Secret Remorse

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Secret Remorse Page 2

by T N Lowe


  Driving into the city, I call my father, “What the hell were you thinking?” I ask when he answers the phone.

  “I’m guessing your meeting didn’t go well,” Dad replies in his deep voice.

  “That would be an understatement. After five minutes of talking, he declared me a geek and couldn’t be with me because of it.”

  “What?” My father roars into the phone.

  “Don’t worry. Patrick gave him what for and made him apologize. But next time he asks if he can marry me off tell him thanks but no thanks. I’d rather live with a house full of cats than be treated like that again.”

  “You’re allergic to cats, Shauna,” Mom says in the background.

  “Exactly. I’m willing to die from anaphylactic shock then deal with an asshole like that again.”

  “Where are you?” My father asks.

  “Driving home.”

  “Are you sure you should drive? You’re upset.”

  “I’m fine. I needed to vent.”

  “Okay baby girl, drive home safe, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Text me when you get home,” Dad demands.

  “I will. Love you.”

  “Love you too,” I say ending the call.

  ***

  Saturday morning I’m sitting in the kitchen finishing my coffee, waiting for Mom and Dad to pick me up on their way to the airport. The whole family is meeting in Florida to watch Manus play for the Pensacola Hurricanes. At a quarter to seven, there is a knock on my door; rinsing my coffee cup I pick up my weekend bag, and join Dad on the front stoop locking the door. Hugging me tight, Dad takes my bag from me and asks, “How are you doing baby girl?”

  “I’m okay,” I say feeling a little defeated. Secretly I was hoping my meeting with Maks would have gone better; I want what my parents have, a committed, loving relationship.

  Dad hugs me again tighter this time, “It will be okay baby girl. Your mister right is out there somewhere.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” I whispered kissing him on the cheek. No matter how old I am my dad knows how to make me feel better.

  “Okay, now let’s catch our flight to see Manus,” Dad says walking me to the car where Mom and twin older brothers, Brenn and Carson are waiting for us. The twins are identical; the easiest way to tell them apart, if you don’t know them, is Brenn has a small scar above his left eye from fighting with Connor Jr. or CJ, our oldest brother.

  “Who do we need to kill?” Brenn and Carson say together studying my face.

  Smiling, I wrap my arms around their waists and hug my two favorite brothers. “Thank you.”

  “You only have to say his name, we will take care of the rest,” Carson says opening the door and sliding into Dad’s Discovery Land Rover, Brenn following.

  Mom rolls down her window, “Oh honey, a weekend in the sun is what you need.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” I tell her sliding into the third row behind my brothers.

  ***

  “Why didn’t I know we had a plane?” I say to Kagen as we board.

  “We don’t, I do,” Kagen answers with a smirk.

  “But the side of the plane says, Kinsman.”

  “A tax write-off.”

  “FYI, when you send me to those dull conferences I’m not flying commercial anymore,” I tell Kagen before moving behind him to hug my Aunt Regina.

  “Give him hell,” Regina says loud enough for Kagen to hear. Regina and Kegan’s relationship differs from most of the arranged marriages in The Family. Kegan married Regina as our way into the Italian mafia; while they didn’t need our help, we needed theirs. Kegan was asked to marry Regina, a descendant of three of the five families.

  Kagen laughs snaking his arm around Regina’s waist, “Like you don’t give me enough,” he says kissing her.

  “Gross get a room,” their twins, Tito and Sofia say.

  “Hey, Tito. Hi Sofia,” I said hugging them.

  “How is our favorite cousin?” Tito and Sofia ask.

  “Hey what about us?” Brenn and Carson ask.

  “Sorry Shauna and Manus have always been our partners in crime,” Tito says.

  “If everyone could please take their seats we’ll be taxiing soon,” The captain requests before disappearing into the cockpit. Brenn, Carson, Tito, Sofia, and I spend the two-and-a-half hour catching up.

  ***

  We meet my older siblings and their families along with Kagen and Regna’s eldest daughter at the resort in Pensacola.

  “Manus will be here after practice. Let’s get checked into our rooms and settled before he gets here,” Dad instructs everyone.

  Riding the elevator to the third floor, we each go to our separate rooms. After checking the bed to make sure it’s clean and bug-free I shower quickly.

  Turning the water off and wrapping a towel around me there is a knock on the door, “Shauna open up,” Manus yells.

  Slipping into a bathrobe, I wrench open the door, “Manus,” I yell jumping into his arms.

  Manus hugs me tight before setting me on my feet, “Why are you wet and where the hell are your clothes?” My brother asks.

  “I was finishing in the shower when you knocked.”

  “Get dressed, and you can tell me everything then we’ll round up the rest of the crazies,” Manus says pushing me into the bathroom.

  Closing the door, I pull on a pale yellow sundress and pull my hair into a high ponytail then jump onto the bed next to Manus. “I miss you so much. Tell me everything, Dad said Patrick is trying to marry you off.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think that is happening,” I say rolling my eyes. “But work is great; I’m developing a new app with a built-in communication for The Family. Patrick and Lena say hello and they’ll be watching on Sunday.”

  “Cool. Tell them I say hi back. Is that it? Nothing else is going on at home?”

  “No, everything is the same. I don’t see CJ often, Caitlann is busy at Kindred Corp and the kids, Brenn and Carson are the same, in fact, Mom is threating to have Patrick marry them off.”

  “I want to be there when she tells them they have to grow up or get married. Then I want to meet the girls willing to put up with their asses,” Manus laughs.

  “Enough about me and home what is going on with you?”

  “Right now, everything is practice, watching game tapes and workouts. During the season, I don’t have time for anything but work,” Manus says with a huge smile.

  “You really love it, don’t you?”

  “I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” Standing Manus takes my hands and pulls me off the bed. “Get your shoes on, and we’ll join the rest of the crazies.”

  After a loud dinner with the whole family in the resort restaurant Manus, Brenn, Carson, Tito, Sofia and I sneak out to enjoy the Pensacola nightlife. Three Boilermakers, four shots of tequila, and two bars later Carson has tossed me over his shoulder and carried me into my hotel room.

  ***

  “How the hell are you upright?” Tito asks as I sit down to breakfast the next morning.

  “Because I’m awesome like that,” I say with a laugh.

  “You just think you are. I’ve seen the pictures from last night you were a mess baby sister,” CJ says pulling on my ponytail.

  “There are pictures,” I shout glaring daggers at Brenn and Carson.

  “Oh, my god you should see your face,” Caitlann joins in the laughter.

  “What is today, piss off Shauna day?” I ask the table.

  “Okay let’s stop picking on Shauna, she’s had a rough week,” Mom says calling the table to order. “Listen up everyone, I know we are all excited to see Manus play today. But, the stadium is not as exciting for kids, so I have booked them a guided tour of LEGOLAND.”

  All five kids go crazy jumping around and screaming at the top of their lungs. Brenn and Carson look pissed. “What do you mean they get to go to LEGOLAND? We begged you to take us to LEGOLAND for years, and they get to go?” Brenn asks pointing at our nieces and nephews.

  “Reall
y,” Dad deadpans. “You two were nineteen and could have gone on your own. Now everyone eats your breakfast so we can get this day started.”

  ***

  After tailgating for a few hours, we take our seats at the fifty-yard line and watch the Hurricanes pummel the California Miners. After the game, Mom, Dad, Regan, and Kagen return to the hotel while the rest of us celebrate the win with the team.

  We are sitting in the VIP room of a local bar the Hurricane players frequently visit. Sofia is on my right, Tito is on her right, and Manus is on my left. We are laughing and reliving old times; some of the other players are listening to our stories and laughing with us. “Manus you will never live this down,” one player says with a laugh.

  “Don’t even try it, Larry,” Manus says.

  “Are you two sweethearts single,” a large man asks with an eager look on his face.

  “No way in hell are you are dating my sister or my cousin,” Manus yells back.

  “Oh come on,” the man fires back.

  “No fucking way, David. You’re a man whore.” Manus stands to look down at us, “Let’s go.”

  Manus and Tito drag Sofia and me out of the bar, the rest of our siblings following and back to the resort. I hug Manus tight, “You’ll be home in a few weeks, right? For the fundraiser?”

  “I will,” Manus says before giving me one last hug and leaves.

  Chapter Three

  A weekend with my family was exactly what I needed after my crappy week. On the flight home, Aunt Regina told me about Kagen and her first date. Let’s just say I’m, surprised they were ever married let alone have been together for thirty-five years. Shaking my head at what Kagen said to Regina I pull my laptop from its bag and get started on my day.

  I’m ultra-focused working on the communication feature of Gnome Treasure as Sarah’s voice croons from the intercom, “You have a visitor, Shauna.”

  Confused I ask, “Was I expecting a visitor?”

  “No, he doesn’t have an appointment, but he told security it was personal.”

  “Did he give a name?”

  “Maks”

  “My god, what does he want now? Send him up; thank you.”

  Five minutes later Sarah is escorting Maks into my office, “Thank you for seeing me, Shauna.”

  “You have some nerve showing your face here today. What do you want?”

  “I was hoping you would let me take you to lunch.”

  “And why would you do that? You made your feeling pretty clear Friday night,” I say standing from my chair and crossing my arms over my chest.

  “I want to apologize properly, please have lunch with me. Let me show you I’m not as big of an asshole as I appeared Friday night,” Maks pleads.

  “I would have to disagree with Mr. Volkov. You are a huge asshole who has no manners. What gives you the right to call me a geek; you are a history nerd. Please give me one good reason. I should spend more time with you?”

  “Because I regret my actions Friday night and I want to show you I can be better, that I am better. Please let me take you to lunch and show you I am a good man.”

  “This is your last and final chance; if you blow this, I don’t want to see your face again, you got it?” I ask pulling my messenger bag from its drawer and rounding my desk to the door.

  “I understand,” Maks answers following me out of the office.

  ***

  The server leaves us after dropping off our drinks and taking our lunch order. Leaning forward Maks takes my hands and brings them to his lips kissing each one of my knuckles. “Thank you for giving me another chance.”

  “Don’t mess it up,” I volley back. “Tell me about yourself.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Everything.”

  “Everything? That is a lot to fit into a lunch hour,” Maks states with a laugh as the server brings our lunches. “Well, I was born in Khimki, a small city northwest of Moscow. When I was ten, my father moved us to Philadelphia. The Pakhan who ran Philadelphia was dying and had no living children. They killed the man he trained to take his place while negotiating with the Armenians. The Pakhan called the Vory elders to send someone, and they chose my father to take his place.”

  “Wow, that must have been difficult for you and your family.”

  “Philadelphia has a large Russian population who helped us with the transition.”

  “Any brothers or sisters?” I ask in between bites of my salad.

  “Three younger sisters, Nika is twenty-seven, Rozalina is twenty-four and Lada is twenty.”

  “What do they do?”

  “Do?” Maks asks confused again by my question.

  “They don’t have jobs?”

  “We are traditional once a woman is married. Her job is to care for the house and children. Nika and Rozalina attend ladies’ meetings and host fundraiser for local charities. Lada is going to school for computer engineering at Pen State.”

  “Wow, smart girl. I have to ask is that what you want from me, to stay home and care for the house and kids.” If so, this won’t work.

  “Can we discuss this at a later date? We are still getting to know each other, but being a Pahkan’s wife is a demanding job.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “My father is a Rear Admiral in the Navy, the parties and meetings he has to host keeps my mom busy. If being a Pahkan’s wife is anything like that, I understand.”

  The server returns to clear our plates and drop off the check. Mask pulls his wallet from an inside jacket pocket and says, “Unfortunately I have to return to Philadelphia tonight, but I’ll be back in two weeks. Can I call while I’m gone?”

  “I guess,” I say biting my lip and handing him my phone. Maks punches in his number then texts himself, he has my number.

  Maks walks me back to my office then kisses me on the cheek, “Thank you for lunch, Maks.”

  “You are welcome, Shauna. I’ll call you later.”

  ***

  Shortly after arriving home my doorbell rings, not expecting anyone I guess Mom is in the city and popped by unannounced. I’ve asked her a million times to call her before coming over, but she does what she wants. Answering the door, I find a florist delivery man with a massive bouquet of pink carnations, pink roses, and lily of the valley in a pastel purple vase. The man hands me the vase, “I don’t know what your man did, but he must be really sorry.”

  “Why do you say that?” I ask plucking a five-dollar bill from my pocket.

  He shakes his head at my tip, “It’s been taken care of Miss. These flowers mean I’m sorry, and he paid a pretty penny to have them rushed to you tonight.”

  “Thanks,” I say closing the door and removing the card from its holder.

  Shauna, thank you for giving me a second chance you won’t regret it.-Maks-

  Setting the vase of flowers on the table, I hunt down my phone. Finding it on the kitchen counter, I find Maks' number and type a quick text.

  Me: Maks thank you for the flowers they are beautiful.

  Maks: You are welcome. What are you doing tonight?

  I debated on whether to make up something more exciting than what I’m doing but go with the truth.

  Me: Staying in and making dinner. You?

  Maks: Dropping off the acquisition off at the museum then I’m spending the rest of the night in working.

  Me: We are an exciting bunch. Lol.

  Maks: We are. What are you doing tomorrow?

  Me: Work, you?

  Maks: Work then dinner with my family.

  Me: Sounds like fun. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Good night.

  Sighing with contentment I hold the phone to my chest, maybe things with Maks will be the forever kind of love Mom and Dad have.

  Setting the phone on the table, I shake my head, “What the hell Shauna Daly? You’ve known this man for less than one day, and you’re thinking about love?” Now I should be committed wanting true love with a man I don’t know and t
alking to myself. Turning on music I move to the kitchen to make dinner.

  ***

  The next morning, I dive into work; Patrick and Kegan want the gnome treasure game working before Labor Day weekend, six weeks away. The Python programming prompt appears on my screen, and I compose if-then statements for the communication feature. I’m three hours into my script when Sarah knocks on my door coming in with a large vase of lavender roses. “Who are those from?” I ask.

  Sarah hands me the card, “Open it and find out.”

  Opening it, I find another note from Maks.

  Shauna, I saw these and thought of you. I miss you and your sharp tongue. See you in two weeks.-Maks-

  Snapping a picture of the vase and send it to Maks.

  Me: Thanks for the flowers again ;)

  Maks writes back within seconds.

  Maks: You are welcome.

  I count the number of long stem roses in the vase.

  Me: Why are there thirteen flowers rather than twelve?

  Maks: Even numbers are bad luck in Russian culture.

  Me: Okay. Why do you keep sending me flowers?

  Maks: Because I like you, thought you would have figured that out, smart girl.

  Me: I figured.

  Maks: Then why did you ask?

  Me: Because it’s weird. You come into my office Monday apologize then leave town with I’ll see you later. Then you send me flowers.

  Maks: It is not weird; it is what men do when they are sorry and want to show a woman they are interested in her.

  Me: No, no it’s not. I don’t know any men that do that.

  Maks: I do : )

  Me: Then you are one in a million.

  Maks: Thanks.

  Me: Whatever, I have to get back to work.

  Maks: Me too. TTYL.

  It takes another three hours to finish the if-then statements because I keep looking up from the screen to look at my flowers. After the statements are done, I test the game. Entering the secret garden, the game skips then freezes. “You will be the death of me,” I growl at my computer.

  “You know it will not talk back, right?” I jump and look up and see Mom standing in the doorway.

 

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