothe his apprehension.
‘I’m going to head off now, anyway,’ Sam explained. ‘If you find him, please tell him to call me. I’m worried.’
‘We will, Sam,’ Bryce answered, letting go of Alexis’ hand and gesturing Sam back inside to accompany her to the door.
I watched as Lexi followed them both with her gaze until they were out of sight. ‘You all right?’ I asked, touching her arm gently.
She startled.
‘Hey,’ I said softly, stepping up to her and placing both of my hands on her shoulders for assurance. ‘Talk to me.’
She shook her head dismissively. ‘Sorry, I’m fine. I’m just tired and jet lagged, and I really need a decent night’s sleep,’ she explained, and took a deep breath.
‘Well, we are just about to make tracks as well. So make sure you get some rest tonight, okay?’ I gave her a quick hug and whispered into her ear. ‘Congratulations. I’m so happy for you and Bryce, but please call me if you need to talk.’
She assured me that she would, but I got the feeling that particular phone call would never come. For the most part, Lexi liked to deal with things on her own. I understood that attribute as it was one we both shared. Regardless, I was confident that she knew I was ready to jump to her aid in any way, shape or form if ever she needed me to.
In the elevator on the way down to the car park, Derek pulled me to him and tucked my head under his chin. ‘She’ll be fine. They’ll sort it out.’
I squeezed him tight, thankful for his reassuring arms. I needed them and his words, both making me feel at ease. ‘I love y—’ I said, stopping myself before I stupidly finished what I never meant to say. Shit!
He pulled back from me and searched my eyes and, before he could make up an excuse as to why it was too soon for him to say I love you back
, I attempted to rectify my fucked-up slip of the tongue. ‘I love your kindness, Derek,’ I offered with a faux smile. ‘Under all that badarse sexiness, you are very sweet.’
He furrowed his brow and went to say something but, thankfully, the elevator doors opened, allowing me to exit.
***
The drive back to Derek’s house was deathly silent, so much so that I tuned out. Fuck! What did I say that for? Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. Knowing you love someone is one thing, but saying it to their face is entirely another. What was wrong with me? Was I becoming weak and dependant? Was I emotional over Alexis’ pregnancy and her safety, or was it seeing Derek with Alexander, and subsequently, his paternal qualities? Whatever it was, it had rendered me temporarily foolish.
‘Talk to me,’ he said, turning off the ignition and bringing me back to the now. He undid his belt and shuffled in his seat to face me.
Slowly taking in the scene around me and discovering we were parked in his driveway, I turned to face him. ‘What about?’ I asked, opting to play dumb. Playing dumb was one of the best defences a person could possess.
‘Don’t play dumb with me,’ he responded with an annoyed tone. Okay, maybe not.
‘I’m not. What do you want to talk about? And wouldn’t it be better if we did this inside?’ I went to undo my belt but he placed his hand over it, preventing its release.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I want the truth,’ he explained, annoyance rolling off him. ‘No fucking lies or excuses.’
‘Let go of the belt, Derek.’
‘No.’
Taking in his determined stance, my eyes widened with shock. He was deadly serious. ‘Remove your hand and let me out,’ I said calmly but with enough bite to severe a finger.
His expression softened, but he did not move a muscle. ‘Baby, I want the truth.’
‘About what?’ I said, exasperated.
‘Do you love me?’
I gasped. Witnessing the pleading sincerity in his eyes made my heart pound rapidly and my breathing laboured. The time to be honest was now or never.
For some reason, I chose never. ‘No,’ I lied and turned away, tears welling in my eyes.
He lowered his voice. ‘You’re lying.’
Anger at his method of forcing me to open up bubbled over, and I wrenched at the seat belt. ‘Let me out, now!’
‘You do love me. You were going to say it back at the hotel, but you were too chickenshit to be honest, just like you are too chickenshit to be honest now,’ he said, his expression one of disappointment.
Yanking on the belt, I couldn’t stop the tears falling down my cheeks. Being honest and telling him that I love him was just too hard, for some reason.
‘Fuck you,’ I sobbed, opting to blame him, and therefore digging my fingernails into his hand. ‘No, I don’t love you. All right?’
As my nails pinned his skin, fury and something else that I couldn’t quite put my finger on flamed in his eyes as he stared at me. ‘Why?’ he asked through gritted teeth.
More tears escaped the confines of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I watched as Derek’s gaze followed their descent. ‘Because loving someone means it will hurt like hell when they break your heart and leave. So, no, I refuse to love you.’
Looking down, I noticed blood pool on his hand and underneath my nails. I pulled my hand back with regret, which was when he let go of my belt. Without hesitation, I opened the car door and freed myself from his makeshift jail.
‘Carly!’ he called after me.
I ignored him and ran, unable to face him, it ... us. I couldn’t face the truth that I had fallen in love with him. I couldn’t face admitting it, because that made it real.
‘Carly, stop!’ he yelled, before capturing me in his arms and pinning my back to his front.
I struggled within his tight grip. ‘Derek, let me go. Just let me go,’ I cried.
He kissed the side of my head and whispered soothingly into my ear. ‘Sh, baby. Why do you think I’m gonna break your heart?’
‘Because that’s what happens. You give someone your heart and they fucking break it. It’s human nature,’ I said, my body slumping in his hold.
‘Give me your heart,’ he pleaded, holding me tighter. ‘I promise I won’t break it.’
I pressed my eyelids together, shutting the world out. ‘I want to, but I ... I can’t.’
‘You can,’ he encouraged.
‘Derek, please. You will break it. It’s only a matter of time.’
‘I love you,’ he whispered, ‘and I want you to love me back.’
My eyes shot open on an intake of breath. For a second, I wondered if I had in fact heard those words come out of his mouth.
Spinning me around to face him, he secured me to his front. ‘How ’bout we come to a compromise. Give me your heart and I’ll give you mine,’ he offered with a small smile.
I couldn’t say anything. I was stunned into immobility, unable to function, standing at a crossroads with a decision to make.
When I didn’t respond he added sincerely, his face a stoic mask. ‘I want to live in your socks, so I can be with you every step of the way.’
I tried not to laugh as he cracked my self-built shell. ‘But they stink.’
He looked at my lips for a split second, then held my gaze. ‘I thought happiness started with H. Why does mine start with U?’
‘Because you can’t spell,’ I whispered, elevating to my tiptoes and creeping just a little bit closer to his mouth.
He leaned forward and stopped mere centimetres from my lips. ‘You’re so beautiful that you made me forget my pick-up line.’
Sealing his lips to mine, he kissed me with a soft reverence — by far our most sensual kiss to date — then bent down and lifted me into his arms, carrying me back to his house. Once we were inside, he headed straight for his bedroom and laid me down upon his bed.
Our actions weren’t rushed, hungry or frenzied. They were soft, slow, exploratory and loving.
After we’d stripped one another bare and were skin to skin and breathing hard from our continuous kissing, he paused and positioned himself at my entrance. ‘Do you love me?’ he asked softly.
‘Yes, Derek, I love you. I’ve loved you for a while and I’ll love you a while longer. But don’t break my heart. Because once it’s broken, it’ll stay that way.’
He pushed into me and sealed my mouth with a kiss. ‘I won’t.’
***
The next morning, we were up bright and early. Derek was on shift and I had to go home to get ready for work.
‘Here, eat this,’ he said while shoving a piece of Vegemite covered toast into my mouth right before he closed the passenger side door of his truck.
I hummed my appreciation. ‘Mm ... nothing like a morning vegemgasm.’
‘A what?’ he asked as he secured himself into his seat and closed the door.
‘A vegemgasm. A Vegemite-induced orgasm. They are almost as good as the real thing,’ I added, giving him a cheeky wink. ‘In fact, I’m thinking I’ll need to add this condiment to my cock-tasting list, right under the mint sauce.’
‘I thought we put that list of yours to rest when we bought the mint flavoured gel stuff.’
‘No. I took a leaf out of your book and compromised by trying it and my verdict is that it was awful. In fact, I would’ve much preferred the taste of your cock without the gel. Sooooo, mint sauce is back on the menu.’
‘I’ll tell you what. You let me spread that tangy vinegar shit on your pussy first and then I’ll let you spread it on my cock.’
A rather large and victorious smile spread across my face. ‘You’re on. How ’bout tonight?’
‘No can do,’ he smiled arrogantly. ‘I’m on continuous shift for two days.’
I nodded my head at him, unconvinced. ‘Wimp.’
‘Don’t fucking bait me, baby,’ he smiled. ‘You’ll regret it.’
I let out a sinister laugh. ‘Try me.’
Before exiting the car, I leaned over the centre console and kissed him goodbye. ‘Be careful,’ I said softly, like I always did when he was due to go to work.
‘I always am. I’ll call you in a couple of days, okay?’
I nodded sadly and went to open the car door when he stopped me by pulling my hand to his chest, placing it across his heart.
‘Remember, this is yours,’ he said as he flexed his fingers over my hand. ‘And this,’ he explained as he gently teased the skin under the seam of my bra through the opening of my shirt, ‘is mine.’
Derek’s touch set me alight, which was kind of handy considering he was good at putting it out.
‘Remember, don’t break it,’ I whispered, removing his hand and placing a swift kiss upon his knuckles.
Jumping out of the car, I turned back around and dismissively waved my hand in the air. ‘Now go and rescue a cat or something.’
‘Please don’t mention cats, or I’ll have your pussy on my mind all day.’
Laughing, I turned and walked to my door, sounding a ‘meow’. Derek growled in response as he reversed out of my driveway before taking off down the street, leaving a ridiculously large smile on my face.
Moments later, as I was about to step into the shower, my phone beeped, indicating a text from Derek.
I hope you have pet insurance, because next time I see you,
I’m going to destroy your pussy ~ Derek
Cheeky fucker. Feeling quite bold — as per usual — I positioned my phone in front of my snatch and took a photo. I then texted it to Derek with a message.
Are you sure you want to destroy this? ~ Carly
He replied instantly.
Jesus fucking Christ, baby. Are you trying to cause a car accident? ~ Derek
Oh shit! I decided not to text him anymore.
***
Hours later, I was sitting at my desk going through the emails that had accumulated over the summer holidays and filtering the junk into the trash bin. School wasn’t due to resume for another three days. However, there was a lot of paperwork and preparation to be done in order to ensure the smooth start to the new year.